Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children, #6

[ChristaN]

But the other day in the car he says, "So, if G-d lives in every person, and some people are slaves, does that mean G-d is enslaved too?" :kewl I said, "yes and that would be exactly why slavery is wrong." And he says, "but there aren't slaves now?" "No there are still slaves, and people who might as well be slaves." He says, "That is just so sad."

I just had to say that that is really beautiful. What a sweet boy. My dd is that way too, but not always so eloquent. She caught a bit of 60 minutes the other night when we were watching it and there was something on about the earthquake in Pakistan. Dd's school is doing a canned food drive right now. She turned and whispered in my ear, "I hope that the canned food is for these people. If not, I'll have to talk to my teacher about it. We need to do something about this." They can be so sweet and caring.

[eilonwy]

I've got some sensory issues, but I doubt that I'd be considered a highly sensitive person-- I have a feeling that's one of those tests where I'd "score" the bare minimum or just shy of it, kwim? My sensory issues, though, are almost definately a facet of my intelligence; I'm more sensitive to visual stimulation because I actually see more than average people, and my brain is actually trying to process more information. It's the same with aural or olfactory information... I'm overwhelmed sometimes because I notice more things. I can't stand tags, and if my socks don't feel exactly the same way on my feet, I won't wear them. [My husband used to give me soooo much crap about this, because he's one of those people who figures that if two socks are the same color then it's fine to wear them together. I couldn't care less about color, I just want them to feel the same way. When I started to number each pair of socks that I owned just to prevent him from "pairing" socks that didn't feel the same, he finally realized that all his berating wasn't going to change anything and he started making an effort to pair socks by feeling them from the inside, rather than looking at their approximate colors and guessing. :thumb] I've been this way ever since I was a very little girl.

When I was 13 or 14, I read Linda Goodman's Sun Signs and found such things to be very common among Libras. That was the first time in my life that I thought astrology might have some merit. :lol

BeanBean is most assuredly not a HSP. :lol I have occasionally wondered if he might not have some degree of SID on the other side of the spectrum, being generally understimulated by his environment. :lol He certainly likes to make things more interesting for all of us. :nut

The latest in BooBah's adventures! Yesterday, Sweet BeanBean decided to take a nap. I put a blanket over him and proceeded to spend some quality time with BooBah, nibbling on her sweet, yummy little toes. As I nibbled and tickled, I counted them-- 1,2,3,4,5, 5 sweet BooBah toes! Yumyumyum! :lol I showed her that she had five toes on each foot. She grinned and giggled. Then I clapped her feet together and told her that she has ten toes all together, waving her little feet around in celebration. 5, 5, 10! Yay! More giggles and grins. We enjoyed this game for a little while and then all of a sudden BooBah stopped. She held up her hand, looked at me, and said, "five?!" "Yes! You have five fingers, just like you have five toes!" Then she clapped both hands together and said, "TEN!!" and shrieked hysterically, giggling loudly enough that I leaned over to see if BeanBean was still asleep. She was just so tickled, and I was... well, tickled and somewhat disturbed. :o

I think I'd find this a lot less crazy if she actually talked like a little person, you know? BooBah talks like a baby. There are clear words, a few clear phrases, and I understand most of her sentences but not all (non family members understand relatively few of her sentences, and I've noticed that she tends to stick to individual words and common phrases when people don't seem to understand her "speech") by any stretch. In fact, I do a lot of inferring from context.. like, last night Mike and BeanBean went to the grocery store. BooBah stood by the front door jabbering on about "Daddy," "Eli," and "go." In context, it wasn't too difficult for me to understand that she wanted to go with Daddy and Eli. I told her where they'd gone and they'd be back soon, and she gave me another sentence including her own name with Daddy, Eli, and go; I told her that she couldn't go with them this time, but they would be back soon. So, I guess she thinks that I understand what she's saying more often than I do, but if inference is the same thing as understanding, does it really matter?

What was my point... Oh yeah! BooBah is still, for the most part, a baby. I mean, she's very much a toddler but she's nowhere near "little girl" so these strange forays into geekiness are... well, they seem *really* out there to me. If she could talk, I think I'd have an easier time wrapping my head around it but she only baby-talks so it all seems... really weird. :o Where's that head spinning smilie? I really need one... :lol

I've been telling Mike that the kids are weird. He thinks that's mean, and says that I should use the word "extraordinary." Okay, I can try to do that... So last night, the kids were in the bathtub. I went in to check on them and saw BeanBean with a thermos full of warm water pouring neatly into two cups. "We're drinking raspberry tea," he told me proudly. BooBah took her cup and then he took his and the two of them daintily sipped their bathwater. "Uh huh." I told Mike, "Your children are in the bathtub pretending that their bathwater is raspberry tea." He gave me a look and said, "Okay, they are weird. But you've got to admit, that's really sweet." :lol

[jkpmomtoboys]

My sensory issues, though, are almost definately a facet of my intelligence; I'm more sensitive to visual stimulation because I actually see more than average people, and my brain is actually trying to process more information.

I don't mean to sound like a :censored but I'm wondering what your basis for this broad statement is. I would never presume to know what the 'average' person sees or processes...

[ChristaN]

Jen, While I am not the OP to whom you are referring in your question and this link does not deal specifically with enhanced visual acuity among gifted individuals, I thought that it might be pertinent to your question: http://talentdevelop.com/ParentingEIGC.html

My dd falls into the category that it discusses of enhanced emotional acuity and I have definitely read that a gifted brain is just wired differently such that a more enhanced experience (be it auditory, emotional, sensory, visual, or something else) is often part of that wiring.

I especially liked this quote from that link:
Emotional intensity in gifted people is not a matter of feeling more than other people, it is a different way of experiencing the world.

One of the basic characteristics of the gifted is their intensity. Intensity is not a matter of degree but of a different way of experiencing: vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding - a way of being quiveringly alive.
Just parenting my dd and then being around other children her age, listening to her describe her experiences and listening to other kids describe theirs -- it is very clear that what she is experiencing is different. That is not to say that she is experiencing better emotions, just that they are more vivid and penetrating. Sometimes that can feel worse b/c it is so overwhelming. I imagine that an enhanced reaction to visual stimuli would feel that way as well.

[luvmypoonchkie]

I don't mean to sound like a :censored but I'm wondering what your basis for this broad statement is. I would never presume to know what the 'average' person sees or processes...

Tread carefully Jen, you're drifting into rough waters.

:lurk:

[teachma]

Just parenting my dd and then being around other children her age, listening to her describe her experiences and listening to other kids describe theirs -- it is very clear that what she is experiencing is different. That is not to say that she is experiencing better emotions, just that they are more vivid and penetrating. Sometimes that can feel worse b/c it is so overwhelming. I imagine that an enhanced reaction to visual stimuli would feel that way as well.

I like this way of thinking, too. It rings very true for my ds.

I think most of us who post on this thread understand that we are drawn together by some of the special needs of our gifted children; thus, we hold our discussions in the Special Needs forum. I personally do not see giftedness as a "betterness" in comparison to others, and I believe most (if not all) of us would agree on that. In fact, until recently, I wished desperately that ds would have been just "normal," and when I was pregnant with dd, I hoped for happy, socially well adjusted and "average." I were to draw a comparison between a gifted person and an "average" person, I would not be doing so from the standdpoint of superiority, and I am fairly certain the same is true of the OP. While a gifted person can never truly know what an average person (like myself) experiences, a gifted person can develop a pretty good undestanding of what distinguishes him or her from the average person based upon daily dealings with us...since the average person is the majority of us.

[lckrause]

I personally do not see giftedness as a "betterness" in comparison to others


I do.





























:lol

Sorry, couldn't resist. :wink

Actually, I agree with what Teachma and Christa have written. :)

Sometimes I wonder if the difference between gifted kids and other kids is that the parents of the other kids never have moments where they wish their kids were just not so smart. :lol

[jkpmomtoboys]

One of the basic characteristics of the gifted is their intensity. Intensity is not a matter of degree but of a different way of experiencing: vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding - a way of being quiveringly alive.


Christa,

That's an interesting snippet and it looks like an interesting site. Thanks for passing along a perspective I hadn't considered.

And I do so love the popcorn guy... :wink

[isisjade]

[

[EXOLAX]

NoHiddenFees:
Thanks for the software and Go info. I will have to do some research on how Go is taught in Japan, that is interesting and seems like a really good way to start.

Our youngest isn't much into putting anything in her mouth, but will probably will want to 'play' too though. ;)

[ChristaN]

Sometimes I wonder if the difference between gifted kids and other kids is that the parents of the other kids never have moments where they wish their kids were just not so smart. :lol
I just wish that my dd wasn't tortured b/c she really seems to struggle with life and it is so hard to see b/c I am looking through the mirror back at myself years ago. While I would not consider myself profoundly gifted and always just thought of myself as your average bright person as a child and teen (and felt that there were many others much brighter than myself), I remember so vividly the heartache of just being.

I kept copious journals in my late teens and I remember sitting outside of my house under a tree late at night when I was at Berkeley (college) at around 18 and just pouring my heart out to my journal about how I wondered if I would be happier if I were less intellegent -- happy as a fool as the saying goes. I was really miserable and it kills me to see my dd experiencing the same existential torment and angst at her intense experience of life. I think that it is often the child him/herself who wishes to be "normal" as much as it is the parent wishing that for his/her child.

The difference is that I now have the life experience and maturity to see the beauty in her gift, but dd is still so young that all she sees is that she is not like everyone else and that life hurts her more than your average person. I don't wish that on her. I just wish that she will make it long enough to see the beauty, too and not just the greater difficulty in being who she is.

[eilonwy]

I don't mean to sound like a :censored but I'm wondering what your basis for this broad statement is. I would never presume to know what the 'average' person sees or processes...

Mostly it comes from reading about giftedness and about normal developmental psychology. I used to spend a lot of time talking to people trying to figure out why they weren't overwhelmed or bothered by things, and they just didn't get it. It took me until I was about 14 years old to realize that they actually didn't *notice* the things that I was talking about. How could leaves falling from a tree be overwhelming? They weren't counting leaves in their minds, or thinking of the variations in color on idividual leaves to say nothing of from tree to tree... I mean, something like that could have my head spinning for hours, and the other kids would kind of blink and say, "It's a tree, the leaves fall off every year....? :scratch"

I used to think that I was just plain crazy. Now I know that it's not true-- my mind works differently and processes different things from other people. I don't know what the average person sees, but I do know the sort of things that they *don't* see, and a lot of them are things that people with brains which are wired like mine take for granted. Interestingly, the same things that made me an outcast as a young child made me more popular as an older teen; once I figured out that other people *weren't* seeing/hearing/smelling/feeling/tasting these things, I could point them out and they'd be conversation starters. I often had friends tell me that they would never have noticed X if I hadn't pointed it out to them, and they'd be excited because they'd used their minds in a new way, stretched their worlds a little bit. It was all good, but before I could get there I had to realize that not everyone thought about or even saw things the way that I did. :shrug

[teachma]

Mostly it comes from reading about giftedness and about normal developmental psychology. I used to spend a lot of time talking to people trying to figure out why they weren't overwhelmed or bothered by things, and they just didn't get it. It took me until I was about 14 years old to realize that they actually didn't *notice* the things that I was talking about. How could leaves falling from a tree be overwhelming? They weren't counting leaves in their minds, or thinking of the variations in color on idividual leaves to say nothing of from tree to tree... I mean, something like that could have my head spinning for hours, and the other kids would kind of blink and say, "It's a tree, the leaves fall off every year....? :scratch"

I used to think that I was just plain crazy. Now I know that it's not true-- my mind works differently and processes different things from other people. I don't know what the average person sees, but I do know the sort of things that they *don't* see, and a lot of them are things that people with brains which are wired like mine take for granted. Interestingly, the same things that made me an outcast as a young child made me more popular as an older teen; once I figured out that other people *weren't* seeing/hearing/smelling/feeling/tasting these things, I could point them out and they'd be conversation starters. I often had friends tell me that they would never have noticed X if I hadn't pointed it out to them, and they'd be excited because they'd used their minds in a new way, stretched their worlds a little bit. It was all good, but before I could get there I had to realize that not everyone thought about or even saw things the way that I did. :shrug

Rynna, I sometimes privately think of you as my "translator." I am SO sure that what you're describing of the falling leaves is a very similar experience to what ds has in many instances...and in my wildest dreams, I could never imagine it so clearly as you explain it. Your children are luckier than my son- you can RELATE! I'm so oblivious, often I don't even notice there are trees!

[teachma]

I do.





You really did get me there, til I realized there just HAD to be a reason for all that space below your quick response...
:lol

[jkpmomtoboys]

Thank you everyone for your response to my initial question. Your responses were illuminating and really helpful, actually, and appreciate the lack of flames.

I never really thought about the whole hyper-sensitive nature of gifted kids. But it would make sense that the senses would frequently be on hyper-alert.

Ds1 has always been really observant, to the point of disturbing, but also interestingly he has been afflicted with social anxiety, to the point of calling in the ped. to confer with the teacher. He is working past it now but I never linked that hyper-sensitivity with his hyper-alert state. Interesting...

Anyway, thanks again!

[mamaverdi]

T(although man, if someone were to offer me free OT for the food, I'd take it in a heartbeat!)

You can have a disorder just in a food area. But anyway, many health insurance plans offer 30 sessions of OT per calendar year. You might check and see if it's covered.

[mamaverdi]

I just had to say that that is really beautiful. What a sweet boy.

Thanks. I think so too. :throb

[mamaverdi]

The idea of simply accepting that my children were sensitive didnt rest well with me.

This to me is the DEFINITION of disorder---creates chaos for the person, not just some discomfort. And I don't mean disorder in the negative sense, but I really think that people just don't get what it is like to have one.

I remember one of the things my not-so-helpful mother would say was: gifted kids are special ed kids too." Today we would say special needs. But gifted kids ahve a smattering of brain disorders as well, part and parcel to their giftedness that can make your head spin.

I saw this clearly at my son's school play last night. He's at G/T school. He definitely has characteristics of SID.

My dh the super genius suffers from ADD without a LOT of medication and time management.

And I'm prone to all sorts of "numbering socks" type issues that Rynna was describing.

I so agree with the just wanting your kid not to be so smart. I remember saying that to some friends: he's a lawyer (someday judge), she's an architect. "It's not that you want to pray for stupid kids, but how about just not SO smart."

Wanting to say more, but browser acting up...

Sorry for serial posting...kids are actually sleeping

[isisjade]

[

[eilonwy]

Rynna, I sometimes privately think of you as my "translator." I am SO sure that what you're describing of the falling leaves is a very similar experience to what ds has in many instances...and in my wildest dreams, I could never imagine it so clearly as you explain it. Your children are luckier than my son- you can RELATE! I'm so oblivious, often I don't even notice there are trees!

:innocent That's one of the coolest things anyone's ever said to me! Thanks!

Ds1 has always been really observant, to the point of disturbing, but also interestingly he has been afflicted with social anxiety, to the point of calling in the ped. to confer with the teacher. He is working past it now but I never linked that hyper-sensitivity with his hyper-alert state. Interesting...

The two are very likely to be related. :nod Your kids aren't crazy! Doesn't that feel good? :lol

I count myself lucky to have at least one child who has no signs of debilitating anxiety (at this point). Of course there are things and people that make BeanBean nervous, and he can be quite distractible but he's always had a really long attention span for his age and most of the time, he's calm and at ease. When something doesn't fit into his little-man paradigm, he asks questions about it until it *does* (even if the only answer he can get at the end is "there's something wrong with those people" or "that's not very nice!"). For the moment, these answers are (mostly) satisfactory.

This to me is the DEFINITION of disorder---creates chaos for the person, not just some discomfort. And I don't mean disorder in the negative sense, but I really think that people just don't get what it is like to have one.

:nod Disorder, as in, "lack of order." While BeanBean shows no symptoms of any such disorder, Miss BooBah does. She's always been more sensitive to light and sound than her brother was, for example. And while she's not in a chaotic state (she is, as these things go, quite functional) yet, I can see her heading down that road at some point. She's got some very early symptoms which I'm just keeping an eye on at this point, to keep her from getting trapped in her own head, be it by anxiety or just trying to process (overprocess?) a large amount of information, either one of which can paralyze a child and cause stress for the entire family.

Being pregnant right now, my brain is leaking out of my ears. I need to get some more flax-seed oil and I definately need to pick up some more herbal iron to get this family's show on the road. Anyway, I finally figured out what to do about the whole "why can't I get a uterus when I grow up?" question-- I need to explain to BeanBean that men do indeed play a role in babymaking. :blush Somehow, we've left all of the details out to the point where BeanBean thinks that the *only* thing involved in making a baby is a mamma, ovaries, and a working (menstrual) uterus. :blush How could I have missed something like that?! :lol Tapioca Brain of Pregnancy strikes again! :lol

*sigh* BeanBean wants to visit Starfall. We can't do it at home. :( It's a total bummer! At least he's not fixated on it, he's willing to do something else. :kewl

[SunRayeMomi]

I used to think that I was just plain crazy. Now I know that it's not true-- my mind works differently and processes different things from other people.

Well put. I feel the same and always have. Like you, there were years where I felt different and I couldn't understand why. My mind also processes in different ways than other people's; sometimes faster but more often just more precisely or acutely. Close friends considered me "smart" but strangers considered me wierd. I talked of intellectual (rather than social) things too often *gasp* so for a while I was "uncool". For a few years, about until 14 too in fact, I withdrew and tried not to rock the boat with my silly observations.

Luckily, entering highschool gave me an opportunity to engage with older kids who were atleast contemplating college and higher learning. I gained many friends throughout those years. They enjoyed my thoughtful anecdotes and would, if one sensed a moment that needed one, say "Where's Sara with her snappy comment?" :lol They still do :lol I used to blush and think Sara, shutup and stop being strange. But now I give them what they ask for:lol

[eilonwy]

isisjade-- that sounds like a *very* nutritious diet to me. Picky, perhaps, but it's pretty varied in it's limitations. My mother refused for two and a half years (ages 2.5 to 5) to eat anything other than grilled cheese sandwiches and Campbell's tomato soup (and the sandwiches came later; for the first 8 months or so, she *only* ate the soup). Her family didn't fuss about it, they just made her the soup and moved on. :lol

BeanBean is, I think, around 20th percentile right now-- he weighs about 30 pounds, I'm not sure how tall he is (about three feet, maybe? A little less? :shrug) and he is still nursing (though less frequently because I have no milk and firey nipple pain when he latches on :guilty). So maybe that helps? :innocent Oh, and while he's not at all resistant to new foods, BeanBean does have favorites upon which he obsesses... there have been months where he's asked for couscous for dinner every night... :nut :lol That's pretty normal for this age, I think.

I cannot imagine how unhelpful it would be to get weaning advice when I was trying to broaden my child's diet. That's got to suck! :(

[LeftField]

IsisJade, That sounds like a decent diet to me too. Ds1 went from 99% nursing until 18 months to eating everything (even raw onions) to slowly crossing things off his food list. At one point, I'm sure he lived on Amy's brand Mac N Cheese. He's 4.5 and he's starting to become a bit more open-minded in trying things. He pretty much avoids any food that's mixed (i.e. he likes ingredients separate), anything green and things with funny textures. He likes veggie sushi and he discovered that the black seaweed was actually green. He also tried edamame once, so I made the case that he did like some green things. It's slowly getting better so that I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. By the time he's out, my youngest will probably be doing it. Sigh.

[LeftField]

Can I do a little brag on my 24 month old? I don't talk about him too much and we don't know if he's gifted; he doesn't have the issues my oldest had at this age.

Anyway, today, I discovered that he could do part of the Melissa and Doug 12 piece vehicle puzzles! Given a limited selection of pieces, he can choose one by himself and put it in the right slot. He seems to understand the logic of matching the colors/patterns up, although he sometimes has the piece in the wrong orientation and can't figure out how to right it. He sometimes talks about the pieces that he chooses, like, "green tree...". He's only doing a piece here and there, but he doesn't seem to be randomly trying pieces; it seems like he understands why a particular piece goes somewhere. After we did one together, he said, "More! more!" and was looking around for other puzzles.

He's also changed his name to, "E-Z", because my oldest changed his name to, "Ben-Z". I don't know why it's "E-Z", because his name doesn't start with an E or have an E sound. He also tells everyone that he's 5, whenever they ask. He pretends he's various animals all the time, starting with the butterfly, moving to a frog. Now, as of yesterday, he's a snake.

Our perception of normal is skewed; we don't know if he's gifted. But I wanted to do a little brag and I knew that it was safe to do it here.

Edited to clarify that it's a jigsaw puzzle, not a peg puzzle.

[eilonwy]

LeftField, that sounds so adorable! I've really got to get some puzzles... *ponder*.

Today, BeanBean realized that my uterus was relatively close to my vulva, and asked if that was where the baby would come out. He's already asked if there's a hole at the bottom of my uterus, so today he was just making the leap from uterus to cervix to vulva. :rolleyes :lol Forgot something, huh? :lol I told him that I would find him a book with pictures of babies in uterii at the library, and show him how the baby will (hopefully) come out.

Oh! He did not ask to nurse today-- instead, he told me that he couldn't nurse right now but that when the baby comes out, he will nurse. :thumb I"m all in favor of him taking a break from nursing, due to the aforementioned firey nipple pain. :yikes: BeanBean is of course very eager for his new sibling to make his appearance, but he knows that the baby needs to grow. :nod He also thinks that it would be very sad to be a grownup woman with "an empty uterus, like BooBah has." :love He figured out on his own that not everyone is pregnant all the time, and that not everyone can get pregnant, and decided that it must be sad not to have children. :happyt: It just brings tears to my eyes to think about it. :crying What a sweetheart!

Last night, BeanBean had his third swimming lesson and things went... well, swimmingly. :thumb He talked to the instructors, remembered everything from last week and cooperated very nicely. He was very eager to swim to the deep end of the pool and to jump in on that side. On the deep end, there are starting platforms for the swim teams; BeanBean removed the orange cone from one and said that he wanted to jump from there. The instructors were a bit surprised, but they were okay with it (the idea being to get the kids to jump in, but not to terrify them by asking too much). BeanBean jumped, very enthusiastically. The 4 year old boy jumped, less enthusiastically than BeanBean but apparently under the impression that it must be okay because Bean had already (successfully) jumped. The 5 year old girl was quite dubious about it; she jumped from the platform but immediately requested to do her second jump from the wall. BeanBean took his second jump from the platform, but the other two kids stayed on the wall. :thumb It was all good, and very cool to watch. :D

I chatted with one of the instructors after class who said that she was really surprised that BeanBean a) remembered everything from week to week and b) made such quick and easy progress with his (single) problem. She said that she's seen lots of kids who will be fine with the instructors but freak out at the idea of getting into the water, that they're much more common than kids like BeanBean who are nervous about the instructors but perfectly comfortable with the actual swimming. She also said that it's uncommon for a child to make progress so quickly, because they usually don't remember what they learned in class from one week to the next. By the end of the 6-week session they're just starting to get the hang of the routine, where BeanBean picked that part up right away. :thumb Next week, they're going to move him into the smaller floatation device (the one that probably won't actually hold him up much in the water). :D

This week, the two older kids moved into the smaller packs. It was truly fascinating to watch them swim in the smaller packs and then without them (briefly). The little girl was obviously not being supported at all by the smaller pack, but swam beautifully until it was taken off-- then she got nervous and was not comfortable in the water anymore. It was totally psychological, but she wasn't ready to move on. The little boy wasn't being supported much by his pack, but he definately needed it; though he made a valiant effort to swim without it, he was just about lost and his pack-free test was cut short to take him back to the wall. BeanBean kept his pack on the entire time (being the youngest and smallest child in the group, though apparently the most adventurous :D). I was just so interested to watch the kids, and very impressed with BeanBean's interactions with the instructors. :thumb Last week he was saying, "Don't touch me, I can do it!" This week, when I asked him what was going to happen at the swim lesson, he said, "Getting touched by Miss R___, who drives a _____ and goes in the grown-up blue locker so she can go home to her own children." He was totally cool with everything, right from the start. :thumb Go Bean! :D

I think that one of the reasons that I like this thread so much is that I'm always looking for good things about my kids. Sometimes when you're living day-to-day with a toddler or a preschooler, it's easy to lose sight of why I wanted to have kids in the first place. I think that I must have been crazy to think that I could do this, and I'm sure that my kids are the worst kids anyone could ever have. When I have these moments, I try to think of things about them that are very cool, so that I can smile and remember why I wanted to do this in the first place. This thread, while stuffed with difficulties of it's own, makes it easy for me to talk about the things that are really cool about my kids, and the things that I'm proud of or impressed by without worrying that I'm pushing another parent in the opposite direction. I can relax and just be really happy and talk about my kids being cool and impressive without fear and without feeling like I'm just running my mouth to play "my baby is better than yours." It's sweet! :happyt:

[isisjade]

[

[lckrause]

He's also changed his name to, "E-Z", because my oldest changed his name to, "Ben-Z". I don't know why it's "E-Z", because his name doesn't start with an E or have an E sound.


:lol That is so cute! And congrats to him on the puzzles. When Hollis was little he went through two stages where he called himself "Krause Rayburn" (his game show host persona) and "Deepot Johnson" (a basketball player). He used to get so mad if I called him by his real name instead. Do your kids let you use their real names now?

Rynna, that's great about BeanBean and the swimming. :thumb My kids just learned to swim last year so I think it's great you're starting him early. My mom didn't learn how to swim until she was 12 (!) so she put me into lessons starting when I was 2 and I really enjoyed them. I bet BeanBean will be much like a fish soon! He's such a fun little guy.

I agree, it's nice we can talk/brag about our kids here. :) It's not something I can do in real life, except to my mom. My brag for the week: Nan is the youngest in her acro class (it's ages 7-10 and she'll be 8 in March) but she's the best in the class. She's the best in her gymnastics class too, but all the girls in there are around her age so it's not such a bragging point. :lol She should be able to do front and back handsprings pretty soon (they are working on it with her in both acro and gymnastics) and when she does she'll be able to move up a level. She really wants to be a competitive cheerleader and she :love her dance and gymnastics. It's funny because she's mellow about most stuff but so driven in this one area. I think being so good at something like that keeps her from feeling like she's playing second fiddle to Hollis, you know? Anyway, I am all for it since it's good for her in both mind and body.

[teachma]

On jigsaw-type puzzles...UUGH! I really can't stand them. The ultimate boring activity to me. I'm not very good at them, don't have the patience to try or the interest to complete them. This is strictly for the dcs to do with Dad; I refuse!

On swimming...Rynna, I am so glad it's going so well! My biggest bit of advice, based on our experience, is: With al of the success BeanBean's having, don't let significant periods of time lapse between sessions/visits to the pool. We lived in CA for the first 2 yrs 10 mos of ds' life, and he took lessons from age 10 months until we moved. By 21 months, he could swim independently, underwater (because he lacked the strength to lift up arms and head at such a young age) the width of a huge pool and enjoyed showing off, jumping in and swimming to the other side, and using "elbow, elbow, knee, knee" to get himself out of the pool. To make the story short, let's just say that when we moved, he refused to swim with the new instructor I hired, and that was that. It took until THIS AUGUST to get him to swim again! And when he finally did, it was eerie- he was better than ever!!! It was as if he'd learned new swimming skills in his 2 year hiatus, or something. On second thought, BeanBean does not seem nearly as arbitrary or defiant as my son, so maybe this advice can be disregarded! :)

Parent/teacher conference last night...a little disappointing. I really like ds' teacher as a person, and even as a teacher (philosophy-wise), and she really has inspired him to read and write in ways he never let me, so that's great. But she didn't have much to say, in person, about his abilities per se. She was more interested in showing me his work, explaining what she does and what the class routines are, etc. and really didn't put into any sort of perspective his actual abilities. Maybe because it's just kindergarten? I would never expect her to compare the children in her class to one another, but I would like a clearer sense of where she sees ds in relation to the "typical kindergartener" as she knows it. She offered nothing of the sort. is it worth asking her point-blank? Or should I not risk ruining our good relationship, as long as ds is so happy and stands to learn?

[teachma]

I think being so good at something like that keeps her from feeling like she's playing second fiddle to Hollis, you know? Anyway, I am all for it since it's good for her in both mind and body.

I am glad for her, too. It is hard to live in the shadow of an older sibling, I can imagine. I was the oldest but felt like I lived in the shadow of my younger sibs, who were supposedly "smarter." (Funny, I was more successful in college, went to the "better" grad school...but I wouldn't have believed it would play out that way back then...) I used to worry about dd, who's 3.5 years younger than ds, having a hard time in the same way you worry about your dd, but mine's proving to be almost as verbally expressive as ds. Moreover, she's considerably happier and more resilient, and she has a much better tolerance for frustrating circumstances. So, who knows?

[Calidris]

you know, I've been lurking here for quite a while, first because I wondered about dd who was WAY ahead on physical milestones (and still is) and later because the thread is just so damn interesting and so many of you remind me of my brother, who was/is definitely gifted....
dd is not very verbally advanced, so its hard to assess her in terms of her peers now, not that I actually care that much, but I always wondered about how so many of you were afraid to mention your issues among same age peers, and (to be honest) wondered if you were oversensitive, til I noticed the latest trainwreck in toddlers, about some poor mama who dared to notice that her dc was ahead of others her age. I can't believe the negativity she is facing.
Sorry if I'm not very coherent, but I've been drinking, which is the only reason I have the confidence to crash your thread (but I admire you all a lot, and as I said, have been lurking for a while and wonder about my brothers - well maybe even me - but basically I'm a math idiot and failed my way thru secondary education....)
Anyway I just want to post a quick "you rock" to all the mamas here really and maybe I will talk about our odd education system sometime..............

[luvmypoonchkie]

Parent/teacher conference last night...a little disappointing. I really like ds' teacher as a person, and even as a teacher (philosophy-wise), and she really has inspired him to read and write in ways he never let me, so that's great. But she didn't have much to say, in person, about his abilities per se. She was more interested in showing me his work, explaining what she does and what the class routines are, etc. and really didn't put into any sort of perspective his actual abilities. Maybe because it's just kindergarten? I would never expect her to compare the children in her class to one another, but I would like a clearer sense of where she sees ds in relation to the "typical kindergartener" as she knows it. She offered nothing of the sort. is it worth asking her point-blank? Or should I not risk ruining our good relationship, as long as ds is so happy and stands to learn?

This is just a thought, I could be totally off though. Your son's teacher is probably assuming that you are aware of how advanced your son is. It sounds like she's really concentrating on making sure he's challenged and differentiating things for him, which is great! She probably figures you're tired (and fully aware) of hearing what his abilities are and where he is compared to his peers and she has moved on to assuring you that she's doing her best to accomidate him, kwim? If you have questions, concerns or are curious about any skills in particular, I'd ask, I'm sure she'd be happy to answer them. It's nice to hear (especially from a teacher) where your child stands in comparison to other kids in his/her peer group, but would you really rather have his p/t conferences be all praise about how far ahead he is with no talk of what she's doing to keep him engaged and learning? Good luck with your decision, glad to hear your son is doing so well!

Jenn

[isisjade]

[

[lckrause]

BUT, it is with great relief that I am Emily, as I did spend about a month as Martin, from Zooboomafo, with my husband as Chris and my son as Zaboo.


:lol That's so funny. And here people think it's odd that Hollis calls me by my first name instead of "Mom." I'd rather be Lisa than Martin! :lol

Caladris, how nice of you to stop by and be so supportive. :) This really cracked me up:

Sorry if I'm not very coherent, but I've been drinking, which is the only reason I have the confidence to crash your thread

Darn, I didn't think we were THAT scary. :o :lol

[LeftField]

Thanks for letting me brag! :love

Rynna, yeah, check out the puzzles! They are so cool, although I do understand that they're mind-numbing to some, just an individual thing. I hate playing Meccano or any kind of building thing. That is soooo boring to me, but my dh lives for that. OTOH, dh hates pattern blocks and so does my father. I thought they would like them, because they're both mechanical people and pattern blocks are like...geometry or even construction. But my dh would rather gouge his eyes out than play pattern blocks, whereas I love them! Similarly, some kids are going to hate puzzles, regardless of ability. I read that a lot on gifted lists; the kids seem to love or hate puzzles, with very little in between.

Lisa, I was cracking up about Deepot Johnson. :lol That one just tickled me. For a while, ds1 would correct everyone who didn't address him as, "Ben-Z", but as most people think he's saying, "Benji", I think he's resigned himself to it. He does make me write it on name-tags though. My little one may or may not correct us; it just depends on the mood he's in. Today, I wrote his name on a piece of paper to show it to him and he corrected me, so I had to write his name and then add a "Z" to make him happy. When my sister was little, she changed her name to, "X-Ray" and corrected my mother very loudly in public. :lol Isisjade, :lol about your identity as "Martin". Kids crack me up.

That's great about Nan's gymnastics. She sounds very talented. It's wonderful that it's something she loves and excels in. Good for her! :thumb

Isisjade, Yeah, it's going to get better with the food or at least that's what I tell myself. Today, ds1 tried pumpkin seeds, which was a shocker. I mean, he hasn't had them before and they are green. In the past, he often wouldn't eat a familiar food if it was a bit too cold or was presented funny. It gets better!

[jkpmomtoboys]

Parent/teacher conference last night...a little disappointing. I really like ds' teacher as a person, and even as a teacher (philosophy-wise), and she really has inspired him to read and write in ways he never let me, so that's great. But she didn't have much to say, in person, about his abilities per se. She was more interested in showing me his work, explaining what she does and what the class routines are, etc. and really didn't put into any sort of perspective his actual abilities. Maybe because it's just kindergarten? I would never expect her to compare the children in her class to one another, but I would like a clearer sense of where she sees ds in relation to the "typical kindergartener" as she knows it. She offered nothing of the sort. is it worth asking her point-blank? Or should I not risk ruining our good relationship, as long as ds is so happy and stands to learn?

Coincidentally, we had our first parent/teacher conference for Kindergarten this week as well and it sounds like ours went a lot like yours did.

Our teacher didn't talk about "typical" Kindergartener either, though she did go over the basic Kindergarten first trimester standards. They are pretty bare-bones, though and I'm confident that all 10 of the Kindergarteners in our class are well above and beyond that.

Our teacher was really good at discussing ds and showed us that she knows him well. She talked about what he can do, but not how that compares with the "typical" Kindergartener and really I don't know what a conversation like that would do for me. What the purpose would be, KWIM?

So I guess I would caution against asking her point-blank how you're doing in relation to the typical Kindergartener. It would probably do not a lot except to make you look like you're trying to figure out how smart he is, which of course you're not.

I think if your ds is happy and thriving and it seems like the teacher has a good handle on him, that's pretty good--especially for the November conference.

[mamaverdi]

I'm so worried about a test we have tomorrow where ds2 cannot eat or drink for 7.5 hours. Last time he went without fluids for 6ish hours we spent 3 days in the hospital. I cannot seem to get anyone (doctors, nurses, techs) to understand he is not he typical kid. ARG...

Anyway, so if I can't remember exactly who all is having what issues please forgive me:

Isisjade, if you think your son would benefit from OT, go for it. The worst that can happen is that the eval'er says: nope, he's fine. I say, trust your gut. Everyone is always telling me, oh my ds, dd, dh, mil was a late talker and now they speak fine. The thing is, how many people have to be on doner milk because they nearly went into a coma on formula? And how many home-born babies do you know who can't nurse well without some sort of in-born problem? My ds has something WRONG with his mouth---it's not just the not talking, but this is the thing I always mention first. Anyway, my point is, when I took him to the speech therapist, she said, OMG something is wrong. D'uh! Anyway...trust your gut. And many insurance plans, from what I understand, consider them like doctor visits, so you pay a co-pay. This is just what I have picked up from hanging around the therapy center and not based on my actual review of your plan. ;)

Teachma, if you want to know something from the teacher ask her....it sounds like he is doing really well which is really really great.

Who was it, LeftField? The puzzles---how cool. I cannot personally stand puzzles. Nor can ds1. Ds2 though found some and started doing them---the peg variety.

And Lisa, we love the letters. Bravo for Nan---it sounds fun and cool. Ds1 does use his real name most of the time now. For a while there though we had to be so and so...he still plays these games with his grandpa---who I think is the only one who can remember what his name is.

Rynna, the swimming lessons sound so fun. I wish I could convince my oldest to like the water. My youngest loves the water, but has an open stoma to his belly, so I'm a little um afraid of staph etc getting into his bladder.

Okay, I've just downed an entire Dagoba Roseberry chocolate bar. Hopefully I'm not going to be awake for ever, but I could only find one beer and it didn't look very good....

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, voodoo witch chants, whatever for tomorrow...

[USAmma]

:wave Hi all! I was told you were asking about me. I'm busy busy busy! This thread is too fast for me. :nut We are busy homeschooling, and Abi has 2 classes at the Y so we are there 4 days a week. And then there's life with a toddler. You all continue to have fun, and feel free to start a new thread when you feel the need. :)

[FreeRangeMama]

Hi All,

I gave up trying to keep up with these threads long ago, but I lurk once in a while. Just to re-intro myself, I have 3 dc. 4 yo ds, 2 yo ds, and 7 mo dd. Life is busy!!

My oldest is definitely gifted as well as ASD. Ds2 is likley gifted as well, though not to the same (often freakish :LOL) degree as ds1 so we don't really 'notice' it as much with him. Dd is seeming like quite the alert and bright young thing herself.

I had to laugh at all these kids re-naming themselves. My oldest renamed himself 100 (like the number) shortly after he turned 3. Before that he considered himself 100, but he never insisted on it. We don't use his "real name" at all, even his doctors and therapists refer to him as 100. He considers the name we gave him to be his "first name". When he gets to be big like Daddy he will change his name to Jonathan (which is dh's name, though we only ever call him Jon, so I don't know where he got the Jonathan from :LOL). It has been 1.5 years so I don't think this "phase" is going to pass any time soon.

I am kind of torn about what to do regarding homeschooling. We are going to homeschool, that isn't even an issue. We can officially register him in Feb. for 'kindergarten' even though he is much beyond that level. It would benefit us because of the funding we would receive from the gov't, but it might interfere with our therapist funding (for ASD). I am not really wanting to do any formal curriculum anyway, he seems to be learning quite well on his own with little or no input from us anyway. I do worry that he isn't getting ENOUGH stimulation academically sometimes, but OTOH he is really thriving these days, so why mess with a good thing.

I guess we go back and forth because given his abilities we know he could be so far ahead and learn so much (more than he already does) if given the opportunity, but then we fear "pushing" him too far (or at all really). How do you all determine how much is enough without being too much?

Do any of you homeschool? What age did you start? Anyone just not bother and let them direct their own learning? How is it going?

So many questions :LOL

[isisjade]

[

[loraxc]

DD is one of the puzzle-haters. She gets where the pieces go, but she isn't sure how to orient them successfully, and that frustrates her, so she tells me what the pieces are and walks away. :shrug

She doesn't have an invented name, exactly, but she used to tell us her name was "Kitty" and give a big Cheshire Cat grin. If you asked her again, she'd give her real name. She does generally refer to herself by her "long version" name, not the nickname which we use 99% of the time. We really haven't used the long version name since she was less than 6 months old. I've had other moms tell me their toddlers use the long version name, too, though. Funny!

She calls us by our given names at times, too. My name is not easy for a toddler to say, so it's especially giggleworthy.

Here's a fun holiday question: what toys/activities did your kids enjoy at age 2ish? Obviously the answers will vary, but I'm looking for ideas. Right now DD hardly plays with toys at all--just Play-Doh, paints, books, and the computer. She has some "companion" toys as well--a few stuffed animals and some plastic frogs and Playmobil people, but I don't think she needs more of those. She isn't much on blocks/construction toys, which I think are usually a good bet.

[UUMom]

I think school can work for gifted kids if it is the right sort of school. (Unless one is totally opposed to school). We made certain choices that were financially challenging, but I think it made all the difference.

My kids are private, so I have to edit a lot. :p But I'll try to throw some thoughts out about school. One of my children is nearly a high school graduate, and he needed a lot of tweaking to his curric. He was able to stay with children near his emotional age throughout school, but his curricu was a bit different. A public school couldn't have done this for us, I don't think. From first grade to 8th, he was able to get what he needed. In 7th grade, they even added an extra advanced math class that had only 3 children in it. The other thing about this school is that he was not only 'smart kid'. There was never a sense of isolation or sadness or wrong-ness related to needing something 'more'. He was also able to see that other children had other gifts-- artistic etc.

A creative school with a broad curricula, respectful adults in all areas and grades will help.

High school is a bit different. The child is more emotionally able to handle being 'different' plus they can find their niche of friends and focus on their particular needs and take those classes. We've gotten some good- natured ribbing about being 'Brain', 'or my personal favortie, 'Ghandi' (which i think more suits him lol) , but it's in fun. We have access to AP classes and there is a program where kids can take college classes nearby. It's much easier to 'let go' at that age. At least it is easier for our family.


We were much more protective when the kids were very small.

[FreeRangeMama]

Oh my God! A Year and a Half! 100! That is REALLY something. It's amazing and hilarious and I imagine just a touch frustrating at the same time. Do you do a lot of explaining to strangers?

We are okay with it though we do have to do a lot of explaining :LOL We usually say that we named him when he was a baby, then he named himself when he was 3. He divides his memories up as "when I was Akira" and "when I was 100". We also insist that family and such refer to him by HIS chosen name. We figure its good to respect the things that are important to him and this is one of them. He used to get very upset when people called him by his "old name". Being that he is ASD people are a lot more willing to accomidate him than if he didn't have the official dx. We tend to use the dx to our advantage for people accepting his quirks. It makes him feel a lot more understood by others. So much better than before!

[Rigama]

Hi mamas.

I've never posted here before. DS is 3.5 and while he's not a "genius" he does seem to be very good with letters and sounds. I suspect he may be reading soon!

I wanted to chime in on the "names" thing. A year ago he changed his name to Corndog, I was Zucchini and DH was Soybean. I guess that lasted about four months or so before he decided he liked his real name better!

[eilonwy]

FRM! So good to 'see' you and hear that 100 is doing well. :thumb I've really missed you around here, you should definately drop in more often. :thumb

There's been lots of talk of home education lately. :D We're doing classical kindergarten this year. Both children woke me up this morning by hitting me over the head with books. :eyesroll Literally. They're cute, but they can drive me crazy.. I mean, sometimes I just want to read a book that's not about airplanes or kittens or counting or letters, kwim? A book with no pictures.... :lol

I think school can work for gifted kids if it is the right sort of school. (Unless one is totally opposed to school). We made certain choices that were financially challenging, but I think it made all the difference.

I think that this really depends on the child in question. Some gifted children will not be happy in school without major accomodations; like, accomodations on a scale that most schools aren't willing/able to deal with. I've met gifted children who were very happy with a twice a week pull-out program, and a few who were fine when they just skipped a grade or started school a bit "early;" I've met others (myself included) who felt pretty much screwed by the school system and needed a heck of a lot more than they were willing/able to provide.

Here's a fun holiday question: what toys/activities did your kids enjoy at age 2ish? Obviously the answers will vary, but I'm looking for ideas. Right now DD hardly plays with toys at all--just Play-Doh, paints, books, and the computer. She has some "companion" toys as well--a few stuffed animals and some plastic frogs and Playmobil people, but I don't think she needs more of those. She isn't much on blocks/construction toys, which I think are usually a good bet.

Hmmm... last year, BeanBean was very interested in cars, trucks, and airplanes. Mostly cars and trucks, though. Things with wheels that he could push around, you know? This year he's really into books, but last year he was more interested in things that he could manipulate.

The reason that we don't have any puzzles... well, my nieces are still using the ones that they have (for the most part) and the overwhelming majority of BeanBean's toys are hand-me-downs from them. :blush I may ask my mother to pull out some of the easier puzzles from the girls' toyboxes this year for BeanBean & BooBah. :shrug I actually love puzzles, but I am very tense about them; my compulsive tendancies come into play and I have to have a special workspace which other people cannot touch... I mean, it *freaks me out* to start on a puzzle and then come back to it and find that someone else has been working on it while I wasn't there. :nut :yikes: I also prefer puzzles with lots and lots of tiny pieces, and I've got a baby who eats puzzle pieces right now. :lol

Calidris-- I'm sorry that we're scary. We're not trying to be, honest. :innocent

Rynna, that's great about BeanBean and the swimming. My kids just learned to swim last year so I think it's great you're starting him early. My mom didn't learn how to swim until she was 12 (!) so she put me into lessons starting when I was 2 and I really enjoyed them. I bet BeanBean will be much like a fish soon! He's such a fun little guy

:lol BeanBean is already quite the fish. :thumb See, I'm a little strange, I guess. I wanted BeanBean to learn the things that he would miss by not going to daycare or kindergarten-- how to stand in line, take turns with kids who are not his sister, take instructions from someone who is not Mamma, and be part of a non-family group. :lol Rather than enrolling him in HeadStart or a K-3 program, I decided to find something for which he'd already shown apptitude and interest on his own and see if we could swing a class in that. We've been swimming all summer and he absolutely loves being in the water, so I figured that swimming would be a good place to start. The lifeguards at the pool were always stunned when we told them his age, so I had some objective input as to his aptitude, and BeanBean showed the interest all by himself so it was all good. :thumb

Anyway, we chose a class that didn't expect any new skills of BeanBean, so that he could learn the things which I wanted him to learn (you know, the stuff that kids *really* learn in school :lol) without any stress or pressure. I didn't realize how much touching was involved in swimming lessons for little kids; if I had, I certainly would have discussed that with BeanBean beforehand. Even so, he's learned quickly, built a relationship with his instructors, and is now at the point where I wouldn't feel badly about enrolling him in other classes that were available for young children. It's lovely. :thumb

He's already expressed an interest in doing more lessons. This session has three more classes, and the next sessions begin in January. I'm not sure if we'll be able to swing it then-- they're not expensive at all, but when things are tight they are very very tight and when they are bad they are horrid. :shake :eyesroll I'm thinking about asking the grandparents if they want to help out with swimming lessons in the future... We'll see what happens. I'm not going to stress about it right now, I've got to think about what I'm going to do with BooBah. :nut

That's so cool about gymnastics! I always wanted to take gymnastics and ballet as a child. Rather than saying "we can't afford that" (which was the truth) my mom would say, "You're too clumsy, you'd be horrible at that!" I argued that it was *because* I was clumsy that I needed formal instruction in these areas, but my mother would always shut down at that point (because we really couldn't afford it, but somehow it was too embarassing to say that to a six year old-- better to make her feel like it's her fault :eyesroll). Okay, so I'm still bitter. :lol What's new? :lol

BeanBean has occasionally used the name of an alter-ego, "Afoo Gafoo Lick;" it's not as different from his actual name as you might think. :lol He would call himself "Afoo Gafoo Lick" and then lick you.. but it never lasted long, and he never expected us to call him that in public. Then again, the kids have loads of names and nicknames, so it seems like we're calling them something different every few minutes. :lol

My oldest niece (8) has a "ghetto" name. She's also got dozens of nicknames-- everyone in the family literally called her something different, usually two or three different names. I called her "Usagi," "Chibi," "Usagi-Moon," "Moon-moon," and many combinations of those names, for example. Anyway, my brother came home for a visit once and heard everyone calling this poor little thing (about 18 months) by a different name. "You're going to confuse her, she's not going to know what her name is!" "Chibi-chibi!" I called, "What's your name?" "Firstname Middlename Lastname," she responded, totally unphased. :lol Noone ever called her that, but she knew who she was, no problem. She didn't change her name often, though when she was 6-7 she went through a stage of wanting to be called by her Hebrew name, and while I was homeschooling her she asked to be called "Alien" for a while, and even signed her library card "Alien Lastname." :shrug

[lckrause]

Afoo Gafoo Lick! 100! Alien! :lol Deepot Johnson seems so tame now. The "100" is really cute. I wonder if he'll stick with it, sorta like Unpronounceable Symbol nee Prince.

We've moved our "learning" to the morning for now, because I was too tired to squish it in at night. Nan's schedule is pretty crazy. She has pottery (3:30-4:30) and gymnastics (5-6) on Monday, Tuesday the kids have their swim and gym class that takes up a big chunk of the afternoon, Wednesday she has dance from 3:30-4:15, and Thursday she has dance from 4:15-6:30. She thrives on all the activity, and it's great she found something she loves, but it makes ME tired. :nut

Rynna, that stinks about your mom telling you that about dance. My mom took ballet for one season when she was around Nan's age, and after the recital my grandmother told her she "looked like a baby elephant." :eek Can you imagine?? Needless to say, my poor mom never took dance again!


Here's a fun holiday question: what toys/activities did your kids enjoy at age 2ish? Obviously the answers will vary, but I'm looking for ideas.

At that age my kids liked wooden blocks, duplos, computer learning games, paper and crayons, books, cars, and their Little Tikes slide and sandbox.


I wanted to chime in on the "names" thing. A year ago he changed his name to Corndog, I was Zucchini and DH was Soybean.

:lol That's hilarious. I wonder why he got to be the yummy carnival junkfood and you guys had to be health food. Hmmm. Welcome to the thread. :D


How do you all determine how much is enough without being too much?

Do any of you homeschool? What age did you start? Anyone just not bother and let them direct their own learning? How is it going?


My kids have never been to school, so we've been homeschooling all along. We unschooled for a long time, and it worked great for a long time, but recently it became obvious that it wasn't good for Hollis. He was basically getting all caught up in doing nothing and getting really miserable because of it. (And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING, not the unschooler's perception of what "school" people CALL "nothing," which is something along the lines of "Playing some cool game or doodling in an artistic way or spending days outside communing with nature, and thus still learning things even if they're not schooly." Hmm, I have a feeling what I just wrote makes no sense. :lol But anyway, he wasn't doing anything.) So now we've switched to a slightly more structured approach and he's back on track and happier again. :thumb With Annika, she is mellow and can either unschool or do structure and be happy.

Gotta go... the Nan is determined I won't finish my post...

[UUMom]

I think that this really depends on the child in question. Some gifted children will not be happy in school without major accomodations, like, accomodations on a scale that most schools aren't willing/able to deal with. I've met gifted children who were very happy with a twice a week pull-out program, and a few who were fine when they just skipped a grade or started school a bit "early;" I've met others (myself included) who felt pretty much screwed by the school system and needed a heck of a lot more than they were willing/able to provide.
g

I absolutely agree with that! he couldn't have attended the local the public school because of this. Pull -outs wouldn't have done anything but frustrate, imo.

No, we were able to have individual teachers give him different work as needed. Beginning in first grade, his reading list was different. Original sources, Treasure Island, fi, instead of any readers. In fact, the language arts teacher had an individual reading list for the each child in the class. They didn't have any 'reading groups'. There were only 12 children in the first grade classes.

They also opened up a whole new math class (had to pay a teacher extra) by 7th grade (dh is saying 6th, but that's not my recollection) to accomodate 3 children in the school.

We were *very* lucky. Very lucky.

ETA- which is why i say finances played a part. This was not a public school.

[Karry]

DD really loves puzzles. She was doing 100 piece puzzles at age 4. She is better at puzzles than I am, because I don't really have the patience for them.

Both dd and ds1 are in gymnastics. Ds loves gym, but dd is not as thrilled with gym right now. She is going to finish out this session and then she wants to start hip hop dance. This is the first time she has had an interest in dance, so we'll see if she likes it.

None of my kids have changed thier names, but they have named our van "Thomas" and our car "Lady" after the Thomas trains. Grandma and Grandpa's cars are "James" and "Gordon".

DD got into "trouble" yesterday at school. She was talking too much. Her teacher said that it is just been lately that she has been talking. I think her personality is starting to come out more at school now that she is feeling more comfortable. The beginning of the year she was shy, quiet and would cry. She is :blah at home, so I'm not surprised she is :blah at school as well.

I was talking to her about school vs. homeschool, and what she thought about it. She said she wanted to finish first grade, but may want to stay home for second grade. UUMom thanks for your perspective on school. I find myself constantly questioning whether or not I should be homeschooling dd.

[teachma]

Ds has never renamed himself, unless you consider his instistence upon being called the slightly skewed version of his name that his sister calls him. He now refers to himself the way she says his name, and he prefers if I do the same. I just think of it as endearing but not particularly interesting! I love 100 as a name, and I admire the persistence of keeping up with it for more than a year.

2-year old toys...ds never played with any, and dd is only still a year and a half, but she will play with ANYTHING. She is my fine-motor girl and enjoys stringing beads (big ones at this point), putting little wooden hoops on a rod, and stuff like that. She also loves anything alphabet-related. Play-doh and markers are big too, but I don't really love her using markers (for obvious reasons, at 19 months old!)

[FreeRangeMama]

There's been lots of talk of home education lately. We're doing classical kindergarten this year. Both children woke me up this morning by hitting me over the head with books. Literally. They're cute, but they can drive me crazy.. I mean, sometimes I just want to read a book that's not about airplanes or kittens or counting or letters, kwim? A book with no pictures....

My boys are really into an old encyclopedia set we inherited from my IL's :LOL We have to go through volume after volume and discuss EVERY picture. Seriously. It takes forever!! I guess that is one of the reasons I am hesitant about doing "formal" school, I worry it will just take away what precious little time we have from things they would rather be learning. I would never have thought to discuss all the different formations of crystals until we covered Volume C and came across it :LOL


He's already expressed an interest in doing more lessons. This session has three more classes, and the next sessions begin in January. I'm not sure if we'll be able to swing it then-- they're not expensive at all, but when things are tight they are very very tight and when they are bad they are horrid. I'm thinking about asking the grandparents if they want to help out with swimming lessons in the future... We'll see what happens.

We found many programs have subsidies available. We did gymnastics this fall and it has gone so well!! He has his therapist with him though and she steps in when he appears overly anxious or doesn't want to acknowledge the coaches and other kids. We have seen huge improvements in his confidence level and a reduction in his anxiety. We also do a preschool type program for parents AND children. It is one of the few programs where I can take all 3 kids (plus my neice when I have her). You should look into subsidies, often you don't hear about them until you ask. For gymnastics we didn't have to pay anything, for the other one we paid $5 for the whole family. In January I am leaning towards an art class (if we can get subsidy for it) for ds1 and parent&tot swimming for ds2 and dd (with dh too, ds1 won't get his hair wet).

[FreeRangeMama]

When ds1 was 2 he loved cars. He collects Hot Wheels. He had exactly 100 of them (can you see a pattern here :LOL) and for xmas we bought him a carrying case for them. He liked blocks (wooden blocks and mega blocks) as well. He still loves them at 4.5 years. Both boys like Little People and wooden trains. Lots of different ways to play with them.

Puzzles were good as well, my 2 yo is just getting in to them, but ds1 was a puzzle fiend by this age. He could do 100 piece puzzles and started a nifty little collection of map puzzles.

[UUMom]

second grade. UUMom thanks for your perspective on school. I find myself constantly questioning whether or not I should be homeschooling dd.

I hs 2 of my children, one an artist, and I am not an artist, and one more traditionally 'bright'.

If we had lived in a different place and I had been in a different place personally, I think hsing couldhave worked well.

But from my exp. schooled worked well for my oldest and he is a happy, balanced person.

[LeftField]

Re: homeschooling
We also homeschool and are presently doing something that resembles unschooling. It's working for us right now; ds1 is always leading us into something. I'm not sure what we'll do as they grow older. I'm open-minded to pretty much anything, whatever works best for them.

Re: 2yo gifts
At 2, my oldest was really into little cars, puzzles and Duplos. My youngest just turned 2. He pretty much likes whatever my oldest has. He doesn't seem to play with toys on his own, other than trains. If my oldest is using K'Nex, then my 2yo will sit down with him and do it. If my oldest is drawing, my 2yo will draw. I'm thinking more about this now...He'll sit down and do books, trains and Magnadoodle by himself. He's getting into puzzles as of late. He also likes to dress-up with ds1. They like to use the play kitchen together. Yeah, I think that's it. Most of their play seems to be with non-toys, like making a "big cave" out of the bedroom pillows to hide from dinosaurs. My little one is kind of hard to buy for. I guess so much depends on personality.

RE: 100
That is a very cool name. :thumb

[isisjade]

.

[Girl Named Sandoz]

Hey, everyone, we're in the new house now and just got re-connected to the Internet. Broadband will take another 2 weeks to sort out so until then I'm stuck with painfully slow dial up. Ah well. At least I can catch up. :)

I'm just re-reading Creative Homeschooling for Gifted Children (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0910707480/103-0919079-6249435?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance) (I think in the new edition the title is changed somewhat) and I'm really enjoying it and getting a lot from it. Anyone else read it?

[SleepyMamaBear]

Hi ladies, new to this thread, lead here by LeftField.
My dd is 16 months old and i think she is fabulously gifted. her vocab is over 175 words, she learns at least a new word a day, if not 5! she can sign 50 words and loves to learn a new sign a week if not two or three. she is speaking in 2,3,sometmes 4 word sentances. her favorite activity is to sit on my lap and read books :) and her second is to draw "tattoos" all over herself and whomever will let her draw on them. She has the concept of one and two down and is just starting to get the hang of one two and THREE. she knows her alphabet up to h and loves to sing at the top of her lungs. she is just now starting to really get into building things, like with blocks and lincioln logs, she isnt incredibly dexterous yet, but she loves to build just the same.
Her talents definately lay in language, and she is semi learning some spanish when i remember to work it into daily conversation with her.
We have talked to her like she is another person in our conversations since before she was born, and i think that has alot to do with her language skills. poor girl must think her family never shuts up! :)
She didnt learn to crawl til she was 9 months old and didnt walk unassisted til she was almost 14 months old so gross motor skills arent her thing, but now she walks backwards and sideways, tries to skip and hop, and LOVES to climb anything she can.
We plan on homeschooling, not completely as unstructured as hardcore unschooling, but not super structured either. she LOVES to learn, and you can almost see her little brain just soaking up all the info around her.
This morning she said "diaper is next" when i told her we had some things to do before we could go to the toy room. and she was right! changing her diaper was the next thing on our list :)
I have just read the last two pages, and i think all of your children sound so wonderful and amazing. the names some of them have chosen for themselves are fantastic! i eagerly await the day she asks me to start calling her ______ for years when i was little i begged my parents to call me "diamond in the rough" and that was before alladin the movie.
i appologize now, i am the typo and misspelling queen, and i am usually trying to read and respond to all of my subscribed threads while she naps, so i dont have enough time to spell check :)
i cant wait to get to know you all and learn about your DC's and to ramble on and on about mine.
finally a place i can go to talk about dd without being told i am a liar or an insensitive b*tch.

[Rigama]

Hi Addysmom! I just subbed to this thread yesterday, and it's amazing how much information is here!

Your DD sounds utterly delightful. I'm glad you've come here. I think it's so important for moms to have a safe place to share their children's achievements, and let's face it...the real world really isn't such a place. Sigh.

Here's a question I've been chewing on for a while. I'd love if someone could give me some input on this. Why is it that we (mothers) are supposed to be happy for the mom who's kid "finally" started walking, talking, counting to 10 or reading, but when our kids reach those same milestones we're supposed to either keep quiet or downplay their abilities. Like if someone overhears my son sounding out letters in a word and starting to put it together(he's not quite there yet, but getting close) I find myself making excuses so as not to offend the other parent! "Oh, yeah. He's always just really been into letters and sounds. But he didn't learn how to jump till he was almost 3". What is that???

Anyway, dinner won't cook itself!

Rigama

[jkpmomtoboys]

Here's a question I've been chewing on for a while. I'd love if someone could give me some input on this. Why is it that we (mothers) are supposed to be happy for the mom who's kid "finally" started walking, talking, counting to 10 or reading, but when our kids reach those same milestones we're supposed to either keep quiet or downplay their abilities. Like if someone overhears my son sounding out letters in a word and starting to put it together(he's not quite there yet, but getting close) I find myself making excuses so as not to offend the other parent! "Oh, yeah. He's always just really been into letters and sounds. But he didn't learn how to jump till he was almost 3". What is that???

You know, I have always done this and the reason I do it is so I don't hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel bad about their own kids. Moms are always in such competition with each other, and especially with first children, are so sensitive about whether their kids are doing something at the right time, I never wanted to make it seem they were behind the curve by telling what ds was doing in certain areas. It was especially true in our case because ds was so early.

I still do it, especially with measurable things like ds's reading. I will say, when asked, in generic terms that yes he's reading, but I won't go into any kind of detail. It's just not necessary. It doesn't take away from the fact that he can do it and if I can preserve another mom's feelings, that's a better way to go for me.

[loraxc]

:yeah:

But, as has been pointed out to me on this very thread, you want to be careful with the "Well, yes, she can sight-read, but look, the kid still can't go up and down stairs" (true of my child) after a point, because they are listening and they understand. It's a fine line, I think. I guess I hope that I will be able to raise my DD to appreciate the many talents of others (some of them talents that she herself does not have) while also valuing her own gifts.

Addysmama, your DD sounds a lot like my DD at 16 months (she is now 22 months and can talk your ear off). Welcome.

[SleepyMamaBear]

oh and i wanted to also say, the mom who was being blasted (and supported, thanks ladies) in the toddlers thread. well that was me.
go me!
:))
cant write much Addy woke... gotta run!

[LeftField]

Yes, I've sort of changed what I've done over time. When ds1 was my only child, I think that I gushed a bit, not because he was advanced, but because I was completely enamored as a first-time mother. I think that most people do that.

Then, I started to notice that he was different than other age-mates, but I took it negatively. Like, it bothered me that he stuck out and I wasn't sure yet why he stuck out. There was something about him even before he started acquiring skills that others didn't have. He didn't seem interested in the same things as other babies/toddlers and he didn't act like other babies/toddlers; he watched them with fascination and there was something stand-offish and mature about him. It unsettled me a bit. He didn't speak until he was 22 months, so we didn't know what he understood as early as other people might have with their kids. He started picking odd things up a few months before he spoke. Like, I was wondering where the "4" was in his number puzzle (back when I had a tidy house, ha!) and he silently returned it to me from the other room. Then, I started figuring it out, and it was kind of a relief to learn what "it" was.

Then, I stopped talking about what he did, because other people were upset by it. We've done Gymboree since he was 10 months old, to help with socialization and gross motor skills. And many people there are those comparative Moms. One time, the teacher read something about a mouse mixing paints, about yellow and red making, and he yelled out, "orange!!". One Mom was really snarky about that.

So, after I stopped talking about it, I started being apologetic about it and bringing up unrelated shortcomings of his in front of him or downplaying his talent in front of him. I did it to take the pressure off me and to also appease the insecure/worried Mom in question. And then I realized that I was being unfair to my son. He was standing right there and I was selling him short.

So, the approach I ended up with is acknowledging whatever the Mom notices about my son and saying nothing else about it. Like, "Yes, he likes to draw." I don't have to say, "Yeah, he really is great at xyz", because the Mom is pointing that out (and probably wondering if her child is Ok for not doing it). And I don't have to say, "Yeah, but he's just learned such and such or he has issues with xyz". I can just say, "Yes, he likes to do xyz".

uh oh, grouchy toddler, nak, I have to get him to bed!

[eilonwy]

Here's a question I've been chewing on for a while. I'd love if someone could give me some input on this. Why is it that we (mothers) are supposed to be happy for the mom who's kid "finally" started walking, talking, counting to 10 or reading, but when our kids reach those same milestones we're supposed to either keep quiet or downplay their abilities. Like if someone overhears my son sounding out letters in a word and starting to put it together(he's not quite there yet, but getting close) I find myself making excuses so as not to offend the other parent! "Oh, yeah. He's always just really been into letters and sounds. But he didn't learn how to jump till he was almost 3". What is that???

I usually discuss the kids only in generic ways when I'm not comfortable-- "I'm not concerned about his development," and the like. :o Every now and then I'll get comfortable and slip up, and I nearly always regret it afterwards. This happened when BooBah started to crawl around four months (she was very advanced with her gross motor skills), I was so excited that I didn't think before I posted about it. :guilty I got a response stating basically that just because your kid does something really early doesn't mean that they're really special, :blah :blah :blah that just about left me in tears. As a result, when she started walking at 9.5 months, I didn't post about it until after several other parents in the DDC had shared that their babies were walking. :guilty It wasn't about her being the first to crawl, I was just excited that my baby had learned something new and cool and was pleased with herself but apparently it wasn't taken that way and I felt just awful, instead of just enjoying the new thing that my BooBah had accomplished.

At any rate: I too would advise strongly against playing your child's weaknesses up in public as a means of justifying her giftedness or somehow levelling the playing field. My mom used to do this all the time and it always left me feeling absolutely worthless (of course, it didn't help me to see that she didn't value intellect as much as school performance... but I digress) and miserable. I'm still pissed off about it! Every child has strengths and weaknesses, but pretending that my child can't do the things that they can do, or that it's somehow fair that my kid can swim because he still needs to be reminded to use the toilet doesn't do anything to help the gifted child or the average child being compared to him, kwim?

In real life, I have very few people comment (to my face) on the things that my kids can do. We get occasional stares, but the comments are rare and, for the most part, positive. I tend to follow those comments with conversation-ending statements: "Yes, she can do that, she really enjoys it." If that doesn't end the conversation, the phrase, "I'm not concerned about his _____ development" usually does it. ;) I also avoid discussions of any kind with parents who have their children present-- I just think that's so freaking cruel to the kids, you know?

[lckrause]

I got tons of comments about my kids when they were babies. I'm a naturally reserved person (typical New Englander ;)) so I certainly wasn't out there talking up my kids. But when a 12 month old is LOUDLY identifying letters everywhere you take him, and when an 8 month old who's about the size of a 6 month old is walking and climbing steps/ladders at the playground, people are gonna notice and comment, you know? In cases like that it is not a matter of being "sensitive" to other parents--what was I going to do, tell my kids not to talk or walk? So I started saying stuff like "Yes, he knows letters, but he can't even walk yet!" or "She walks but she still can't clap or repeat sounds." It didn't really help because people would still gape, or look at me really skeptically like I just got off the white van, plus I would feel bad afterwards for talking down my kids.

After a while (maybe 2 years), I found that a better approach was, "Yes, he loves numbers and letters. I notice that your son is good at ______." It defuses the situation most of the time. It's hard to get all snarky on someone when they are saying nice things about your kid. :lol Of course some people will still be obnoxious no matter how you compliment their kids, change topics, mumble, or deflect, which is why I ended up telling a couple people that I kept Hollis in a closet and fed workbooks through a hole in the door.

One thing I have found is that since I moved back to New England (from Southern California), I get a lot fewer comments and most of the ones I do get are positive. I think in the area we lived, people were a lot more competitive than they are here. I can't imagine anyone here saying something like "Well, you MUST use SOME kind of program to get him to learn those things" or "Look Johnny! That kid knows his letters. When are YOU going to learn them?" but we got those types of comments fairly often in California.

Or maybe I just hate CA so much that I want to blame all bad things on its existence. ;)

[LeftField]

This happened when BooBah started to crawl around four months (she was very advanced with her gross motor skills), I was so excited that I didn't think before I posted about it. :guilty I got a response stating basically that just because your kid does something really early doesn't mean that they're really special, :blah :blah :blah that just about left me in tears.

Yeah, people are pretty quick to knock you back down, aren't they? You talk all you want as long as most other kids are already doing it. But happily say, "My child is crawling!" or "He counted!" and people really want to tell you ad nauseum that your kid isn't all that special, lest you dare thought he was. People can totally infer all kinds of weird things from, "He counted!" and basically say that you need to feel less happy about it because their kids are special too (huh? who said they weren't??). It gets pretty weird. I'm sorry that happened to you. :hug

And you know, they start going on about how you shouldn't compare children, when who is really comparing children? (they are). And you shouldn't show any pleasure in your child's accomplishments, because it turns into pressure that leads to burn-out and self-hatred. Ugh..who is creating pressure? The Mom who is happy for her kid? The Mom who is paranoid about what other kids are doing and paying lots and lots of attention to those who do things before their own child? Total hypocrisy. It annoys me.

:hug again.

[eilonwy]

Of course some people will still be obnoxious no matter how you compliment their kids, change topics, mumble, or deflect, which is why I ended up telling a couple people that I kept Hollis in a closet and fed workbooks through a hole in the door.

:yikes: :lol That sounds so horrible... but I can't help :laugh: laughing! :rotflmao :blush :lol

One thing I have found is that since I moved back to New England (from Southern California), I get a lot fewer comments and most of the ones I do get are positive. I think in the area we lived, people were a lot more competitive than they are here. I can't imagine anyone here saying something like "Well, you MUST use SOME kind of program to get him to learn those things" or "Look Johnny! That kid knows his letters. When are YOU going to learn them?" but we got those types of comments fairly often in California.

Or maybe I just hate CA so much that I want to blame all bad things on its existence. ;)

Maybe that's why I don't hear too many comments; we're in PA. :lol I think that it's probably got a lot to do with the fact that there are sooooo many home educators around here, though. People who keep their kids out of school are more likely to fully understand the idea that all children learn at different rates. :thumb

[lckrause]

:yikes: :lol That sounds so horrible... but I can't help :laugh: laughing! :rotflmao :blush :lol

:o Of course I would never recommend saying something that rude... but in extreme cases of being badgered by people who insist you must be hothousing your child... it shuts them up. :mischief



Maybe that's why I don't hear too many comments; we're in PA.

You know, for many months I labored (posted?) under the delusion that you lived in Oregon. I have no idea where I got that notion from. :shrug It's just within the last month or so that I figured out you were in PA. :duh

[FreeRangeMama]

I was very oblivious about "normal" child development with my first. At 6 months people would politely ask me what he was doing and I would say "Oh, he just learned what an octagon is, so now he knows most of his shapes and colors". At 8 months I mentioned how he could recognize his name when it was written down and someone actually rolled their eyes at me :LOL I had NO IDEA that this wasn't typical. One day we were shopping at a thrift store and I found a shape sorter. He was about 13 months. I was blabbing on and on to ds trying to keep him occupied while I looked through the books and I was saying, "which one is the circle" and he would find the circle and put it in the sorter (he had been doing this for about 5 months already). A woman stopped me and asked how old he was and when I told her she went on and on to me, her husband, and everyone nearby how amazing it was. She asked what else he knew and I told her how he knew his alphabet and could count to 13 and blah blah blah. She gushed so much it was kind of embarrassing. We had a few store incidents like that one (though never that extreme) before I started figuring out that maybe he was advanced. It sure helped to solve the mystery of why we were so unpopular with the other families from our childbirth class. I just thought they were incredibly competitive or something.

When ds1 could do way more than his bright little friend (who was more than a year older) we learned some of the harder lessons about what to share with others and what to keep to ourselves. We have lost friends over his "quirks". It still is hard when there are family get togethers and he is doing more than his oldest cousin or when we are out in social situations and he is happily occupied telling me all about Paris or China when his peers are fighting over a toy. Because he has so many social difficulties anyway we try to find commonalities. Things like, "your dc seems to like trains, so does mine." He seems enough like an outsider as it is, and people automatically assume that when you say something positive about YOUR child it is automatically at the expense of THEIR child.

It has been easier with the 2nd, we knew more about what to share and when. He was more physically advanced than ds1 (early crawler and walker) and much more verbal. He is so different than his brother and his behaviours seem more socially "acceptable" or something. He doesn't share his musical/artistic abilities with people outside the family either, so it isn't so noticable.

No one cares about the 3rd child :LOL I swear some people don't even realize she is born yet (she is almost 7 months). They just are oblivious so it is easy to avoid comparisons and such.

[FreeRangeMama]

Wow, so much for just popping in. I come and just :blah :blah :blah :blah :blah :blah

Oops :blush

[eilonwy]

You know, for many months I labored (posted?) under the delusion that you lived in Oregon. I have no idea where I got that notion from. :shrug It's just within the last month or so that I figured out you were in PA. :duh

:lol That's pretty funny. Where'd you get that idea? :shy

I was very oblivious about "normal" child development with my first. At 6 months people would politely ask me what he was doing and I would say "Oh, he just learned what an octagon is, so now he knows most of his shapes and colors".

I was almost this oblivious before my niece was born. I seriously thought that there was something wrong with her because she didn't speak in complete, easily understandable sentences before she was a year old. :o The fact is, she actually spoke quite early, demonstrated a sense of humor at 3.5 months (verbally!) and talked like a miniature person around 14-16 months. I did a lot of research on normal child development when she was tiny though, lemme tell you! :lol I honestly believed that she was *slow*, my perception of "normal" was that skewed. :blush It embarasses me now to think about it! :bag:

[isisjade]

Ok,

[eilonwy]

Don't let that phase you. I get comments like that online all the time, but as long as they're not right here in my face... well, I'm not going to go and look for them.

There will always be insecure people, people who "don't want to hang labels on their kids" and people who are truly proud that they can't remember/didn't write down when their child first crawled/walked/talked/got teeth/learned to read whatever. Personally, I would consider *not* being aware of what your child is doing/able to do tantamount to neglect; I can't understand deliberately being that out-of-touch with your own child. :shrug

It's true that there are a lot of very young children on this thread. I don't think it's deliberate, it just seems to me that the kids are more "different" at this age-- they stand out more. Nobody is going to look at your 6 year old like she's grown an extra head when she recognizes letters in public, but when a 16 month old does it everyone stares at the child and her mother like they've lost their minds. When a 4 or 5 year old child talks like a little person, everyone expects it, but when a brand-new 2 year old (or younger) child does, strangers walk up to the child and ask how premature he was, and why he's still so tiny. :irked:

We're not deliberately excluding people with older children, either; Lisa's still here, after all. :D I can understand why someone might have that impression, because most of the active posters here have children who are under 5, but it's not what we're trying to do; if people with older children choose to exclude themselves, there's nothing that we can do to change that here. Many of us don't feel as though we're in any position to offer advice or even encouragement to parents of older children because we've never been there and have limited/no real-life experience with older gifted children than our own. Some of us remember being gifted children/teens ourselves, and feel a bit more confident about some things, but in other cases feel that being the parent of an older gifted child will bring different challenges than being an older gifted child herself, so we still don't feel qualified to offer advice. That's okay-- we can all offer support to one another anyway (and we have, and will continue to do so).

Is there a lot of bragging in this thread? Hell yes! Why? Because we don't have any other safe place to go. How many of us have family members who are saying/implying that there's something wrong with our kids? How many of us have friends who are helpful and supportive of our babies who are desperate to read, or our easily overwhelmed 4-year olds? How many of us don't even feel safe discussing what our babies have accomplished in other threads on this very forum because we've been attacked for it in the past-- just for stating the truth, out of the normal excitment of parenting that everyone feels? It's like I said before-- if someone posts about their profoundly disabled child who says "I love you" for the first time when he's twelve years old, it brings tears to everyone's eyes, and we all want to congratulate the parents and share in that beauty, the wonder of accomplishment... but if a child says "I love you" at 4 months, rather than "That's wonderful, he must be so pleased with himself, you must be so happy" the response is always along the lines of "That doesn't mean that your child is special!" or "It's just a reflex-- he can't really talk/doesn't know what it means" or "Stop pushing your child, just let him be a baby."

There are very few people around who seem to be able to just relax and enjoy a very young child's accomplishments, particularly if they are far in advance of average. I'm sorry, but that's :censored up. :shrug I don't think that there's anything wrong with being amazed or impressed by you child and what they can do, regardless of when they do things. We don't walk around screaming "MY BABY IS BETTER THAN YOURS!!! YOUR BABY IS NOT SPECIAL, MINE IS!" by any stretch of the imagination; all we want is recognition that our babies are *just as* special as yours are. The fact that a child talks in sentences like a little person at 15 months doesn't make them any less special than a child who doesn't speak until they're three or eight. It doesn't make *your* child any less special, either. So get over it! If you've got an inferiority complex about your child... well, "noone can make you feel inferior without your permission."

[Girl Named Sandoz]

I enjoy "talking" with all the people here, but I really think I'd prefer to do it without a critical audience, as this is what many of us are trying to escape in the first place.

It's not that I want leave permanently, but I feel the more I'm here the more I reveal about my son. And it bothers me to think that this is a group of people supporting each other with a silent critical audience. I also found the quotes above to be inaccurate to the threads overall, but whatever. I have really thin skin.

I feel the same way. It's also the reason why I am conscious of trying to not talk in detail about my son's development here, and tend to just read more.

[lckrause]

:bigeyes I had no idea we had an "audience," let alone a critical one. I suppose I should have guessed by the number of views--it can't all be the seven of us who actually post here. I wonder why people read here if it bothers them so much. And hey, my kids aren't babies, they're almost 10 and 8! You hear that, lurkers?! :lol

Seriously, I thought it was "illegal" or something on MDC to talk about another thread in a negative way. The Atheist Moms thread got moved and then shut down a while ago just for mentioning religion (not even a specific thread). Hrm.


That's pretty funny. Where'd you get that idea?


I think it was because you've said stuff about not having to attend school until age 8, and I thought those were the rules in Oregon, although now that I think about it, maybe that's Washington. :nut Also, maybe just because you are so cool, and I have this notion that people from Oregon are cool. Welcome to the inner workings of my twisted mind. :lol


It sure helped to solve the mystery of why we were so unpopular with the other families from our childbirth class. I just thought they were incredibly competitive or something.


:hug I had a similar thing happen at the gymboree-type place I took Hollis to when he was a baby. It's funny, now that he's older, people just think it's cool (well, usually). Sometimes I wonder why people aren't more mellow about gifted babies/toddlers than they are about older kids--I mean, with an advanced baby, you could tell yourself that things will "even out," but with an advanced nine year old, you pretty much have to accept that your kids are not going to "catch up" to him or whatever. I don't know why people get so freaked our by comparing, anyway. I mean, Nan didn't do most of the stuff Hollis did, and I wasn't like "Oooooh no, I am really uncomfortable with the comparison! Aiieee!" At that point (when they were little) I was just glad I didn't have TWO of them. :lol Of course, she has challenges in other ways, but I've never wished she were any different.

[teachma]

It's funny, now that he's older, people just think it's cool (well, usually). Sometimes I wonder why people aren't more mellow about gifted babies/toddlers than they are about older kids--I mean, with an advanced baby, you could tell yourself that things will "even out," but with an advanced nine year old, you pretty much have to accept that your kids are not going to "catch up" to him or whatever.

My guess is that parents sometimes worry about their babies and lack the confidence that everything will really turn out just fine if they perceive any kind of weakness or an area in which their child seems "behind" his or her same aged peers. By the time most average kids are 7 and 8, they are reading, speaking just fine, etc. and that might be enough affirmation that they're on the right track in terms of developing toward a functioning adult. Everything is a lot less certain with babies and toddlers, particularly (I would imagine) for inexperienced and insecure parents.

[ChristaN]

It's true that there are a lot of very young children on this thread. I don't think it's deliberate, it just seems to me that the kids are more "different" at this age-- they stand out more. Nobody is going to look at your 6 year old like she's grown an extra head when she recognizes letters in public, but when a 16 month old does it everyone stares at the child and her mother like they've lost their minds. When a 4 or 5 year old child talks like a little person, everyone expects it, but when a brand-new 2 year old (or younger) child does, strangers walk up to the child and ask how premature he was, and why he's still so tiny. :irked:

See, and I've had almost the opposite experience. I guess that we didn't socialize enough with other parents of young children when my dds were babies and I, like another poster, just didn't think that what they were doing was unusual. People who told me that 1 year olds couldn't know colors, I just thought were fools, but I didn't run into them often enough to be bothered by it. Yes, both of my dd said their first words by 6 months (and my little one said 5 words by that age), but that's just what my girls do and I wasn't comparing them to other babies at that age.

We have run into problems since my girls started school b/c the competition amongst other parents has jumped to a new high. Just what my kids are doing academically has caused people to accuse me of being competitive and I'm not the one quizzing other people's kids on "what level" they can read nor trying to convince people that my 6.5 y/o kindergartener is reading at a third grade level and is a genius b/c she can read level 9 books (DRA reader).

We have run into being ostrocized now that my girls are older b/c other parents are so desperate to inflate what their kids are doing so that they will appear as academically advanced as dd. It seems that they believe that it is a reflection in their parenting if their kids are 'advanced.' I have never, never, never pointed out to these parents that they are misinterpreting their children's reading abilities (reading seems to be a real hot topic) and that a third grade level would be level 30, not 9 even though I know it. I just say something like, "that's great" and then I get accused of not gushing enough about how bright the child is and being jealous!

Yes, I've been hurt by this. I have to keep my mouth shut and pretend that these other kids are just the same as dd to avoid hurting the other parents' feelings. You know what, if their kids were doing the same things academically, that would be fine too, but then they'd also have to see what comes along with this gift: an intense, vivid way of experiencing life that makes my dd at risk as much as a child who is special needs in other areas. I am worried about dd's giftedness not b/c I want to brag that she is smarter or better, but b/c I worry about her being depressed. I worry about her being overwhelmed by her senses. I worry about losing my little girl b/c I can look at her and see myself 25 years ago and I remember so clearly how much it hurt to experience life the way she does without the life experience to give you perspective on your emotions. I spent my childhood depressed and my teen years with an eating disorder and attempting suicide.

While my younger dd is also "gifted" in an academic sense, she does not have the emotional overexcitabilty of dd1. I don't worry so much about her nor do I post as much about her here. My older one is the one who has difficulty with her gifts and I, as her mom, am only trying to figure out what I can do to help my baby (she's 7, but she's my baby) wade through the mixed blessing with which she was born.

[LeftField]

My guess is that parents sometimes worry about their babies and lack the confidence that everything will really turn out just fine if they perceive any kind of weakness or an area in which their child seems "behind" his or her same aged peers. By the time most average kids are 7 and 8, they are reading, speaking just fine, etc. and that might be enough affirmation that they're on the right track in terms of developing toward a functioning adult. Everything is a lot less certain with babies and toddlers, particularly (I would imagine) for inexperienced and insecure parents.

I agree with this and also, I think that by the time the kids are older, their individual talents and interests really come out. I mean, at 1, there are a limited number of things they tend to do. But at 10, some do sports, others like gaming, some like to build things, some are interested in cars, etc. So, there's so much diversity of interest that you can't directly compare. So the other parents feel better about that.

[teachma]

We have run into problems since my girls started school b/c the competition amongst other parents has jumped to a new high. Just what my kids are doing academically has caused people to accuse me of being competitive and I'm not the one quizzing other people's kids on "what level" they can read nor trying to convince people that my 6.5 y/o kindergartener is reading at a third grade level and is a genius b/c she can read level 9 books (DRA reader).


Uugghh! How terrible. As a teacher of young kids, I guess I should've expected that this will probably come along for us at some point, too. I think as a working parent, I am lucky in one way- I don't get involved in the whole parent culture of ds's school. That frees me from overhearing the parents' comments while they volunteer in the library, classroom, and cafeteria. Also, ds's teacher this year is really downplaying the academics (yet still offering plenty to inspire the kids in her class) in favor for the social, which is the aspect of school where ds stands to actually learn a lot! I think because the teacher is not emphasizing academic achievement with the parents, this might trickle down and make the parents less focused on it, too. I am, however, privvy to the same types of remarks by my own students' parents, but that more or less rolls right off my back after 9 years in the field...

[eilonwy]

Seriously, I thought it was "illegal" or something on MDC to talk about another thread in a negative way. The Atheist Moms thread got moved and then shut down a while ago just for mentioning religion (not even a specific thread). Hrm.

I do believe that it's a violation of the user agreement... but of course, it won't get caught unless someone reports the post/s in question.

I think it was because you've said stuff about not having to attend school until age 8, and I thought those were the rules in Oregon, although now that I think about it, maybe that's Washington. :nut Also, maybe just because you are so cool, and I have this notion that people from Oregon are cool. Welcome to the inner workings of my twisted mind. :lol

:lol I've visited Oregon, and it is a pretty cool place (well, the little that I've seen of it!) It seemed very crunchy and laid back, on the whole. :lol No, I'm from a really tense, hyperChristian area of PA. I'm a total freak in some ways, but very normal in others... there are lots of sling-wearers, for example, but by the time those kids are 4 or 5 they're usually busy having their sinful natures broken down so that they can learn obediance. :irked:

Sometimes I wonder why people aren't more mellow about gifted babies/toddlers than they are about older kids--I mean, with an advanced baby, you could tell yourself that things will "even out," but with an advanced nine year old, you pretty much have to accept that your kids are not going to "catch up" to him or whatever.

That's right-- your kids are past the magical "third grade age," and we all know that all kids even out by the time they're in third grade. I think that the problem comes from the public school system, which, by refusing to even test for most gifted programs before children are in the third grade is essentially teaching people that it's not possible for children to actually *be* gifted before they get to third grade. :eyesroll Even people who think that they've liberated themselves from the public school mentality will say things like "It's not possible to tell whether or not a child is gifted before third grade." You know, statements that are just patently false and absolutely ridiculous.

Here's what I love about it all: In recent years, it has been acknowledged that things like Asperger's Syndrome and SID and developmental delays of every sort don't just magically occur when a child is 5/6/7 years old. People have learned that as young as 3 or 4 months there are signs of these disorders on the horizon; even younger in some cases. Early Intervention exists because we now know for sure and certain that a) parents, mothers in particular, are going to see the signs that something is wrong with their children long before any school professionals are likely to lay eyes on them and b) if accomodations are made fr