Siblings argh!!!!!

[Eman'smom]

Anyone want a child, either one you choose. I can't handle them both anymore.

Ds is 4.5 very high strung and sensitive. Dd is 23 months and thinks it is her mission in life to bother him. Seriously she will do things just to make him cry, and then laugh about it and keep doing it.

I am at a loss I'm not sure what to do, dd is always trying to tourture him, and the coping skills I'm trying to give ds just aren't working (walk away, sing back to her, plug your ears......)


I am aware that dd is 2 and these are normal behaviors however ds isn't an adult and can't handle it. It doesn't help that she will try to hug him and turn around and bite him instead. Again I know it's normal and try to forsee and prevent these problems but still he freaks way more than he should.


Like I said he is incredibly sensitive like today he had a total meltdown because he was talking and then she starting talking, then he can't calm down and of couse she thinks it's great and it all spirals out of control.


I need help. What am I doing wrong?

[Jules411]

I'm going to toss out a few suggestions that I used in my preschool classroom. These are just some things to try. I have a 3.5 y/o and a 2 y/o, so I know about the conflict that arises between siblings. They can play great together, then be screaming at each other.

This is more for your ds since he is sensitive and is having trouble coping with the conflict: make a list with him of what he can do when his sister is bothering him/to calm himself such as walk away, go read a book, draw, use play dough or a "sensory bottle" which is a plastic water or pop bottle filled with half colored water and half baby oil, sealed well that he can shake and watch the water settle, (outlets other than screaming). Make a book or chart that he can reference with the words and pictures of the ideas (you or he can draw or find graphics on the computer). When a conflict arises, you can hand him his book of ideas for him to choose how he is going to handle.

Actually you can make a list/chart for dd of things she can play which you direct her to when she starts bothering brother. You can tell her it seems like she needs help finding something to do.

Another idea is just sitting down with your ds and asking him what he thinks will help solve the problem. State what you see happening and how you can help by helping dd find something to play, but you need to know what he thinks he can do to help himself or what things he can play with her.

Is the fighting all day or at certain times? (I know here it is worst when I am trying to fix dinner) If it is certain times, look at how you can maybe restructure that time where maybe you can spend time with them together or read to dd while ds is busy playing.

HTH...sorry not much, but maybe you'll find something worth trying. I know it is hard!!

[gngnmommy]

Firstly, you aren't doing anything wrong. If you are, we all are, and that just can't be. I don't have any advice, other than maybe to help ds see that his sister is trying to connect with him. Maybe he could look her in the eyes and say "hi" when he sees her coming? Something like that might put him in the lead, and possibly it would diffuse her toddler size attacks a bit?

I came here looking for some advice on the sibling issue as well, so you're not alone, if that helps at all. My ds is 5 and my dd is 2, and getting into everything he does. Today at the beach dd crushed ds's sandcastle and ds had such a screaming tantrum! I tried to help him calm down, but it didn't work, I took him to the car and when I went back for our blanket and toys, he climbed out of the window and ON TOP OF MY CAR! Screaminig the whole time! I still can't believe it, because he used to be pretty calm. I guess it's the two year old sister always in his face.....

Peace and good luck!