GD advice for mom of 2.5 yo dd- *edit*

[greenbean]

Every morning my 2.5 year old dd throws a fit about going to school. I am talking the claws are drawn and there is gnashing of teeth and it is frustrating. I guess I am looking for some suggestions of how to change this behavior and using GD. Generally the routine is to turn on PBS while I put her clothes on and she is laying in bed. Most mornings it is the wrestling match that could end the world as we know it. Once dd is dressed, I wisk her away to school pronto! If she wakes up early or we try any other method…it is extra time of her screaming that she does not want to go to school.

Back ground info: DD stayed with her Grandma until this past June. DD did this fit throwing bit with us when she went to Grandma's too and it took about 8 months for her to stop. DD also just had surgery to help her process food better because she was throwing up every day for 8-9 weeks. We are in the process of buying/building a new home. We are expecting our 2nd child and my milk has dried up which has resulted in weaning. Her other grandma had extensive surgery. She drinks apple juice from a bottle and has been out of diapers since January.

At this point we talk to her when she does something off. We also do a time out in the corner and one of us stands with her until she can tell us why she is in trouble. *edits* This is not a nose in the corner- stand by herself type of time out. This is removing dd from the situation and either me or her papa standing with her and talking to her.

I am of course getting advice to spank dd and that isn't going to work. I am not sure a time out chair will work either first thing in the morning

[starlein26]

it's hard to give advice without sort of seeing the interaction between you two but i know in our house, ds is the most cuddly/needy first thing in the morning. i try and give him 20-30 mintues of cuddle/nurse/or cow's milk in a bottle while hugging mommy (he just basically needs lots of physical contact) before we ever get out of bed. ds has a real knack for knowing when i am feeling impatient or annoyed with him and he's even more needy on those days :mischief . i'm not sure if this is already scheduled into your morning but she might need this time with you?

as far as the actual tantrum (might be less big if she has this time?), what i've done with ds when he has one is one of two things:

1) hug and say i love you, you feel angry/sad because x, y, or z (this is for those meltdowns that are fatigue driven where he just needs my help to transition.)

or 2) tell him, i'll help you/talk to you when you can calm your body and use some words to tell me what you need...if it's a tantrum that's more manipulative (i.e. i say he can't watch his "little people" video.) if he needs more help expressing himself i might say "you're angry with mommy because she said you can't watch x, and have him say it back and most of the time he'll kind of calm down afterward with a few more minor "flare-ups."

after either scenario, i usually offer that he nurses or has cow's milk in a bottle while sitting on my lap and we discuss what happened. if he's not interested i usually offer something else that's calming like reading a book...

this might help? i hope. i don't do time-outs with ds so i can't really speak about that but these things usually help us out a lot.

[greenbean]

Thank you for the reminder of why dd is acting out. It seems I forgot that she is learning how express herself and experiencing new emotions.

I did edit my original post to clarify what a time out is for us. Not all time outs are created equal. :wink

[starlein26]

trust me...i forget too. :wink
aren't the terrible twos terribly over-rated. :mischief :nut

[Ellien C]

Could she be wanting more autonomy in the dressing or choosing of clothes?

I found out this was a problem for my DD also 2.5 who also goes to Day Care every day. One day she just started having fits about getting dressed. I let go of my "need" to dress her in cute clothes or matching outfits or things that could get dirty for art and just let her choose herself. Things got better and then I went overboard and MADE her choose every day. Eventually I figured out that some days she didn't WANT to decide what to wear (I feel like that myself sometimes - esp. with what to cook for dinner). So I've become a little more assertive now and can bring out clothes I know she likes. Ususally she is OK with it, but somedays she just HAS to choose her own. I'm OK with that.

Today she HAD to put her own shoes and socks on. Apparently she'd been doing that for weeks at day care, but I hadn't been aware of it.

So it's a dance we do back and forth. She has new needs, I work to figure them out and when I do - she goes on to something else. I'd try giving her a little more autonomy over herself.

It's also OK to send her to school in her PJs if that works! One child in the class ahead of mine has been on a spiderman kick all summer. He will only wear his PJ top. I think the schools and the other parents get that about toddlers.

[fly-mom]

Does your dd like her school? How does she act when you drop her off? What I'm getting at is, it just the getting dressed part that is a problem, or is it a bigger issue of not being happy or comfortable at her school for some reason. If you ask her, "Are you ready to go to school today" what would she say?

The reason I ask is that when we moved about 7 months ago I had dd in a particular daycare. I eased her into it over a period of two weeks, but every day was a struggle to get her there and she was practically hysterical when I would leave. At first I thought it was just a matter of her getting used to it, but I hung around a few days and also observed from outside the room and realized that one little boy in particular was overwhelming her in various ways. I moved her to another daycare and now she loves it.

If it's just a matter of getting dressed I'd guess what some of the pps suggested, that maybe it's independance issues.

Good Luck!

[greenbean]

:thumb Things went much better this morning and it actually started with last night. When dd got upset about not getting her way (ie. chips for dinner, taking a bath) I reminded her to use her words and gave her a chance to tell me what she had to say. So this morning, when she woke up she was a little crabby. Eh she is a morning crab- gets that from her papa! I immediatly took her out of the bedroom and let her lay on the couch and watch Wiggles. I gave her a choice of shirts and underware and at first she didn't want either until I started to pick for her and then she made her choices. She told me that she wanted to go to Gma's house and I told her Gma was busy today but she could call her tonight. She then told me she was not going to school today (which is a big phrase she repeats 1000 times a morning) and I explained to her the difference between not wanting to go to school today and telling me she was not going. That was probably a bit over her head but it had her thinking about what I was telling her versus throwing a fit and now she says she does not want to go to school today. I told her I understood that she wanted to be with me or Grandma but we had to work and we would see/talk to her later on today. She did shed some tears but by the time I had walked inside to sign her in and then peeked out to check on her she was already playing and no tears!

You ladies are geniuses! Thank you so much! Even one day of less havoc is splendid!

fly-mom: DD does have issues with going to school but she does fine once she is there. She has issues with changing activities such as stopping play time and starting class or stopping class and going to lunch. If I ask her if she is ready to go to school, she would tell me she was not going to school today. There are a few things working here that I can see and I am certain there are many that I don't see as well. First is that she had a virus when she started school that ended up giving her gastro paresis which cause her to throw up everyday at school for 8-9 weeks. It took a bit to diagnose because I initially thought this was causes by the virus/congestion. After many visits to her pediatrician- I took her to a pediatric GI doctor and she had surgery 4 weeks ago. She still has the sensation that she is going to get sick and I believe that is very hard for her to deal with and verbalize but she is MUCH better and I think we just have to give this issue the time to calm down. The other issue is that dd stayed with my MIL for 1.5 yrs prior to starting school and she misses that. For numerous reasons, we decided to look into schools for dd.

The first school she went to was horrid and I pulled her out after 2 days. I searched for about 6 weeks before I started interviewing locations. It was very important that we were not just seeking daycare but a school atmosphere. School is from 9a-2p and they do before and after care. I spent around 30 hours visiting her present school before we decided to enroll her. They are awesome! I am one of those sneaky moms that watches her child through a cracked door, window and fence slats. I am involved in the parent group and the church functions. We have huge communication and that is what we needed (expecially when dd was so sick). DD says her baby sister (I am pregnant) is named her teacher's name. She hugs and kisses her teacher and often does pretend play at home that involves her teacher. My point with all of that is I believe that the daily episodes of getting sick and the decrease of grandma attention or one on one attention fuels her morning fit.