Afraid of being selfish!

[Blissful Bee]

:notes: Sorry so long...


Okay, I have had 3 c-sections and now I am thinking about a homebirth with our fourth. Im worried about my baby though. My first two children have special needs. My first cesarean was necessary after a dry womb (water broke three days prior) and no dialation even with WAY too much pitocin, and a lot of seaweed. My second was an emergency. We knew he was special needs and that we were looking at some serious issues, but his head size (beyond off the charts, ventriculomegaly etc...) and his heart rate seriously dropping, (they all but tackled me in the bathroom when it became extrememly scary). This c-sec was by a Dr. with an excellent record for LOW c-section rates. She was helping me with the VBAC but she said it was very necessary to help Gavin. My third was elective, which sounds like, well whatever it sounds like, but it wasnt an easy decision, it wasnt scheduled as my Dr and I agreed it was best to wait until the baby was ready and a little labor. She also has the head issues and the ventriculomegaly, but no where near the same extent that my middle child does.

Anyway, with that background, I still have the desire to have the peaceful fulfilling homebirth that most women dream of, however I am really struggling with a feeling that it would be selfish or irresponsible of me to justify potentially putting the baby at risk so I can have this experience. I know there arent going to be many Dr.s if any (my old one would, but we moved across country) who will allow me to have a VBA3C in a hospital, so it seems homebirth is the only real option, however I am nervous about the potential danger for my unique situation.

Any thoughts on this, Im not really looking for the go for it, or the Are you nuts, as much as info and thoughts that might help me to decide either way what is best for my family.

Also, I did just join ICAN and will be reading along there.

Thank you all!!!

[crunchymomof2]

Will they be able to tell if your baby was going to have special needs? If so maybe you can wait until you have an u/s or something to see. It's not selfish to want to have a vaginal birth. I would suggest that you do alot of reading and soul searching and see what decision seems the best for you and your babe.

[NoraB]

It is not at all selfish to want to have a natural, peaceful, vaginal birth. That is usually what's best for baby too.

HUGS as you make your journey.

[Blissful Bee]

thank you gals! I am going to have to really think it through. I do like the idea of determining my babies health and then coming to a choice on our birth plan. I am thinking I may go to an OB and a midwife, ir the helath is determined ot be fine then I can make a decision without the fear and the sense that I am being somehow irresponsible. Then to only get my dh on board!!! :-0

[JanetF]

You're not being selfish to want the best care for pregnant women and babies. Even the World Health Organisation says home is the right place for most women to birth. Sounds like you can use the technology wisely to assess whether or not your baby has special needs and then decide. You're right about VBA3C being an impossible dream in a hospital. And you're also free to choose a method of pregnancy care and birth support that treats you as a whole woman, not a series of scars. Whatever this journey throws up for you, you are going to be a whole lot more empowered by the knowledge you gain :hug

[Blissful Bee]

Whatever this journey throws up for you, you are going to be a whole lot more empowered by the knowledge you gain :hug



thank you Janet! I think your right. I have never had any real regret for my birth stories, I have been blessed with these amazing children and I have kept their health at the forefront of my mind. I just want to know that I have really investigated my options and that I am again making the best choice for my baby and myself. I do have a fantasy of at least having a beautiful and spiritual cesarean. LOL That sounds like a contradicition, but I think that if just a few things were different, I could really feel good about it, if it does become the best choice for us. I was very lucky to have a wonderful doctor in VA who really went out of her way to support our wishes, to the extent of fighting for us in the actual operating room. I so appreciated her and wish I had her here in NM. I think the thought of trying to get an OB to understand our journey and respect our wishes will be so stressful and ultimately unsatisfying. But Im hoping that if it does bcome the path we have to take, that I can find that "someone".

My husband is VERY uncomfortable with the idea of a HBA3Cs. I respect that, as I know how afraid he was for me and the baby through a few of the instances that occured in our previous deliveries. He wants us to really try for the VBA3C in a hospital or birthing center. Heres trying!!! :1praying:

[crunchymomof2]

Do your research and if a homebirth is possible then maybe he will come around. See if he will go meet with a homebirth midwife with you. Sometimes that makes all the difference. I hope you get the spiritual experience that you want. :)

[altarflame]

I'm planning a vba3c in a birth center very near a large teaching hospital, with an AWESOME midwife. I went without prenatal care for the first 17 weeks of nonstop calls and visits, and as it turns out I have to drive over an hour each way for every visit. But, it's worth it for me. I have never even gone into labor, so I really felt I needed knowledgeable support *that wouldn't* undermine my decision to birth naturally. Perhaps if you start looking around, you could find a similar situation. I originally had another midwife at a different hospital willing to take me on, but then she got pregnant and had to have her partner on back-up, and the partner wasn't comfortable with me.

The special needs part - that does complicate things. I don't know what to say about it beyond, hopefully you can know through ultrasound ahead of time whether the baby is having complications, and make your decisions from there. Ignoring a situation that necessitated major medical interventions for your other children, WOULD be selfish, in my oppinion...but hoping for the best in a new pregnancy with a (hopefully) normal fetus is not, at all. That's just mho, of course.

hth

[Blissful Bee]

Thanks Tina,
I agree, I believe we will do shadow care for a while until we can determine how this pregnancy and baby are doing. I think that will relieve a lot of the concern my husband is having and help me to feel more confident and secure that Im doing something that would potentially endanger my baby.