DH business trip week before due date

[starbarrett]

What would you do? Here's the full story:

My husband's work gave him a promotion and a large salary hike recently that will enable me to stay home with our children once the new baby comes. They did it to keep him from looking elsewhere, of course, but all the same we are very grateful. Along with the promotion comes the opportunity for dh to go to a yearly technology conference of all the senior technology leadership of his national organization during which they make corporate wide decisions and form the committees that will research and decide the policy for the company. In other words, it's a great opportunity and one he's been looking forward to participating in for 3 years. And now he gets to go-- only it's being held on the other side of the continent the week before my due date.

I can't tell you how stressed out I am about the potential for him not being at the birth! The labor with my first lasted 45 hours, and his support was crucial. I don't know what I would have done without him there. Second labors are supposed to be shorter and he just wouldn't be able to get back in time to help support me, and doubtful that he could even make the birth at all. And I just have a feeling that this one is going to come early.

In addition, my parents are going to be out of town at the same time and my doula is going to be 8 mo pregnant. I'm going to hire a second doula, and my parents are going to be close enough to be able to get back in time if the labor isn't super short (I think). But really, it's dh that I need close by.

I know he is struggling internally with the dilemna also, and if I told him that I really needed him to stay, he would. But I also know that his refusal to go will make him look ungracious and it will deprive him of an important career opportunity. It's not something I would do lightly.

What would you do?

[RachelGS]

Well, you have to do what feels right to you. There's no way in the world I would be okay with my husband going out of town near my due date, though. For us, a career opportunity just does not trump the birth of our baby. I need him, and he needs to be here. This is our family, and it comes first.

[henhao]

I agree with the pp. My family comes before any job as does my own health and wellbeing.

hh

[SMR]

What a horrible dilemma! I think I would be a tad irritated at the thought of DH leaving me a week before the baby's due date.. however, like you said.. the company has given him a great opportunity and with the raise you are now able to stay home with your children! I'm sure they wouldn't take the promotion away if he chose not to go.. depending on the nature of the company, they might be understanding if he told them the situation??
Also..it's not ideal, but my sister in law went through two pregnancies and one birth without her DH.. he was away in Iraq - he was lucky enough to get leave for a planned c-section for the second! So, I guess what i'm saying is that it would suck if DH wasn't there, but you could probably manage! :)
Anyway, I guess you guys just need to do what feels right to you!
Good luck! :blah

[xmasbaby7]

crashing from the dec due date club.

My DH and I have almost the EXACT situation. He has a verrry important annual conf the week before my EDD for our first.

I don't agree with the pp's in that it is so black and white. I need my DH very much during the birth, but he needs to feel good about his job, too, in order to provide.

So here is what we are doing:

a) baby could come before the trip anyway. In that case, your DH could go for half of the time, and you all hire a pp doula, and ask for your parents to stay close by.


b) DH goes and plans to go for half of the time.

He should think of the flow of meeting and think of the two or three most critical days to attend (never the first or last day, for example), let others know in advance what he can participate in, and arrange all of his meetings during that time.

c) DH goes and plans for half of the conf but leaves the second you go into labor.

You should think in advance what is the best airline to take, confirm the fare will allow a new return date for a small fee, and have the most schedule options for getting back to your city.

Remember that you really don't know when you are due. This all may be a non-issue. Breathe, celebrate his promotion, relax, and enjoy your newfound financial success.

Good luck! Congrats!

[hunnybumm]

I agree with the pp. It really isn't black and white. It sounds like your DH loves his new promotion and really wants to go to this conference. However, your family does come first. This is something only you two can decide. I like some of the suggestions of the pp, surely his compay realizes that his wife is pregnant and they can work with it.

[flapjack]

I would suggest that his company offers to pay for an open air fare, on the understanding that he may be called back at any time. I have friends who have birthed with their partners out of the country as well, and whilst it's not ideal it can be done- heck, I have a friend who birthed without her husband because he popped out to the local supermarket and couldn't get back in time. Fundamentally, he isn't the one having this baby- you are, and inside you is the strength to get this little one out.

[~Megan~]

It seems that our bodies sometimes wait to deliver until we feel "safe"

I'm hoping that happens with you.

[starbarrett]

Thank you all for your support and suggestions! DH might be able to cut it short, I don't know. I'll suggest it. I do know that if he goes and I do go into labor while he's there, there's no way for him to make it back in time for the birth-- unless I have a super long labor. ugh. =)

My midwife also pointed out that in all her experience (which is several thousand births) she's only seen 2 where dh missed it- and that was because one or the other didn't actually want him there. There's something to the "we onlyt go into labor when we feel things are ready" idea. I'll probably just have to count on that.

Thanks again, all!
A