What GD is NOT

[irinam]

Reading some of the posts and talki ng to people prompted me to start this. My POV:

GD is NOT an "iron-clad guarantee" that your child will turn out the way you want (no discipline is)

GD is NOT "lack of discipline and do-whatever-you-want-as-long-as-you-don't-bother-me" method

Please share your insights!

[johub]

I think a lot of people (including my Dh) confuse the words "discipline" with the word "punishment"
My dh will often say that we dont discipline the children.
Then I have to sit down and point out all the ways that teaching them without punishing them has worked. THen it dings.
But I have had to remind him more than once.
Joline

[UnschoolnMa]

It's not "Not parenting". Grrrr. I've heard that a few times ;)

[nonconformnmom]

GD is NOT easy;

but it's NOT hard to see that GD put into practice is good for children and families. :love

[maya44]

GD is NOT easy;

Really, I think that it is easier than punishing your kids!

[**guest**]

GD is NOT about being permissive / 'jelly fish'

ITA with the pps.

[ShadowMom]

GD is NOT "lack of discipline and do-whatever-you-want-as-long-as-you-don't-bother-me" method



:duh bummer!!

[UUMom]

I'm with those who say GD is not about doing nothing. Or that's it's only about 'talking' .

[Ruthla]

I think a lot of the "pro spanking" people totally misunderstand GD. Some people think punishment= discipline, and have no clue how else to teach children appropriate behavior. They think the alternative to spanking is "doing nothing." Now, I'll admit- a child receiving corporal punishment (from loving parents who beleive they're doing the right thing) is probably better off than a child who's being completely neglected!

Unquestionably, raising children is hard work! GD means being more creative in many situations.

[nonconformnmom]

Ruthla wrote: Unquestionably, raising children is hard work! GD means being more creative in many situations.

:nod That is what I meant when I said GD is not easy.

[SunRayeMomi]

I believe GD is about positive reinforcement, whereas spanking is about negative reinforcement.

[CaraboosMama]

I think a lot of people (including my Dh) confuse the words "discipline" with the word "punishment"


ITA! Even from a etymological point of view - they are totally different.

I will pose one question though, because I have seen some posts that seem to have a different view than my understanding of GD. To me GD is about lovingly disciplining your child - no shaming, no physical punishment, no withdrawl of love or connection w/ the family. I do believe that teaching your children personal responsibility and that their choice have consequences is an important part of GD and can be done lovingly - but sometimes when I have posted this I get responses that say "that's not GD"


So...Some thoughts . . If your child makes a mess, do you show her how to clean it up & clean it up w/ her? If you child hurts someone, do you explain that that hurts & is not okay/separate the children who are hurting each other? (obviously some of this depends on age, etc.) But, I guess I am saying that while I agree that discipline & punishment are NOT the same, I do feel that GD includes teaching your child that her choices have consequences...any thoughts?

[mom2owen1]

caraboosmomma - i actually think your examples given are exactly GD! i am curious to know what reasonings others have had for saying it isn't.

kris
owen, 10m

[irinam]

I do feel that GD includes teaching your child that her choices have consequences...any thoughts?

Absolutely!

The disagreements come when we talk about "natural consequences" vs "logical consequences" - there have been some heated discussions about that here at MDC :)

[CaraboosMama]

caraboosmomma - i actually think your examples given are exactly GD! i am curious to know what reasonings others have had for saying it isn't.

kris
owen, 10m

I'd have to search to find the post - but a week or so ago when I described using logical consequences (cleaning up the mess after something was broken) there were a few follow up posts saying "that isn't GD."

It isn't that big of a deal to me - I feel confident in the choices my dh & I are making - I like to read the GD board for suggestions of interesting books & to see what people are doing with children at different ages. There seems to be a fairly wide spectrum of what people feel is GD - for some it seems to be strictly redirection & discussion - for others it includes time-outs or similar punishments, but no spanking. We fall somewhere in the middle :flipped

As a teacher on hiatus, I have definite opinions on what works (positive reinforcement) & doesn't work (negative reinforcement!) and I love sharing in discussions about these issues. Our Dd is 16 mths & her ambitions & abilities are starting to exceed what is safe for her to do :LOL so we try to make the house safe for her to explore freely and teach her what things are not safe. Anyway...I have wandered a little OT.

Thanks for the feedback :thumb

[allgirls]

ITA! Even from a etymological point of view - they are totally different.

I will pose one question though, because I have seen some posts that seem to have a different view than my understanding of GD. To me GD is about lovingly disciplining your child - no shaming, no physical punishment, no withdrawl of love or connection w/ the family. I do believe that teaching your children personal responsibility and that their choice have consequences is an important part of GD and can be done lovingly - but sometimes when I have posted this I get responses that say "that's not GD"


So...Some thoughts . . If your child makes a mess, do you show her how to clean it up & clean it up w/ her? If you child hurts someone, do you explain that that hurts & is not okay/separate the children who are hurting each other? (obviously some of this depends on age, etc.) But, I guess I am saying that while I agree that discipline & punishment are NOT the same, I do feel that GD includes teaching your child that her choices have consequences...any thoughts?

This is my thinking as well.