Lonely/no friend mamas

[turkeygw]

Are there any mamas out there, like me, who have very few to no friends. I have one friend, who I keep in contact with monthly, and that's it. And for me, no, inlaws don't count, because I hardly ever see them, except for mil. It's very hard for me to make friends, plus I'm shy, and don't trust people too easily. I also lost my best friend(my paternal grandmother) this past April, who was my absolute best friend. Geez I just wish I had a friend to talk to up close. Lol! My daughters talk me to death, but I need more adult convo. KWIM?

[carla72]

Hello I feel for you. I lost my Grandmother/bestfriend last october when my daughter was 3 months. I am still not over it. I have friends but none with children so I rarely see them these days. You tend to drift apart when you are in different cycles of your lifes. I attend La Leche league meetings once a month and I love them. It is really nice to be around other moms with similar values. Maybey there is one in your area.

Carla

Mother to stephie 16 months :bf2:

[noorjahan]

:)

[feebeeglee]

You all are in the right place - outside of my family all my dearest friends have come from here!

Right now I have one friend, she is still a 'new' friend - and was obtained because our daughters liked each other. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that we liked each other too, and parent similarly.

But I spent a year after moving away from my MDC real-life friends before even trying to make friends in our new locality. I have never had more than one or rarely two friends at a time in my life, ever, and I really have to click with someone to want to spend time with them. I love my husband to pieces and he and my mother are my main social circle. I don't think of myself as shy at all, but I guess I'm picky! :LOL

Hopefully my 'new' friend will become My Friend, over time.

[MamaMia*]

Since becoming pregnant, I've noticed that my few 'friends' contact me less and less and seem to want less to do with me. :( So, I guess I am a part of this tribe. I'm also very shy and dealing with high anxiety. Yay me! :bag: We moved here nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't have any 'friends' here.

[noorjahan]

:)

[burke-a-bee]

Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.

[irinam]

I have only one friend that is close by. She does not have kids though (yet?)

Other than that I am pretty lonely :( and I don't even consider myself shy. Overly picky maybe?

So I guess I am signing up for the "lonely tribe" :)

[Attached_Mom_to_7]

I'm here too with ya mama's!!! We moved in the city we live in now 6 years ago. I've met some people, but, none that I can ever consider really a true friend, they mostly are either into drugs or just so mainstream(most here have NO problem using a belt).

Anyways, I'm still on a quest to find some AP mama's in my area. :)

[frowningfrog]

can I join in on this lonely mom party :( . I lost all my friends. I dunno why. its not like i dunno where they are. They lost me I lost them It was mutual. nothing happened that im aware of we just drifted apart. i speak to one bout every few months or so but its always me that calls her..so now my only friends are the one that i made online. I talk to my guy but he's a jerk a lot so I ignore him :( as much as possible but i think thats mutual as well :( . I talk to my children. my 1 yr old thinks im the greatest :LOL and my 9 yr old looks at me sometime time like im a fruit loop. :LOL ..but her and i have some great conversations at night when the baby has gone off to sleep. :love
But i need some moms to learn from and to grow with.
:blah .... :rainbow

[*daciaperfect*]

i'll be your friends.

i lost many of my friends while pregant and right after having my dd. it was like hey, she settled down now so shes boring. i dont get it but i have heard of others going thru the same thing.

im glad for boards like this. i have met up with moms from here which is really nice because many are like minded in different areas but so diversified at the same time.

[patchouligirl]

Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.


Burke-a-bee, i could have written this exact post!! i moved to Virginia 5 years ago and have made NO friends. My son is not in school yet, but i say hello to several moms from library group, know their names..but it never goes past that. i have friends scattered across the country that i see about one a year, but no one hERE. i've been posting in the outcast forum, because i do feel like an outcast mama. i see all the other ladies making plans and getting together and i'm never included. All my attempts at friendship have been ignored, or i've been openly 'blown off'.
Thank goodness for online communities or i would go completely insane. i live in a very rural area, so i have to make an extra effort to get out of the house and be around other people. It is not uncommon for me to go weeks without any adult conversation besides my husband. i definitely feel like a freak or social outcast these days. :)

TurkeyGW, you are not alone mama. i too am Friendless and lonely.

[ilovelily]

Hi and :hug to all. I saw this thread and just had to post because this is so me, especially how I'm feeling today.

I just moved out of the country for DH's job. Left behind two friends -- and it took me literally six years to make those two friends. Now I'm back where I started. I think loneliness is one of the worst feelings. When I go to the park I try to talk to people but sometimes I just feel invisible!! I don't know why... people can be so casually cruel sometimes.

What I always struggle with is how to turn an "acquaintance" into a real friend. I guess it takes time but some people seem to do it so much more easily.

Ah well. At least I feel connected to someone typing this. That's a start, right?

[whoMe]

Hi, I'm with you in spirit... I have a great group of friends from hs that I'm around now, but I spent the last couple of years in a town where I had no one besides dh, and he was busy all the time with grad school. And now it looks like we might be moving back...

So this probably isn't the right place to ask :LOL, but what are some good ways of meeting people/making friends? I'm pretty quiet and shy when I'm in a new situation, so going up to random people in a public place is out.. :mischief

Any ideas?

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I'm very lonely here.

Last October, dd and I moved 3000 miles to be with SO. I left *all* of my family, and everyone I ever knew behind.

Here, I know SO, and SO's family :( I like them, don't get me wrong, but they're not friends... I can't call them and complain about SO or being a step-mom etc...

I knew one other mama who lived in town, but she moved to Texas (we're in CA), a few months back :(

I'm trying so hard to talk with neighbors, and just make friends anywhere, but it's hard. We did have this young couple who lived beneath us and had a baby in May. We were getting close, but their relationship had issues, and they moved. We exchanged numbers, but don't keep in touch :(

I have you ladies, and feel lucky to have you all, but in-person friends would feel so great...

[freakyspice]

I haven't made a new "real" friend since I married DH 7 years ago. For the first several years we were married we lived in a city with a community we loved, then we moved away. I really didn't need any friends because DH is my best friend. I still keep in touch with people via occasional e-mail, but I'm afraid I've lost the ability to make a new friend since I haven't done it in so long!

[kewb]

Signing up. We moved here 7 years ago and where I have a few moms I know casually from the kids I would not call them friends. I have a couple of friends from where we used to live that I speak with a couple of times a year and through email. I have no one to hang out with. I work full time out of the house and then I come home spend time with the kids and go to bed.

Geeze, I need some friends to go out with.

[elmama]

Hi all,

Ok, I am not really advocating stalking. But here is how I recently made one potentially very good friend. THis might be a bit tricky for the shy people.

So I had noticed this one mama around my little town for a couple of years. (Libray, swimming pool, parks) YOu all know you have to go to these places to meet people right? YOu know how you can just tell that you might like somebody? Well I thought we might hit it off but I never had the guts to talk to her.

Until One day I saw her with her kids in a stroller at the library. I had to run because I had to pick up a friend's babe. But after I picked her up, I decided to track down this potential friend and finally meet her. SO I thought to myself, Where would a mama go on foot from the library in the am with two children. Aha! The coffee shop down the street. WOuldn't ya know. As I drove up she was walking in the door.

I hustled the kids out of the car, did a fast walk to the coffee shop, and slid behind her in line. IT turns out, she offered to hold my infant while I tended to the older children. We chatted about our little ones and how long we'd lived in the area, and if we stayed at home or not, and if we liked it, and what we did before kids, and man these little ones are driving me nuts today...and you get the picture. I ended up leaving with her number and she with mine. It has been a couple weeks and we have hung out 3 times. She has introduced me to several of her friends in the area. We have lots in common and I know she will be a friend for life.

Moral of the story:

Stalking works. Just kidding. Moral of the story is that sometimes taking a chance pays off. What is the worst thing that can happen. She/he will laugh in your face when you ask for the #? MOre likely they just won't call you back if they don't want to be friends. Oh, well. Try again with someone else. There are enough people respodingg to this thread that i imagine there are many many people who want you as their frind out there!

[jessicaabruno]

Hi,

I'm in the same boat as all of you expect really don't have any real friends so far in my life, its a long story and not a mom yet, see my signature for more of what I said about this.

Thank you.

[frowningfrog]

well I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet all of you and I look forward to getting to know you all as well.
It is hard for me to get out and make new friends. I had a very bad year for health and have hardly left the house. I'd say i go out once a week if that, and that has been for a year.
To reveal a little about me, I had my 1 yr old last yr in july, one wk later i hemeraged severly and was very close to death as the doc said. They are not really positive what caused it but they gave me iv antibiotics just in case of infection,and an emergency D&C. I had huge blood clots form in my uterous and had they not given way then i would have died that night in my sleep from internal bleeding.
since then i have had nothing but health issues. I am dizzy daily not all day but at some points during the day say if i had done to much. I still get very tired, and my periods, forget it im sick the whole time, and i was bleeding very heavily till they put me on a high dose estrogen pill and that helps with bleeding control.
So not only did i lose touch with my wonderful friends I havent had much chance to make more.

I would love to know more about you all. there is more to me of corse but i fear ill just keep going on :blah
My fiance and I are two different people, we have some similar interests but he is the type that Im surprised knows what a book looks like :LOL ,and I am very much into reading and making crafts. we meet in the middle i guess :)
I welcome private messages, I am very :shy so I prolly wouldnt initiate.. :shy
:rainbow

[~*max*~]

Hi mamas. This tribe describes me as well. I have one very dear friend, my best friend from growing up, but she lives about an hour away and I do not get to see her nearly enough. Then I have several friends who are more acquaintance type friends, who I met through my various activities w/the kids. But that closeness is just not there. I am an introvert at heart, and really need to work to be outgoing & social. I think people may view me as uptight, which I probably am. Also, dh & I are very family oriented, and do not have a lot of extra time. What free time we do have we prefer to spend w/family. Sometimes getting together w/others can be a lot of extra work - finding sitters, cooking, cleaning, juggling schedules. But usually when we do, we are very glad that we did. We just need to make ourselves do it.

Thanks for starting this tribe. It will be nice to talk w/others in the same boat.

[avivaelona]

I have a few really good friends but they all live far away now. I moved to MA four years ago but for various reasons I'm only just now getting out and trying to meet people. I have been meeting quite a few but I have a hard time making that leap from acquaintance to friend. I wish I knew why! Maybe I'm just too odd;) I swear though sometimes I just wish someone would be really mean and nasty and just TELL me what the problem is, everyone I've ever asked (mostly good friends) thinks I should have no problem making friends, apparently its all just coincidental? I sort of doubt that! Lol. Oh well, glad to meet all you friendless moms, its nice to know we aren't alone I guess.

[kbridi]

This is a tribe for me. I don't have any friends right now. Actually, I have one, but she's atleast an hour away and doesn't have any kids, so she can't relate. I have a lot of acquantiences (sp) and superficial relationships with people I meet at playdates, the park, moms groups, but no one I can really share with or call if I need a friend. It's not like I havent' been trying, either. I go out and meet people and attend tons of things for ds so I can meet other moms. I have some 'friends' from work who just had kids, but they are far away. It's depressing to sit here an write this, but I'm finally admitting it. I'm friendless. :(

I must say, I've met some wonderful moms from mdc IRL so, hopefully those relationships will amount to deeper friendships, but who knows. I also don't want these other women to think I'm pathetic or something....It's like dating and looking for a husband!

I would just love to have a girlfriend I could hang out with -- even just one!

Nice to meet you all. Thanks for starting the thread.

[reiterin]

Yep, this is just like me. I'm so shy that it's very hard to meet people. And I'm so bad at keeping in touch with the friends I do have, that I tend to lose them... I don't have any mommy friends IRL at all, which sux.

Good thread. Makes me feel... not so alone.

[frowningfrog]

avivaelona::::
I to live in Mass. I have lives here all my life i just lost touch with my pack.
we just moved to a new town and the neighbors look at us like we are freaks :LOL . I miss my old neighborhood, we knew everyone on the street, and they were all sad to see us go , but circumstances beyond our control moved us here.


elmama:::
great job on the stalking :LOL ..i bet she was totally unsuspecting. thats great you have made a friend..se it does pay off sometimes to be a "stalker"..
I wish your new friendship well.

:hug :rainbow

[mercurysky]

i am in the same boat as well. I moved to be with my husband 13 hours away from family and friends. I am some what shy, and VERY opinionated? I guess that could be the word. And very selective with friends. I used to work retail, so a lot of the people I would encounter at work were big partiers down by the college. not my cup of tea. I did my fair share of drinking also, but at that stage in my life, i didnt want to hear about the weekends binge all week long. My husband is the "everyones best friend' type of person, so I kind of just adopted some of his friends. Then we transfered with work, and now its me, my son, and my husband. I volunteered about 30 hours a week at the local animal shelter hoping to find friends, but none of them wanted friends, just do what they had to do and leave. Now I am looking for new mom groups/play groups in my area to join. I have one friend in this town who is a mom also, but has TOTALLY diff mothering style than me, and she is pulling away lately. HI EVERYONE!! lets all PM each other or trade im names@!

[tyedyedeyes]

Greetings and salutations to all my lonely sistahs out there. Ah, woe is me...i'm in the same boat as all of you...you know, the one at the bottom of the lake? :LOL

Anywhoodle, I've had a couple of good friends throughout my life. I've had one BEST friend since I was oh, I think we were 11 or something. Met in Girl Scout Camp. My best friend actually introduced me to MDC, (THANK YOU!) and other than that, I have another girlfriend that I've known for about 4 years now, but she's off at college so I only get to see her once or twice a year. Other than that, all of my "friends" dissappeared when I became a mom and wife. My sister is my other closest friend, and her SO is a good guy too. I have a guy friend that all he wants to do is party on the weekends (single, no kids), so I usually just end up chatting with him on the phone once a week. Not a big partier anymore...that stage of my life has ended. I have a couple of acquaintences I talk to about every 6 or 8 months from my last job, but again, they just want to meet up and drink. So yeah, I know where all of you mamas are coming from!

Let's be lonely together.

~Kate

[oetien]

I have no friends....
Seems like I can't find anyone I can really relate to.
I used to have bestfriends until I moved, then quit school, then got married, then got pregnant.. :(
I guess most people, especially my age, don't do what I do. I don't know!

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Well all, I'm trying!!!

I had a best friend, I met her when we were about 6 or 7, and we were close up until last year, when I moved. My number had changed (area code change), and we were in the process of moving to a new apartment (moved 3000 miles away, then within a month moved to a different apartment), and in all the hub-bub, lost touch with her. I tried contacting her after things settled, but her number had changed too, and I lost her :(

Today is her birthday, and she is on my mind, so I'm tracking her down!! lol Or trying to anyway.

I called the place where she worked when I moved, and she no longer worked there. I then called the place she was considering trasferring to (same company), and she didn't work there either.

I have no personal number for her, but found a number listed for her parents (she lived with them last I talked to her, but was considering moving out). So, I called and left a message for her, and hope someone can give me some kind of info.

I know it's not a local friend I can hang out with, but it's someone I could call and talk to... A friend...

I'm trying slowly.... Wish me luck!!!

[burke-a-bee]

Okay, I couple of you are from Mass. You should get together!

[~*max*~]

Hi again Mamas. This may sound weird, but are any of you active w/religion? I am not. I was raised Catholic, rebelled against that, began going to a UU church, which I really liked, but then we moved away and I just let it all go. I am probably UU/pagan at heart, but currently not involved in anything. But, sometimes I really feel lonely in my soul, if that makes any sense. I am drawn to the aspect of organized religion, but I have yet to make a move. Can anyone else relate?

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I'm atheist, but I've had thoughts from time to time that if I were religious, I could make friends at a church... It makes me feel bad, because, well, I don't wanna have to pretend to be religious just to make friends... But I feel desperate on some days :(

Please don't think badly of me...

[burke-a-bee]

I have a friend who has moved several times over the past few years. Her husband is a minister. Wherever they move they have an automatic built in community with the church. Sometimes I really wish I was religious so I could have that benefit but if it isn't in your heart it doesn't feel right.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I should probably add, I would never ever pretend to be religious, that's simply direspectful to me...

But, I do wonder if I could handle simply attending a church to meet friends... Then again, that seems disrespectful too :( Like I'd be somehow 'using' or taking advantage of the church :(

[oetien]

I won't go to church to meet ppl. Doesn't seem right to me

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I won't go to church to meet ppl. Doesn't seem right to me
That's pretty much what I'm saying too... But on those desperate days, it's a passing thought :( One I'm very sad over... Kinda like 'my god, am I THAT hard to be friends with that I'm even *thinking* that?!?!'... The thought passes, and I move on, feeling uncomfortable about the thought, but still lonely and desperate :(

[oetien]

Yeah, I just started to feel lonely this past couple of months. I'm usually a loner, but sometimes we do need somebody to talk to (other than our family)
Now, I really don't know how to start making friends, it seems really hard...

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

It just does seem so hard, doesn't it? On those really lonely days, I just feel so horrible, like okay, other people make and keep friends, why can't I??

I was a loner too. Was sooo happy for so long with just like 1 friend... But now, I dunno... Maybe it's because I had family there too, and here, I have just the people I live with... Sometimes it's nice to not talk about the same things everyday... I just feel like I have so much more to give... Friendship, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on when needed, a friend to go out with, someone to confide in etc... But, I dunno, it's just so hard :(

[frowningfrog]

Hello again lonely friends,
I am a MAss mommie, i will welcome personaly messages just check out my profile for information or just send me a message I will surly get back to you.

I am a non practicing Catholic, I do not believe in organized religion. to me there is something cultish about it and its scary to me :LOL
I do however feel at itne that there is something missing in that aspect. I have tried different religions like Baptist i found it very wonderful but again that cult thing took over :LOL ...
I do believe in the wicca faith althought i have not practiced but have many friends in the past and ones that i have lost touch with are wiccans.
I dunno, I do feel like i need something more but I am still searching that out.

For those mommies looking for a group to maybe meet some moms in your area
check out my sig i run a group for moms in the mortheast on yahoo..moms from all walks of like not just natural moms..
well have a great weekend all...
hope to get to know you al ... :hug :rainbow

[melissa_honeybee]

I was just thinking about this today...I am soo lonely. I moved to this area 4 years ago and really haven't made many friends. I have some friends with older kids, or no kids...it's really rough, especially without a car...There is a park we can walk to, but it is always heartbreaking to hear the disappoinment in my son's voice as he says, "There is no one to play with.."

I know what you other mamas are saying about joining a church just to find some sense of community... Luckily I have a UU relatively close by, so if our second car gets fixed, I could start going. I Have a few pagan friends that go, so I think I could stomach it...

This area is really conservative and drives me crazy. While i am in relatively liberal SE PA, I happen to live in a real PA dutch area, and most of the people here are just weird and it has a real "townie" atmosphere.

I guess I have always been selective about friends and disillusioned my mainstream society..kinda makes me an outcast...

I sometimes get jealous of my husband, we live in the area he grew up in, so he has contact with alot of HS buddies. I, however, went to 3 different high schools and really don't have anyone that I see from then..

Frowningfrog..that sounds like a terrifying experience you had, glad you have mostly recovered..

[indie]

Well, I guess I should join this tribe. We moved to our area 2 years ago and I still don't have any real friends. I can identify with Melissa since we have only one car. That makes it difficult. I'm an introvert too which plays into it. But I did have a friend here when we first moved here and she and her husband moved away because they couldn't make any friends or find a good church and they are normally very good at making friends so I guess it can't be just a problem with me.

I am a Christian in a very Christian area, but I really don't identify with the strange Christian culture around here. It has taken us 2 years to find a church that we kind of like and we are just starting to try to get to know people. When I had my first baby we had 3 baby showers and a ton of people signed up to bring us food. This time we've had one person ask us about our needs. It is kind of depressing to not have a support system.

[MamaHippo]

I know how it is to feel lonely. I have 2 old friends, both of whom live over an hour away, and I never see them. I have one other very good friend... who lives in Stafford, England :( So you can guess how often I see her.
I am lucky to have my mom and sisters close by (well, 25 miles away), so i see them, but i literally have no friends within about a 50 mile radius. The Denver MDC mamas playgroup has been great, cus I have met some of the wonderful moms from here. Sometimes i go out to the grocery store just to see someone other than DS and DH.

Lisa

[Sustainer]

I'm glad to find this tribe! I only have one friend in the local area, and we hardly have anything in common. She has no children, she's not natural or environmentally conscious at all, she's not a feminist, she's not liberal, and she's religious. If I had even one friend in the local area who I had even 2 or 3 things in common with, I would be so grateful. I haven't even seen my one friend that I have nothing in common with for months. I think that she, too, is realizing that we have nothing in common, especially now that I have children, and we are drifting apart. :(

[noorjahan]

:)

[burke-a-bee]

I should probably add, I would never ever pretend to be religious, that's simply direspectful to me...

But, I do wonder if I could handle simply attending a church to meet friends... Then again, that seems disrespectful too :( Like I'd be somehow 'using' or taking advantage of the church :(

I am not saying that I would ever pretend to be religious to meet people. It just seems that the few long distance friends that I have who have children have met people through church, work, school, etc. I don't have any of those things. I find myself thinking about how it might be different if I was in more of a community setting like church, work or school. This doesn't mean that I'm considering going to church and pretending to be religious to meet people. I have too much respect for religion to do this.
I think for me when I'm feeling lonely I start to think of the "what ifs". What if I lived in a smaller town, would I have more friends? What if I had a job, would I have more friends? I know it is a sad way to think. I just start looking at what works for other people and why. I guess that I should start to focus on where I am and just get out there and meet people.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

So yesterday, I posted about calling an old friend who I lost touch of (even though she lives 3000 miles away, it'd be someone to talk with!)...

Well, she called last night!!!!!!! We exchanged new numbers and talked for a bit about the last year :) Yesterday was her birthday, so I'm so glad I took the jump to call her yesterday :)

[noorjahan]

:)

[Devaskyla]

subscribing, since dh & i don't really have any friends, either.

[damyen's mommy]

Yep...I found a tribe :thumb . I can be shy, but my problem is that after I say hi to someone I have a hard time actually trying to converse with them and get to know them. I have a really good friend who lives 500 miles away from me and although I have a big extended family I don't visit very often because our parenting methods are so differnt. and well no one visits me either :( . Anyway good to have found you. I am a nonpracticing catholic, but I prescribe to no one religion. I have faith and I beleifs but I am still on my spiritual journey.

[~*max*~]

Hi mamas. We had a pretty exciting weekend - found out we are having another baby! That's one cure for loneliness!

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Congrats ~*max*~!!!!


Our weekend was okay. Saturday was just me, SO and dd hanging out. (dss's weekend with biomom) Sunday, I worked and when I got home SO and I had a fight :(

Yesterday, the fighting continued, but all ended up okay. We went to SO's mommmmmm's for a bbq, which was fun.

SO has alot of cousins my age, and even a sister who's 6 months older than me. I just always feel so weird trying to befrend them... I can't explain why...

[Sustainer]

Hi mamas. We had a pretty exciting weekend - found out we are having another baby! That's one cure for loneliness!
Yipee! Congratulations!!! :bgbounce :baby :balloons How exciting! I am SO happy for you! :love

[kewb]

Congratulations on your new addition.

Our week-end was uneventful. Dh invited a couple of friends of his over Sunday for a barbecue. It was a grand old time for me (sarcasm intended) as his 2 divorced for many years friends came over and I got to clean up after them and mind the children. Don't get me wrong-I do adore these 2 men but they spent hours talking technology (DH & Company are all in the computer industry). On Monday I showed my new after school sitter where she would be picking up the kids and where everything is.

[damyen's mommy]

MAX Congrats on the new baby! That is one sure fire cure for feeling lonely :thumb
My weekend was spent playing with my boy and dh, I did spend an afternoon with my mom looking at yard sales. It was fun but that is about it.

[noorjahan]

:)

[~*max*~]

Congratulations Max!!!! :balloons :banana :violin :balloons

That was sure a great weekend!! If you don't mind me asking how many weeks you are in?

I just found out, so about 6 weeks. I am due May 13.

Thank you everyone for the congratulations. :love :love :love

[frowningfrog]

:balloons

Congrats MAx...

Wishing you all the best wishes to your family...

:love

[frowningfrog]

hello all..

Wondered if any of ya'll have met or thought about meeting. Since none of us seam to have friends, I was curious??????

[irinam]

hello all..

Wondered if any of ya'll have met or thought about meeting. Since none of us seam to have friends, I was curious??????

I did think about it, but it seems like all of us are too far from one another...

But, if anybody wants to visit me in California - you are more than welcome :)

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I did think about it, but it seems like all of us are too far from one another...

But, if anybody wants to visit me in California - you are more than welcome :)
hehe I'm in Ca... Although, it's a LARGE state...lol

I used to live in Jersey, and yes, when you live there, you're within 2 hours of ANYONE else in the state...lol I don't know if I can even say that about my county here in CA though :LOL

[irinam]

hehe I'm in Ca... Although, it's a LARGE state...lol

I used to live in Jersey, and yes, when you live there, you're within 2 hours of ANYONE else in the state...lol I don't know if I can even say that about my county here in CA though :LOL

You are right :LOL , I am in San Fran Bay Area, that should put us more then 2 hours apart...

[Pookietooth]

Can I join? I have no family in the area, and haven't really had a close freind that lived nearby since 1994, long before I was a mama. I'm tired of it! It would be so nice to be able to have an adult to talk to regularly!

[kindacrunchy]

Here's my life story. I'm an only child and every friendship I had was the most important thing to me. Kind of like they were my siblings. My nearest and dearest friends I have had since I was 9, but, we live far from each other. Two other close friends I met in college, but, we live far apart. I'm picky about my friends. I want a deep, close friendship, not a superficial one.
Anyway, I met a group of moms while taking a mommy and baby yoga class when my ds was 12 wks old. We all hit it off and have been hanging out at least once a week ever since. But I'm still lonely. Although we have spent so much time together, I've been struggling. I go through phases where I'm very secure and comfortable and then next thing I know I am insecure and uncomfortable. The crazy thing is, I'm the one who got us all together. I like these people. They are good people. I just don't feel like I can really get down to that level of friendship that I crave. I feel that the only thing we have in common is our kids. They only know me as a mom, not who I am as a whole.
Anyway, just got back from a playgroup and was still feeling lonely.

[frowningfrog]

MomBirthmomStepmom :
thats great that you found your old friend...
I hope that you 2 can continue to talk often. Its always so great to talk to someone you havent spoken in a long time...

My fathers family recently we all got together, I have 2 cousins that my eldest brother and I were very close with as kids and then their mom (my dads sister) passed away and for reasons unknown to us we lost touch,..,
so it was so great to reunight(sp).

good luck on staying in touch
:) :love

[frowningfrog]

:o :shy

Well if anyone lives in the wakefield Mass. area or close to it and would like to go for a walk sometime or hang out by the lake side ..I have a plan to meet up with some women that I do not yet know to go walking ..
Its my attempt to meet new people....
Its a mom and baby walk, or mom and kid walk if your child is over stroller age...
I do not like the heat so its getting to be not so hot anymore so Its time for me to get out there,,,

my name is Christine btw if I havent said so before..

:love

[fairylotus]

:)

[noorjahan]

:)

[Pookietooth]

Irinam, too bad I don't still live there, I used to live in Richmond, CA but we moved north to escape the crowds (not that it's never crowded here, just less so).
Fairylotus, maybe you could manifest for a return call? I do hate it when others don't call back, although I'm such a flake myself sometimes.

[fairylotus]

:love

[sunanthem]

Hi Ladies. wow I just read this whole thread. I have had friends in the past and have friends all over the country, but we moved across the country a year ago and lost our community that was so close. Now its just us. I live in the country and my house is so isolated and we moved to a conservative religious town that is so not me. I know a few folks, I've started school, and am trying to find mom groups but meanwhile I get so lonely... sometimes I cry to my hubby; "I just wish I had some friends" he says I know hunny, they'll come.
I know what its like too to have a baby and have NO support system. It sucks! I had a little girl, she'll be a month old tomorrow and mostly the only folks that visited after the birth were MIL and the midwives! And MIL had to travel 16 hrs. so she was only here 4 days.
Ok, I don't want to get too upset now, but it is so hard not being ab le to share the beauty and joy of my new baby! It makes me sad. And I also hate
that my 2 yo son has no kid friends to play with.
But I'm working on it. I plan to go to many mom groups but most are an hour away in the city.
I've thought of starting my own locally. I've also thought of going to the unitarian church I think that's a great place to meet people. I'm not religious, but very spiritual, and church is for community.
Well i gotta get off and stop rambling.
just wanted to say I hear ya sisters!
:hug

[sweetpeasmom]

Sad to say this is a tribe for me. I've had so many good close friends over the year but they always seem to move away! starting to feel like I smell or something :lol It's like I'm afraid to get a good friend again and bang they are half way across country. I do have quite a few good online buddies but thats not the same. I already know Aviva! (well we never meet) too bad we are on opposite ends of the state.
Christine, I signed up for your group. Wish I lived near Wakefield but I don't. Chinese bus co who charge only $15.00 I think for roundtrip from NYC to Boston!!!! Can you beleive that???
I wonder if thats the same busline that had problems with fires? I know there was 2 of them that went up in flames, yikes! I know it was a chinese name one.

[hippiemom2]

Hello other mamas. I didn't read the entire thread but thought that I would offer some of my advice.

I have moved at least a half dozen times and each of those moves was over 2,000 miles. I know what it is like to come into a brand new town and know no one. It does take time to find others to connect with. I would suggest trying to get a playgroup together. It is an easy way to try and meet some new people. Also, the UU church is a wonderful way of meeting others and they usually have a lot of kid-friendly activities. Also, if they do offer activities that is just for adults they usually offer some sort of childcare. I would highly suggest it. I loved my UU church in Bellingham and am so sad there isn't one very close to the place we just moved in Ohio. I did find one that was only 45 minutes away and will have to check it out.

I would also try hooking up with others via MDC and the tribal areas. I have had great success with this. It is a good way to start a playgroup. I would suggest meeting in a mutual public destination the first time in case they are crazy or something. If you aren't getting much of a response then try posting a flyer in a library, community food co-op, natural foods store, etc. to advertise your playgroup. Hang your flyers in areas that you like to be in and chances are you will find others who like to be there too and at least you will have that in common.

I would also suggest getting involved in some volunteer work WITHOUT the children if possible. Focus in on something that you are passionate about. It could open the doorway for others to see you as something other than mommy and be able to utilize your passions to find others who share it.

I would try and go to the library for story time, the park, or other places in your town where mothers/babies congregate and actually talk to the other mothers. I am not shy and will try and strike up a conversation with any of the other mamas. I have noticed that many other mamas do not speak up. Many are really shy and are just waiting for someone to introduce themselves. Most of the time it will be a positive experience and if you happen to run into a b*tch then you can use that to break the ice with another mama. Or you can just stick your tongue out at her and call her a name like "Pumpkin butt breath" :LOL

I noticed that I had a much harder time finding friends once I became a mama. Plus, it depends upon the region. In California, the people seemed much more approachable and pleasanter than say in Washington (probably because of the amount of sunshine or something :LOL ). The midwest is just awful when you are a dreadhead hippie freak that doesn't shave her pits or legs. I have to wait until people get past how I look and realize that I am just a person underneath the freaky exterior. :LOL But, I am still trying and I know there has to be other freaks out there as well. In fact, I just met someone online today who just moved here from Seattle through MDC and we will try and meet up soon. It takes time, patience, and a lot of getting through the fear of rejection. If you can overcome that fear then you will find that you can be much more open with others and then others will slowly start coming into your lives.

When my daughter was only a year old and my son was three it was almost impossible to find time and energy to be able to meet others. I found myself consumed by the mothering of those two children and no time to actually do something about my loneliness. There were times when I would feel so lonely that it was almost a physical hurt and felt as though it might consume me. I would bemoan my situation thinking why did I have to move so far away again but inevitably it would work itself out. It is all about trust and faith in yourself to be worthy enough to have others like you.

But, as my children have gotten older and become more involved in school/ preschool and other social activities it has become easier. I have had much more exposure to other mommies and I have been much more forward and it has definitely helped.

I bid all of you lonely mamas much luck. Get out there and find yourselves some friends. YOU CAN DO IT YOU ARE A MOTHER AFTER ALL AND MAMAS CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!!! :thumb

Peace,
Shelbi

[slacker_mom]

That was a nice post, Shelbi. Thanks.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

While I appreciate the advice of those who were once in my predicament (or our? I don't wanna sound like I'm talking for everyone!!), it's not as easy as 'go to the park or library', 'go to church', 'volunteer without the kids' etc... Not for me anyway.

I don't drive, and the only thing within walking distance is like a grocery store etc... And that's when it isn't 100+ degrees out...

I'm not religious, athesit in fact, so church is a no-go for me. And well, there just aren't enough hours in the day for SO to watch the kids so I can run off and volunteer or do much of ANYthing without the kids...

I would love those oppurtunities, and am looking for a way to make those somewhat of a reality for me... But for right now, none of those are possible...

Kind of a hopeless feeling sometimes actually...

[lovemyT]

Feeling pretty lonely these days. :(

I am an introverted mama to a 20 month old DD. I am terrified that DD will be shy like me, so I "force" myself to get out there and mingle. We have been going to music classes and story time for a few months now, but so far no luck getting past the casual chit chat stage. It seems like everyone already knows each other and we are the odd gals out. Sometimes I think it's because I give off the wrong signals...I am shy but I think I come off as *itchy! Trying to work on that. Nice to know I'm not alone.

[hippiemom2]

I didn't want to come off as preachy just trying to offer advice for a predicament that many of us face. Another thing that I found to help especially when I couldn't get out of the house was to do a research project. I am a perpetual student and love to learn so I would assign myself "homework" :LOL

I did projects on sustainable housing, midwifery, tried to research and figure out why communes didn't work in the sixties and why some of the sustainable communities are working today (still working on that one though) etc. Whatever crossed my fancy. I even completed the entire Dulouz legend by Jack Kerouac and tried to understand why "On the Road" was such a significant voice in American Literature. These activities helped me to feel stimulated like I was working with my gray matter and it wasn't just wasting away. Perhaps if you aren't very close to other people you can bring the outside world in by diving into some great books.

Good luck ladies. I hope you find someone to make your journey a little less lonely.

Peace,
Shelbi

[slacker_mom]

Feeling pretty lonely these days. :(

I am an introverted mama to a 20 month old DD. I am terrified that DD will be shy like me, so I "force" myself to get out there and mingle. We have been going to music classes and story time for a few months now, but so far no luck getting past the casual chit chat stage. It seems like everyone already knows each other and we are the odd gals out. Sometimes I think it's because I give off the wrong signals...I am shy but I think I come off as *itchy! Trying to work on that. Nice to know I'm not alone.

I often feel this way, but lately I've come to terms with myself a little more, and I've begun thinking that I'd rather set an example of being comfortable with who I am (pretty shy and very introverted) instead of trying to be something I'm not.

My DD shows no signs of introversion... in fact, she's pretty much the opposite, which is a bit of a strain on me!

[aolinsmama]

another lonely mama here. i have never actually felt i belonged in a tribe until this! i have also mutually drifted apart from the one or two friends that i had here. (one used me for childcare a lot, then i couldn't do it, she drifted away (?)) then another friend moved 2 hrs away, we visit but i wish she was back here. i am way far from family, they are in the southeast u.s. and i am in the pacific nw. that is tough. i feel lots of people here are very "closed" or maybe that is just my perception. when i am back home, everyone says hello how are you doing etc. even if they don't know you.
i push myself into playgroups etc. like the previous posters suggested but it is mostly for my children, the mamas never seem to want to connect-or again maybe it is my perception.

[frowningfrog]

noorjahan:
where I live is about 15 minutes away from boston. so im not so much near the city but a reasonable distance if you wanna visit the city.lol..
Ya I dont think a bus that costs 15.00 sounds to safe better to wait till you can afford that 60 dollar tab...boston is worth it very historical.

sweatpeasmom...
Im glad that you joined my group i hope that you like it there. there is all different type of lifestyle moms there and they are a fun group so far.there has been few from MDC that have joined up also.

sorry i didnt get back to you sooner i had surgery this past saturday and i am recovering.Just had some gyno issues fixed no big thing,,,
peace all :heartbeat

[marybethorama]

I didn't want to come off as preachy just trying to offer advice for a predicament that many of us face. Another thing that I found to help especially when I couldn't get out of the house was to do a research project. I am a perpetual student and love to learn so I would assign myself "homework" :LOL

Peace,
Shelbi

I do that too. I've been following up on my pre-kid academic interests. I did find it necessary to get out of the house eventually though (just because of the area I'm working in)
Luckily for me my dh was able to take over while I went to the library.

When I'm home I do a lot of decorating, crafting, and of course, reading and computer time. Someday I may take up gardening and try to grow something besides weeds. If the weeds are any indication, I have a green thumb.

[hippiemom2]

I recently did a research project on different types of homes that can be built for cheap and easy to do oneself. I came across a great website wth many cool links. If anyone is interested it is www.ecoaxis.net. It has a great set of links that are organized well about the alternative housing structures.

I had to get out of the house by myself at least once a day. I still feel the need when I am not working to be out of the house a little bit each day by myself. I need time to be me and not just someone's mom. I usually take a nice long walk. It helps me put things in a perspective that made it easier to handle and helps me to walk out the stress and frustration that comes along with the territory.

I can tell that I am not as patient when I don't get to have some time to myself. I try not to be but it just happens. I am only a human being with my own set of limitations.

I feel much empathy towards those mamas who are already extremely shy. I am not shy (obviously) and tend to be an extrovert. Even with my boisterous habits it is still difficult to find people who we feel safe enough with to let into our inner compounds and to truly be part of our lives. I have lived all over the country and there is only a handful of people that I have kept in contact with over the years. I have known hundreds and called them "friends" but really they were just mere acquaintances who filled a specific purpose or common space. It is much more difficult with children. I have moved to an area with family around for the first time since my son was born. It has been a bit weird having family around. I thought I wouldn't battle loneliness here but even with the addition of family the loneliness still comes around every once and awhile. :blah

Good luck to all the mamas, may the goddess bless you with some companionship to make your motherhood journey a little bit less lonely.


Peace,

Shelbi

[frowningfrog]

thank you Shelbi for your kind words and advice..its not to often i find that in people...

its unfortunate for me that i have social phobias but am trying my best to come out of it..its not fair to my children for me to bottle up in my home.


To the group:
I offered before for anyone that would like to meet up to walk or sit in the park...
just wanted to let you know that I will be trying to start that the week after next week, as i just had surgery and cannot do anything till after next week if i am up to it....
sooooooooo..........if you think you live near me or would like to try to gather just let me know ..i will be meeting my aunt to walk with the kids in Wakefeild Mass. at the big lake they have ...she has a almost 4 mo old and my youngest that wil be with me is 1 (well 14 mo to be exact)
hope someone can come...

peace all :heartbeat
Christine

[Pookietooth]

Sigh, so little time, so much to say. It's the middle of the night and I should be sleeping. Anyone read the recent article in Mothering by the mama who takes her kids hiking every morning from 9 am til noon? My though was, besides having no time left to shop for food or do laundry, how about having friendships, both for herself and her kids? I know I haven't managed to make any friends going to playgrounds and organized classes, but at least I am around other adults! Maybe she has friends from pre-parenthood who she can talk to in the evening or something. Silly me, always comparing myself to others.

[Sustainer]

I loved that article! It sounded like a great way to be happy and healthy. It would make you more efficient for the rest of the day, and you could socialize in the evening (and you'd be in a better mood for it too!). I am totally planning to follow that mama's example as soon as I move to the country (hopefully next summer).

[frowningfrog]

hello??..
where are all you mamas?
Feeling lonely here. I havent left my house in a week due to recovering from surgery, and i feel like im gonna burst.. :(
well hope to hear from someone in here soon..
hope all are well :love
:heartbeat

[noorjahan]

:)

[sweetpeasmom]

I'm here. Just been busy. Baby has been getting into everything! I wish I lived closer to Wakefield but I don't. I also get out to library, playgrounds and such it's just the moms just don't quite jive with me. I like my AP playgroup but we are all so spread out, it's hard to meet up regulary. It's seems as this area just isn't too crunchy. I get the stares whenever I wear Megan :LOL I mean I can talk w/the "mainstream" type moms but I just know that I could never really be friends with them, kwim? I actually told one that I wasn't afraid of the chicken pox and the look she gave me, oiy!

[noorjahan]

:)

[frowningfrog]

I had to have a D & C done , also i have abnormal cell growth that could turn into cancer so i had that peice removed (just a wee one), and just some poking round by my doc to be sure that there is nothing else questionable in there. I had a serious complication after birthing Aimee my 1 yr old and havent been right gynocologically since.

I am doing well. Feeling much better now. I am still not allowed to pick up the baby for a few more days. its killing me that I cant pick her up, I usually hold her a lot. But we are getting along well.

sweatpeasmom::
I havent any clue as to why anyone is afraid of the chicken pox....seriously they are a little extreme on this subject..hehe!!!
I had the chic pox all my bros had them as well we are fine and my 9 yr old daughter had them when she was 4 and shes fine ...my gosh. people need to stop worrying so much about little things ...
I laugh at women who think im nuts for worrying about it ...haha!!...they say arent you worried about the affects of the chic pox later in life ..I say no Im more worried about the vax for them hurting my child then the pox....then ya get the eye roll....hehehe!!!

well talk to ya all later :throb

take care ...and be safe if your in the area threatened by this new hurricane...
:rainbow & :heartbeat

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Hello ladies!!

I was wondering if maybe any of us would like to exchange emails or something... It's nice getting an e-card here and there, and just a thoughful note as well, to know someone's thinking of you... PM anyone, or email if you'd like to write :)



Nothing terribly new in my neck of the woods. This past weekend we went on a small family vacation to Laughlin Nevada. It was beautiful!! The drive through the desert, although long and sometimes boring, was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life... I could've stared at those mountains forever....

Laughlin itself was nice too. Our hotel was right on the Colorado River, and just breath-taking. We did some gambling (lost some, won some... Ended up with more 'fun money' in the end though, so it was worth it :) )

SO's entire family was there. He's got a sister 6 months older than me, and a bunch of cousins around my age (SO is 8 years my senior). He keeps saying I should hang out with them, but I'm always so scared to... Honestly, just afraid of something happening, and losing yet another family in my life (estranged from my own, and divorced the ex-h... how many more can I lose? :( )

So, we spent some time with them, and I've really grown closer to his one sister. I love all of his sisters, but I feel much closer to the one my age now... I can't explain it, but I'm really hoping to try to build a friendship with her... Working on it...


frowningfrog, I hope you're doing better!!


I believe I'm on the verge of a cold :( Oh well! I'll survive...hehe

[ShadowMom]

Hi. :o Can I join you? I'm a no-friend mama... sigh.

I've never had too many friends... used to be, DH was my best friend, but somehow since I became a mom, he's who I want to complain about the most... LOL. He just doesn't understand what my life is like a lot of the time.

I had one friend I used to kick around with, just so I'd have another mom to do stuff with... but I distanced myself from her when her actions got to be tooooooo much (smoking heavily while pregnant, CIO, that sort of thing).

I joined my local LLL, and have met some really nice ladies there... in fact, one of them was a mom I'd met online already and didn't know it! She invited me to their playgroup, but never sent me the info on it... not sure what to think of that.

DS and I go to the playground every evening when it cools down some (still in the 90's during the day here), but I haven't really met anyone there. There are some odd people at the playground in the evening.

We don't have a MOMS group here, so that's not an option.

Overall, I am feeling kind of lonely and isolated... no one to talk to... my DH and I are having some problems and it would be nice to have a friend IRL.

So, hopefully if I keep getting out of the house I'll hook up with some ladies. I'm a plus-sized mom so I wonder if it just doesn't appeal to people to socialize with me :LOL I think it's a turn-off for a lot of people.

[MarisaMay]

Ooh, can I join this tribe, please? This is my first post, as I am too shy to just jump into the other threads I read. I totally relate to what many of you have already posted. I stay home with my 4 mo. old dd and am kind of missing the adult interaction I had at work. I have never had alot of friends, just many friendly acquaintances. And now, just a baby to keep me company! :love I am hoping as she gets older, we will join some play groups and maybe meet other moms, but until then I am glad to have found others in the same boat. :shy

[burke-a-bee]

We had a hurricane this week so my 6 yo had time off from school and it kept us indoors most of the time. Which really makes me miss having friends. Actually I've never known what it is like having friends around as a parent. I see so many moms chatting it up at museums and the park. I can't imagine having a life outside of my children like they do.
Sorry if I sound pathetic.

[noorjahan]

:)

[burke-a-bee]

We have been really lucky with hurricanes in Florida this year. My heart goes out to everyone in LA and Miss. I can't imagine what they are going through.

[frowningfrog]

:heartbeat noorjahan;;
I do not remember exactly what the letters d and c stand for ...but it is when they go in and clean out your uterous. this is my second this year. I had an emergency one a week after the baby came,( last July )cause i got a really serious infection in my uterous and i hemeraged and nearly died , this one was because since then i have had very heavy periods and i also become ill during my period ..(i am bed bound for 7 days) ..so she did that also to see if it will help..cause im trying to aviod a hysterctomy if i can..I am done birthing children , but its a big operation and i would like to avoid it...
they also do them sometimes on women who have a misscarriage and continue to bleed a lot ..with out sounding mean but its a cleaning out process ...

but I am doing well now and feeling back to myself ... this past year i havent been all that healthy due to the infection and massive blood loss so i am still not 100% but i am getting there ...
looking forward to the fall weather ,,that'll perk me up I love the fall...

well have a great day ladies

I would welcome e mails if you would like ..pms as well..whatever..i like meeting new people ...

Christine :rainbow & :heartbeat

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I do not remember exactly what the letters d and c stand for ...
D&C stands for Dilatation and Curettage.

It is the same procedure as an early abortion, and some dr's/hospitals will do this when a woman miscarries, even if it's not needed, some will just ask the woman if she wants it done instead of 'waiting to miscarry'. It basically is to clean out the uterus.

[Sustainer]

dilation & curettage

[Sustainer]

cross posted ;)

[frowningfrog]

yes thats it ..thank you... :o

:heartbeat christine

[mjash4]

I feel the same as all of you do. I moved only 30 miles away and it's been very difficult finding a friend. I hang out in some groups for the sake of my ds who loves to be around kids but they all go out and I never get invited. There is nothing out here except farm land and I drive ds to activities for pre-schoolers that are considered far for many. They seem snooty and rude always trying to suggest that I change to fit in. I'm me and will always be. My friends are all from different cliques, different interests (some vaccinate, some don't, some bf, some don't) and I never think to pass judgement on them because it's none of my business what they choose to do with their lives. I only care that they have a good heart, could care less if they are popular or not. But my friends live far away, so this will have to do. I'll look for this thread in the future. You all sound like you are all really nice people.
Wishing all happpy thoughts, fond memories, and, of course, friends.

[3 Little Monkeys]

I haven't read all the other posts - but I'm definitely a lonely mama. I have one IRL friend who is close enough to visit, but she's moving next week and will be an hour away so there goes that option :( dh's "solution" to this problem is to tell me to go to work - ya there we go, let me work a menial job that I hate and basically make enough money to cover the cost of child care, and end up being more stressed out than I already am. All of my friends are here - dh calls them my "make believe friends" :rolleyes

[mjash4]

I feel your pain Three Little Monkeys. Where are you from? I go through the same thing every day. But I guess we'll find our way. Just to offer support, I think you already have the most important job that there is. I think that the world will be a better place when being a mom is recognized as such.

[Pookietooth]

:Hugh Christine, hope all are well. Not much time to post. Glad I'm not the only shy gal around here. Shy people need friends, too!

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

I feel your pain Three Little Monkeys. Where are you from? I go through the same thing every day. But I guess we'll find our way. Just to offer support, I think you already have the most important job that there is. I think that the world will be a better place when being a mom is recognized as such.
I'm in Central CA - born here, but don't consider myself 'from' here. I lived in Southern AZ for most of my life.

It would be nice to have our job recognized for what it is wouldn't it? I'm so tired of people asking me what I do, I say I take care of the kids, or I'm a stay at home mom and they always say "Oh, so you don't work" Ya, you're right, I don't work, I spend all day sitting in front of the tv eating bon bons (what is a bon bon btw? :LOL) letting the little fairies clean house, do laundry and take care of my children. sorry for the rant, sensitive subject for me

[SillyGigglyGirls]

Well I haven't joined a tribe yet..but
I would love to join this one.
I feel like we are always busy, no life whatsoever for us.
Between being with both girls full time, and picking up our oldest daughter (part time - an hour away). Staying at home with the girls, and him at work, school (we barely have time to even spend time with each other). Honestly the only quality time we have is when he comes home from work and school. I make a late dinner for him and I, we talk and then we go to bed. Get up the next AM and start all over again.
Sometimes, I just wanna pause the world...just for the moment. :down
Anyhow... :bouncy "that's my story!"

[Jilian]

Can I join too? I'm a recently divorced mama who moved 1/2 way across the country about a year ago. I left a great supportive AP network of friends back "home" 1,500 miles away. :bawl

I've had no luck meeting any friends here. I'm shy - not to mention always busy. I do have a few family members in the area, but no mama friends. I really miss having like-minded mamas to spend time with.

Thank god for mothering.com so I at least have mamas I can talk to who are like me.

[SillyGigglyGirls]

:irked: I have no clue what bon bons are. But I know exactly how you feel. Motherhood I believe some people don't realize that as a parent you want to give "all." Our children requires total commitment in our lives and we are all things, everyday. A nurse, a teacher, a counsellor..etc. I stay at home, knowing that my children "need" me. Once they are in full time, I plan on going back to school. Persue the career I want. But still in that degree of wants, I know that my relationship with my children has to always be before what I want ..even to some degree of what I need. That's what parenting is all about self sarcifice.

[Our2Girlz]

Ohh Can I join too??!! I have 1 friend in eh area and she has multipule titles. Dh's cousin, my day care rovider, but first and foremost she is my friend. She is a lonely mama too as I am her only friend. I only moved to this area 5 1/2 years ago and I have no one not even dh's family (except this cousin) casue tehy all hate me and I think me and dh's cousin get along so well cause they dont like her either. *sigh* such is life there loss not mine.

[mrsfatty]

Just joining you ladies!

[Peepsqueak]

I think I should join too. I have very few if any friends because even though I come into contact with people daily, it is only business as usual types of things. I am lonely because my dh is not really a friend at this point, because he is like a person I have to deal with who is very unpredictable. I cannot lean on him for friendship or comfort for anything. I tread carefully to ask his help for anything. When he does help I really do not care because I have to work so hard to convince him to help and be involved.

I have close friends that are far away and not reachable on a daily basis. I do have church aquaintances but like my privacy so I do not share personal things with them. I have three children I am busy with and meet other parents at the school but everybody is busy just like I am.

I think I can make more effort to get out and meet people though...like my petsitting business I can get to meet other petsitters at the meetings they have once a month. I also want to get involved in groups that do various activities...perhaps training for a marathon, triathalon or something. I may even try to get with a MS150 group to train.

I tried to get with dog training groups but some of them are tricky....it depends on how competitive they are. I am sure I will find some way of getting together with people and making more friends, but I think I can use more friends....especially in a marriage where I feel very alienated.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I'm another one who's SO believes if I 'got a job' I'd automtically acquire friends...

Now, I do work on the weekends (10 hours a week, and SO watches the kids... SAHM the rest of the time), but it's a job where I'm around NOONE, and bored all day..lol Crappy job, but grocery money! lol I can't find another job around here that I can get to (don't drive), that works around SO's schedule so the kids don't need a daycare.

Also, why is it some people think work equals friends? SO has been at his job for several years now, and isn't friends with ANYone there. He doesn't like most of them actually...lol So, why would he suggest that if I got a job, it'd mean friends? lol

[Jilian]

I'm not sure why some DP's think a job would = friends. It's not true. Yeah, you might have people that you can talk to, but you would not necessarily make friends with people just because you work with them.

To me it is more important to find a friend who somewhat shares my beliefs on parenting. And it's so hard to find anyone in my area who is into natural parenting. Most of the mothers I've met at jobs I've worked at don't even like being mothers, and openly admit this. I'm not judgemental, but I couldn't see myself relating to a person who dislikes being a mother. I practice AP and am studying to be a midwife, I LOVE babies!

*sigh* sometimes I think I'll never meet any like-minded mamas IRL.

[noorjahan]

:)

[frowningfrog]

welcome all new lonely moms .....glad too see a lot of us finding our tribes,
now if we all lived closer to one another problem solved right .. :LOL how I wish.

I am feeling so much better as far as recovery. I havent really picked up the baby yet..i just have been lifting her onto the bed but nothing else just yet ..i wanna be sure i dont break anything ..hehe!! i get nervous about stiff sometimes...
anyhow...i saw the doc last week she said im healing nicely so good..no problems...

well hello to all ..and i am off to bed now ...see you soon

:heartbeat Christine

hugs to all...

[Magella]

Hello, another lonely mama here. It's just hard to meet people I "click" with. I often feel like the only non-mainstream/semi-crunchy/ap mama around here. For whatever reason I just don't hit it off with a lot of people. And I feel noticeably different: I have a visible (in tank tops) tattoo, I have weird short hair (growing out an extremely short 'do), I'm quiet, I carry my babes in slings, we walk to school (which is rare in these parts), my parenting style is different. Dunno. I can meet people and be friendly, but making that connection and becoming friends is rare. I'm nice, really :innocent

Well, :wave Frowningfrog, I see your from Mass., so am I. I saw your link in your sig-are you welcoming new members? I'm shy but I'm interested in meeting new people. My dearest friends live far enough away that we don't see each other much.

[frowningfrog]

Sledg::
I am always accepting new members in the group. we have all sorts of different types of parenting moms so its cool to get to know one another. Im sure you will like it ...its a very non judgemental group
a few from Mass belong and a few from NH also..
Got a few from MDC...as well.
see you in the group.

:heartbeat

[mjash4]

Are there any from NJ (Warren County)? Maybe i should move up by all of you. I'm really getting sick of everyone's judgements. But if you don't do what everyone else in the group does, you're out! How are we supposed to teach children about tolerating differences when we don't practice it ourselves. Many a time I've seen these same women who don't tolerate me correct the same type of behavior in their children: "We're all different, Johnny, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends. You have to be nice to everyone, even if they're different." So, correct it now but when you get older it's a free for all.

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm in Central CA - it's rather lonely here. I wish I lived closer to my mom - she's my friend :love Dh asked me last night now I could be lonely - I've got 3 girls, 2 dogs (had 3 but we lost one Sunday night) and now a new little kitty. My oldest dd is the only one capable of holding an actual conversation - and she's at school all day - Besides, a 10 yr olds conversations aren't very exciting :LOL I've got no one around who I can hold an adult conversation with - he tells me to call someone - it just isn't the same {sigh} I've just decided that men just don't get it!

[Our2Girlz]

no men dont get it at all!

[Jilian]

I'm way down here in SW FL. It's mainstream parenting land here. Either that or all the AP mamas are hiding from me. Maybe they just don't have computers.

Wait, maybe it's me :eek

[kewb]

Are there any from NJ (Warren County)? .

I'm in Bergen County. I'm sorry the moms around you do not practice what they preach. Not that they are overly crunchy where I am. I find myself getting crunchier the older my kids get.

[frowningfrog]

no men dont get it.. ;)
they do not understand the womans need to bond with another woman. Especially when your a mom.
I wont speak for anyone but I want that mom to mom bond. its almost to me as if its needed...
I have lost touch with all my "hippie" friends. they are all traveling the US.
hope they are well..
:blah :blah :blah
:LOL

:heartbeat Christine

[mjash4]

Kweb and 3 Little Monkeys,
Thanks for responding. Kweb, we'll have to get together sometime. Maybe on a Tuesday. I love and miss the hustle and bustle of counties like Bergen and Essex (where I'm from). I'm semi-crunchie, if I understand the term correctly (holistic), but am just open minded and don't like the fact that I'm automatically labeled a freak for choosing to be careful about certain things. But women can be catty.
And 3 little Monkeys, I know the feeling and just want to say that I'm here for you if you need to talk. You could PM me if you'd like. I feel like you do even though I only have one, but still have lots to do and find that I need that connection with others just to bounce conversations around (a little cerebral, a little girly stuff, etc) and maybe that's because I don't have brothers and sisters. But I'm here if you want to talk.
Thanks again for responding. I'm not used to it. It's a nice feeling to be noticed for the things you say/feel.
Take care of yourselves.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Should we post a little "get to know you" type stuff? Strengthen our little tribe and get the conversation flowing? I'm not very good at asking questions or introducing myself, but I'll start:

My name is Sherri, I'm a WAHMommy to 3 girls ages 10 (will be 11 in 3 weeks) 4 1/2 and 22 mo. I'm pregnant and due mid February - don't know what we are having, don't know yet if I'm going to find out. We've got 2 dogs, had 3 but one passed away this past Sunday, and we just inherited a kitten - or she inherited us anyway.

I love to read, but have no time for it with the girls - not to mention they won't let me read unless they are asleep, which means I don't get to read much at all. I love scrapbooking - but I'm suddenly miss popularity when I attempt to do that and I just can't do it with little ones getting into everything so I'm over 5 yrs behind :LOL

Guess I'm not very exciting :LOL So who's next?

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I'm game! Nice to meet you Sherri!!

My name's Jenni, I'm 23 years old. I have a little girly who's 4 1/2, and help to raise SO's son (whom he has custody of), who is 9 1/2. We're not married, but plan on it in the future... When? Who knows...lol We're just happy building our family together.

I'm birthmother to a beautiful little girl, who is 19 months old, and lives 3000 miles away from me.

I'm divorced from a horribly abusive man (dd's biodad), and we made the move from NJ to CA in Oct of 2004. He wants to terminate parental rights, which is perfectly fine by us, as DD considers SO her daddy, and he wants to adopt her.

Am I a soap-opera yet? lol

I have a job for 10 hours per week on the weekends, but am a SAHM otherwise. We have 2 hamsters who are my babies until we feel ready to have a child together :)

I *love* music, and am addicted to the TV show 'Lost'. I can be found most days hanging out on the Television forum...lol 'Lost', 'Big Brother', 'Amazing Race', 'CSI'...lol I'm kind of a boring person, I think... :blah :nut

Who's next?

[Sustainer]

I'm Alice and I'm a 30 year old SAHM. I have two children. My daughter is 4 1/2 years old and my son is 19 months old. My partner and I are not legally married and we don't ever want to be. Today is my partner's 30th birthday.

My obsession right now is cloth diapers and I can usually be found hanging around the diapering board. :love

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

WOW! Us last 3 all have 4 1/2 year olds...hehe :)

[kay4]

I so belong in this tribe :o I have lived here for over 2 years and hve no IRL friends. I have longtime friends in other states that I talk to a few times a week on the phone, but it would be so nice to have a like-minded mama to hang out with in my own town. I am Kelly, 29 yo and a military spouse. I have 4 dc (G-10, G-7, B-4, G-1) and 1 dss (17) I am going to my first LLL meeting next month and am hoping to connect with someone there

[frowningfrog]

Ill be next....
I am no good at intro's Im better at answering questions but Ill try....

My name is Christine, 31 yrs old ..mom of 2 girls Anastasia(anna) is 9 yrs old born may 13 1996 ,,,I wasnt planning on anymore when my little miss Aimee came along she is now 1 yrs old july 12 2004.
I am not married and never was and really wish not to be ...however I do live with Aimee's dad.
I do not work right now, ..I raised Anna alone and had to put her in Daycare ..I hated every second of it...now I get to be with them both and I think thats where I need to be right now , but if we should need the money of corse ill go to work..
We have one cat ..she is the greatest ..shes all black and bf named her deamon ..how nice...she is the extreme opposite thank goodness....she actually acts more like a dog if you throw her toys for her to chase after she will bring it back to you as if your playing catch with a dog and she will do this for hrs on end.. :LOL Aimee loves to pin her to the floor and oddly the cat loves it so be it ..
I to am seriously addicted to the tv show Lost its soooo great...also CSI:lv, survivor, amazing race..so you know where im at on those night ..planted in front of the TV.. :LOL
I alos like to read but where to find the time is the problem......
I hang out on Yahoo messenger a lot ...I run a moms group for all types of moms on yahoo..(link in my sig) iTs going well and I have lots of great moms in there

wow I feel as if I am rambling on and on .soo ..enough :blah
:rainbow & :heartbeat
Christine

[Jilian]

Nice to "meet" all of you!

My name is Jilian, I'm 26 and have one DS who is 2.5 yrs. I have been seperated for a little over a year. Last year most of family (including DS's dad) moved from Boston to SW FL. I left a great supportive AP group of friends back in Boston :(

I work about 28 hrs a week from home (here comes the part most people find strange) I work for DS's dad (my ex husband). We are still friends, we just didn't work well as a married couple. DS goes to daycare 3 days a week for 6 hrs each day. It gives me time to get work done (that I can't do w/him around) and it gives him some interaction with other children his age.

We just had a house built and moved into it last month. :D We just adopted two cats from our local shelter too :love I am a labor doula and an aspiring midwife. I hope to start midwifery school within the next 6 mos or so.

I think thats enough about me :shy

[kewb]

Hi, I'm Kathy. As for age-lets just say I am closer to 40 then 30. I am a WOHM to my not so little Munchkins. Blake is 7 and Mikaela is 5. DH (Andrew) and I will be married 13 years this December. We live in New Jersey and I am originally from Long Island. We also have 2 fur babies or cats-Samantha Catz & Tasha Yar.

Mjash4- I would love to meet during the week, but it would only be for my lunch hour. If you can hold out until November I will be off from work on the 10th & 11th.

[3 Little Monkeys]

So nice to meet everyone! :D

[3 Little Monkeys]

WOW! Us last 3 all have 4 1/2 year olds...hehe :)
And all 3 are girls - can you imagine what it would be like if we got them all together :nut :LOL

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm game! Nice to meet you Sherri!!

My name's Jenni, I'm 23 years old. I have a little girly who's 4 1/2, and help to raise SO's son (whom he has custody of), who is 9 1/2. We're not married, but plan on it in the future... When? Who knows...lol We're just happy building our family together.

I'm birthmother to a beautiful little girl, who is 19 months old, and lives 3000 miles away from me.

I'm divorced from a horribly abusive man (dd's biodad), and we made the move from NJ to CA in Oct of 2004. He wants to terminate parental rights, which is perfectly fine by us, as DD considers SO her daddy, and he wants to adopt her.

Am I a soap-opera yet? lol

I have a job for 10 hours per week on the weekends, but am a SAHM otherwise. We have 2 hamsters who are my babies until we feel ready to have a child together :)

I *love* music, and am addicted to the TV show 'Lost'. I can be found most days hanging out on the Television forum...lol 'Lost', 'Big Brother', 'Amazing Race', 'CSI'...lol I'm kind of a boring person, I think... :blah :nut

Who's next?
Another CA mama! I'm in Central CA, about a half hour north of Fresno

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm Alice and I'm a 30 year old SAHM. I have two children. My daughter is 4 1/2 years old and my son is 19 months old. My partner and I are not legally married and we don't ever want to be. Today is my partner's 30th birthday.

My obsession right now is cloth diapers and I can usually be found hanging around the diapering board. :love
:birthday: to your SO! I hang out in diapering quite a bit - my youngest is potty trained already, but I'm planning a stash for the new baby - it's so addicting!!

[3 Little Monkeys]

I so belong in this tribe :o I have lived here for over 2 years and hve no IRL friends. I have longtime friends in other states that I talk to a few times a week on the phone, but it would be so nice to have a like-minded mama to hang out with in my own town. I am Kelly, 29 yo and a military spouse. I have 4 dc (G-10, G-7, B-4, G-1) and 1 dss (17) I am going to my first LLL meeting next month and am hoping to connect with someone there
Kelly, LLL is a good place to meet people - hopefully you can connect with someone :love

[3 Little Monkeys]

I to am seriously addicted to the tv show Lost its soooo great...also CSI:lv, survivor, amazing race..so you know where im at on those night ..planted in front of the TV.. :LOL
I alos like to read but where to find the time is the problem......Christine
Hi Christine! I've never watched Lost (was never able to sit down to watch it last season - the kids always seemed to act up) but I am a die hard survivor and CSI fan! Thursday's are my "leave me alone I'm watching tv" nights - I just wish the kids would abide by that :LOL

[3 Little Monkeys]

Nice to "meet" all of you!

My name is Jilian, I'm 26 and have one DS who is 2.5 yrs. I have been seperated for a little over a year. Last year most of family (including DS's dad) moved from Boston to SW FL. I left a great supportive AP group of friends back in Boston :(

I work about 28 hrs a week from home (here comes the part most people find strange) I work for DS's dad (my ex husband). We are still friends, we just didn't work well as a married couple. DS goes to daycare 3 days a week for 6 hrs each day. It gives me time to get work done (that I can't do w/him around) and it gives him some interaction with other children his age.

We just had a house built and moved into it last month. :D We just adopted two cats from our local shelter too :love I am a labor doula and an aspiring midwife. I hope to start midwifery school within the next 6 mos or so.

I think thats enough about me :shy

Hi Jillian! I think it's great that you and your ds's dad are still friends! It makes it so much easier on the kids involved. My parents were horrible to eachother for so long after they divorced, it was so difficult for me and my brother - theya re great friends now, but I wish they would have been friendly when we were growing up.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Hi, I'm Kathy. As for age-lets just say I am closer to 40 then 30. I am a WOHM to my not so little Munchkins. Blake is 7 and Mikaela is 5. DH (Andrew) and I will be married 13 years this December. We live in New Jersey and I am originally from Long Island. We also have 2 fur babies or cats-Samantha Catz & Tasha Yar.

Mjash4- I would love to meet during the week, but it would only be for my lunch hour. If you can hold out until November I will be off from work on the 10th & 11th.
Hi Kathy! My oldest dd's name is Mikayla, she'll be 11 next month :love Are you a Star Trek fan as well? Dh and I used to watch all the time, but it isn't on tv anymore dang it!

[3 Little Monkeys]

well I've :blah enough this morning, just trying to get the conversation going :D

[SillyGigglyGirls]

:blah Well this morning has been great except I kept reminding myself to look for my bracelet that my b/f gave me for my B-day. I can't find it!!! I may have taken it off in the van (the van is basically another room in the house LOL!!) Anyhow, two kids in school and one kid just came home a few mins ago. Nothing really exciting! I am looking at the task ahead of me..CLEANING! I got most of my clothes sorted, and organized! I MADE IT FIT! (for those of you that read my lost post about CLOTHES EVERYWHERE! They were gonna fit in those damn drawers even if I had to fold them small! :wink I am usually on the computer on certain times (not much) though! We get our oldest daughter today! I miss her so much throughout the week. Friday is going to be a blast, since we have drs appointments, groccery shopping to do, dressing shopping for my cousin's wedding on Sat., hair cut for my b/f (looks like Elbert E. - with his hair growing out!) We are planning a movie night just the two of us tonight, since he has no work, or school tomorrow! It's been a long time since we have had time together ..alone even. Anyhow, that is my day today!

[3 Little Monkeys]

Wow Kate! I got exhausted just reading about your day! I have an order I need to get packaged up - It's going to be heavy though so dh will have to take it to FedEx tomorrow for me, no way am I shipping it USPS if it weighs this much! I've been trying for 2 days to clean/organize my room but it just isn't happening. The kids always seem to get into things or start fighting or need something as soon as I get busy cleaning. I've got to get things organized before the baby gets here though! I have 5 months, but that's going to go by fast!

[SillyGigglyGirls]

LOL I get exausted waking up and thinking about my day! I guess, sometimes it's overwhelming and other times I am able to just roll with the waves around here. I don't get much time for myself. Trust me! That is why I JOINED HERE! It's a different kind of lonely. It's not lonely as if there is nothing to do, its lonely as always getting so busy (and not able to do anything I WANT!!!) We went away this past weekend, to the United States to visit a friend. Bottom line of the story, I got frustrated with my b/f because we go, go, and go and I never get to do anything I wanted to do. His friend ended up in the hospital, that put a downer on our plans. An hour and a half later, in the hopsital room (3 girls, fighting, whining, screaming, having a fit) YES- IT WAS MY TURN! After all, the end of my b'/f's and his friend's conversation was "yea we will get together for sure, just call me and give me a day and time." I huffed in the hall, and his sensitive response," Are you mad at me?" Ofcourse the normal answer," No!" Then he goes," What is wrong?" I reply," Absolutely nothing." Just then he basically says," Well that is normally your response when you are upset." So out with it." I basically said," I can't have a conversation at all with our friend, the girls are screaming, and fighting, and there is you all calm and expect me to handle everything and you are making PLANS already! He responded," My plans include you hun." I was like NO, I DONT WANT TO GO - SO I CAN BE BORED? I WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!!! Well, he took me to Olive Garden because that was something I wanted! LOL..get this, he told me to ORDER ANYTHING ON THE MENU! ..13.00 dollars later, I was a satisfied woman! Oh and he dealt with the girls, while I enjoyed my meal in peace. What can I say, he is a sweetheart
but yea it gets lonely as far as being able to do what I want to do. I guess that is part for the course of being a full time parent and spouse!

[rainbowfairymomma]

Hi mommas! :wave

I wanted to join you all! I haven't been able to read the thread yet but I'll try :LOL :LOL

I'll introduce myself, I'm amanda momma to Logan and Phoenix and wife to Ed. We are currently living in VA and moved here from Australia. (My hubby is from AUS i'm from MD) We've been here almost 2 years and I have yet to make any good/close friends. I can never seem to find like minded mommas :( I feel so out of the loop in our natural thinking sometimes :o

Just wanted to say hi and also I'd LOVE a pen pal!! :) PM me if your interested!!! :heartbeat :heartbeat

[~lioneyes~]

Hi everyone~
I'm new here also. I have lived in the same small town for 8years, but since I have gone back to college, I have lost many of my friends. I go to school online, so I don't even get the chance to meet new people. A few years ago, I decided that I was tired of being the friend who did everything for everyone else, and got nothing in return. So, I broke my ties with them. It has been very lonely, but I am a lot less stressed, and sad. I am having my first baby in February, and I feel so lucky to have my dh, who is my best friend. We hope to move to a more AP town in a few years after I am done with school. Hopefully I will meet some new people there!

[JenniferH]

The friends I've had for 20 years or so still keep in touch, but we never spend any time together. One can't because she lives in HI and is stationed in Diego Garcia. I doubt we will ever get to hang out in real life again, but I'm hopeful. She wants to get out of the military, but hard to find a civilian job that can support her 4 kids.

I really miss just hanging out and shooting the breeze. It seems like the issues in my friends' lives keep them so busy that even a phone call is out of the question. I'm almost to the point of giving up on one. She doesn't bother to call or return calls and I haven't seen or heard from her in months. I'm usually the one to pick up the phone. How hard is it to take 5 minutes to pick up the phone and say "Hi"?

At what point do you mourn the loss of a friendship and just move on?

The town I live in just seems dead. No one wants to have fun anymore! I miss living in a place where I can find one or two people to have dinner with or a cookout, or drink a bottle of wine. It's very frustrating.

I love my little family, but I REALLY need interaction outside my family unit sometimes.

[frowningfrog]

Jennifer:

I to have a friend (if you can call her that) like that ..I always call, or e mail her she never does me. Its not like I call her daily I call her once a month if that but your right if I can find the time at least once a month why she cant do the same...
We have been friends for 9 yrs ...what gives?
I guess its time to move on..
good luck ..
:heartbeat

[kewb]

Hi Kathy! My oldest dd's name is Mikayla, she'll be 11 next month :love Are you a Star Trek fan as well? Dh and I used to watch all the time, but it isn't on tv anymore dang it!

My dh is really the big trekkie. I did enjoy watching it with him. Out of all of them Captain Janeway was my favorite. The cat got her name because DH found her in an abandoned building and she appeared to be an orphan. He felt her start in life mirrored that character.

[kewb]

I have found the time to move on from a friendship is when I suddenly realize that I am the one putting all the effort in. I have some friends where we go months without speaking and then one of us picks up the phone and it is as if no time has passed. Other's I found with the passage of time our lives took different paths and we had no common ground anymore. Those are the ones I move on from.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Hi everyone~
I'm new here also. I have lived in the same small town for 8years, but since I have gone back to college, I have lost many of my friends. I go to school online, so I don't even get the chance to meet new people. A few years ago, I decided that I was tired of being the friend who did everything for everyone else, and got nothing in return. So, I broke my ties with them. It has been very lonely, but I am a lot less stressed, and sad. I am having my first baby in February, and I feel so lucky to have my dh, who is my best friend. We hope to move to a more AP town in a few years after I am done with school. Hopefully I will meet some new people there!
Hi Chelsea! I recognize you from our DDC - I'm due with #4 in mid February - well my "official" due date is March 1, but I have yet to make it to my due date so I'm not expecting to hit it with this one either :LOL

[3 Little Monkeys]

I really miss just hanging out and shooting the breeze. It seems like the issues in my friends' lives keep them so busy that even a phone call is out of the question. I'm almost to the point of giving up on one. She doesn't bother to call or return calls and I haven't seen or heard from her in months. I'm usually the one to pick up the phone. How hard is it to take 5 minutes to pick up the phone and say "Hi"?

At what point do you mourn the loss of a friendship and just move on?

I hear you! My best friend and I were roommates for a long time, she helped me raise my youngest dd for 4 yrs! when dh and I got married, we moved from AZ to CA and I'm lucky if she calls me 3 times a year - usually I'm the one calling her, and when I do, she spends more time talking to her kids than she does to me, drives me crazy. I've pretty much given up, the last time I went to AZ to visit my mom, I didn't even tell her I was there.

[3 Little Monkeys]

My dh is really the big trekkie. I did enjoy watching it with him. Out of all of them Captain Janeway was my favorite. The cat got her name because DH found her in an abandoned building and she appeared to be an orphan. He felt her start in life mirrored that character.
Janeway was my favorite as well - dh and I really liked the new series, Enterprise, but they took it off the air. Oh well, not like I don't have enough tv to watch as it is :LOL

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

Welcome Noorjahan!

Where are you from originally?

[frowningfrog]

Welcome all new ladies to the tribe!!!!!!!!!
:w
:heartbeat
Christine

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

:wave thanks. I'm not new though to this tribe, however, you are very nice!!! :)

I'm from Bangladesh- "Dhaka".
Sorry - I haven't read through all the previous posts yet :blush maybe I should do that huh :LOL Nice to meet you though :D I had a friend in college who was from Bangladesh, goodness, I haven't heard from him in years...

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

Just curious have you ever had Indian/Bangladeshi food? Anyone here? If you had did you like it?
Arif (my friend) made something with curry - it's been so long I can't remember exactly what it was. I'm not a big curry fan so I didn't much care for it - that's the only thing I ever had though

[*daciaperfect*]

i love curry. i have also had some lentil and garbanzo dishes that were good as well.

[mjash4]

I guess I'll be last for the evening..... I'm Adriana and I am a WAHM and just moved last year to Warren County, NJ. I have a son, Justin 4 1/2 and would love another one (if allowed). My ds is also a trekkie and is into Star Wars stuff. I sell Sensaria products (natural skin care and body care products) and enjoy talking with all kinds of people. I have 2 kitties and I love so many things that I'd probably bore you. Love anything organic and love just descent, down-to-earth people who aren't out to prove anything. I didn't get a chance to read everyone's posts tonight, it's a late night for me tonight. I'll get there.
Hope to see you in November, KWEB.
Toodles!

[kewb]

Just curious have you ever had Indian/Bangladeshi food? Anyone here? If you had did you like it?

Indian/Bangladeshi is one of the few foods I have not tried, yet. I find the smell of Curry to be very strong so we have not ventured that way yet. The closest I have come is with a vegetable dip I make that uses curry.
I do love trying new foods though, so one of these days.

[frowningfrog]

noorjahan::
I have eaten Indian food before...It was rather hot but delicious all the same..
When I was 20yrs old I dated a A man from Paskistan I think..and he took me out to an Indian restauraunt.....
Also ..one of my aunts was married (now divorced) to a palistinian man, when I was 19 i went to loive with them for while and we were often at his families house for dinner ...good stuff.. :D :heartbeat

[Fanny1460]

:irked: I have no clue what bon bons are. But I know exactly how you feel. Motherhood I believe some people don't realize that as a parent you want to give "all." Our children requires total commitment in our lives and we are all things, everyday. A nurse, a teacher, a counsellor..etc. I stay at home, knowing that my children "need" me. Once they are in full time, I plan on going back to school. Persue the career I want. But still in that degree of wants, I know that my relationship with my children has to always be before what I want ..even to some degree of what I need. That's what parenting is all about self sarcifice.


Bon bon = sweets ;)

[rainbowfairymomma]

Originally Posted by noorjahan
Just curious have you ever had Indian/Bangladeshi food? Anyone here? If you had did you like it?

I :love :love :love :love :love Indian food :LOL :LOL :LOL Its my favorite! Hubby and I are pretty poor but whenever we have a special date or something we go to the Indian place! :heartbeat Its GREAT! :wink

[MotherWhimsey]

We had Naan and saffron rice tonight for dinner...

I want to jump on the bandwagon if I may. Dh has some friends, but I don't. The most social interaction I get in a week is with the bag boy at the store. I just don't break into groups well, so with LLL and stuff, I go, but haven't really done anything with anyone there.

[kewb]

Sounds like my dh. He has friends and gets together with them occasionaly. Stick him in a room with strangers and he is able to make friends.

Yesterday I went shopping by myself. I had a great time being without the kids but it would have been nice to have a girlfriend with me. *sigh*

[frowningfrog]

Ya. same w/my guy...he is so talkative to everyone makes me mad sometimes ..lol...

my neighbors across the street had a yard sale yesterday, they have a 1 yr old son..same as my daughter. do you think I went over there to take a peek and say hello to my neighbors ..noooo......grrrr..I hate being so shy!!

[noorjahan]

:)

[noorjahan]

:)

[Sustainer]

I don't see your post twice.

Thank you for telling me about Chicken Tandoori. If I'm ever in an Indian restaurant that's what I'll order. I don't like hot foods.

I'll have to remember that name. Tandoori. Tandoori. Tandoori.

Maybe I'd better just write it down. :LOL

[burke-a-bee]

I ask my DH if he is running for office because he has to say something to everbody. But I don't mind that he's outgoing, we balance each other out.

[3 Little Monkeys]

yes, it's hot but veryyy tasty!!!



I love Arabian food too, however, it is not "hot" for me.I like falafel ..yummy!!

Those who haven't tried Indian food or do not like curry:

You can try Indian food without curry. I heard about it so many times as if Indian food is all about curry-it makes me wanna cry. There are so many other yummy good stuffs!! If you are in an Indian/Bangladeshi restaurent try these: Chicken Tandoori( red colored clay oven grilled-not hot at all), Dal(lentil soup), Shaak Paneer(spinach or anyother green leaves with cheese), Kabas (there are varities -we'd two types last night, still there are leftovers, hmm, I'm going to eat now!) all sorts of Breads and rice....yummy :yum
:yum You're making me hungry! Of course at 19 weeks pregnant, it's not difficult to make me hungry :LOL

[3 Little Monkeys]

Ya. same w/my guy...he is so talkative to everyone makes me mad sometimes ..lol...

my neighbors across the street had a yard sale yesterday, they have a 1 yr old son..same as my daughter. do you think I went over there to take a peek and say hello to my neighbors ..noooo......grrrr..I hate being so shy!!
My dh is like this, he can walk into a room and within 20 minutes he knows everyone's name and their freaking life story! Me on the other hand, I walk into a room and look for the nearest corner to hide :bag: I'm not at all outgoing and have always been extremely shy. I make myself mad sometimes because of it.

[noorjahan]

:yum You're making me hungry! Of course at 19 weeks pregnant, it's not difficult to make me hungry :LOL

Hey, Congratulations!!!!! :banana :balloons

[noorjahan]

I don't see your post twice.

Thanks.

Thank you for telling me about Chicken Tandoori. If I'm ever in an Indian restaurant that's what I'll order. I don't like hot foods.

I'll have to remember that name. Tandoori. Tandoori. Tandoori.

That was funny..... :LOL :LOL :LOL
Maybe I'd better just write it down. :LOL.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Hey, Congratulations!!!!! :banana :balloons
Thanks! :love

[noorjahan]

Thanks! :love

Do you know the gender of the baby? Or it's surprise?

[3 Little Monkeys]

Do you know the gender of the baby? Or it's surprise?
I have my ultrasound scheduled for the 12th, dh wants to find out the gender, but I want it to be a surprise this time. This is our last baby (#4) and I found out with all three of the girls so I thought it might be nice to wait until the birth this time. He can find out, but he can't tell me or anyone else then because his family can't keep a secret to save their lives. FIL would be teasing me about it every time he saw me and would eventually tell me whether I wanted him to or not and I don't want to find out that way. I've got issues with FIL, can you tell? :LOL

[burke-a-bee]

When are you due?

[3 Little Monkeys]

When are you due?
My doctor has my due date as March 1, but 1) his dates and mine are different and 2) I have yet to make it to my due date so I say this babe will arrive sometime in mid February

[burke-a-bee]

I'm due with #4 (I have 3 boys) April 1st. Right behind you.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Are you going to find out the sex of this baby? I've got 3 girls so we're hoping for a boy this time - but dh swears it's another girl

[burke-a-bee]

Yes definately. I'm hoping for a girl but everyone who looks at my belly says boy. I hope to find out in a couple of weeks.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Good luck with that - I hope you get a good look :love

Time for me to get little ones in bed. Have a nice night!

[frowningfrog]

My dh is like this, he can walk into a room and within 20 minutes he knows everyone's name and their freaking life story! Me on the other hand, I walk into a room and look for the nearest corner to hide :bag: I'm not at all outgoing and have always been extremely shy. I make myself mad sometimes because of it.


LOL scary>>> :LOL
you and I could be the same person... :shy

:heartbeat

[frowningfrog]

little help...
I seam to be confused...... :nut
I havent really heard many of these terms being used in the threads to describe oneself.. I have never heard any of my friends say oh I am this and I am that...
You are prolly all gonna laugh at me what whatever right ..hehe...
what do people mean by crunchy and granola.
thanks...silly me
:heartbeat

[Sustainer]

crunchy/granola = natural

sometimes implies "hippie" ;)

[3 Little Monkeys]

LOL scary>>> :LOL
you and I could be the same person... :shy

:heartbeat
I knew I had a twin somewhere! :LOL

When I was in high school I used to go through a line at the store, or the drive thru or something similar and the cashier would say "weren't you JUST here?" I'd say no and they would say that someone who looked exactly like me had just been in there. It was weird, and I started to get a little freaked out about it after awhile :LOL

[3 Little Monkeys]

little help...
I seam to be confused...... :nut
I havent really heard many of these terms being used in the threads to describe oneself.. I have never heard any of my friends say oh I am this and I am that...
You are prolly all gonna laugh at me what whatever right ..hehe...
what do people mean by crunchy and granola.
thanks...silly me
:heartbeat
not silly at all - I was here for about 6 months before I felt confident enough to ask that question. It made sense though once someone explained it to me.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

LMAO this was for a different thread...lol

[Rogercol]

Hey ladies-
Thought I'd jump in this conversation... not because I'm a mama, but because I'm a little bit lonely...
By way of introduction:
My name is Niccole, and I live on the North Shore of Massachusetts. I am not outwardly shy, but have few friends around here, and am always worried about looking foolish when I try something new. So, I don't really like doing things, like joining groups, alone. It took me ages to get up the courage to post on these boards, because I worried about sounding silly. My best friend lives about an hour away, and is busy with her own buisness, my one college friend is dealing with her own lonliness in Kentucky, (a bit far to travel). I don't really feel the need for daily updates and letter exchanges with either of these women, since once we call or get together, its like we were never apart, and I know that if I really need them, distance won't keep them away. However. I've lived here going on five years, and have no real girl friends in the area. The women I hang out with are the wives and girlfriends of my boyfriend's buddies (who he's known since highschool). I enjoy palling around with the guys, fit in really well with them, but can't get chummy with the girls. We no longer share the same interests (not that we ever really did) I've mostly lost touch with them as they've gotten married and started having babies. That's not because I dislike babies... but I don't really share the same views on child rearing. They mostly think that my ideas on Natural Parenting are quaint at best, and that I'll wise up once I have my own. Not quite the support group I'll be looking for, come my turn.

I think its interesting that I found this thread today, since I came into my house so very uhappy, needing the friends I haven't been able to make. I came home tonight fresh from a visit to my new primary care doctor, facing a confirmed diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and an overwhelming schedual of blood work, and ultrasounds, and nutritionists and endocrinologists, and medication changes... and my dear, sweet boyfriend who feels he has to fix everything, asked me "what's your plan". I couldn't answer, because how do you plan for any of that?? Who makes the contingincy plan for the unexplained blood pressure spike that panics your doctor, or the sheer terror that all the things your other doctors have been telling you not to worry about really ARE a problem, or the devistating possablility that you won't be able to have those beautiful, well adjusted babies that you so desperately want??? I didn't. And all I wanted to do was talk to my mom, but she was out with her friends and I had to leave a message...

Well. Wasn't planning that rant... thnk you for joining my pity party. I promise its over:)

Niccole

FrowningFrog- I don't live very far from you if you wanted a walking partner... we could compare book lists. Let me know when you are feeling better, and up for a stroll around the lake.

[Rogercol]

Oh- and I really like Indian food too... Lamb Byriani is my favorite.

Niccole

[frowningfrog]

I knew I had a twin somewhere! :LOL

When I was in high school I used to go through a line at the store, or the drive thru or something similar and the cashier would say "weren't you JUST here?" I'd say no and they would say that someone who looked exactly like me had just been in there. It was weird, and I started to get a little freaked out about it after awhile :LOL

:LOL :LOL
Wow !!...that is freaky. .Maybe someday you will run into that person..wouldnt that be even freakier...

[frowningfrog]

FrowningFrog- I don't live very far from you if you wanted a walking partner... we could compare book lists. Let me know when you are feeling better, and up for a stroll around the lake.[/QUOTE]



Welcome to the thread..It is nice to meet you.
that was so rude when them people said to you that you will come to your senses when you have children. Seriously some people are just plain mean.

As of right now I am pretty much home bound for at Least a few more weeks. My guys car has broke and we cannot afford to fix it so he is taking my car to go to work...grrrrrr...Its ok anyways I. We moved not to long ago and I am not happy with our set up yet so I can get some things done round here.
My aunt just had a baby 4 mo ago....(yes i am 31 yrs old and have a 4 mo old cousin) ..and she wants to walk to. Ill let you know when we will be heading over there, If we ever get there...ugh...its always something.

[WickidaWitch]

Wow, I could have written most of your post. :(
I will try and catch up on the 10+ pages.

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm your friend Tammi - even if I do live 3000 miles away :hug

[burke-a-bee]

I see alot of Mass locations here. Where does everyone live in Mass? I'm in Florida now but lived in Cambridge, Allston, Brighton, Somerville, Amherst, Belchertown and Annisquam (Gloucester). (I hope I got them all.) I miss it sometimes.

[WickidaWitch]

I see alot of Mass locations here. Where does everyone live in Mass? I'm in Florida now but lived in Cambridge, Allston, Brighton, Somerville, Amherst, Belchertown and Annisquam (Gloucester). (I hope I got them all.) I miss it sometimes.
I used to live in Somerville. :D I miss it too since that's where my family is.

[Ms.Doula]

I haven't read all the other posts - but I'm definitely a lonely mama. I have one IRL friend who is close enough to visit, but she's moving next week and will be an hour away so there goes that option :( dh's "solution" to this problem is to tell me to go to work - ya there we go, let me work a menial job that I hate and basically make enough money to cover the cost of child care, and end up being more stressed out than I already am. All of my friends are here - dh calls them my "make believe friends" :rolleyes


:heartbeat :love I LOVE YOU, SHERRI!!! And I miss you too!!! :love :heartbeat

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

Hello mamas!!!

Dropping by! As Ramadan started (I'm Muslim) won't be here that much! Will drop by next one month once in a while!!! I hope you guys have great time !!!
Trying to be a better muslim=better person this time around finally!
:love
we'll still be here when you get back - :love

[frowningfrog]

Hello mamas!!!

Dropping by! As Ramadan started (I'm Muslim) won't be here that much! Will drop by next one month once in a while!!! I hope you guys have great time !!!
Trying to be a better muslim=better person this time around finally!
:love


:love looking forward to your return :heartbeat
:) christine

[Pookietooth]

Hey ladies-
I came home tonight fresh from a visit to my new primary care doctor, facing a confirmed diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and an overwhelming schedual of blood work, and ultrasounds, and nutritionists and endocrinologists, and medication changes....

Welcome, Niccole. I have PCOS, too. It's scary, isn't it? They know so little about it. There's a living with PCOS thread over in Health and healing that's for all women with PCOS, not just mamas. It's pretty quiet most of the time. http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=292254&highlight=PCOS My main advice is read everything you can get, make all your own food from scratch, and take lots of cod liver oil.

[SillyGigglyGirls]

Hi, I just got a pelvic ultrasound done this week on Monday. I am currently waiting for the results. I did also have a stomach ultrasound done as well previousily. They found a large cytsis on my kidney that requires further investigation by a specialist reguarding taking the kidney out or not. I am not that concerned I have had 3 major open heart surgeries so this is just a breeze considering what I have been through. But the wait is the hardest when you want to know what is going on with your health. So, I guess in the next week or so I will get a phone call from my family dr to come in and discuss the test results.
Wish me luck! Kate

[3 Little Monkeys]

Hi, I just got a pelvic ultrasound done this week on Monday. I am currently waiting for the results. I did also have a stomach ultrasound done as well previousily. They found a large cytsis on my kidney that requires further investigation by a specialist reguarding taking the kidney out or not. I am not that concerned I have had 3 major open heart surgeries so this is just a breeze considering what I have been through. But the wait is the hardest when you want to know what is going on with your health. So, I guess in the next week or so I will get a phone call from my family dr to come in and discuss the test results.
Wish me luck! Kate
Wow Kate! I hope everything is ok! Good luck with it :hug

[frowningfrog]

Hi, I just got a pelvic ultrasound done this week on Monday. I am currently waiting for the results. I did also have a stomach ultrasound done as well previousily. They found a large cytsis on my kidney that requires further investigation by a specialist reguarding taking the kidney out or not. I am not that concerned I have had 3 major open heart surgeries so this is just a breeze considering what I have been through. But the wait is the hardest when you want to know what is going on with your health. So, I guess in the next week or so I will get a phone call from my family dr to come in and discuss the test results.
Wish me luck! Kate



Seams like you sure have been through a lot. I hope that all is well with you, and wish you all the best.
:heartbeat

[Sustainer]

My partner just lost his job.

[3 Little Monkeys]

My partner just lost his job.
Oh NO! I'm so sorry! I hope he's able to find another one quickly. This is a terrible time of year to be without work :hug

[tayndrewsmama]

My partner just lost his job.
:hug I am so sorry. What kind of work does he do? I hope there is something out there for him.

[Sustainer]

He was working as a certified paint specialist at a hardware store, but now that summer is over, people aren't buying paint, so instead of transfering him to a different department (which he would also be qualified for), they just cut him loose.

In the past, he has also worked as a certified RV technician, but that's seasonal too.

Before the hardware job he was the assistant manager of a woodworkers' supply store, but then the whole chain went out of business.

There are actually a lot of jobs that he is qualified to do, but unfortunately we live in a very depressed area.

[3 Little Monkeys]

He was working as a certified paint specialist at a hardware store, but now that summer is over, people aren't buying paint, so instead of transfering him to a different department (which he would also be qualified for), they just cut him loose.

In the past, he has also worked as a certified RV technician, but that's seasonal too.

Before the hardware job he was the assistant manager of a woodworkers' supply store, but then the whole chain went out of business.

There are actually a lot of jobs that he is qualified to do, but unfortunately we live in a very depressed area.
That's horrible that they wouldn't just transfer him.

My dad has worked in the RV biz for as long as I can remember - in Washington State - very seasonal. When he was a salesman, the winters were just horrible for us.

I hope he is able to find something. Hang in there mama :hug

[kewb]

I'm sorry. I hope he finds something soon.

[Sustainer]

My dad has worked in the RV biz for as long as I can remember - in Washington State - very seasonal. When he was a salesman, the winters were just horrible for us.
My partner's father was an RV tech for 10 years, right up until his death in a traffic accident at age 45 (before his grandchildren were born :( ).

[tayndrewsmama]

You know, just a thought, and I know you didn't ask either, but if he doesn't find something soon, he might want to look into a union hall apprenticeship. He sounds like he is very skilled and many unions have apprenticeships in different areas. They start off at a lower wage, but then he would work his way through schooling and training (usually all paid for by the union). Depending on the union, there are great paying jobs for journeyman in different fields that aren't not available to those who haven't gone through the training, even if they have the skills. Usually the insurance is very good and paid for by the employers and the union hall. Just to clarify, I am not talking about unions that are in factories, that's is really a different situation.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I thought it might be helpful in future decision making.

[frowningfrog]

My partner just lost his job.


I am so sorry to hear this news.
Seams these days its either your geting laid off or you are woking 2-3 jobs to just get by..
I do hope that he finds something, he seams to be pretty handy and skillful.
good luck :hug

[SillyGigglyGirls]

:hug sorry to hear that! My mother is still on unemployment even after a year of being layed off. She worked for 2 weeks, and was "dismissed" which she said was wrong because she was suppose to be let go of, not fired. So back to looking for a job.

Well today was interesting, I locked the van keys in the van while I was trying to "clean up." We spend 82 dollars on a meal lastnight!!!!! (I was so disappointed, I didn't know it was going to be SO expensive!) To top it all off, we won't be having a thankgiving meal since, we spend most of our money on the meal lastnight (get paid on Tues since Monday is a holiday) and then this morning I thought I am going to have a nice bowl of cereal (the milk turned!!!!!!) Thankfully I warned my bf because he was eatting it like no tomorrow in his cereal :bouncy . So my day was alright. Tomorrow it's going to be better. We have "PLANS" to go to a provincial park, carve pumpkins, and maybe rent a few $2 DVDs.

I think that is all!
I felt so bad that we spent so much.
We went to that Mongolian Grill...I think next time
we will just stick with making a meal at home! 2 adults and
3 girls was a bit much to be taking out.

BUT...the girls thanked us tremousily for the meal, and they said they had a great time. So, I guess it was worth it for them. :wink Better be, worth a pretty penny for that meal!

[frowningfrog]

Hello girls!!

just wanting to say hey. I am bored at the moment I actuallly have time for myself right now and Its soooo quiet i dunno what to do I can actually read my messages and not be disturbed 100 times :LOL
well I am off...
have a great day
:heartbeat christine

[noorjahan]

:)

[3 Little Monkeys]

Just another day around here. Dh is at work, dd1 is in school, dd2 is watching tv right now and dd3 is still sleeping. I've got laundry today, I spent all day yesterday cleaning in the living room - have to finish the dusting today and it will be done. I felt like I was doing spring cleaning - I even cleaned the blinds and washed the curtains. Nesting must be starting early - which is good because this house could use some deep cleaning.

I think I finally felt the baby move yesterday. I'll be 20 weeks tomorrow. I felt a couple of little bumps but I'm not sure whether it was the baby or if it was a muscle spasm. This baby isn't as active - or as violent as my girls were. They were beating the crud out of me by now - maybe this one is a boy :fingersx: I have my ultrasound on Wednesday - but I still don't plan on finding out the sex, I want to wait.

[mama4gals]

Hey there, hi there, ho there! I just stumbled on this thread by accident. How come there are so many of us lonely mamas and we're all in different places?! Not fair! I moved from suburban MD to rural south central VA (not far from the NC border) 11 yrs ago. All my fam is in MD. I had these idyllic visions of rural life. Fresh produce, beautiful scenery, moms who bf and stay at home. :laugh: Was I in for a shock. Country doesn't mean beautiful, most mothers have 2.5 kids and work, and bfing is practically unheard of(Eeew, that's gross.) Homebirth, you say? Honey, don't you know we have hospitals for that kind of thing now? People think we have a huge fam (4 kids) and I tell them my sister in MD has 10. That always gets 'em! And farms? They're for raising tobacco! Our town's only grocery story (a disgusting, expensive, crappy Star Value) is closing this month, so we'll have to drive at least 12 miles to the nearest grocery store (which I did anyway). I would have to drive about 60 miles to find a natural foods store. When we first came here, I had some "friends", but one just always made bad choices and wanted to whine to me about what a victim she was, another was a liar and a gossip, so I just decided no friends was better than bad friends. My children kept me busy, and then I got a pt job at home, which I really enjoy. I was glad not to waste any more time with people who dragged me down, but I really wished for a friend. I do have one neighbor now who I am very friendly with, but we have so little in common. She is a good friend in that I know I can count on her, but I don't really feel I can talk to her about my deepest feelings. She sat with me the day I had my 3rd mc, and offered to stay with me when I had my 4th last month, so I don't mean to brush that off.

Anyway, that's where I'm coming from. Gotta run!

Liz

[3 Little Monkeys]

:wave Hi Liz!

[Ms.Doula]

hi there!! :hug

[mama4gals]

I've been reading a bunch of these posts; it'll take me forever to read them all. I was interested in the "meeting people at church" thing. I am a practicing Catholic, born and raised by peacenik parents in the liberal church of the 60's and 70's. I drifted away in college. I couldn't live my wild and woolly weekdays and then justify it all on Sunday. Then when my children came along, I felt something was missing. I tried different churches, and eventually went back to the Catholic church. I found myself crying during Communion and I didn't know why. I felt so touched by God. Long story short, I came back, and eventually my husband decided to become a Catholic (major surprise to everyone, esp. me). So now we go to church regularly, and I had hoped to find some like-minded mamas, but I just haven't found anybody I can really be friends with. I love going to Mass, but I feel so fake-y talking to people afterwards. I have a very spirited 3 yr old, and there are some really well behaved 3 yr olds at church, and I always feel like I'm less of a mom because she can't sit still in church. And I find myself envying the mamas whose husbands take the baby out so they can sit through church, and envying the ones who don't have a weight problem (I'm about 25 lbs overweight), and envying the ones who seem to get pregnant with no trouble (I have 4 healthy children but since my youngest I've had 4 m/c's). And so I keep my distance. I also don't feel like I belong with any one group. I've had homebirths and a hospital birth, I've homeschooled but right now all but the youngest one are in school, I believe in healthy food but don't always follow it, I believe in being green but still use paper plates sometimes, on some issues I'm conservative and some I'm liberal. In my heart I believe in no TV and baking my own bread, but I fall way short most of the time. Am I making any sense to anyone? I feel like if you asked people who know me what I'm like, they'd say I'm really friendly and open and cheerful. But really I don't let anyone but you all (and my sister, who lives in MD) know what's in my heart of hearts, and I really just like to stay at home. My best time is M-F while the big girls are at school. My 3 yr old dd and I enjoy ourselves thoroughly. She watches PBS in the am while I drink my coffee and read the paper. Then she plays so nicely by herself all day, with input from me along the way. She plays with her dollhouse, with play dough, paint, crayons, you name it. She's quite content. At naptime we read a zillion books, then go to sleep. I sleep for a short while, then get up while she still sleeps and get some stuff done. I love these days. I get up at 5:30 before anyone else is up and go to a place just like Curves and exercise for 30 min.

Gosh, I've rambled. I need to go put dd to bed. She fell asleep on the couch watching Monday night football with dad. Thanks for being here, ladies.

Liz

[3 Little Monkeys]

Oh goodness Liz - you just described ME!! I don't feel like I belong to any one group either - so I make up my own groups as I go :LOL Having online friends is very helpful though - when you need to talk, a keyboard and monitor is better than nothing at all :hug

[mama4gals]

Thanks, Sherri. You know, when I was younger, I would try to fit into one group, you know, do everything and wear everything they were doing and wearing. Even as a young mother, I tried to fit into the homebirthing, homeschooling, bfing, natural food, etc. etc. "group" and felt guilty if I did something I thought these people would disapprove of. And then, hey, I grew up, finallY! I developed my own way, my own style, and I didn't give a hoot if I didn't fit in. So while I am now much more comfortable with who I am, it's lonely being weird. And I am no longer willing to put up with "friendships" that are unhealthy, so I just don't talk to those people anymore. I had a friend who used to come over and dump on me, then interrupt her whinings about herself to tell me I was really raising some hellions. I don't need that crap. I'm doing the best I can with my kids. This has also led me to not be as judgmental of other mothers as I used to be. We are all so different, and have come from different backgrounds, but we're united in the fact that we all are trying to be good mothers. How we go about that is up to each of us.

Wow, I almost got hurt stepping off that soapbox :) Thanks for listening! :blah

Liz

[3 Little Monkeys]

you get up on that soapbox any time Liz :) I'm like you, I don't conform to fit in anymore, if you don't like the way I raise my kids - well, don't come over. We do the best with what we have.

On to another subject, I'm having issues with dh right now and I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive (ie pregnant :LOL) or if he's being a jerk. I'm thinking he's being a jerk though - and an insensitive one at that.

He has this new obsession with RC cars. he joined a club and races every friday night. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, one night a week, right? Well he spends almost every free moment all week long working on the darn car trying to get it "ready" to race on Friday. He hasn't spent any quality time with the family in a couple of weeks now - well except for Saturday when we went to the coast (because I insisted) but we still ended up at a hobby store looking at race stuff :angry Now he wants to go to Bakersfield on Saturday, which means he'll leave here around 1 or 2 and won't be back until 2 or 3 in the morning. At first he asked if I wanted to go, then about an hour later he says "if enough guys go, can I go with them?" so the girls and I were uninvited at that point. I haven't said anything - if I say no, I don't want you to go, he'll be a jerk all weekend and will be yelling at the kids - if I say go, well he gets his way again and the cycle continues. I really need to sit him down and explain to him how this whole thing is making me feel. It feels like the family is taking a back seat to that damn car.

I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous because he has this outside activity and friends and I don't have anything or anyone but my kids. Obviously some things I need to work through before I can confront him...

[mama4gals]

Sherri, boy can I relate! My dh is often the same way, except not with recreational things. It's always something to make money, which of course makes me look like the bad guy if I complain because he's "doing it for the family". He always has way more irons in the fire than he can handle at one time. We bought an old house last year to fix up and use as a rental property, and he's constantly fixing it up. But I've been with him for such a long time (19 yrs) that I know no amount of nagging will help. He may do what I ask, but I will be sorry because he'll be a jerk about it. I try to be grateful that he's trying to support his family, but it's hard because basically I feel like I've been raising 4 kids alone. He's a good guy, but he grew up in a waaaayyy dysfunctional home, and he has not had good role models. He leaves the discipline to me, or he administers it haphazardly (he'll ignore bad behavior for a long time, then say "no TV for 3 months" or something). Anyway, about your dh (sorry, didn't mean to make this about me)--I think it's best to not nag about things like that. Try to find a good time to tell him how you feel. By good time I mean when he's in a good mood and you're not angry. Use the "I" statements, you know, "I feel hurt when you..." not "you're such a you know what because..." It's hard to do, but I know when I try to not say stuff in anger things turn out better. He may still not do anything different but at least it doesn't turn into a terrible argument, and I feel better about not yelling. Also, I try very hard to look at his good qualities, because if I concentrate on the negatives I can get really depressed and self-pitying. Good luck with it.

Btw, I really like this thread. I started over in the pregnancy loss forum, because I just had my 4th mc in a row, but I didn't realize how much I just wanted to talk to people about all kinds of stuff. Thanks.

Liz

[3 Little Monkeys]

It does feel better when you can talk about anything - I've got a few places on MDC where I feel safe enough to go and talk about just about anything. It helps to get it out - and the kids appreciate it too because when I keep all this stuff inside, I tend to blow up at them over dumb things

[Ms.Doula]

OH WOW!! Liz-you described me to a tee, cept Im not catholic (thought I am Christian) and thought I am a good 25+lbs overweight... You wont find me anywhere but in bed at 5:30 am-let alone in Curves!! :laugh:

WELCOME!! & know that you are not alone! PM me if you ever want to converse one on one with another "strattling-the-2-boxes, mama!" :LOL
:hug ~Melissa

[mama4gals]

Thanks Sherri & Melissa! If you had told me a year ago that I would be getting up at 5:30 to go exercise, I would have laughed except I would have been too tired to. The first 2 and a half years of my youngest daughter's life she barely slept. She woke up constantly at night, and often would not go back to sleep for a long time. I was out of my mind crazy with exhaustion. Then about a year ago, she started sleeping through the night sometimes, and now even though she almost always wakes up to come into our bed, she goes right back to sleep. A miracle!! I started going to A Better You (just like Curves) back in April. When the girls went back to school in August I decided to start exercising when they open, at 5:30. You'd be amazed how many women in our town get up that early to exercise. And they're mostly old ladies. Anyway, I've only lost about 4 lbs, and 6 inches, but I feel soooo much better. I have more energy, a lot of my aches and pains have gone away, my clothes are looser, and my very flabby stomach has tightened up some. My husband keeps saying I have buns of steel; I find that highly amusing.

When I had this last m/c, I was trying to look on the bright side, and so I was glad that I could continue to work on my figure. I would really like to lose some weight before getting pregnant again. I'm no spring chicken.

Anyhoo, that's it for now. Take care mamas! Thanks for the welcome!

Liz

[Ms.Doula]

Iv had more than a couple m/c too & I know what you mean re: trying to look on the bright side & work on your figure! :LOL I need to.......... because I certainly could use more energy. But I dont have the energy to star! :laugh:

[mama4gals]

Can you tell me what IPTK means?

[Ms.Doula]

Invisible Posters & Thread Killers :LOL


Its a secret club (not)
Here on MDC.... you are welcome if you have ever felt invisiblehere or unpopular.... We have a nice little village there..... :wave

[mama4gals]

Thanks! I thought it was some village in Alaska or something, but I thought it was weird that so many of you lived there.

[frowningfrog]

[QUOTE=3 Little Monkeys Having online friends is very helpful though - when you need to talk, a keyboard and monitor is better than nothing at all :hug[/QUOTE]

So true...Your computer is there more times then a friend ever will be..and when you get online there is always someone there to listen..

christine :heartbeat

[mama4gals]

Hey ladies! Did you notice that MarisaMay posted way back on page 5, I think. Nobody responded. It was her first and only post. I just sent her a PM welcome. I have just finished reading through the whole thread--whew! Anyway, MarisaMay, please come back and talk to us. Let's all be lonely mamas together!

Liz

[frowningfrog]

Invisible Posters & Thread Killers :LOL


Its a secret club (not)
Here on MDC.... you are welcome if you have ever felt invisiblehere or unpopular.... We have a nice little village there..... :wave




HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!........ :( boy do I fele invisible here sometimes....Of all the threads I have started (cant remember how many) ..at least 3 or 4 of them I killed before they started...lol..(meaning no responce)..
how sad!!! :o

:heartbeat Christine

[frowningfrog]

Hey ladies! Did you notice that MarisaMay posted way back on page 5, I think. Nobody responded. It was her first and only post. I just sent her a PM welcome. I have just finished reading through the whole thread--whew! Anyway, MarisaMay, please come back and talk to us. Let's all be lonely mamas together!

Liz




Sorry MarisaMAy, Hello ...us lonely mamas can use another friend..
Sorry it is spo hard to keep track of every post, especially when you are in so many threads and groups and........... ugh!!!!

:heartbeat

[SillyGigglyGirls]

:down :down Welcome, PM me!
I would love to chat with you on the boards!
Kate :bouncy

Feeling kind of lonely ladies!
Help!! If anyone has MSN please PM me.
I would love to chat. I have four girls in my house,
my two, and my nieces!! I would love to sit and chat with someone for an hour ..just to keep my sanity! :down :bouncy :flipped

Been busy all week. :nut
I should have been called CrazyMomma :flipped :nut instead!

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm posting this all over MDC today - I had my u/s this morning. We're having a baby :throb :LOL I didn't want to find out, but dh did - baby however was not going to give out that little secret so dh has to wait :LOL The u/s tech says she "thinks" she knows what we're having, but we decided not to find out because it is just a guess. Everything looks great though, everything is where it is supposed to be. I have some pics but they are x-ray type pics so I don't know if I can scan them or not. I'm going to have dh play with it tonight and see if he can do it.

[mama4gals]

Oh Sherri! I am so glad everything looks good! Now more than ever, I realize how precious each new life is, what a miracle it is to get pregnant and give birth. I'm excited for you! :bouncy

Liz

[mama4gals]

Hey there everyone! Guess everybody's been busy today. Maybe not so lonely today? First thing this am, I got ticked off by something I read in our local paper and had to fire off a letter to the editor. We had parent/teacher conferences at the schools today. I talked to 7 teachers today. But it was great to hear them all rave about how wonderful my kids are, so smart, and a pleasure to have in class. After the way they act at home, it's good to hear that other side of their personalities. Well, it's off to bed for me; 5:30 comes early. Hope you ladies had a good day.

Liz

[3 Little Monkeys]

I'm here Liz, sort of. I've had a major headache all day long so I haven't spent much time online.

Isn't that always the way it goes, the kids are absolute angels for other people and they save the rottenness for us. Just once I'd like to be on the receiving end of some of that sweet angelic behaviour

[mama4gals]

I lied. I didn't really go to bed. I just kept reading posts. This whole thing is confusing to me. I am totally computer illiterate. I can manage to check my email and order stuff online (my dh wishes I didn't know how to do that :) ). But I'm confused by all these forums, sub-forums, threads, tribes, etc. How do the rest of you keep up with it all? For example, I was enjoying yesterday's chat with Sherri and others. Today I checked and didn't see any new posts. Then I was looking around tonight and found you were on other threads today. And there are lonely mamas, and outcast mamas, and thread-killing mamas. And what does it mean to subscribe to a thread? Do you have to be in a tribe? How many tribes can you be in? I know that's probably way too many questions for one post, but I was just wondering...

Liz

[noorjahan]

:)

[noorjahan]

:)

[Ms.Doula]

basicaly if you choose to subscribe to your threads... you will get the notification of your choice (ie. Daily diguest, instant email notifications, no notifications, ect)