DD giving herself timeouts

[bethwl]

Yesterday, my just-turned-two-year-old daughter gave herself a timeout. Here's how it went: We were about fifteen minutes away from eating dinner and she said she wanted crackers. We said "No, we're going to eat dinner very soon, honey. If you want milk or water in a cup, you can have that." She demanded milk in a bowl, cereal, more crackers, batted away our hands when we offered cups of milk or water and generally worked herself into a tizzy. She tends not to eat well, so we are really trying to not let her snack right before meals since she often will fill up on a few measly crackers and then not eat anything at dinner. She we held firm and gently explained that dinner was coming, tried to make it sound enticing ("Oh, mashed potatoes are so good!"), but she had a meltdown for about 5 minutes. Then she suddenly wailed "I want a timeout." I have never given her one. I didn't even understand her at first, but then I did and said "you want a timeout?" She said "Yes" then got her blankie and walked over to the chair, climbed in and sat there quietly sucking her thumb for a few minutes and sighing contentedly. It was so bizarre. It reminded me of the way I feel after having a good cry. Then today she laid down on the floor with her blankie while we were cooking dinner again and said "I'm having a timeout."

Where on earth is this coming from? Our neighbors do timeouts with their kids and we spend a lot of time over there, so maybe she hears the parents saying that and the kids have received timeouts in front of us. DH speculated that she noticed that they were upset and that then they went inside for a few minutes and came back calm and so wanted to do the same thing to calm herself. Isn't that a big logical leap for a 2-year-old?

I don't know what I think of this. It struck us as very funny at first. Then I felt bad without knowing why. Then I thought maybe it's good, it shows she knows when she is feeling out of control and knows how to just take a break and breathe and relax.

Has anyone else ever heard of this?

[llp34]

My son does this ! He is 28 months old. I do my best to keep timeouts positive, not a punishment, just a break to regain control of himself. Soon after I started using them, he started putting himself in timeout once in a while. It's like he feels himself start to lose it and says "I need a timeout", and we go sit together, or he sits while I do something nearby.

But sometimes, instead of saying what he wants, he starts to fake a meltdown quite dramatically, or does something totally against our few rules (like suddenly throwing a toy at me)...I say whoa ! Do you need a time out ? (not a threat, just a question), and he immediately stops and says "yeah !" I tell him he can always take a timeout when he needs one, he doesn't have to do anything special first.

He also has a friend from next door who comes over to play. One day both boys were taking turns antagonizing each other and squabbling over toys. Suddenly it was quiet. My neighbor and I peeked around the corner and the other boy was sitting in a little chair. My son put him in time out ! He said "Joey needs a time out" - LOL ! They sat there and smiled at each other, then got up and played really nicely together :)

It seems like a positive thing to me, that he has learned a way to calm himself down instead of losing it or depending on me to enforce the calming down. I think I should follow his example and put myself in time out more often !

Linda B

[maya44]

My middle DD "needs to be alone" when she is feeling badly about something.

she will go to her room and shut her door and emerge 5 to 20 minutes later in a totally good mood.

I think that you have to respect that some people are really much happier knowing that they can get over something on their own!

[laura163]

If you really want to surprise you kids, tell them YOU need a time out. Once day the boys were giving me a lot of trouble and I told them I was going on the front porch for a time out. My oldest son couldn't stop talking about it and laughing!

[wildmonkeys]

My kids do this --- they don't call it a timeout, but my older ds says "I need a minute to relax"

I would be very proud of your dd for figuring out a way to take care of her feelings :thumb

She probably did pick the name up from the neighbors...my kids are always talking about "binkies" even though they never used them and dh & I always called them pacifiers because we have some neighbors who are REALLY into their "binks"

BJ
Barney & Ben

[bethwl]

Yeah, I'm thinking it is a good thing, that it just means she knows when to take a moment to compose herself. I guess I was taken aback by the name "timeout" at first since we don't use that term. But if she wants to go sit by herself to relax--great! And I'm happy to take timeouts with her, too. If she wants me to sit with her, I will, if she wants to be alone, that's fine, too.

I actually have said "Mommy needs a break" and walked to another room for a minute. It seems to upset her. She only wants me to leave her on her terms.

[carrietorgc]

my dd has done that - we don't do timeouts, but do give her "breaks" if she is having trouble playing nicely/gently with us and explain that she needs a break until she is ready to play nice. lol, the break doesn't last very long, and we allow her to decide when it is over.

anyway, today she was tugging on her 1 wk old brother's arm too hard and we intervened, reminding her to be gentle, etc. she told us that she needed a break, went into the other room, and then came back a minute later and said she was ready to play nice! i thought it was pretty funny.

i think it is great that your dd knows when she needs to recharge and regroup :)

[IncaMama]

i agree that if she has found a way to calm herself down it's great...but maybe it's the wording of it that's bothersome...if so, you can teach her to refer to it differently so it's not confused with the other kind of time out by others, etc...

[gaialice]

It is kind of OT but I was wondering... are the only alternatives measly crackers and a healthy dinner? I mean, perhaps, she could have a slice of apple or a baby carrot or whatever other healthy little thing while she waits for her dinner.. sorry to jump in ... I do not want to hijack your thread...