HELP!!! How does your 4 year old go to bed?

[chrissy]

I am totally losing it here. My oldest, Noah, is almost 4. He has slept with us since he was 12 weeks old. My youngest, Lilah, is 10 mos. She has slept with us since her birth.

I am completely at my wits end about all things sleeping and Noah.

I feel like I spend 50% of my day putting somebody to sleep and I am so over it.

Lilah is a pretty good sleeper. She takes 2 naps a day and sleeps well at night. I nurse or cuddle her to sleep then put her in the bed asleep and she does fine.

Her morning nap is not usually a problem. Sometimes we are out and about and she naps on me. When we are home I can usually get her to sleep quickly enough that Noah can occupy himself during that time.

The trouble is afternoon nap and bedtime. Noah still seems to really need his nap, but he resists it. For a while I could put them both to sleep at the same time. Noah would cuddle up to my back, Lilah to my front. Now it isn't working anymore. Lilah isn't ready to sleep at 1ish when Noah is. So she makes noise and plays and keeps him up. An hour later we are all still in the bed, no one is asleep and I am frustrated beyond belief.

Bedtime is similar but since Dad is home it's a little different. Lilah is ready for bed around 8-8:30. I nurse her and cuddle her to sleep. That usually takes a half hour to an hour, sometimes longer. Then I put her in the bed. At that point Noah is ready for bed and wants me to put him to bed. So I get in bed with him and it takes him another half hour- at least- to fall asleep. By this point I really should go to sleep myself but I don't because I NEED some time to either be by myself or with my husband.

So I guess after all that, my question is- is 4 to young to be able to put himself to sleep? How do yall get your 4 year olds to sleep?

I need help. :(

[Octobermama]

Hi! I just stumbled across your post. Maybe you have found a solution but I wanted to respond to you. I have two girls, they will be 4 and 2 in October and November, respectively. Sleep was the hardest part of have two kids for me! They both sleep with us, the youngest always has and the oldest since she was about 6 months. I found bedtime finally became easy when my oldest stopped taking a nap altogether. She stopped last December. She has quiet time while the youngest naps. Sometimes I can have some alone time while she does a craft, looks at books or watches a video. I found I enjoy working one on one with her on projects the baby is too young for. (This helped with some resentment I had about her giving up her nap!!) The real pay-off is that she is so tired at bedtime she just climbs in the rocker with me while I nurse the youngest to sleep and the oldest drifts off with out a fight, too. There are days when I think she could use a nap. On those days by 4 or 5 she is whiney and cranky but I just try to get her to bed a little earlier. For us, it is worth it rather that spend the whole evening trying to wrestle 2 to sleep.

As an alternative, maybe your 4 year old can be encouraged to go to sleep on his own. You would know if he is ready and what his temperment is. I think a good way to help him would be very gradually. Maybe after the baby is asleep you agree to lie with him for a set amount if time (set a timer.) Then you will sit by the bed in a chair, then gradually move the chair to the hall, etc. This is all as a long as he agrees to quietly stay in bed. Maybe use night lights, a lovey, anything else to make the transition easier.

Good luck to you. I remember how stressful this was for me. I was in tears more than once!!

[pycelan]

:yeah: I agree! My 4 year old goes to sleep so much easier now that he no longer naps in the afternoon. Sometimes he gets a little cranky in the afternoon, but I also try to do a special activity with him while his younger sister is sleeping and that usually helps he to act better. Good luck!

[mahogny]

My DS will be 4 in October, and I've also got a 6 month old DD.

With DS, DH has ALWAYS taken care of the bedtime routine. What he does now is put him to bed and lay with him for a couple of minutes, and then leaves. If DS is upset, he obviously stays, but that's very rare. DS falls asleep within 15 minutes of Daddy leaving.

DS also still takes naps. I can almost always count on a 2.5 hour nap from him every afternoon. Before DD was born, he and I would snuggle on the couch for our "quiet time" and he (and I!) would both fall asleep within 15 minutes. When he was younger, I'd turn on some calming music.

When DD was born, I was worried about how to get DS to nap. Sometimes he totally surprised me in those early days of newborn DD, and just put himself down to nap. Nowadays though, what I do is tell him when quiet time will be ("in 15 minutes" etc.) He then chooses where he wants quiet time. (These days it's on the couch.) He lays down on the couch, I lay down on the bed with DD, and every one of us is asleep a few minutes later. DS will stay asleep for 2.5-3 hrs.

FWIW, DS co-slept with us since birth, and when he was 2.5 yrs, he got his own room. There was no transition period at all. DD has also co-slept with us since birth, and still is, obviously. ;)

[chrissy]

Thanks mamas for sharing with me what has/is working in your family.

We have gone the no nap route and it is working pretty well. He does get tired some during the day but seems to revive himself pretty well after a little bit of down time. Bedtime is wonderful! He falls asleep in 5 minutes usually! I am still putting him to sleep but I don't resent it at all when he falls asleep so quickly and without resisting.

The day is a little long with no nap though- for me, that is. My goal is for he and I to have about an hour of alone and quiet time during the afternoon while the baby is asleep. So far it's going okay. He gives me a little time but then gets lonely and comes to find me. I don't want the poor guy to get lonely but oh my gosh I am exhausted at the end of the day if I have no quiet time. So, we're working on it.

Thanks again for all your success stories!