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Mommay
08-30-2005, 10:51 PM
This will be long. Thanks to anyone who reads the whole thing.

Hi all, I've been reading your posts these past few days while I was in the midst of m/c'ing. I really appreciated being able to read about other people's experience, but mostly, I really appreciated the wake up call. After reading about other people's experiences I couldn't deny that I was m/c'ing too. I can't believe how deluded I became. I have been bleeding kind of a lot (soaking a pad a day), with blood clots up the yahoo. And last night, I soaked a pad in a few hours and had mild cramping, which it turns out were contractions. Although I knew it could be bad news, I still kept up the hope that the cramps were the placenta implanting into the uterus, and that the blood was still within "normal". I was at 10 weeks.

I got an u/s today, and the fetus was not there. My hcg levels were 5000 something, so the doc said I m/c perhaps last night? I just don't understand. My pg with ds was so simple and uncomplicated. My stbxh and I tried once to get pg and was successful the first time. Why? I had one previous m/c at 6 weeks as well.

The way I am, I need to understand causes for things. Here are some reasons why I think I m/c'd. Can you tell me if any of it holds water?

1. Stress. I'm going through a divorce. I moved from my stbxh's house in NJ to my brother's in MD two weeks ago. The next day, my father passed away. Then the spotting happens a week after that. In the midst of spotting and then bleeding, I drove four hours to NJ because I had to take care of divorce-related stuff. Once I got here, I bled profusely. Then last night, my stbxh starts up his bulls*** again. I begged him to let me alone as I was really concerned about the bleeding, but we ended up yelling at each other. Then in the middle of the night, I start to bleed so heavily I get up and inadvertantly wake him up. I tell him about how I'm bleeding heavily as I'm grabbing my tummy, and he says, "Well, you can't do anything about it either way, right?" and turns around and goes back to his room to sleep. Just being around him has raised my stress level.

2. Coffee. I really felt that it was a culprit in a m/c 8 months ago. I was also stressed, studying for an exam, and I had drank too much coffee. I started drinking coffee again after quitting only days before the bleeding started.

3. Driving. I've heard that the chances of m/c are increased by long-distance travel by car. I've driven so much in the past few weeks.

4. Once I did start to bleed, I did not take it easy. In a way, how could I? I have a two yo ds. How could I lie on my back all day with a two yo? But I also did unnecessary errands.

I know that first trimester m/c's are supposed to be inevitable. But I just know these factors contributed to my baby's demise. Can you please help me understand why?




buffybutt
08-31-2005, 09:10 AM
Im sorry for your loss, Im not a regular of these threads but your post caught my attention and I wanted to give you :hug :hug

Take care of yourself and Im really sorry for the loss of your father too.

Lucky Charm
08-31-2005, 09:18 AM
I don't think you should take up alot of your grieving time trying to find an answer to something that might not have one.

Miscarrying is hard, I have been there twice and it wasn't easy.

But there are so many women under far greater stress, abusing drugs and alcohol and existing on a diet of popcorn and twinkies giving birth to healthy babies. And there are women doing it right all the way, even before they got pregnant, miscarrying. It just isn't fair. Its not.

Please take it easy. Get lots of rest, drink lots of fluids and try and work through your feelings in the best way you know how.

I have lit candles, prayed and journaled.

Good luck.

taradt
08-31-2005, 10:18 AM
:Hug I am sorry that you lost your baby and all the stress you are going through.

I like you, need to find awnsers and have always found something I suspect each time, wether it really did cause the losses or not I will never know but it helped me go into each new pregnancy feeling I could *prevent* it from happening again. I don't *think* anything you did caused the miscarriage, like someone else said, many people have less the ideal lifestyles and have perfect babies. Life is pretty unfair in that regard. But I am not one to discount a mother's feelings and intuitions.

Please be extra gentle on yourself and take some time to yourself to reflect and heal during this very hard time

take care

tara

nydiagonz
08-31-2005, 12:24 PM
I am so sorry that you are playing the "what if" game. As sweetbaby said, there are people doing everything *wrong* and they still have healthy babies. We cannot control our destiny no matter how hard we try. I still play the "what if" game sometimes and it does nothing but drive me crazy.

I would like to share something that my OB told me after my son died (due to placental abruption). I was worried about my dancing having caused the problems and she said "If dancing caused misscariages or spontaneous abortions then every teen mother and women who didn't want to be pregnant would be out in the street dancing their butts off instead of getting abortions!" It made me laugh because it just made sense.

In other cultures women work in the fields throughout their pregnancy and do all sorts of work and exerting activites. I am not saying that we should not try and take care of ourselves as much as possible, but that sometimes the universe just does not work in our favor and we cannot blame ourselves.

Take care of yourself.

craftykitty
08-31-2005, 03:53 PM
I am so sorry that you are playing the "what if" game. As sweetbaby said, there are people doing everything *wrong* and they still have healthy babies. We cannot control our destiny no matter how hard we try. I still play the "what if" game sometimes and it does nothing but drive me crazy.

.


ITA! :hug