Time out alternative for hysterical crying and whining?

[MangoMamma]

I don't believe in time outs in general but I feel really perplexed with this problem. My 4 yr dd has these loud crying and whining outbursts for the average 4 yr old problems: wanting to play with a certain doll, "I want the pink crazy straw" someone not sharing, someone calling her a name. Actually she is very sensitive and I get a lot of people rolling their eyes and looking uncomfortable when she starts to get upset. And I'm embarrased to say this but I feel uncomfortable that I'm subjecting other people to these loud, long and dramatic outbursts. Am I a horrible person to care about how other people feel when my dd is obviously having a hard time and is sad? Should I take her to another room to 'be upset'?

[johub]

Think about it this way.
The stares of others are likely to make her feel uncomfortable. And she is probably going to have an easier time calming down in a low stimulus environment.
I dont really think removing a tantruming and upset child from the action is a punishment. I think it is good for all involved.
Joline

[nonconformnmom]

I agree. You'll be staying with her, so she'll be able to rely on you for comfort but she'll also be in a quiet, private location where she can express herself more freely. It also helps her to understand that, while her feelings are valid, there are times and places where those behaviors may not be accepted or tolerated by others.

[Leilalu]

I think taking her into another room and talking camly with her, or holding her is the best idea. 4 year olds can be easily over stimulated.
And I honestly would only care about others and what they thought to a certain point. I don't expect a four year old to act adult-like and anyone who does is just deceiving themselves. For your four year olds sake, take her to another room and talk, or try to calm her down whever she is, but don't be embarassed. Kids will be kids.

[MangoMamma]

Thank you so much for your replies. I thought you would all think I am a mean and insensitive mama :guilty. I am going to try that. Now I know this is silly to ask but if she won't go?

[chfriend]

I have a really sensitive 4 year old. I just pick her up without saying much and whisper comforting things in her ear while I take her somewhere to nurse and feel better. If there's no where to go, I just turn my back to them and rock her back and forth in my arms while I whisper sweet things to her. Sometimes I just tell her it's hard being 4 sometimes, huh?

I think it helps me as much as her because I want to cuss the people who are rolling their eyes, and this way I don't see them.

The book "The Highly Sensitive Child" helped normalize this a bit for me. Also, the more I build our attachment to each other (a la Unconditional Parenting, Hold onto Your Kids), the easier time she has in public, because *she* cares a lot *less* what the rest of the grown-ups think.

[MangoMamma]

Thanks. I've just checked out Unconditional Parenting out of the library so its reasssuring that you suggested it. I'm going to reserve The Sensitive Child out of the library and Hold On To Your Kids.

[PikkuMyy]

I think it depends on your child and the situation. My student, who has autism, is very sensitive to other people crying. It really upsets him. His sister (5 in June) gets very dramatic, and no amount of holding or loving will stop her from pitching a fit when she feels like it. She just wants to be made/yell/cry, etc. and needs a bit of that before she is calm enough to be able to listen to anything her mom has to say or to help her. So the rule is, if she wants to do that, she must go in her room to do it because otherwise it really affects her brother negatively. From what I've seen, it results in her calming down much more quickly and then being able to solve whatever problem is going on in a productive way.

[annab]

Thank you so much for your replies. I thought you would all think I am a mean and insensitive mama :guilty. I am going to try that. Now I know this is silly to ask but if she won't go?

She is four. You can still pick her up and remove her. You can talk to her in a low, calm voice. Tell her that you are sorry she is upset and you are going to give her space to express herself.