Where you happy you found out/didn't find out the sex?

[hunnybumm]

I am just wondering how many people found out what sex they were having and were either happy or wished they had waited. This can be for previous pregnancies or for this pregnancy.

I go in for our first prenatal visit on Thursday, we are going to get an ultra sound soon after that. I don't think I want to know the sex... but I sorta do. I am so torn! I am debating asking the tech to write down the sex, but put a note we don't want to know unless we ask. But then I don't want to be like "Oh, all I have to do is call the MW and they will tell me".

decisions decisions...

Oh, and DH and I haven't really discussed wanting to know or not. Guess I should ask him. :LOL

BTW We are giving birth in a BC so there won't be a doctor telling us "It's a __!" we will look down and see what it is... if we decide to wait.

P.S. It's mulitple choice for multiple pregnancies.

[Wilhemina]

I didn't vote because I don't feel very strongly either way! With my first I found out and was glad to purchase some girly things, etc. Made the baby and pregnancy seem more real and helped with all the baby showers. With my second I didn't find out and was glad to have an excuse for not purchasing a bunch more stuff and it was sort of a fun "extra" surprise. This time we probably won't find out, unless I need an U/S for a medical reason then sure, I'll ask.

That didn't help much, did it! :LOL

[marieangela]

I found out the sex and I'm glad I did. With my first pregnancy I lost a baby girl and I wanted to have time to let the sex of my next baby (my ds) sink in. With this pregnancy, I wanted to know again. I had been leaning towards having a girl this time and I'm glad I found out ahead of time that I'm having another boy. By now, I'm totally adjusted to the idea of baby brother coming and the idea of having a girl is out of my head.

[Mallory]

For me it is important not too. I think it is hard enough to keep people from treating boys and girls so differently, I don't need it start before the baby is born. They have done studies that people treat boy bellies differntly then girl bellies--a boy is a strong kicker a girl is stretching, a girl belly gets more caresses a boy gets pats, ect. It also gets you more gender nuetral baby clothes so even those first few months people don't automatically go into strong/big boy or sweet/pretty girl speeches.

Anyway, I like surprises! (and probably won't have an U/S).

[Ruthla]

I didn't find out with any of my 3 because I'm not convinced that ultrasounds are safe, and I don't beleive in "routine" pregnancy screenings of any kind if there's any risk to the baby. Pregnancy is not a disease. I had no problem with general bloodwork and GYN exam at the beginning of each pg, since I get those annually whether I'm pg or not. I also had no problem with urine tests at each visit, because those are non-invasive and risk free.

I could NOT justify having an unneeded screening test just to find out the baby's sex. Yes, I am aware that the U/S are used for more than just sex screening, but I still beleive that the risks outweigh the (possibly nonexistant) benefits unless there was some indication of a problem. If I ever needed an U/S for a true medical reason, I'm not sure if I'd want to find out the baby's sex or not. There's something magical about finding out the baby's sex when s/he's born. OTOH, it would probably drive me nuts if my Dr. knew the sex and I didn't!!

I don't get all this "needing to know the sex so you can prepare for the baby" stuff. Basinette/crib bedding is easy enough to find in gender-neutral designs. I wouldn't buy baby bedding brand new anyway, considering how often it's likely to get used! Babies don't need much in the way of clothing for the first few weeks- diapers, undershirts, socks, and possibly some sleepers or baby bags if the baby's due when it's cold out. I let other people buy me cute gender-specific clothes after the birth!!!

[beansmommy]

We has several U/S with both pregnancies (high-risk due to my cardiac issues), but didn't find out the sex...

There are so few real suprises in life that it seemed a shame to us to find out in advance whether we were about to have a boy or a girl. Besides that, the baby's gender didn't really matter one way or the other-- we knew we'd love the baby regardless of plumbing.

That said, we were sure that DS was going to be a girl as that's what all the "wive's tales" indicated. I didn't even raise the circ issue w/ DH because I was so sure we'd have a girl...

Now we have one of each, with toddler DS and newborn DD... DD's pregnancy and birth were *much* easier, but probably because I was more confident and experienced in the whole preg and birth thing...

Anyway, we're glad we didn't find out gender beforehand... As previous poser said, why does it matter what color a layette is? DD doesn't care if she has a blue onsie as opposed to pink... DS on the other hand, is fascinated with the little pink jumper I picked up for sister at a garage sale the other day. Go figure...

[danav]

We did not find out with our first two pregnancies, and I thought it was great fun not to know and find out at the birth. But this time, for some reason, I REALLY want to know ahead of time! I don't know...maybe because the fact that we are actually having a baby is enough of a surprise (post-vasectomy baby!). My 5 year old is also very anxious to know, and desperately wants the baby to be a girl, so if it is a boy finding out ahead of time will give her time to get used to the idea of another baby brother before the baby gets here.

So I do plan to find out this time if it's possible. Whether I'll feel disappointed to know after the fact, I'm not sure...but right now, I'm itching to find out!

[AugustLia23]

We found out both times and have been happy both times. With this baby I was kinda hoping for a girl, and finding out ahead of time that this is a boy gave me time to get used to the idea, and get REALLY excited about meeting him. I would hate to get all the way to the delivery room expecting one sex and be disappointed when he came out, I wanna be excited for my baby when I meet him.

[Artisan]

I found out with both pregnancies. With my second I was like the OP, really wavering on whether I wanted to find out. I decided that it would be a surprise whenever I found out. If I found out at 20 weeks, it would be a surprise, just as it would be a surprise at 40 weeks. I don't regret knowing.

[*bejeweled*]

We didn't find out the sex w/our first DD, and we don't plan on doing so in the future. We were just so excited at the birth, and the moment we found out it was a girl was so :love magical......like nothing I had ever experienced in life. We hope to experience that same wonder and amazement again.

And I love keeping everyone on their toes during the whole pregnancy. The whole family was waiting on pins and needles for DH to announce it (which was and is really important to us). He announces the pregnancies and the sex of the babies. :throb

[lemon]

I knew I didn't want to know the sex. But broke down during the ultrasound. It seemed too arbritrary to be so fascinated with the heart, legs, etc., but refuse to look at other organs. Also, my husband was going to find out privately and I knew I'd be constantly tempted to ask him which it was.

But the minute I found out I knew it was a mistake. I took the rest of the day off work and went home and cried. (And I did not have a particularly emotional pregnancy; that was the only day I did something like that.) Dh was already sworn to secrecy, and I refused to discuss it with anyone else. It felt wrong to me, somehow. Like the knowledge of its sex hastened the process too much. I just wanted the fetus to be mysterious inside of me, brimming with its own secrets.

That was my first & only pregnancy so far.

Go with your gut. If you don't think you want to know, don't find out. If you want to know, ask.

I am sure I will never find out the sex of my future babies.

[*bejeweled*]

Like the knowledge of its sex hastened the process too much. I just wanted the fetus to be mysterious inside of me, brimming with its own secrets.

Hi Lemon,
:hug I can totally understand this sentiment. I think that if I found out the sex, I'd be even more impatient during the remaining months.

Faith

[zinemama]

I didn't find out both times, and I'm glad I didn't. For all the reasons pp have mentioned. Now, if I were to have a third pregnancy - which I am not planning - I might choose to. Because I have two boys and wanted a girl all along, and this time, I'd want to be prepared for a third boy (which it inevitably would be). But as a first or 2nd time mama, I wouldn't.

One thing to consider is that once the cat is out of the bag, it ain't going back. The mystery has been taken away. On the other hand, if you know your mw has the info, you can always ask her at a later date if it's really driving you crazy.

There are pleny of mamas who plan from the get-go to find out, and that's fine. But if you kind of don't think you want to know, I'd vote against it. And sure, find out what dh thinks - but on this one, you get the final decision. The knowledge you have/don't have as the pregnant one is entirely different from his knowing or not.

[movingon]

I found out with both of mine, and loved knowing. I didn't place extra emphasis on it - it was just like seeing that he had four chambers all working well in his heart, to me. I am not into totally negating all gender issues, so that the name was going to be different depending on the sex, and calling the kids by name brought me closer to them. Because I don't relish pregnancy the way other women do, it did help me connect with the child and helps remind me of the little being I'll finally meet in October. :)

[allismom]

With DD#1 we decided not to find out. Yes, there were times I was shopping when I would have loved to buy something besides green or yellow. Or to even paint the room another way. But I think it is truly the only surprise in life. AT least for me......I am impossible to surprise. I always figure out surprise parties, showers, even my engagement. I have never been surprised in my life.

but when my daughter was born......that really was a true surprise and well worth the wait.

I won't find out with this one either ;)

[Patchfire]

With dd, we did find out. I was glad that we did at the time, because it did make things 'easier' - we were college students and people were buying us stuff right and left and there was just more people were able to buy. :shrug Sad but true.

With ds, we didn't find out, because we didn't have an ultrasound. It didn't 'bother' me until around 35 weeks and then I was sooo curious! But as soon as he was born I was so glad we'd waited - I got to find out first, I got to announce it!

Any others we have, we won't be having ultrasound unless it's medically necessary. If we have to have an ultrasound, and we can tell the sex, we'll find out, but we won't mind if we can't, either.

[ZeldasMom]

I didn't vote because the sex of the baby isn't that big of a deal to us. The first time we had them put the sex in an envelope. DP and I have poor impulse control, so we opened it up in the car on the way home! We chose not to tell people the sex because we didn't want to get deluged with a bunch of gender-specific clothing. This really annoyed our relatives, many of whom seemed to think it was impossible to buy things for the baby if they didn't know the sex.

This time we found out the sex and did tell people. Now my sisters are throwing a shower and they put something on the invitation along the lines of "let's all get something pink for the new baby!" Ugh. They mean well, but this is so not us!

[Full Heart]

We found out both times and have been happy both times. With this baby I was kinda hoping for a girl, and finding out ahead of time that this is a boy gave me time to get used to the idea, and get REALLY excited about meeting him. I would hate to get all the way to the delivery room expecting one sex and be disappointed when he came out, I wanna be excited for my baby when I meet him.

This can go the other way too. Those times when the u/s is wrong you are mentally prepared for one sex and come delivery find out the baby is not who you think it is. This is especially bad if you have bought gender specific stuff.

I have never found out. I like to get to know the baby for who they are. What their personalities are like not based on what gender they are. I cherished getting to announce the sex before anyone else.

My kids know it can be a boy or a girl so they don't get attached to one idea. There has never been a problem with any of my kids and their new sibs in that department. Loving them too hard though, thats another post lol.

Michelle

[Kirsten]

I didn't find out with any of my 3 because I'm not convinced that ultrasounds are safe, and I don't beleive in "routine" pregnancy screenings of any kind if there's any risk to the baby. Pregnancy is not a disease. I had no problem with general bloodwork and GYN exam at the beginning of each pg, since I get those annually whether I'm pg or not. I also had no problem with urine tests at each visit, because those are non-invasive and risk free.

I could NOT justify having an unneeded screening test just to find out the baby's sex. Yes, I am aware that the U/S are used for more than just sex screening, but I still beleive that the risks outweigh the (possibly nonexistant) benefits unless there was some indication of a problem. If I ever needed an U/S for a true medical reason, I'm not sure if I'd want to find out the baby's sex or not. There's something magical about finding out the baby's sex when s/he's born. OTOH, it would probably drive me nuts if my Dr. knew the sex and I didn't!!

I don't get all this "needing to know the sex so you can prepare for the baby" stuff. Basinette/crib bedding is easy enough to find in gender-neutral designs. I wouldn't buy baby bedding brand new anyway, considering how often it's likely to get used! Babies don't need much in the way of clothing for the first few weeks- diapers, undershirts, socks, and possibly some sleepers or baby bags if the baby's due when it's cold out. I let other people buy me cute gender-specific clothes after the birth!!!
What she said!!!! Every word. Just read it again and put my name at the end! :) Be surprised - there is nothing like it in the world - to look down and see who your baby is as he or she is laying on your chest. Don't cheat yourself out of the best part!

[allgirls]

I voted that I found out and wished I hadn't...this is my 4th baby...I found out the sex with my second and wished I hadn't so I haven't found out for the following 2 though I was going to during my US with this one and then didn't last minute...I am glad I didn't!

[hunnybumm]

Thanks so much for all of the replies and I look forward to hearing from anyone else who wants to share. :)

I talked to DH today, he poped in for lunch, and he just said "Hmm, I don't know...." in a really sweet voice. I am going to bring it up again tonight when he gets home. Luckily he isn't totally set on knowing. If he REALLY wanted to know, then we would find out. No way could I have DH know and I not know, I just couldn't resist making him tell me. I also couldn't do the envelope thing, unless I had it mailed to a relative and if I really wanted to know, I would have to call and have them mail it back to me.

As far as buying stuff for the baby, that isn't that big of a deal. We don't have a crib, we aren't going to paint the walls (we have a 2 bed room house in base housing, don't feel like painting it back once we move. Plus it will be a room for DS and this baby so it would have to be GN anyways.), we have a lot of onsies that can be GN, as well as some gowns and things. However, I do knit and I am making a bunch of little stuff for the baby. But atm I am making GN, boy and girl stuff. LOL

With DS we went into the ultrasound not knowing if we wanted to know not. We told the tech not to tell us until after the u/s. But when she went down and looked at the legs it was very odvious, at least to DH. He said "Oh, I saw it, it's a boy!" before the tech could tell us. ;) Also, he was born in a hospital so the doctor was the one to tell us "It's a boy" so for this one it will be a lot different, it would be me saying "It's a ____!!!"

Hmm decisions, decisions.... Oh, and by the time I have the u/s I will probably be close to 6 months, so I won't have that much time until the baby gets here.

[Sagesgirl]

I've never found out and never intend to. If we were meant to know beforehand, we'd have see-through abdomens & uteri. ;) So few things in this life are still truly a surprise.

[alisaterry]

My husband and I arranged an ultrasound at 20 weeks so that we can confirm that everything is in fact normal and we could continue with our plans for a home waterbirth with out wondering. I am glad we chose to find out our baby's gender, because it has made bonding so special. We already know his name will be Connor, so I call him by his name and sing to him and imagine that when his is born he will recognize his name. I haven't found myself treating him differently than I would if he was a girl, but I have found that my family is picking clothes for him that is very gender specific. I'm getting a lot more blue when I would prefer green. One sister is getting him camouflage clothes, though I do think that's kind of cool.

[chiro_kristin]

I'm with Ruthla, Kirsten, and sagesgirl

And I could care less if my little boy wears some pink or if my little girl is dressed in a blue outfit with bsaeballs and basketballs on it. Shoot, if she's anything like her mother, she'll really like it. And DH looks so manly in pink...

People who mean well get a little perturbed about buying gender-appropriate gifts, which kind of ticks me off and makes me more happy about our decision! muhahahaha
I just tell them to wait until the baby's born... I don't need anything more than some dipes and little white t-shirts for the first few weeks anyway.

[nancy926]

We did not find out with DD. We were both "sure" she was a boy, and had people telling us they'd dreamed she was a boy. Everyone I saw (aka complete strangers) told me I looked like I was having a boy. and out came a girl. :)

With this pregnancy, I REALLY wanted to know. DH was fine either way, knowing or not. We got one u/s at 18 weeks and it's a girl. For some reason, this time it was important to me to know. (though DD keeps saying the baby is a boy, so who knows for sure? Lol)

I agree that it doesn't matter what color clothes you put them in. The only times DD got called a boy when she was a baby, she was dressed in flowery outfits! I think people only look at the hair (lots=girl, not a lot=boy).

[Mama K]

I found out with both pregnancies. With my second I was like the OP, really wavering on whether I wanted to find out. I decided that it would be a surprise whenever I found out. If I found out at 20 weeks, it would be a surprise, just as it would be a surprise at 40 weeks. I don't regret knowing.

:yeah:

And I felt it helped me to bond more easily with my in-utero baby.

[allbrightmama]

We didn't find out with ds or with this baby and I would really hate to know. I want the baby to be the one to reveal itself to me. I think I know my baby very intuitively while pregnant and things like gender and hair color are secondary to that connection and, for me, may interfere with it. Finding out gender from an ultrasound tech would feel like asking a stranger to tell me about my baby. It just wouldn't feel right.

[Heavenly]

I didn't find out with DS. I wanted to but DH didn't so we didn't. I was convinced he was a girl because I really wanted a girl but he was a boy and once I saw him I was fine. With Olivia I wanted to find out and DH didn't but I insisted. I really, really wanted a girl! I knew I needed the time to adjust. Unfortunately she wasn't in great position so they said 75% chance of a girl. But I "knew" she was a girl and I was right. I want to find out this time but again DH doesn't. I don't know what I am going to do. I really want to know, I really want another girl and I would like some adjustment time if its a boy. I think its a girl but that is probably because I want a girl. if its a boy I know I will be happy but I know I will need some adjustment time and I don't want their to be any disappointment at the birth. So we'll see. I don't regret finding out or trying to with Olivia. At Elijahs birth it wasn't some big exciting moment when I find out. I would have been more excited to find out during the pregnancy IMO.

[beaches1098]

I didn't find out and it was so awesome to me that nobody knew who was in there. I did have an ultrasound to check out my placenta but even the tech commented that the postion the baby was in even if I wanted to know it would have been very difficult. So it was an awesome moment and so exciting the anticipation leading up to it for me.