Death Day Depression

[hahamommy]

Yessiree folks, it's that time of the year, when slip from Wacky Widow to the Weepy Widow :crying
Though D-Day isn't until December 3, I'm feeling the onset earlier than anticipated. Probably because I was planning a trip to California this week. It would mean spending Thanksgiving and Death Day with my mother-in-law and her family. Thanksgiving is kind of *our* holiday, it was the last one we celebrated together as a family and the day after Thanksgiving is a sort of anniversary for us ~ it's the day he truly *parked* himself in my life and didn't leave til death took him.
Last year, I took the kids to CA over Thanksgiving. I thought it would be cathartic to be with his family on such an important day. It was the most bizarre meal I'd ever had. :eek I wanted it to be a happy memorial, loving time. Instead, my mention of Mitch went unresponded to and everyone else just danced around the fact that he was absent. Though I am longing to give it another whirl, I just cannot do it this year. I know MIL will be terribly disappointed, but I *have to* cancel our trip. I don't have the emotional/mental strength required for the long roadtrip and the stress of the week long stay in her home. It's never a vacation for me to go there, it's an incredible amount of stress on a good day ~ this is not the time for me to *add* stress to my life.
SO, we'll be going to *my* family's celebration for Thanksgiving, they've been well trained ;) to handle my grief and they're not afraid to talk about our obviously, sorely missed Mitch. I don't know what I'm going to do on the actual D-Day, I don't want to curl up on the couch and cry like last year, I'd like to begin a tradition with the kids this year... I've got a week to think of something.
Thank you all, my wonderful MDC support system... just knowing I can put this out there makes the weight much less :love

~diana :bawl for now, but :wild again soon!

[kama'aina mama]

Good for you. It can be so hard sometimes to make unpopular decisions. It is easier when it is about our kids but I am really impressed that you are standing up to protect your emotional health. It sounds like you need to be around people who are okay with it that you might laugh til you cry and cry til you laugh all day long. An anniversary tradition might be a great idea. Plant a tree or go to an amusement park, ride in a hot air balloon... whatever! It sounds like something that would be good for you and for your kids.

[susan61]

Good for you - it takes courage sometimes to stand up for what you want/need. Good for you too to begin a tradition of honour for your man and your children's father.
Light and love to you,

[hahamommy]

Plant a tree Thanks for reminding me! The funeral home plants trees for all who are *handled* there during the year. In 2000, the trees were planted in Mitchell, SD :LOL we'll have to stop off on our way back home and *pick* a tree to adopt as Daddy's and we'll visit it each time we pass!! :D

~diana

[lisamarie]

Diana~

I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself! Its so hard to do when our intense grief is just around the corner. Some understand (like your family and like us here:love) and others don't. My mom still doesn't get it around the anniversery, but if we don't take care of ourselves, who will???

Remember that for lots of us, the anticaption can be the worst. So, even though the day isn't here yet, do take care of yourself. We are here for ya whacky one!:grouphug

Have the kids release balloons to Mitch, write your feelings down here or journal and weap.

Sending so much love your way my friend.

Hugs~

Lisa:hug

[Irishmommy]

Do you own your home? If so, and if you plan on staying there for a long time, you could either plant a tree each year (I hope you have a big property!) or a rose bush, or something similar.

((((diana, hannah, hayden))))

[hahamommy]

I just broke the news of the cancelled trip to my Mother in Law... talk about the anticipation being worse than the reality ~ the woman scolded me for thinking her so heartless!! :love She absolutely understood about my mental state and she certainly doesn't want to create any more stress. She'd also prefer I travel when she doesn't have to worry about us and our safety. Actually, I'd rather visit her *just because* instead of needing support and not being able to ask for it or receive it. We're postponing our usual trip to Disneyland to remember Mitch, it will be just as fun this spring, when my sister can come with us to co-pilot and nanny :D
I've spoken to my family, as well... on Thanksgiving, we will have a place set at the table for Mitch and we will all share our gratitude for having him in our lives ~ a great family ritual has begun!! Aunt Donna is contacting the funeral home to see if we can actually find *the* tree that was planted in Mitch's honor; I pass the town regularly, it would be fun to see the tree on each trip ~ we'll have to give it a silly name (he loved to make up names, like fartknocker) and talk to it, maybe even decorate it for solstice.
Now that I hear these ideas ... the kids and I collected all kinds of rocks from the Hills this summer, I was planning to build fairie lights in the backyard with them this spring ... we may have to make some daddy lights this winter :love
Our last Autumn together, we planted tulip bulbs ... I took some with us when we moved and planted them here and got a bunch more, so we will have lots of flowers to think of him this spring. :)
I've got the picture of him dressed up in Hannah's purple tiara and her pink stole with a vigil candle ~ not your typical memorial for a not your typical guy...
Thanks all ~ I knew I could count on you for the hugs and support I need!
~diana :love

P.S. I'm so excited you're having a little girl Lisa!! :baby Do you have pink fever?? How's Dane??

[lisamarie]

Diana~

Glad to hear that things went well. Would love to see that picture of Mitch!:D Dane and I also went to Disneyland on the 1 yr. anniversery, wow, we have so much in common.

Yes~Pink fever has just set in and Dane is so excited about his baby sister. He has been giving my belly "zorberts" now and thinks its so funny!:LOL

Much Love & Take Care~

Lisa:hug

[hahamommy]

Thought I should jump in here and let you guys know I'm doing great this week! :grouphug The kids and I spent Thanksgiving with my family and we had a place at the table for Mitch ~ complete with his shrimp ring :love
The kids told everyone about Daddy's Happy Death Day (I love Harry Potter!!! This is a reference to Nearly Headless Nick in Chamber of Secrets~we were so sad it was not in the movie!). We went to Gigglebees (a calmer, less commercial, local version of Chuck E Cheese) for bad pizza and skeeball!! The kids had a ball and talked about Daddy soooo much people were shocked to find out he was dead. We put up the Tree; while decorating I told stories about our special ornaments and this seems to be a tradition we'll keep...

This will actually be our 3rd Christmas without him and it seems strange, he's still all tangled up in all our memories of everything. Funny, but I was surprised to find that it *does* get easier, both to remember and to forget. I've learned not to be so tough on myself for either being not happy enough, too happy, too sad, or even not sad enough. Wow! The acceptance part of this grief cycle feels pretty good ~ I think I'll hang out here for a while, it sure beats the anger stage!!!

Thanks again for your loving support!! :love ~diana

[lisamarie]

Diana~

I was just thinking about you and wondering how things went. I also remembered that the anniversery was coming up. Interesting, I was thinking the same thing~you really come full circle in a way. Never thought you would be where you are today, did ya? I never did.

Sending Love~

Lisa:love

[kama'aina mama]

Thank you for posting back how it went. I have thought of you and wondered how your plans panned out. I am glad it is getting easier. It's almost like loosening a tight corset and being able to breathe just a little easier.

Oh... and funny you should mention the Harry Potter Happy Death Day thing... we were just making gingerbread folk and one of them... you guessed it... Nearly Headless Nick! (Of course since I'm making them to bring to LLL some of them have big ol' boobs, too!)

[miriam]

Dear Diana:hug

HOpe life gets easier for you. You are on good start. Keep going.

[miriam]

You have been an inspiration to me. Keep up the good mood and keep being the wonderful mother and person you are!:) :thumb :love