meemee
08-31-2005, 06:38 AM
since these days i have a lot of time to catch up on reading since i take the bus to work i happen to pick up mostly books about limits from my dd's ps. and it has really made me think.
how important is setting hard limits or being consistent ALL the time. mind u though i am asking this question because it works for us. so i am not talking about it generally but in relation to how it works for my dd. i know some children like the predictability of it. but i am sure like my dd there are many who dont. i am just trying to find if other moms feel like me or is my thinking wrong.
i have been able to reason with my dd right from the beginning. initially i had to spend a lot of time repeating myself. and i would always explain why. even as a 6 month old. and once she grew a little older explaining why lessened the times the behaviour occured.
so i figured as she grew older and her understanding seems to be getting better i dont have to set v. strict limits all the time as the book tells me to. i dont have to be consistent but go with how the situation is for the moment. i would much rather reason out why i am asking what i am asking for and leave it up to her to follow it. i do that because she usually does the right thing.
for instance when she started walking at 16 months i immediately started road safety with her. but one time she did run out on the street (my fault but thankfully the street was empty). i lost it i am ashamed to admit. i became hysterical and slapped her bottom (v. gently not hard at all) and thru my tears and hysteria explained why i was freaked out. my dd just stared at this strange woman. from then on i would explain ALL the time while on the sidewalk to be aware and why it is dangerous to not watch where u r going on the road. she is almost 3 now and has never, ever gone out on the street again. when we are on the road she is the mommy and i am the baby so that she is always aware that she has to take care of me and be safe on the road. so i have never had to be consistent about holding my hand when crossing at the light. our rule is no eating after brushing our teeth. but i have ignored it quite a few times as long as she brushed her teeth again.
she has the right to walk around the house with an open marker because she writes on appropriate things and not everything else. so she is already aware fo the rules in our house and is happy following it. but sometimes she asks me if she could colour on the wall or door frame and instead of reminding her of the rules i ask her what she thinks about whether she should write on it or not.
i find i set hard limits with v. few but basic safety issues and remain v. consistent with it. but say with jumping on the bed. first is it safe to do so. if u think it is safe then u can jump. now this is a hard and soft rule. if i find she is wrong then i point her attention to it. do u think it is safe to jump on the bed when there is a hard covered book on it.
for grocery shopping i have two set of rules. one when it is empty and when full. if it is empty she can run thru the aisles as long as she doesnt go out of my sight and doesnt run to the v. end (wont take anyone by surprise of bumpng into a running child).
what do u think? how do u feel?
how important is setting hard limits or being consistent ALL the time. mind u though i am asking this question because it works for us. so i am not talking about it generally but in relation to how it works for my dd. i know some children like the predictability of it. but i am sure like my dd there are many who dont. i am just trying to find if other moms feel like me or is my thinking wrong.
i have been able to reason with my dd right from the beginning. initially i had to spend a lot of time repeating myself. and i would always explain why. even as a 6 month old. and once she grew a little older explaining why lessened the times the behaviour occured.
so i figured as she grew older and her understanding seems to be getting better i dont have to set v. strict limits all the time as the book tells me to. i dont have to be consistent but go with how the situation is for the moment. i would much rather reason out why i am asking what i am asking for and leave it up to her to follow it. i do that because she usually does the right thing.
for instance when she started walking at 16 months i immediately started road safety with her. but one time she did run out on the street (my fault but thankfully the street was empty). i lost it i am ashamed to admit. i became hysterical and slapped her bottom (v. gently not hard at all) and thru my tears and hysteria explained why i was freaked out. my dd just stared at this strange woman. from then on i would explain ALL the time while on the sidewalk to be aware and why it is dangerous to not watch where u r going on the road. she is almost 3 now and has never, ever gone out on the street again. when we are on the road she is the mommy and i am the baby so that she is always aware that she has to take care of me and be safe on the road. so i have never had to be consistent about holding my hand when crossing at the light. our rule is no eating after brushing our teeth. but i have ignored it quite a few times as long as she brushed her teeth again.
she has the right to walk around the house with an open marker because she writes on appropriate things and not everything else. so she is already aware fo the rules in our house and is happy following it. but sometimes she asks me if she could colour on the wall or door frame and instead of reminding her of the rules i ask her what she thinks about whether she should write on it or not.
i find i set hard limits with v. few but basic safety issues and remain v. consistent with it. but say with jumping on the bed. first is it safe to do so. if u think it is safe then u can jump. now this is a hard and soft rule. if i find she is wrong then i point her attention to it. do u think it is safe to jump on the bed when there is a hard covered book on it.
for grocery shopping i have two set of rules. one when it is empty and when full. if it is empty she can run thru the aisles as long as she doesnt go out of my sight and doesnt run to the v. end (wont take anyone by surprise of bumpng into a running child).
what do u think? how do u feel?