Bribing/rewarding vs. explaining the positive consequences

[SpiralWoman]

hi all,
I am a GD'er & I've been lurking quite a bit here lately trying to pick up some hints & start some good GD habits while DS is young. Right now I am reading (very slowly, like 1 page a nite, lol) Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso.

I have really picked up on the ways that we try to get our 2 yr old (26 mo) to cooperate with us. Especially I note DH ( it may just be that I can't observe myself as well as I can observe him) offering rewards for following instructions. As in: "Let's get buckled in your car seat & then we can play with the new toy."

We talked about it last nite trying to figure out what we can do differently. I came up with if we just said it like this: "Please sit in your car seat so we can buckle you up. You have to be buckled before we can get going & once we are going we can play." Is that any different? The reality of the situation was that we just could not sit there in the car & play. We had to get driving. (It was 97 degrees out & the A/C was not going to really cool down until we started moving)

It is very intersting with a young toddler trying to draw the line between distraction (basically sneaking) to get them to do what you want/need & really explaining to them what is going on & what they need to do. Sometimes the direct approach works & sometimes it doesn't. And then sometimes it is ok to go with his flow & just allow him to set the pace, sometimes it is important to move forward with the families priorities. Does that make any sense?

thanks for any ideas/discussion,
Maria

[johub]

I think that explaining the chronology of things happenning, even if a more desirable thing comes after a less desireable thing is not the same as bribing or rewards.
For example. We eat dinner after hands are washed. But dinner is not a reward for washing our hands. It is just the natural state of affairs that dinner comes after washing hands.
The car can take us to grandmas (and you can play with your special "car ride" toys) only after we are all safely buckled in.
Playing with your toy during a car ride is no more a reward for getting buckled in than going to bed is a punishment for brushing your teeth.

I think that helping your child look forward to what is coming next is not rewarding them for good behavior. It might speed up their cooperation. But they would still get to the next phase (toy in the car, visit at grandmas, dinner etc. . .) if they did not cooperate as willingly.

Joline

[cmb123]

I
I think that helping your child look forward to what is coming next is not rewarding them for good behavior. It might speed up their cooperation. But they would still get to the next phase (toy in the car, visit at grandmas, dinner etc. . .) if they did not cooperate as willingly.



ITA..it's not like you're saying "if you buckle up I'll go buy you a new toy" :wink

[johub]

LOL,
I actually almost put that EXACT example in my post. But decided I was long winded enough!
Joline

[SpiralWoman]

thanks guys. that's exactly the kind of input I was looking for!