Help - Legal advice please

[cycle]

Hi -

DP and I are officially making it official, we are not going to be together or try anymore. As I stated in another post earlier, he has not been a great dad, although we have been together in the same house. Suddenly he is going to see an attorney "to see what his rights are" but I know he said it to try to intimidate me. He does not want joint custody, he has every intention of leaving the state when he is finished with school in a year, and he will "see ds when he can". I'm talking about moving clear across the contry, not a couple hours away. I know I will get sole physical custody but I want nothing less than full physical and legal custody. He has never been interested in being involved with any choices for ds, is going to be thousands of miles away, why should he now want to have some say by having joint legal custody, with me still having full physical.

I am not going to prevent him from seeing ds, have never said that I would. i will not let ds hop on a plane to go thousands of miles away until he is MUCH older, and then only if dp has maintained a relationship.

Sorry for the rambling, my real question is, we live in michigan, dp is a legal resident of Alaska and refuses to change that. Will this help in my getting full physical and legal custody?

TIA

[MichelleS]

I went through a somewhat similar situation when my son was first born. I would contact an attorney to find out what the laws are in your area. I can't see why you wouldn't be granted full RESIDENTIAL custody, but you may have to share joint Legal custody. That's what happened with us. But my ex tired of being a parent and just took off entirely. Haven't seen him now in 5 years.

Best of luck to you!!!!

[annarbor931]

I also live in Michigan. How long has he lived in Michigan? What is the address on his DL?

If he plans to leave the area, it is unlikely that he will be granted joint custody. He is voluntarily moving to another state, and joint decision making (which is the presumption of joint legal custody) would be impossible if he decided to move back to Alaska.

I want to answer more but DS is climbing on me, so I will continue my response later.

[jojo26]

divorce law varies state to state, so your best bet would be to consult a lawyer. it IS a good idea to know your rights.

in general though (this according to my very expensive lawyer) the norm is joint legal custody. this is america's way of making up for past mistakes and trying to ensure that both parents have rights and remain involved in their children's lives. i asked if i could try for sole custody and was told that i would have to prove that my stbx was an unfit parent -- meaning physically abusive or in some other way not fit. of course, your stbx may not WANT joint legal custody.

what about child support? in general, if the noncustodial parent has the child less than 90 days the required child support is greater than if they have them > 90 days (hence so many men are trying for 50/50 to reduce their child support obligation). how will this factor into your situation?

hugs to you, and hang in there!

jojo mama to simon 6/2005 :flyby1

[cycle]

Hi mammas and thanks for the advice. I have received some legal advice and just found a law firm that has a lot of experience with breastfeeding and AP moms and keeping babies from overnights for a few years. DP's new thing is that he wants to have him overnight at 1 year old....no way. I am the one who sleeps with my son every night, I care for him, it would break his security if at a year old he stayed a night without me. and "just pumping" is not the same....

It is getting ugly and I am so upset and in fear of losing ds even part of the time. I am willing to let dp see him as much as he wants, but no overnights and limited time away from me (no all day trips right now). He can come over every day to see him if he wants. My problem is that he has said on more than one occasion that this is about his anger towards me, not his new found desire to be a father to his son. He will be leaving the state in a year and his attorney has told him that "it looks good" for him to have some over nights before he leaves the area. He was also supposed to move out and his attorney told him it didn't look good so he is now not moving out. I am not financially able at this point to move out so I am stuck....

Anyway, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. i am under major attack right now for my AP ways and feeling very insecure. see this post for more info. http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=335386


Thanks everyone. I'll keep you posted.

[L.J.]

My ex uses his anger against me to threaten things with the kids, but I've learned over the past 4 years that when it comes right down to it, he really doesn't want the responsibility of having the kids and he won't keep them if they are upset or crying. He threatens alot but doesn't follow through.