Ds is VERY rough with our cats

[plantmama]

We got kittens about a month ago and ds (20 months) LOVES them. He talks about cats constantly and really enjoys playing with them.
The problem is one of them is kind of dumb and just goes right up to ds all the time. Ds picks him up by the fur, tries to sit on him, tries to poke his eyes, hits him with toys, hits him with his hand, and the cat just sits there and looks unhappy.
We tell him "no, that hurts the kittie" or "Please be gentle". I think one big problem is that the cat doesn't know how to tell him he doesn't like what he's doing.
I would really like this to stop though I know there are few quick fixes with gd.
any suggestions?

[abac]

I'm in the same situation with my 16 mo. ds. He absolutely loves the cats, but doesn't realize that chasing them and throwing things at them is unpleasant for them. He also tries to poke their eyes and noses. He pushes them off the back of the couch and grabs their fur and pulls as hard as he can. He thinks all of this is hilarious.

When he was about 11-12 mo., we showed him how to touch them gently by taking his hand and having him pat them nicely. This worked great until about 1-2 months ago. Now he just hits them when we ask him to touch them gently. :shrug

For now, we remove the cats (for their own safety.) I also find it helps if I tell him to give them hugs. He gently lays his head on them. They don't mind this. I'm interested in suggestions, too.

[BabyBumblebee]

I think this is a case where I would limit the amount of interaction that the kitties have with your ds - not to punish your ds, but just to limit the amount of stress all round. We have 2 dogs, and they both need to have a place to go to get away from dd - she loves them dearly, but doesn't always know how to express that gently!
Also, do you involve your ds in 'caretaking'? I know he's too young to feed them all by himself, but he might really enjoy a sense of stewardship - especially if you show him how to feed them, how to brush them etc. Maybe he could play at being a kitty? Face paint whiskers etc, and be 'petted' - that might be a fun way of showing him how gentle petting feels good to the kitties, and encourage him to do that...

Just a thought - good luck :)

[Lisa Lubner]

my kids do this too, but my cat fights back! my little z is the most enthusiastic about the cat, and she is the one that gets scratched the most. for the most part though, since shaolin (the cat) has been around kids since he was a baby, he's pretty tolerant. there are times though when he is NOT in the mood, where he will scratch or bite to get away. i was getting really worried about this, because he's also VERY playful in a scratchy sort of way...

what we've done, and this is working well for now... is make sure the cat has his own place to go when he's not in the mood for the kids. we set up a nice soft blanket for him under the couch and cleared off a windowsill in the kitchen (which is gated, so the kids can't get in)... he goes to either of these places when he wants to nap or hang out away from little hands. then we make sure to have some time every now and then where we have supervised kitty time. i hold the cat on my lap and we all pet the kitty.

[Niamh]

We have 2 cats and 2 kittens that our 18 month old daughter loves. The way we've handled it is to limit access-for everybody's well being-and supervise what access their is. All of our animals know that Hannah is higher in the pack than them, so they all use evasive maneuveres to deal with her instead of aggressive.

One of the cats is shy and only likes to be held by adults. We don't help the baby catch her so that all contact with them is either agreed upon by the cat or she's been caught unawares. In fact, she's the only animal we have that Hannah has a specific sign for-she hisses when she wants that cat!

Our other cat is-like a PP said-stupid. He loves people, loves to be held and will allow Hannah to carry him around by the neck. Of course, we don't allow that, so he's still alive.

Our two dogs also deal with her differently. Our border collie only lets her get within an inch or two of him before he moves while our labrador lets her WWF her with pure joy. We are always there to supervise even though we trust them because babies are rough and I couldn't blame a surprised and hurt cat or dog for reacting before they thought.

Sadly, there is no quick fix. We do a lot of 'soft' exercises, escape routes for the animals, and constant supervision when they're together. It's the only safe way for both until she's old enough to realize that they're not extremely cool toys.

[boricuaqueen327]

...Also, do you involve your ds in 'caretaking'? I know he's too young to feed them all by himself, but he might really enjoy a sense of stewardship - especially if you show him how to feed them, how to brush them etc. Maybe he could play at being a kitty? Face paint whiskers etc, and be 'petted' - that might be a fun way of showing him how gentle petting feels good to the kitties, and encourage him to do that...

Just a thought - good luck :)

I really like this idea. I have been reading this thread becuase my dd (almost 17 months) LOVES animals, especially dogs, but she can get kinda rough when she gets excited. Our dogs sit back and take it but I want her to learn how soft petting feels nice and hard petting hurts. I really like the idea of pretending to be a doggie...although she can't really understand that yet... I"ll try that when she is a little bigger though. And she does help us with caretaking. I let her pour the food into the bowls, I fill the measuring cup and she gets to put it in. She also gives them treats for sitting nicely. Sorry I can't give advice for kitties, I just wanted to say how much I liked this idea.

[sandsprite]

I have 2 cats too, and a long time ago when they were kittens, I got them used to the kind of play that kids do, play with their ears and paws and gently tug on their tails, just so they would not get defensive when children played with them they way kids do. and now that I have a 17 month old of my own, I am really glad I did that. because now they seem to understand my little one is a kid and doesn't always know how to handle them. they are very tolerant of his behaviour ( he is getting better at petting the cat vs hitting the cat, but that has taken a great deal of modeling and redirecting) they have never scratched the baby. and if they get tired of him the just go away where he can't reach them. When my DS was younger I never let them unsupervised together, cus sometimes he would pull out their hair or try to bite, but now he is better.

Kittens are very much like babies, they don't know what is dangerous (babies who don't know their own strength) or what will hurt you(like biting or scratching) That kittens will learn over time with teaching. Not a good idea to let babies and kittens interact without constant supervision. the upside is kittens grow up very fast, faster than babies.

[plantmama]

Thanks everyone for all the advice.
We don't let ds have unsupervised time with the cats and they have spaces to go where he can't get to them, but one of them just persistently goes up to ds and "asks" to be pounced on. It's really frustrating.
I just need some new ideas because it is really the one area where dh and I yell at ds, and I really would like to not yell at him at all.
I like the idea of involving him in caretaking. He would love that because he already is always trying to shove the cats' food dishes at them and "help" them to eat, (he also eats their food sometimes!, yuck!) Another thing we've just discovered is that ds loves to play with the cats with one of those cat toy fishing pole type things, thus not picking them up or grabbing them.
They do not defend themselves and I think if they start doing that more as they get older it will help teach ds to repsect them. In the mean time, we'll try some suggestions.
Thanks again.