I know this has been a hot topic everywhere. I didn't think I'd have to have this talk with my doctor, but my son is really out of control. I just married my husband who had a 7yr old son from a previous relationship and the boy is out of control. He's been thrown out of class quite frequently. I've tried to talk to the school about things to settle any issues. I'm new to parenting so I'm very stressed. The dcotor suggested medication and said the 7yr old has a ADHD. I don't like kids being pegged with that right away. Does therapy work? What other alternatives are out there!

What other alternatives are out there!

--talk therapy
--take him to a naturopth
--consider the possibility of food allergies or "bad" nutrition
--if the child has had a stressful life, maybe that has caused him to act out
--his current school situation might not suit him-- perhaps try a different school, or homeschooling
--try a different discipline approach

There are probably other people here who know more about this than I do. I have heard in the news that the meds used to treat ADHD have been linked to stunted growth, cancer, and altered brain development. Please don't medicate him without trying every last alternative.

Try The Feingold Program (http://www.feingold.org)

--talk therapy
--take him to a naturopth
--consider the possibility of food allergies or "bad" nutrition
--if the child has had a stressful life, maybe that has caused him to act out
--his current school situation might not suit him-- perhaps try a different school, or homeschooling
--try a different discipline approach

There are probably other people here who know more about this than I do. I have heard in the news that the meds used to treat ADHD have been linked to stunted growth, cancer, and altered brain development. Please don't medicate him without trying every last alternative.

This is a WISE MAMA!!!! Try every other approach first. I was highly OVER MEDICATED for depression, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, you name it they thought I had it! I have been med-free for years and have never felt better. As an adult it was bad. As a child these medications can be worse. Try many holistic means before allowing him to be put on medication, or labeled w/ ADHD. You can also get him evaluated by a private psychiatrist (if he was evaluated at school).

Oh...I forgot. If your ds does have ADHD, try to find a children's yoga class in your area. I have a degree in special education and teach children's yoga. Yoga can be an amazing thing for children w/ all arrays of disabilities, especially ADHD!

How long has this behavior been going on? His family situation is certainly enough to make him feel out of control.

Also, I'm a special ed teacher and your doctor can't diagnose ADHD. It must be done by a psychiatrist or psychologist with very specific tests (and it's still debatable whether they prove anything) and in order for the diagnosis to be meaningful, particularly for him to receive services from school, the tests must show a big and steady difference between his performance on certain intelligence tests and his performance at school. It also can't be connected to a social event, such as divorce and remarriage of a parent, that would also cause such behavior.

I would beg you not to look to medication, at least not yet, because even if your step-son had some problems before, they might have also been related to his parents' marriage problems, and he's got a lot on his plate right now.

Definitely try every other option first! Also, read "Talking Back to Ritalin" by Dr. Peter Breggin before you let them prescribe any child you know any of those ADHD drugs...

http://www.breggin.com/ritalinbkexcerpt.html

Ritalin is practically the equivalent of cocaine (except cocaine is actually not as dangerous... sadly enough - and I have studied psychoactive substances and their effects fairly extensively) and meth. Do everything in your power to find another solution to his problems before letting the doctor label him (which can have detrimental effects in and of itself - though it sounds as though you already know that) or give him dangerous stimulants to control (and they do "control" that's for sure... turns kids into zombies half the time...) him. The studies that the pharmaceutical companies use to "prove" the safety and efficacy of ADHD drugs are seriously flawed and there are no studies that prove Ritalin to be either safe or effective. Just read that book :irked:

I believe that (for the most part) it's not the children who are labeled ADHD who have the problem, it's the society that expects every child to sit still and learn in exactly the same way that has the real problem. It's the conformity that is at fault, not the children who are not inclined to conform to what society demands from them. In the book "Among Schoolchildren" (I don't remember the author offhand) the teacher says at one point that it's as if someone sat down and figured out what the least number of elementary school aged children were inclined to do (sit still, listen, not talk) and decided that all of them should be forced to do it!

If my parents had believed in medicating children, I would have been on Ritalin so fast... I was a high achiever who was not challenged at all in public school (was quite the smart aleck and troublemaker) and so my parents took me out in the middle of fourth grade and homeschooled me through high school. They and I never regretted it!

It's so wonderful that you're not just taking what the doctor says at face value :thumb Most doctors really don't have the time or inclination to be reading up on every single thing about every single drug and so they often only have the pharmaceutical industry's claims to go by... slightly biased just maybe :rolleyes

love and peace. :love

I second the idea of the Feingold diet. A friend of mine has been using with her daughter and there has been a huge improvment in the girl's behavior.

Good luck!

When you say he's "out of control" and that he gets thrown out of class...

I wonder if it's the school? Can you or your dh spare the time to go to school and observe how they do things?

Is the boy's mom in the picture? Does he live with you and his dad full time, or mostly with her? How cooperative is the parents' relationship?

I think it makes sense to get a specialist to perform an evaluation and not to have a family doctor prescribe Ritalin or whatever without much observation. Aside from the negative things that people have said about medication generally, I am really suspicious of pediatrician or family practice guy who just prescribes. But maybe there is more detail that you left out for brevity/anonymity.

You provide only the barest sketch but these pieces that jumped out at me.

I absolutely hate how every pediatrician, teacher, etc thinks they can diagnose children with ADD. It didn't exist thirty years ago. Nobody back then thought the inherent inability of most seven-year-olds to sit still was a freakin' psychiatric problem.
So, keeping my (sadly, somewhat extremist in today's overmedicated world) opinion in mind, I would say NO WAY. Kids do NOT need those sort of chemicals pumping through their body for the rest of their lives. I would say that in the long run it would be far more helpful to teach relaxation methods to your dss. Also look into martial arts, dance, gymnastics -- a regular activity to help get rid of the 'excess energy', as well as regular trips to play outside and read books, not just sit in front of the TV.
One more thing -- you may also want to speak with your dss's teacher. Find out the daily schedule. Is there something in it that's inappropriate to expect young children to do -- learn phonics directly after recess? A late lunch? Not enough potty breaks? When you've done that, speak to your dss. Ask HIM what the problem is. If he's just excited -- chill. Seriously. If he's not labeled early, this is very likely to pass. If this continues in a serious vein for very long, look into holistic doctors. Please only medicate your dss if it becomes a serious necessity.

I wonder how 7 year old boys express themselves when so many things in their life are out of their control.

I wonder how many 7 year old boys say, "My life is changing so much, and I'm scared and I feel like nobody understands how stressful this is for me".

I have a feeling 7 year old boys opt for the "notice me, notice me, notice me" approach.

Maybe the boy needs someone to talk to that he can trust. Who is the person in the boy's life that he can talk to that will validate his concerns no matter how trivial? Who can he cry to without feeling ashamed? Who really listens and empathizes?

These are some of my thoughts as I read your post

And nevermind family trouble, my 8yo boy is pretty stable and happy but still could NEVER sit still and do as much desk work as most schools would expect of him, without being a total goof of energy! That's just being a little boy (or kid) IMO.

I second the yoga classes, and even music lessons, if at all possible. Trmpetplaya is sadly correct that psychiatric drugs are more addictive and dangerous than street drugs-- this is because they are so highly refined. I know people whose lives have been ruined by psych. meds. As as last, last, last resort, it might be all a person has... but please explore every other possibility first.

I wonder how 7 year old boys express themselves when so many things in their life are out of their control.

I wonder how many 7 year old boys say, "My life is changing so much, and I'm scared and I feel like nobody understands how stressful this is for me".

I have a feeling 7 year old boys opt for the "notice me, notice me, notice me" approach.


Heck, most adults can't even convey their feelings that eloquently or deal with them in an appropriate manner. Children certainly don't understand why they feel scared, or angry and the only way they get the emotion out is to act it out.

On medicating children: I am against it unless the situation is life-threatening for the child or others around them. Schools are cutting out recess and play time and expecting young children not to fidget or act out, get bored, etc. Kids sit in front of the TV, and are spoon fed everything, a lot of them never get fresh fruit or vegetables and just have horrible diets in general. Some have little opportunity to exercise their creativity or imagination. It's no wonder they're going nuts and being diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, and the handful of other labels that get thrown around WAY too much. I'm not referring to anyone specific here, but this is US kids in general. I realize there are real conditions that require medication, but I think kids are overdiagnosed and overmedicated.

I send my daughter outside to play for most of the day and she usually comes in for food, drink and potty, or if she gets hot. When she's inside she's coloring, drawing pictures. Sometimes she plays a video game or watches a movie if it's really hot out or she's just tired of playing in her room. If she gets grouchy, she usually needs food or a nap. Lately she's gotten on this kick of wanting to clean and vacuum every day. I don't know what brought it about, but it keeps her busy for HOURS.

If she's bored or agitated, it's time to go outside or go to Grandma's house for a swim. Swimming really wears her down and she LOVES it. Sometimes there's nothing I can do and just have to listen to her grouch. I'm sure she gets tired of hearing me grouch sometimes too. :)

I would exhaust every possible avenue before accepting an ADD/ADHD diagnosis and medication. Try modifying diet, sleep patterns, getting him in an activity, or finding a hobby. If that fails try a therapist AND an endocrinologist. It's possible there may be a chemical imbalance that can be adjusted with diet or something much less harmful than ritalin/strattera/whatever else they are prescribing nowadays.

sorry haven't read all the responses but before deciding anything (although improved nutrition, consistant parenting wioth clear expectations, constant supervision and teaching, etc could never hurt and woul dbe likely to help almost anychild to some degree) before freaking out and deciding your child actually has ADHD and needs to be medicated please please get a second opinion from someone who trained in the diagnosis and treatment of such disorders. I don't remember what kind of specialist my friend saw but it wasn't just "your childs a puke,. medicate him" they did a thourough evaluation, picked out specific areas he struggled in, picked the best medications to treat that type of ADHD, did a lot of trial and error (still are) to make sure they have him on the lowest dose possible and the best lowest side effect while still getting help medication available. They are also doing diet and behavioural therapy. it is a constant on-going, back breaking lifestyle (but he really has issues) but they didn't go with a disgruntled teaher and regular ped saying "yup looks like ADHD medicate him" they spent years and may Dr. making the diagignopsis and finding the right perscription when they finally did decide medication was the best route for their family. I don't know what will be the best route for your family but I know your basic average ped proabably is just a starting point and not the person to get a detailed final diagnosis from or the person to form a complicated treatment plan.

Simply his routine.
Feed him a protien breakfest.
Eliminate junk from his diet.


Talk and talk some more about your expectations. Give positive feedback when he does well. Role-play many of the situations he has the most difficulty with.

Good luck.

Your step-son reminds me of my step-brother. He was only 8 when my dad and stepmom got married. They found a therapst who he could talk to about his fears and the changes that came with the new marrage. He was also confused about the role that my dad was going to play in his life. He didn't want my dad to take the place and the roll of his father (whom he spends every other weekend with and two days a week).

I know even when my dad got remarried (and I was 22) I still had emotions that I needed someone to talk to about. My mom got remarried when I was a teenager and I was really confused about the new family situation even though they had been living together for a while.

My suggestion is to find someone who he can trust and talk to about his feelings and give him time to take in everything that has happened in his life. No matter how much we know that our parents aren't getting back together a part of us always hopes that one day they will. Its like that hope is killed and we have to morn the death of the hope that one day our parents would get back together.