How do you say 'no' to a baby?

[FlyingPigs]

My ds is 11 months old. We have our house pretty baby-proffed, so we rarely need to say no to him. But sometimes we do, and I can't make him understand that it isn't a game. An example: During his bath, he keeps on pulling out the drain plug. I take it away, say no, explain that it will drain his tub, and replace it. He just does it over and over again. I cannot redirect him effectively in the tub either (he is very singular-minded). The more sternly I say NO, the more he thinks its funny. What can I do to help him understand?

thanks for your help!
Carrie

[Jenne]

I'd look for creative ways to arrange things so you don't have to say no. For instance in the bath, what if you put him in facing the other direction? Instead of facing the drain, facing the back of the tub. This helps direct him in the other direction, hopefully where a toy or two might be waiting to play with...

HTH,

Jenne

[writermommy]

Kids learn through repetition. You need to keep gently telling him, while moving him away and redirecting him. If you think bathtime is getting too negative, get in with him and sit between your ds and the drain.

My youngest did this, but her sisters put a stop to it. They like to bathe in our bathroom because the tub is really big. "More room to swim" they say. They told her not to do it and for some reason, she really listens to them. :nut

[UUMom]

Let him hold the plug and stuff the drain with a thick face cloth. Or just let him sit in the tub with the water running lighty-- he doesn't really need to sit in water.

Or distraction distraction distraction. Or let him do it until he gets bored doing it.

[ShadowMom]

I don't think there's really any way for them to understand, at that age. You can do it over and over and over again (at least I did). But, it wasn't until several months ago (ds is now almost 21 mo) that DS actually started not doing some stuff.

I do think consistency helps, but you won't see the payoff for a little while. The other suggestions you got are great. :thumb

[SagMom]

An example: During his bath, he keeps on pulling out the drain plug. I take it away, say no, explain that it will drain his tub, and replace it. He just does it over and over again.

Why not just let him do it? He's not damaging anything, no one is getting hurt, what's the harm in him playing this game?

An 11 month old needs to explore--it's what they do. Unless some harm will come from what they're doing, I'd let it go--even join in.

[**guest**]

:yeah:

[AmandaBL]

I figure there's no way I could ever make my 10 mo old understand that he's not suposed to pull up the drain (he does it too) so I bathe both the boys at once with the 6 yr old sitting with his back to the faucet & drain so that the baby can't easily get to it. It's easier than replacing it 97 times - I get to bath both kids at once - the baby thinks it's fun to play with his brother in the tub & the 6 yr old feels proud that he's big enough to be "babysitting". No loosers. Good luck!

[delicious]

yeah, i would let mine pull the plug out, too. my kids like the shower, though.

[Earth Angel]

just wanted to say I could see the harm in pulling the plug (depending on how much water is in the tub) We live in the desert and are VERY water conscious. Wasting a tub full of water just for fun is not really OK in our house.....thats a lotta water :)

That said....we bathe both boys at the same time (4.5 and 15 mo) and the drain plug has a top on it that you have to screw in to make it stick....so the baby can't just pull it out even if he was at that end of the tub.

[KateMary]

In your example, I would find a way to distract so he can't get to the drain during a bath. I still have to get in the bath with my 11 month old cause she keeps standing up in the tub. I just keep sitting her down and tell her we sit in the tub.

I would keep on with the repetition on anything that you are trying to teach the child not to touch, etc. But I phrase things positively. I try not to say "no" cause I don't want her to start saying it to me! I tell her what I want her to do. "We stay in the kitchen" not "don't go in the laundry room". "Leave that alone please" not "don't touch that!"

[SagMom]

Wasting a tub full of water just for fun is not really OK in our house.....thats a lotta water :)



Okay, (I love a challenge-- :wink ) Eventually you'll drain that tub of water anyway, right? The op could wash the baby *while* her ds is playing with the plug. An 11 month old body can't be that large or that dirty that a washing couldn't be accomplished by the time the tub drains. :)

[abac]

The op could wash the baby *while* her ds is playing with the plug. An 11 month old body can't be that large or that dirty that a washing couldn't be accomplished by the time the tub drains.I agree. My ds pulls the plug, but he's washed by the time I turn the water off. While the tub is filling, I wash and rinse his hair (I love my hand held shower head,) so the rest of bathtime is for fun only.

[keweenaw sun]

I'm not real big on buying goofy gadgets for every little thing, but I was given as a gift a little seat with support all the way around that clamps onto the side of the tub (they make some that suction cup to the bottom too) and my 10mo dd can sit in there til her little toesies are all prunie if she wants to. It looks big enough to use 'til she's about 18-24 months I'd guess. Just keep the toys floating their way and they're happy!

[jaidymama]

I've been wondering how to say no to my ds as well. He is just at the age where he loves to get into all sorts of things, and especially pulls hair and claws at faces. Saying no to him just makes him laugh (likes it's a game).

My ds loved to play with the drain too... eventually I just let him fiddle with it, and now he plays more with the toys. I'm wondering if you let him pull the plug if he will be upset that the water is emptying. If he wouldn't like bathtime to end early, then maybe let him do it once and he won't like the result?? Our tub drains so slowly that my son wouldn't know the difference of the drain being closed or open... :LOL

Good Luck

[treemom2]

I save "No" for dangerous situations. That being said, I do understand that sometimes you may need to redirect behavior or stop your babe from doing things. I tend to make a uh uh sound with my throat when DS is doing something I don't want him to do, while redirecting him the best I can. He will look at me when I make the sound and grin giving me the time to redirect his attention.

I must agree with the pp though about the drain thing--either let him play with it or try turning him around while giving him some toys to play with.

[keweenaw sun]

I just want to add that since I read these posts a few weeks ago, I have been using a lot of your suggestions myself, like not saying "no" but instead using a non-negative verb/adverb-- then always I make sure I have an understanding smile when she looks up at me (body language!) and make sure she can come get a hug from me if she feels akward (positive reinforcement for discontinuing neg behavior). They still are commands though, and sound commanding (with a gentle but firm voice) ("hands off", "off limits", "danger!" :o ). She has already responded to the above imperatives, and it's working nicely!

[Proudly AP]

for the plug example, i would put the bath mat that sticks to the bottom of the tub with suction cups over the plug. that worked with my dd when she was little.

i already regret telling my 1 year-old 'no' (for several things we cannot change the location of due to lack of space). he is now saying, 'no no no' and while it is sort of 'cute' sounding when he's this little, it soon will not be :o we didn't use 'no' much with dd, and used the alternatives suggested above, but we've slipped a bit with the baby.

[veganbaby]

DD loves to touch things and to get into things. I tell her "Hands off" and she will listen for a second and go back to eat. Or I will say "Choose something else to play with" and then introudce a distractor. It can get quite redudant. But I try to avoid the word, "No"

[velochic]

I have no problems with using the word "no". I mean, it's just semantics. I think that a word is a word (and a useless one at that) unless kids are told WHY they need to stop what they are doing. So, for Earth Mama, I can see WHY you don't want the water wasted, and since you're raising your children in a part of the world that requires water conservation, it's never too early to start explaining these things. I just hate to see kids being told "no" and then not getting the explanation of WHY they are being told "no". For an 11 month old, gently redirecting and talking to them sets a foundation that will pay off when they are 4 or 5 and really start to grasp the "why" part of "no".

ETA: I do think that reserving a special word (again, explaining why you're using it) for danger is important, whether it's "no" or some other word. For us, we are a bilingual family and if my dd hears me say "stop" or "no" in her baba's (father's) language, she stops immediately. It's been very effective but she also knows why I'm using it.

[TripMom]

The more sternly I say NO, the more he thinks its funny. What can I do to help him understand?

When I had DS #1, someone told me to avoid saying "no" and creating a negative atmosphere in the house -- when the baby is heading for something that you don't want them to do or is dangerous -- say "ah ah ah" - kinda loud.

DS is now 3 - -but have started doing this with trips (10 months) lately -- its hysterical -- it stops them in their tracks and they turn and look all quizical! I suppose eventually they equate it with "no" -- but at least your not getting in to a habit of yelling "NO NO NO" all the time.