Boy do I feel like a flake

[ScotiaSky]

My best friend of 27 years is getting married in October(out of province) and she asked me to be a bridesmaid I said sure and bought the dress (way back in Feb)...find out I am pregnant wait until I am 12 weeks, return the dress start looking for ideas on having a dress made..that's as far as I get.

DF quits his second job and our saving account is depleted by a whole bunch of things and it could be a few months before it builds back up again and you know we do have a another baby on the way so it looks like I will not be able to attend let alone be a bridemaid.

I get the invite last week and have been trying to get in touch with her to tell her I am scum of the earth but there is never any answer. I am a complete stress case over this.

DF calls this morning(he is away for work) and says I have been thinking why don't you go, but you will have to give up the Doula's to be able to budget the plane ticket.
My first reaction is to say no way am I giving up my Doula's...but boy do I feel bad this is my best friend and I am declining even attending her wedding so I can pay people to be at my birth. Besides the fact that I look like a complete flake.
Even saying No to going home for what may be the last time in a long while..no way can I fly alone with two children. Although will try and convince DF for a road trip next summer/fall.
DF can not believe that it is that important to me ...yeah her wedding is the most important day of her life and I would love to be there but the birth of my children is mine and I want to make my day(or days) as perfect as possible and that includes Doula's

I checked the price of a ticket and its 446.00 plus a dress for me(even if I wasn't a bridemaid), clothes for our son and a gift and all the other things that I have to pay for when I am at home...food for both of us etc.
It will end up costing way more then the 500.00 we have planned.
My Father is going back to school next week so they are also on a budget and I won't expect them to pay my way at home.
I doubly feel bad because I was already in two weddings this year and they both strained our budget and just because hers is the last one by default I can not go...

My Mother is trying to make me feel better by saying you know most people from said province would not travel to your wedding if out of province and yes its true...most do not travel, have businesses or can not afford it so why should I feel bad.

Just a little spilling of guts here....lol

[Persephone]

Awww, that's a bummer. :( I understand about feeling flaky. I almost missed my best friend's wedding, because of misinformation/ other commitments. And I understand the financial pinch. Write a love letter to your friend, and spill your guts to her. I think if she knew how much stress you've been under about the situation, she'll be understanding. I can just feel the stress coming off your post, I hope you can resolve the issue.

[Hollin]

I'm so sorry you're in this bind. Maybe you and DF could sit down and try to figure out a way to budget in the wedding without sacrificing the doulas. For example, cooking from scratch instead of eating out or buying prepared, buying baby stuff used as much as possible, carpooling, etc. You could also make your dress for the wedding or have a sewing friend make you one. I made a simple black tent dress that has served me well so far and was really easy. The fabric only cost $8. I hope that you will figure out a way to be able to afford both the wedding trip and the doulas. Personally, though, if I had to choose I think I would choose the doulas. Your friend will understand if you explain that you just can't afford to travel with the new baby on the way. Good luck on this difficult situation!

[beachcomber]

Not a great situation. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't. I guess all you can do is weigh out the pros and cons of either going and giving up the Doula or not going and hurting (possibly) your friendship. For all you know your friend may be fine with your decision not to go. She may be disappointed but I'm sure that as your best friend she'd understand your situation right now.

[Stargirl]

I am sorry to hear that you are in a bad spot. :( The only thing I can offer is this: if I was your friend who was getting married, I would rather that you stay home and take care of you. I would be sad that you couldn't be there, but even more sad to cause this kind of stress. PLUS, I wouldn't want you to give up having a doula. IMHO, birth is just as big as wedding.

Best of luck!
~Stargirl

[ScotiaSky]

Well I looked into options such as points for travel on train(21 hours alone with a 18 month old and almost 30 weeks pregnant does not fun make :LOL ) or by plane and its a no go so far.
500.00 is way too much to spend for a ticket to and from destination.
I am a former travel and and have flown this route many times sometimes for almost nothing and only at Christmas time is it this much.
She will totally understand but of course will be disappointed(they are dirt poor and she would never be able to afford to come visit me) but I feel bad because not too long ago we were flush with cash and had a nice saving account and it was a given that I was going to be there but circumstances have changed and it will take a few months to recover.
The Doula's are something I will not give up and that is that. Other areas of our life are already cut down and I am not going to put our family's welfare at risk for a wedding. But I am going to be totally stressed out until I am able to talk to her though..never any answer and I call at all hours.

[Wugmama]

For what it is worth, I think you are doing the right thing. You need to take care of your needs right now.

~Tracy

[ScotiaSky]

Just thought I would update you who responded to my petty woes(I tend to make mountains out of molehills when I am pregnant :bag: ).
In the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal but I just booked my ticket this afternoon...it worked out on points.. so I get to be at my best friend's wedding :D and have a two week visit with my family. :love Very nice.
I still am declining being her bridemaid on account of the dress(I still haven't spoke with her). But at least I will be there.

[Persephone]

Oh, I'm so glad you'll be able to make it! It would be terribly disappointing to miss the wedding of someone you're so close to. (I know, it's happened to me a couple of times. :()