How to help DW

[2happymamas]

DW and I are going to be TTC #1 before too long. The plan was always for me to be the birth mother. However, DW has changed her mind and decided that she wants to carry the first child. I am overjoyed and estatic for her. I cannot wait to see her pregnant and could not be happier at the idea of her carrying our first child.

Here is my question: What can I do for her? How can I be the most supportive during our TTC time? I want to be her biggest support and need to know from you mamas who have been there what would help her. Does anyone have ideas of very special things I could do for her during this time? And what about after she is pregnant? What kind of things did your DP's do or could have done that would have been awesome? What kind of things did you wish someone did? What would have made a big difference to you? I have ideas about paying for regular massages, doing as much of the housework for her as possible, rubbing her feet & ankles daily, etc. But what kind of things could I do that would be wonderful that I may not know about. I have never been pregnant and do not know 100% what would be extraordinary.

In short, I want to show my appreciation to her for starting our family. I want this pregnancy to be a beautiful thing (although she is scared it may not be b/c she thinks she will have horrible morning sickness :D )! Thank you so much in advance.....

[max_4477]

Aw, you sound so sweet! All the things you mentioned would be so nice for your dw. For some people pregnancy is just uncomfortable, and if she is one of them it sounds like you'll do everything you can to help out. Which is lovely.

I'd add:

Try not to take it personally if she's irritable (but of course don't say it's b/c she's pg or b/c of hormones!)

And make sure to tell her a lot how attractive she is to you. If you have TTC difficulties. When she's pg. Postpartum. It is really important to hear that from a partner, as a mom.

[witt]

you sound great, I have to say, none of those things happened for us! Well, maybe there was a little extra tlc but really life just often happens, it's busy and pregnancy is ok mostly but tiring.

Maybe just support her in however she asks.

Once that baby comes, life will be so busy there probably won't be time for lovely caring moments :LOL

[proudmamanow]

that's so sweet & lovely. I think all of your ideas are great. I would say, go with what works for you as a couple. In my family, I usually do all the cooking, so having dw do that for me in the first months when I was feeling sick was really great. She also told me very often how beautiful she found me, which has bee wonderful to hear at all stages of pg & post partum as a PP stated. She was amazing labour support too! Massages unfortunately aren't really her thing, though I got them on rare occasions. She also made a belly cast for me, and took care of all the diapering research and all the diapering & diaper laundry the first few weeks postpartum. She also changed the cat litter for 9 months which was necessary but very much appreciated. I guess my best suggestion would be to ask your dw what she wants, what makes her feel nurtured & cared for. Don't forget you need nurturing & support too--being non-bio mom is a challenging role: you are going through a major life change but get very little recognition. We also took a holiday together 4 weeks before Annie was born which was very special. Our TTC process was a 2-year journey with lots of heartache and I think that's where we needed each other most. Her support, caring & faith that we would get pg and that we would have a baby were the most important gifts she gave me. I wish you a joyful & painless TTC journey together!