I Got No Due Date...None!

[citizenfong]

So...we thought we had a pretty good idea of when I am due. I didn't have a pp af, so we couldn't be sure, but really, we thought we had some idea. Now it looks like we were way wrong. :p

I posted a little about this awhile back on a thread about movement. I had been mildly curious about the quality of movement I was experiencing at what I thought was about 12 weeks. It seemed pretty early to be getting regular thumps and bumps (started feeling flutters at supposed 9 weeks). So just when the seed was planted that I *could* be further along than I had thought...we heard the baby's hb on the fetoscope. This was at what would have been, by our previous calculations, 13.5 weeks! WAY too early to hear a hb with a fetoscope. The earliest is generally accepted to be 16 weeks, but more often around 20 weeks, before you can hear the hb w/a fetoscope.

Since then I've been keeping a close eye on where my fundus is, etc. and it seems pretty clear that I was underestimating how pregnant I was. But I don't actually know just how pregnant I am!

My fundus is just above my navel right now (maybe a finger-and-a-half width above), I feel the baby consistantly every day, and at predictable times. And this week I started being able to get a general idea where the baby is by palpating from the outside. In other words, I can feel my baby-lump inside my bump! :LOL

If I add a conservative three weeks onto where I thought I was, I would be almost 19 weeks now. I'm basing this on hearing a hb at "13" weeks, which looks like was at *least* 16 weeks, but could have been more. But I also acknowledge that all these signs *are* technically possible as early as my first calculations. Well, except for hearing the hb...(oh, and I think I heard a "glimpse" of the hb one other time since then). But in case I'm wrong, I don't want to start expecting the baby earlier and get really disappointed if it doesn't come, say, in January.

My first baby was born at 39 weeks and my second at 43 weeks. So if I add the traditional two weeks before and then three weeks (based on my history) after any possible range of due dates...I'll expect the baby to arrive somewhere between the middle of January and the middle of March! So I guess I'll stay in the Feb due date club, playing the averages. :LOL

I am not seeing a medical professional during this pregnancy (unless there is a medical problem) since we are planning an unhindered birth (UC). And I have no burning need to know an exact 40-week-type estimated due date. Even if I did, an u/s (the only thing a midwife or OB could do that I can't) would not likely be accurate for dating at this point. But still! That's quite a range, isn't it?!

The biggest challenge is going to be getting the important stuff ready while leaving some projects to keep me busy if the baby doesn't arrive til March! I DREAD feeling like I did in the last month of my last pregnancy, when I went 3 weeks past my EDD.

[Fishygirlsmom]

Oh, good for you! I hated having due dates, it made the waiting even more unbearable. If we plan on another I certainlywill not be finding out a due date.

[danav]

Wow - sure sounds like you are most likely at least 20 weeks or more if you're fundus is above your navel and you can feel baby parts (plus all the other clues)... If I were you I would lean MUCH more toward January than Feb or March. I would say twins might be a possibility, too, except that wouldn't account for hearing the heartbeat so early with a fetoscope...so I would bet on you being much further along than you originally thought!

[citizenfong]

danav, your thinking mirrors my own. My dh has *prayed* for twins, so that thought has crossed my mind. But, like you said, that pesky hb makes me lean toward further along rather than twins.

Thanks for the validation! :) That's one thing you have to do a little without when you're going outside the system (of course I never got that IN the system either! :LOL )

[MelissaEvans]

Baby's can't read calendars anyway!

My family was really annoyed I haven't given the exact EDD (why bother, it's estimated! +/- 2 weeks, that's a whole month that's normal!); I hope your family is more easy going. =)

[citizenfong]

I hope your family is more easy going. =)

:laugh: Um, no. Actually, my parents, who live 2 hours away are pretty much fine with it (well, my step-dad wasn't totally "fine" last time, but he didn't involve *me* in that worry). But my ILs, who live in the same town as us? :shake They F-R-E-A-K-E-D last time when I went so late.

The pattern is for them to lull me into thinking that everything's cool, then when things get down to the nitty gritty BAM they lose their stuff all over us. Even though I didn't give them an EDD (late Feb/early March) I just know my MIL has picked out date range in her head and will hold onto it as if I had told her that specifically. Last time my BIL was apparently calling my MIL EVERY DAY to find out what was going on. Why he didn't just call us, I don't know.

But there is simply nothing to be done about it. Hopefully it will be better this way. Especially if I really am due in January...maybe the baby will come before anyone's had a chance to work up a head of steam.

[Jlcampbellkidz]

I think due dates are a little funny too. With the whole 4 or 5 week window or early or late. It is kinda nice to lean toward a months so I can know an approximate how much time I have to prepare. But babies decide when to be born, early or late they always have a good reason.

Good luck citizen: I have been excited about you since you joined. I am in awe of UC and can't wait to hear your story!

[danav]

Hey, Tracy, if you're MIL already has a date in late Feb/early March in her head, think about how she's going to FREAK OUT when your baby comes in early January! :nut

[EllasMama]

Tracy, at my prenatal Monday my fundus was 1 fingerwidth above my navel, at just shy of 18 weeks. I'm short (5'3") so that probably contributes to being higher than "average." My 40-week date is Feb. 1st.

I know you don't want one, but I do think ultrasounds are still fairly accurate at 18-20 weeks, something like 4 days plus or minus, so roughly a week range. I had a short u/s with a naturopath yesterday and the gestational age based on measurements was 3 days "older" than my EDD. It was the same (3 days older) with my DD, though that u/s technician tried to tell me *I* was wrong. Like I wasn't there for the sex or the very obvious feeling of ovulating the next day!

It must have been a lot more relaxing in the olden days, when someone asked you your due date and you said, "Oh, January or February." I've taken to telling people "late Jan, or early Feb" as my due date. Some people will ask, "so what's the actual DAY they told you?" We do love that fixed date these days. :rolleyes

Carol

[MelissaEvans]

OK, I posted this in another thread, but had to share it here too. My MIL (who I do adore) asked when we got pregnant. Like I'm going to pull out a calendar and tell her when I had sex with her son. I know some people are comfortable being that open... I'm not.

I think an early baby as long as s/he's 6lbs + (five, or whatever's considered "normalish" for your family") would be fine. No time to worry. =)

[gethane]

If your fundus is already over your belly button by a finger width or 2, I'd put you at 21-22 weeks, rather than 19. I'm 19 weeks, 3 days, and my fundus is still a bit under my navel.

[charmcitymama]

Hey, Tracy, if you're MIL already has a date in late Feb/early March in her head, think about how she's going to FREAK OUT when your baby comes in early January! :nut
I know, she's going to be like, "dear Lord, they have a preemie, why aren't they in the NICU?!"
Wow, how exciting to think you will meet this baby sooner then you thought!

[citizenfong]

Wow, how exciting to think you will meet this baby sooner then you thought!

Well, that thought IS exciting! Ever since I was pg with my first my dream has been to wake up one day and find out I'm halfway through a pregnancy...mostly because it would mean that I was not sick. And that really is how I feel. Here I'm still wrapping my mind around the idea of another baby so soon and it's probably going to be here even sooner yet! And I wasn't sick. :thumb

Isn't it funny how we have this illusion that, because we can more or less figure out so much information, that we have so much more control over the process than we really do?

It's gonna be fun to have an excuse to go ahead and get my birth supplies ready, yk, before the holidays and all! :p

Laurie, you have been so welcoming to me. I can't wait to SHARE my story. Here (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=136809&highlight=weeks) is my last birth story...my first unhindered birth...if you're interested in reading it.

Carol, hmm...interesting. Almost tempting! I guess a week's range *would* be more accurate that what I know now, wouldn't it? :LOL

[danav]

Just FYI... An ultrasound *might* help narrow it down, but then again it might not. At mid-pregnancy they can be off quite a bit. I know when I ovulated/conceived Noah, and at my 18 week ultrasound all of the measurements were putting him at 20-21 weeks. I know FOR SURE that I did not conceive him 2-3 weeks earlier than I thought - he was just a bigger than average baby (who has a bigger than average father - go figure!). Ultrasound measurements are supposed to be fairly accurate very early in pregnancy (at my not-quite 8 week ultrasound, the margin of error was said to be +/- 3 days) but past the first trimester it can be off by weeks.

And Tracy - my sister DID discover she was pg the second time when she was already halfway through! She was nursing her first baby and had not had a post partum AF yet, and just thought she had a stomach bug she couldn't shake for a while...until she started to feel the baby move!! She was estimated to be about 18 weeks along when they discovered baby #2.

[Full Heart]

Coming in from the sept ec. I don't have a due date either. Same as you no pp af so we are going by when we got the bfp, hb with a doppler and fetoscope (which we heard at what we figure was 16 weeks). I was also feeling def movement at 12 weeks. Actualy thumps. We did set a due date but also padded it with 2 weeks since I have gone to 42 weeks 5 times! The fundal height was soooooo off this time. By up to 8 cm at times. I typically measure big but never have I measured that big before. I was worried about twins or being alot further along than I thought. But now its pretty obvious there is just one big baby. You will def be able to tell more the closer you get to the end. Once I got to 34 weeks I was measuring on track. Which doesn't really mean I made a good guess. No, Once I get to that point I normally measure behind till I give birth. So I know I am still probably further along than but I'm not thinking that way. I am enjoying the thought of actually giving birth around my due date for once!

My biggest concern was giving birth too early and transporting for a baby that wasn't preterm at all. But that didn't end up happening. But that was my only real conern. Well every once in a while I think, what if my due date is right and I got to 42 weeks again? I will have a 14 lb baby! LOL

Have fun with not having a due date. Its liberating :wink

Michelle

[Boobiemama]

Wow, what an experience that must be to have NO idea of a due date! Thats wonderful!
A am 17 1/ weeks, and my fundus is at my belly button, so I dont think you can use uterus height as a predictable clue. I heard many drs and midwives dont even bother to measure any more as it can be off so much.

But I'd say from when you heard the heartbeat, and with all the movement, I bet you are around 20 weeks.

[EllasMama]

I'm just too much of a worrywart; I wouldn't feel liberated by having a 2-3 month span, I'd feel a ton of anxiety. I'm oh-so-good at anxiety, though years of practice do add a certain "je ne sais quoi" to my inborn capacity. :wink Every backache and I'd think "is this it?" Every urge to clean I'd think "Am I nesting?" Which would be fine for a few weeks, but if it went on a couple months I'd go crazy!

I think it's so awesome to have a personality where you can just relax and see what happens. I can do that about a few things, but not a lot. Maybe in my next life! :D

Carol

[citizenfong]

I think it's so awesome to have a personality where you can just relax and see what happens.

I think it's awesome too! I wish I had a personality like that, too! :LOL If it seems like I'm calm and laid back about it, it's because I've realized that the other way can really backfire. I don't want to set myself up for that again.

You see, ds 1 was a week "early", right? And he was born on dh's birthday! Yay! So when my EDD for ds 2 fell a week after *my* birthday, how could I help but hope that I would have baby #2 one week early on my birthday?! But...since I am not in control...I had to wait FOUR MORE WEEKS for my baby to arrive! He was born closer to dh's birthday than mine. :)

Did I mention I had 7 weeks of false labor? And I don't mean ctx every 15 minutes for a day. I mean ctx 1-2 minutes apart for 14 hours--blocks of ctx 2x/week or so. (not painful, just a bit intense) So, you see, I had an exact due date...I knew when I conceived. And I still spent over a month MISERABLE, because having that 40-week mark, in the end, didn't mean a THING for me. Who could have predicted I would carry #2 a full month longer than #1? I cried every day for almost four weeks.

So you can see why I am determined that I have no other sane option but to let it go. I just can't be that miserable again over something I can't control.

And you guys'll all help me with that when it starts getting closer, right? ;)

I will say, I do feel like it's liberating to accept something that you have no hope of changing anyway (for me at least).

[russianthistle]

I am new at all of this--pregnancy, that is-- but it seems silly to me to have something like a due date. Isn't it more that the baby comes when it is destined to come??? Isn't that just the way it worked out before there was all of this fandangled technology?!!? I feel like many, especially those who believe very heavily in our system of western medicine, believe that they NEED to know certain things like due dates. It is helpful for planning and all...but I really do feel as if the baby comes when it was meant to.

I do not agree with invasive measures such as induced labors. I also do not agree with c-section...well, that is unless there are complications involved that demand such techniques. I feel as if many mothers are put into a position of feeling like their bodies will do something wrong...something will go awry if there is not an intervention with the help of a doctor. I think we all need to trust in the messages and signals that our bodies send us. Our bodies talk to us (some more loudly than others :)), and if we listen...if we pay enough attention or simply are in tune enough they will often direct us in the right direction.

I think that we can narrow down the estimated date of birth by focusing on things like baby movement, heartbeat, and feeling and communicating with the baby inside. I believe that we know more about our bodies than we often give ourselves credit for.

Be empowered by the lack of a concrete date and trust your body and you intuition!!!

[EllasMama]

7 weeks of pre-labor?! That is just not fair! I stand corrected about the relaxed personality, now I realize there are other excellent reasons for the lack of attention to due date. I just read yesterday that 35% of births in the US are induced. 35%! WTF? I knew we were impatient, I knew doctors were hyper about due dates, but I had no idea it had gotten that out of control.

Although, now that I look at my full executive schedule on my palm pilot, I do realize that I only have a 4-hour window in which to have a child in the whole of February. I guess I'd better get that cesarean scheduled way in advance before I lose my time slot. NOT!!! :LOL

Carol

[crittersmom]

It must be wonderful not to have a due day.I neverliked it either since my first was supposedly 2 weeks early according to LMP and my second was a week early.I like due month.I pretty much know at the ned that it is coming up.Everyone around me sets such store by the day and last time they all ended up not being there because they concentrated too much on the day instead of listening to me telling them to get thier butts in gear(I had my 2nd while DH was deployed).I've been trying to be really careful about what I say to give them the heads up that it may be early feb. or mid Feb. or even the end, depends on the babe and my body. :wink