When will I stop feeling so worried?!?

[maybebaby]

Most of the time I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm pregnant, then I'm worried I'm going to miscarry. It's not like I have a history of recurrent m/c's or anything...I had one at 7 weeks back in 1995 and every pg since then I just worry and worry until I get past that point.

So I have a little over two weeks until I can relax a bit, then at 12 weeks I'll relax a lot :LOL Is anyone else fretting this much?

I really want to have a low intervention pg...last time I started out with an OB/midwife practice and had an early u/s, bloodwork and everything before switching over to my homebirth m/w's. I *would* like to have a more calm pg and not worry so much but I can't seem to stop :nut

Thanks for letting me whine :wink

[Sydnee]

I know exactly what you mean! This is my 3rd pregnancy, and my other 2 I did not have any real serious problems with. But I feel bad this time, as it was SUCH a shock, that I didn't know whether to be happy or scared to death. Now that I'm used to the idea, I'm sooo excited, and now I feel like what if somethings happens??? Ugh, why must we worry so much??!!! :LOL

[merrick]

I'm right there with you. I've never had a miscarriage and everything went perfectly with ds, but I still can't stop worrying. I didn't worry as much about that with ds because I only found out at 9 weeks, so I didn't have long to worry in the first trimester.
I'm also freaked out that something might be wrong with the baby. I know some people here don't like ultrasounds, but I will feel so much better once I have one.

[Naughty Dingo]

I think it is natural to worry. We each deal with it differently but the common denominator is worry I think. My DP is thrilled to be adding another child to the family but in his words"I wish the kid could just pop out without having to go through the pregnancy part". I agree, there is a lot of worry in the pregnancy.

I am focusing on enjoying each day and appreciating this pregnancy, without living in fear. We will see if I can convince myself not to worry.

I had some complications with both my pregnancies and one of my kids was born with congenital problems. Though I am usually a non-interventionist sort, with this pregnancy, I am going to be pursuing some more testing than I usually would. It eases my mind a bit to have information, whether it is good or bad, in hand. But that is one way I deal with the worry. Better yet would be to just be able to erase the worry wouldn't it?

ND

[minimunklemama]

With Griff I worried nearly the whole time as I had a m/c before him and then It took a while to get pg again where as with issi and our Angel DH just looked at me and bahm a baby on the way!!
this time at the moment I am suprisingly calm although that may had something to do with my PPD meds (which are probably going to have to be changed which I am very nervous about!!)
so we'll see,I hope I don't start freaking out though,I would like a calm pregnancy as there is enough going on with a 1 and 3 year old!!! :LOL

[busybusymomma]

I admit I feel a lot of excitement and nervousness. I think part of it is that I've had two children who are healthy and I just want the same thing again. KWIM?

Oooooh, I feel nauseous... I guess that's a good thing since I'm so crazed about my hpt results! :LOL

A healthy pg for all of us! :champagne

[mamacatsbaby]

I definitely agree with Ms. Michelle there, a healthy PG to all! This is my 1st PG and I think I'm handling the worrying part pretty well most of the time. I don't feel like anything's going to go wrong and I'm trying to enjoy every second of this! But then there's those times when the other more :scared part of my mind takes over, when I'm least expecting it. The women in my family have such a hard time with PG and M/C. My maternal grandmother had 7 M/C before birthing my eldest uncle on that side. My mom had to have a C/S with me (I think I had decided that I was just going to be breech, I don't completely remember. :LOL ) My mama's sister had a baby pass after a long hard labor and she thought she could not have any more children until she was blessed with my little cousin who is now 6 I believe. Not to mention my sister who had a M/C at 5 mths with her first baby, went into labor at 23-24 weeks with her second who was also breech and the Drs didn't realize it so he passed after a couple of hours here with us, and with her third once agin her cervix started to open at something like 26 weeks and she had to be put on total bedrest in the hospital for the remainder of that PG but my beautiful 6 mth old niece was born into the world! :bouncy Our little angel baby. We know that God and our mama were watching over her. My sister has Protein S defeciency and the Drs didn't realize this either until her cervix started to open up again too early with her last PG. They though they might have to give her a cerclage but luckily didn't have to go that route. This is a blood clotting disorder which is pretty rare. She had to give herself shots of Lovonox to thin her blood and the Drs weren't even sure if that would help. But it looks like it did the trick! :D My sissy labored and delivered in 4 hours with no tears and no epesiotomy! I was (am) so proud of her! :D For the most part she did it without pain killers too which I know had to be rough since they had her hopped up on Pitocin :irked: . Because of the blood thing they couldn't give her an epidural but ended up getting magnesium sulfate I belive it was so she was pretty out of it at the end.So I guess sometimes I get scared that something could go not so good but I try to stay out of that place or I might not come back :hide: I want very little intervention in this PG/Birth aside from a great MW that I trust and hopefully a sweet as peach pie doula. I don't want all those tests, waiting for the results would just freak me out, not to mention that most of the time everything comes out fine anyway and unnecessary worry could have been avoided. But if they make a mama feel better then :thumb they have done what they were designed to do! I dunno maybe I'm in denial but I keep thinking that if I try to be as positive and worry free as possible then things will be smooth sailing ya know? Man, I did it again! :Sheepish:


Ms. Mae, anti rampant consumerism wife :couple to a vivacious take back your family husband, true :throb at 5th site :D

[Sydnee]

this time at the moment I am suprisingly calm although that may had something to do with my PPD meds (which are probably going to have to be changed which I am very nervous about!!)

I know what you mean :hug I had actually just started taking an antidepressent a week before I found out, and so far I still feel good emaotionally. :love

[Sydnee]

I definitely agree with Ms. Michelle there, a healthy PG to all! This is my 1st PG and I think I'm handling the worrying part pretty well most of the time. I don't feel like anything's going to go wrong and I'm trying to enjoy every second of this! But then there's those times when the other more :scared part of my mind takes over, when I'm least expecting it. The women in my family have such a hard time with PG and M/C. My maternal grandmother had 7 M/C before birthing my eldest uncle on that side. My mom had to have a C/S with me (I think I had decided that I was just going to be breech, I don't completely remember. :LOL ) My mama's sister had a baby pass after a long hard labor and she thought she could not have any more children until she was blessed with my little cousin who is now 6 I believe. Not to mention my sister who had a M/C at 5 mths with her first baby, went into labor at 23-24 weeks with her second who was also breech and the Drs didn't realize it so he passed after a couple of hours here with us, and with her third once agin her cervix started to open at something like 26 weeks and she had to be put on total bedrest in the hospital for the remainder of that PG but my beautiful 6 mth old niece was born into the world! :bouncy Our little angel baby. We know that God and our mama were watching over her. My sister has Protein S defeciency and the Drs didn't realize this either until her cervix started to open up again too early with her last PG. They though they might have to give her a cerclage but luckily didn't have to go that route. This is a blood clotting disorder which is pretty rare. She had to give herself shots of Lovonox to thin her blood and the Drs weren't even sure if that would help. But it looks like it did the trick! :D My sissy labored and delivered in 4 hours with no tears and no epesiotomy! I was (am) so proud of her! :D For the most part she did it without pain killers too which I know had to be rough since they had her hopped up on Pitocin :irked: . Because of the blood thing they couldn't give her an epidural but ended up getting magnesium sulfate I belive it was so she was pretty out of it at the end.So I guess sometimes I get scared that something could go not so good but I try to stay out of that place or I might not come back :hide: I want very little intervention in this PG/Birth aside from a great MW that I trust and hopefully a sweet as peach pie doula. I don't want all those tests, waiting for the results would just freak me out, not to mention that most of the time everything comes out fine anyway and unnecessary worry could have been avoided. But if they make a mama feel better then :thumb they have done what they were designed to do! I dunno maybe I'm in denial but I keep thinking that if I try to be as positive and worry free as possible then things will be smooth sailing ya know? Man, I did it again! :Sheepish:


Ms. Mae, anti rampant consumerism wife :couple to a vivacious take back your family husband, true :throb at 5th site :D

Wow, :Hug to you and your family

[Mammo2Sammo]

I am feeling fairly calm. I had a m/c three months before DS was conceived. I was very distraught for the first few months with him. Partially because I realized m/c could be a reality. I had a blighted ovum, and once I saw DS at 8 weeks, and saw that he was really there, that helped quite a bit, but I didn't calm down until after 4 months.

This time I am currently feeling a bit calmer. Maybe because I am only 5 weeks along -let's wait and see in the next couple of weeks. I didn't feel the need to get my hormone levels tested to see if they were doubling properly. I am wondering if I am going to get an early ultrasound to see if the baby is developing (and to see if it is really there). I am not sure yet. I am wondering if just hearing the baby's heartbeat on the doppler will be enough.

[maybebaby]

Oh it's good to know I'm not the only one!!

While taking a walk in the rain with my daughter yesterday, I told myself I'm going to live in this moment and for *this moment* I am pregnant. I'm going to just accept it and stop worrying about things I can't change anyway!

Or try to. :wink

Maybe part of the reason this pg was given to me was to teach me a lesson in letting go and not having to control every little part of my life. I'm choosing to believe that, and I'm going to do my best to just TRUST all will be okay.

[alleybcat]

oh I am so glad to read this thread. i am preg. with my first baby, and we are only at 5 weeks.

i am scared out of my mind. i am running to the bathroom every 20 min to check if I am bleeding.

ugh...

[Naughty Dingo]

I agree with Cheryl, living in the moment is the only way to calm the worry. It is so hard.

[mamacatsbaby]

:Thanks Ms. Sydnee! Many :hug and positive vibes for all! :twothumbs

[mamacatsbaby]

oh I am so glad to read this thread. i am preg. with my first baby, and we are only at 5 weeks.

i am scared out of my mind. i am running to the bathroom every 20 min to check if I am bleeding.

ugh...



I'm about 5 weeks with my 1st too! I sorta freaked after a coupla times DH and I made sweet cha-cha :blush and I had a little bleeding. It was all about the Help! thread I posted that day let me tell ya! :LOL

[mamacatsbaby]

I don't know if you guys listen to much Sleater-Kinney but on their One Beat album they do a song called Sympathy that just makes me so filled up. It's about how one of the members almost lost her baby and other Mamas that have had the same kinds of experiences. It's very powerful. :happyt:

[Eves]

I guess it's normal to worry. I started on the worry path yesterday, and my husband looked at me asked -- are you really going to begin this thing with fear? And, I made a conscious decision right then to move through it and trust that this is meant to be. I didn't exactly plan to conceive this month ( we were shooting to begin TTC in December)and I was toying with the idea of going back to school to get a certified nurse midwifery degree.
All my life, I've lived in constant fear of not reaching some distant goal, or some level of repectability ( most likely the result of being raised by immigrant parents who worked hard to provide 5 children and themselves with the number one tool to success -- education). We all went to private schools, my mom's a nurse and my father a civil engineer. When I got pregnant with my first born, I had just begun my second year of medical school. It was a gruesome school schedule and through it all I never once reveled in the awesome beauty and gift of bringing life into the world. When I think of my pregnancy back then, I feel a well of sadness in my heart brimming with regret. I was to busy pushing myself to be on top of it all, that my pregnancy and all its symptoms seemed more of a nuisance, than a gift of love. Now, when I look at my D.S., my angel, I am thankful that he found me worthy to come through into this world. I have since restructured my life to accomodate what I believe to be my greatest role in this life -- to be a nurturer, a mother.
These changes haven't been easy, nor have they been without tremendous sacrifice, but with each step I take I gain more confidence in my abilities to act as mediator, mentor, nurturer and mother. I don't know who said it first, but I believe we (mothers) are made and not born. With each gift (child) regardless of how long we are given the opportunity to mother, guide, and love we strengthen those skills. Each one teaches us something different. Now, I have only had one child, but being the oldest of a family I've just described you must know that mothering is not a role that's new to me. I've known the feeling of helplessness that overtakes you when you can't soothe a crying baby since the age of 7, and my response back then was just to cry along with them. I'm telling you all of this because I hope you'll see that although each person's journey into the role of mothering is different-- your most important job is to be present. You can't truly be present and connecting with your "little one" if your constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. Remember, that he/she has already chosen you. So, start connecting and mothering regardless of how long it lasts.
Don't mean to sound preachy, fear is a normal physiological response to danger or potentially dangerous situations. It helps to keep us safe. You don't have to be perfect just present ( fear takes away from that).

Sending everyone good feelings and encouragement.
Eves :Peace

[Naughty Dingo]

Eves, I dont' think you are being preachy. You eloquently verbalized many things I have struggled with and think about often. I had my first pregnancy while finishing vet School and there are times that I regret the timing. But that is how it is.

Are you practicing now? Doing residency? Taking some time? I would love to hear where you are in your life. I am feeling a lot of opposing pulls between where I think my career needs to go and the needs I have to be a good happy mother. It is hard.

ND

[Eves]

Hey Naughty Dingo,
I actually left medical school in the middle of my third year. I have a masters in Biology, so I currently teach at a community college. I was actually toying with the idea of going back to school to become a CNM. I want to work with my sister who is 1.5 years away from finishing her residency in OB-gyn. But with the new arrival early May and school beginning late May, the timing will be tight. The difference is my mother-in-law may be willing to come and stay with us which would be a tremendous help.

How about you? Are you practicing? The juggling act is hard. If you're anything like I was "the consummate over-achiever," slowing down to accomodate the little one was really difficult at first. I'm a work in progress. I'm still learning how to mother myself. Many of us treat ourselves in ways we would never impose on our children. I'm learning to be patient, kind, and understanding of my flaws or what i perceive to be flaws.
Wishing everyone a great day! :bouncy
Eves

[Sydnee]

I guess it's normal to worry. I started on the worry path yesterday, and my husband looked at me asked -- are you really going to begin this thing with fear? And, I made a conscious decision right then to move through it and trust that this is meant to be. I didn't exactly plan to conceive this month ( we were shooting to begin TTC in December)and I was toying with the idea of going back to school to get a certified nurse midwifery degree.
All my life, I've lived in constant fear of not reaching some distant goal, or some level of repectability ( most likely the result of being raised by immigrant parents who worked hard to provide 5 children and themselves with the number one tool to success -- education). We all went to private schools, my mom's a nurse and my father a civil engineer. When I got pregnant with my first born, I had just begun my second year of medical school. It was a gruesome school schedule and through it all I never once reveled in the awesome beauty and gift of bringing life into the world. When I think of my pregnancy back then, I feel a well of sadness in my heart brimming with regret. I was to busy pushing myself to be on top of it all, that my pregnancy and all its symptoms seemed more of a nuisance, than a gift of love. Now, when I look at my D.S., my angel, I am thankful that he found me worthy to come through into this world. I have since restructured my life to accomodate what I believe to be my greatest role in this life -- to be a nurturer, a mother.
These changes haven't been easy, nor have they been without tremendous sacrifice, but with each step I take I gain more confidence in my abilities to act as mediator, mentor, nurturer and mother. I don't know who said it first, but I believe we (mothers) are made and not born. With each gift (child) regardless of how long we are given the opportunity to mother, guide, and love we strengthen those skills. Each one teaches us something different. Now, I have only had one child, but being the oldest of a family I've just described you must know that mothering is not a role that's new to me. I've known the feeling of helplessness that overtakes you when you can't soothe a crying baby since the age of 7, and my response back then was just to cry along with them. I'm telling you all of this because I hope you'll see that although each person's journey into the role of mothering is different-- your most important job is to be present. You can't truly be present and connecting with your "little one" if your constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. Remember, that he/she has already chosen you. So, start connecting and mothering regardless of how long it lasts.
Don't mean to sound preachy, fear is a normal physiological response to danger or potentially dangerous situations. It helps to keep us safe. You don't have to be perfect just present ( fear takes away from that).

Sending everyone good feelings and encouragement.
Eves :Peace

You are so, so right, thank you for that beautiful post!! I keep thinking of the "what-ifs" with this pregnancy, as it was completely unplanned, but I have come to the realization that no matter what happens, I have had this time to nurture this precious baby. :throb

[Eves]

Sydnee,

No need for thanks. I love this site. I gain so much perspective from reading about everyone's fears, hopes, and inspirations. I've never been apart of something this supportive. I was the first to have kids in my group of friends. If I've helped you to see things a little different, you are most welcome. But you all help me in ways that are immeasurable.
Eves

[ChattyCat]

I didn't really ever stop worrying with ds. He was a long time in the making, and I had a m/c about 2 months before he was conceived. I breathed a sigh of relief once I got to hold him in my arms, but I still worry that he's going to fall off something and hurt himself or run into the street or something crazy!

[DreamsInDigital]

Just popping in from the November board to give my honest perspective. I hope you all don't mind.
Here it is:
I never stop worrying.
There. Whew. I got that out.
In the first trimester, I worry constantly about miscarriage.
In the second trimester I worry about things like incompetent cervix, placental abruption, pre-eclampsia, things which would require my baby to be born before any chance of viability.
In the third trimester I worry about experiencing some of the horror some of the moms on MDC have had to live through such as stillbirth because of knots in the cord or other unknown factors.
After birth I worry about SIDS or my DP rolling over on the baby.
When they're two I worry about choking, running out in the street, strangers.
When they're six I worry about them riding their bikes or going to their friends' houses.
I bet when they're sixteen I'll worry about them driving.

But I think a little worry is healthy. I treasure and cherish every second with my children because I realize I'm not entitled to the rest of my life with them. I'll thank the universe/god/goddess/whomever for every moment they're alive because I'm so lucky to have been blessed so many times with such beautiful, bright, wonderful children. I'll be thankful if I'm lucky enough to bring this baby into the world to meet his brothers and grow into another piece of me walking around this earth.
But if I should be so unlucky as to lose one of them, I'll thank the universe for the time I was allowed to have with them because I was so lucky to ever know them in the first place.