My mom died on 11/14/02

[Ahappymel]

Hi there,
I just posted a reply to someone about this, but I am starting a new thread because I really, really need some encouragement right now. My mom died last week and I've lost a mother's brand of love. It's as if the person who I knew would love me NO MATTER WHAT is gone. I know my husband loves me. I know my son loves and needs me, but it's not the same. I loved my mom very, very much and I'm glad that she's at peace now. She suffered a lot the last couple of years...heart disease, heart surgery, renal failure, dialysis 3 days a week and finally the amputation surgery that she died hours after. I was with her when she went. I hummed to her, kissed her hand, rubbed her belly that I was conceived and grew in and told her that I and her grandson loved her. She went very peacefully...just fell asleep. But, part of me is selfish and wishes that I could just have one more day with her. Part of me does not want to let go of my Mommy. I am grateful that she was able to meet her grandson (he is 14 months old) and that I was able to appreciate my mother this last year with a new perspective. It was only after I had my son and loved him so much that I began to fathom how much my Mommy cared for me. I am in so much pain and I'm so afraid that I'm just going to start wailing in an inextinguishable expression of grief. I'm trying to hold it together here at work and at home too for my son's sake. I know that posting here will help.

Love,
Mel.

[MamaSoleil]

((((((((((((((((((((((Ahappymel))))))))))))))))))) )))

I'm in tears right now! Go home, be with your family! Cry, cry, cry.
You need to let it out, do not try to hold it in, it will be no good for ANYONE!
I know what you mean, after becoming a mom, I realized just how much my mom loves me, I never understood the depth of it...we are here for you!!!
:hug :grouphug :hug

[Ahappymel]

Your loving message has already made me feel better. Thank you...Mel.
P.S. I was born on June 29th just like your daughter! ; )

[MamaSoleil]

I was born on June 29th just like your daughter
I thought you were extra special!!! :love

I feel your pain, I will be thinking of you tonight!

Peace, Love,and Strength,

Mamasoleil

[MamaOui]

..................

[Ahappymel]

Wow, MamaOui, this is a day of coincidences! My husband is "Peter" too...so is my son! Thanks again for the love-Mel.

[lisamarie]

Wow, what is it about June 29th? That's my son's birthday too!

But back to your post, I am so, so sorry ((((((BIG HUGS)))))))). I hope you are gentle with yourself and take time to grief. It can take so much energy and with the holidays approaching, please be gentle.

Warmly~

Lisa:hug

[PumpkinSeeds]

:hug

:grouphug

[gossamer]

I am so sorry about your mother. What a blessing to be able to be there as she passed from this world. You showed great compassion, love and caring. You are in my prayers and thoughts. May God bless you.

[Quirky]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I too cried when I read your post; it was such a cry from the heart. (((((((((((Mel))))))))))

When you are feeling up to it, maybe you could write down some things and put together some pictures of her for your son, so that he'll have something that you and he can look through together and be able to talk about and remember her.

Take extra-special care of yourself.

[Aurora]

:hug

Oh, Mel! I am so sorry! Please be good to yourself!

[abimommy]

It must have been very devastating to watch your mom go through all of that. A long illness of a loved one takes a lot out of you and it must have been heartbreaking to lose your mother. I am so sorry

[Els' 3 Ones]

I am truly sorry for your loss.

[Ms. Mom]

Mel, it's not selfish to wish for one more day. Your mom sounds like a lovely person. You brought me to tears when you said you rubbed your belly where you once grew. How profound and beautiful!

The holiday season is going to be very difficult on you. Please feel free to post here for support.

Something I found very healing after my dad died was to write a letter to him saying goodby. It really helped me release my emotions.

Your son will benefit so much from the love your mother gave you. Her love and maternal spirit live through you now. Her unconditional love is with you always.

I wish you peace as you journey through your greif.

Gently,

Jacque

[applejuice]

:grouphug :crying There are really no words.

My Father died two years ago. I miss him terribly, but I am glad he is no longer suffering. He was not a nice man. My team teacher at school asked me if he suffered much, and I had to laugh - I never really knew if he was suffering or not because he was always so cranky!

I still would love to have him call me one last time.

[hahamommy]

:grouphug Mel :love
I know how painful it is to lose a loved one, I also know the incredible experience of letting them go and being there to witness the transition out of pain. How blessed your mother is to have had you there, loving her and honoring her in her final moments on this earth. May you find peace and love within yourself ~ that's where she's left it for you :love

~diana :hippie

[Ahappymel]

Thank you for all of the love and wonderful remarks which make me feel so much better. We had my mom's memorial service on Saturday the 23rd followed by a gathering at my home. Surprisingly, I felt very relieved and invigorated at the end of the day. It was as if a weight were lifted from me. My husband, baby and I spent great time together that night dancing in the living room. The next day my baby and I went to the beach where my mom took me so many times while I was growing up. Seeing my baby's face while he contemplated the ocean for the first time filled me with hope! We went to my mom's favorite restaurant on the pier and shared my mom's favorite meal--clam chowder! Afterward we walked around the pier and I looked over the edge, wishing that I had brought some flowers or petals to throw onto the water (my mom was cremated and scattered at sea). Lo and behold, there were red roses floating on the water! I don't know where they came from, nor do I care! The symbolism is what matters to me and the timing was perfect. I feel more at peace now after this weekend. Thank you for all of your love and encouragement-Mel.

[merpk]

:grouphug

Sending light & strength ...

- Amy

[MamaOui]

---------------

[rudemama]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom July 16, 2002. She had similiar health issues, complications from cardio vascular disease. there is a sense of peace to know they do not suffer any more. But our hearts are broken and we miss them. Hug and kiss your baby tell her secrets,songs, loving bits your mom shared with you.Take care of yourself. Rudemama

[applejuice]

...my Father died November 6, 2002, a Monday, the day before the presidential election. We always enjoyed discussing politics together and although we rarely agreed, but I enjoyed the discourse. I truly missed discussing the election outcome and mishigahs with him. The more it dragged out, the more I just wanted to call him on the phone and discuss it with him.

He had an answering service on his phone number, and I often called it just to hear his voice, for about six weeks after he died.

My brother had embezzled his estate, and so now two years later, I am still in litigation to get at least an accounting of what happened to the $.

This only prolongs and deepens my sorrow and loss.

[applejuice]

BTW, welcome to the boards, Rudemama.

[Ahappymel]

You're not rude at all, Rudemama! ;) Welcome aboard!
I like what you said about sharing "loving bits" that my Mama shared with me. I thought of your words as I warmed up my son's sock with hot breath before I slipped it onto his chilly little toes. My Mama used to do that to me on cold mornings too...I'm sure that my Mama and memories of her will live on as I do such rituals for my little PJ. I'll remember her as I put his lunch money in a sock and pin it in his pocket, I'll remember her when I wrap him up "like a tamale" in a blanket (arms pinned so tight that he can't move! ;)) And I'll remember her when I make him peanut butter and banana sandwiches after school.
I guess I am very lucky to have had a Mama who loved me just as much as I love my son. A lot of people don't have that and no one can ever take that away from me.
Applejuice, I know what you mean about wanting to hear your parent's voice..last night, I watched the video tape from my son's 1st birthday party (3 months ago), just to catch a glimpse of my mom smiling. I can't help but wish that maybe somehow I'll see her again someday. I'm so sorry about your dad, Applejuice. Please know that you are not alone in your grief and that I'll be thinking of you.

[tarablesue]

Mel,
I can only tell you I know your pain. I lost my Mommy on April 4 ,2002...I am still mad because I don't have her anymore. ANd I am even more mad, bcause I didn't visit her as much as I should have...that is a long story , I might be able to tell it sometime but I just wanted to let you know as someone who has lost my Mom too I am here for you and so we all are...I just wanted to give you a hug...:hug :hug Take care and take it one day at a time and cry when you NEED to not when it is convient...
Love , Tara

[Kirsten]

Just wanted to add my sympathy. I understand how you feel. We all go through it at one point but it is one of those clubs that no one wants to join. My mom died when I was 14 (in 1984) and I still cry occasionally - though it is rare. I more often remember and think of her and smile. The love you got, the positive effect she had on you (and therefore everyone you come in contact with) is with you always. You are still her daughter. She is still your mother. She is not here with you but she will always be your mother. Those of us who had loving parents (for even a short time) need to remember how lucky we are to have had them. I am so thankful I had my parents for the 12 (Dad died in 1982) and 14 years I did - would not trade that for 60 years with anyone else's parents! Time heals sounds like crap to anyone just starting the grief process. But it is true.
It helped me to have one friend that I could really cry with. Not just when it first happens but forever. To this day (it has been 21 and 19 years since my losses) I still call him every few years just bawling. I croak out "I miss her" and he understands. I always feel better after talking to him.
I should not be on this board right now - pregnancy hormones are getting to me! I can usually talk/type about this without crying....
Kirsten