support for mommas pregnant after a loss

[gabry]

Don't know if there are many of you around here, but I feel this pregnancy is definitely a whole different experience already because of my recent m/c, and would love to be able to talk with other mommas who are going through something similar. It took me five days to even get here after my bfp, I was so worried and skeptical.
Been testing everyday since, just to see it, and the line is finally getting a little darker (I know, I know, doesn't mean a thing), and next week will see my ob. One of the things that freaks me out a little is that I'm on progesterone, just like last time, and I would likely not start spotting or bleeding if it didn't stick. Last time nothing happened until I stopped the progesterone (after finding out the embryos had died). I also had bfp's til the very end, even when growth had already stopped two weeks before. I have to try to accept the fact that time will tell, and that no amount of testing, US, serum hcg's will totally reassure me or do anything to make this pregnancy last. Patience is a beautiful virtue...
Anyways, enough about me for now. Who else is here?

[nydiagonz]

:wave Hi Gabry!

I mostly lurk on the Pregnancy after loss page, but I was also kinda nervous about jumping in to this one :hide: My son was born and died just 12 weeks ago, so I guess I am just jumping into everything. Feeling pretty anxious, but happy. I really think that I won't feel great about this until I am past 30 weeks, and even then... sigh

[gabry]

Hi Nydia, good to see you back here, I remember you posted a few times on the ttc after a loss thread. I am so glad you are pregnant again.
I experienced a loss much earlier than you did, and can't even imagine what that must have been like (and still is..) for you. When are you due?

[djinneyah]

i lost my first pregnancy...with ds, i was a basketcase. constantly checking the toilet paper every time i went to the bathroom, freaking out over little cramps and pains...i never could really relax. i'm a little more confident this time around, but still checking the toilet paper... :o

[nydiagonz]

I think I am due early, May around the 5th, but this is a EDD that I got from a pregnancy calculator online. I have not had my OB appt yet. I don't have an appt until the 21st (7weeks) are people getting earlier appts?? I was told that that would be the earliest we could get a heartbeat or anything.

[kathteach]

Hi, I'd like to join this thread too. I have had 2 m/c in the last year and I'm terrified. I'm glad to meet all of you and I hope we can support each other. :thumb

[ksmommy]

Hello,

I am joinning you all... I had an ectopic in MArch and my hormons are still outta wack. I fear this pregnancy might not stick or not make it if it stuck...
I am "careful" to make sure I feel sick enough, since I wasn't THAT sick last time. I try no to worry about it and stay busy, but it's on my mind... :( Hopefully, we will all gonna make it to May safe and sound!

[gabry]

Glad to meet you all! (or again :) ) I'm sorry about your losses, and wishing for happy healthy pregnancies for all of us!
Nydia, that's correct, about the heartbeat at 7 weeks. I had looked it up, thinking I would schedule my appt. around that time so at least I would get some reassurance from the visit. Anyways, when I called they gave me an appt. on the 9th at 5 weeks (at first on the 2nd at 4!) and when I asked the secretary was she sure that wasn't too early, she said no. I imagine they might do an US, but all that will be visible would be a gestational sac +/- fetal pole, and maybe she'll recommend a serum hcg. It seems a little silly to go so early, but at least it'll make me feel like I'm doing something.

[mamacatsbaby]

Hi there ladies. :) I haven't lost any babies to the best of my knowledge but I've watched my sister go through this a couple of times too many and just wanted to say much love to you. :hug Wishing for healthy PGs for us all. :thumb

[dshields]

Hi all,
We had a very early miscarriage last month and have noticed that we're having tough time getting excited this time around. I'm trying to feel confident, but dh keeps saying that it just doesn't feel like last time. When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.

[gabry]

When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.
It's hard, isn't it? Even harder to make any kind of rational decision about it.. Sure, at 12 weeks you're 'safer' than at 5, but really, anything can happen at any time. As for me, I've decided that I feel better being optimistic and trying to bond somewhat at least with the baby, and that it's probably healthier for everyone to try and have a positive outlook. Of course, I realize this is not something you can just decide to feel /do on command.
I think it will definitely be somewhat related to the timing of the previous loss, that I will feel more confident after 8-9 weeks (the embryos had stopped growing at 7 weeks before).

[nydiagonz]

When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.

sigh... very tough question for me. I don't know about being "detached", but I definitely have to have a grasp on *reality* and know that the universe is in charge. After losing my son at 24 weeks and talking to soooo many mothers who have had stillbirths, I just have to know in my heart that anything could happen. I don't want to be "detached" from my pregnancy or baby, but I also don't want to go completely insane if something does happen.

I am trying to be as positive and loving to this baby as possible. I want my baby to end up alive in my arms. It is just to hard to see past the vast sea of possible complications... :flipped I'm gonna go crazy!

:blah I'm rambling... positive thoughts and :throb to everyone.

[gabry]

Anybody else charted to get pregnant and still checking temps? :o I know I should quit already, but this morning my temp dropped a bit, and now of course i'm worried about it. It's silly anyways, because even if I tell myself it's the only thing I have to go by (I likely wouldn't spot/bleed b/o progesterone), the temps also could stay artificially high because of progesterone.
Just gotta remind myself, time will tell...

[Mammo2Sammo]

I had a m/c before conceiving ds. I was a mess during his pregnancy. I just tried to honor those feelings. My midwives were great and allowed me to come in as often as I wanted to hear a heartbeat. It was tough.

This time around I am feeling a bit better. I am far from convinced that everything is ok. I am just feeling that what will be will be. If I do m/c I don't wish to have another D&C. Which case, I would rather not know right away if I'm having a problem pregancy until the time of my miscarriage.

For preg #1, I had a blighted ovum. We waited a week after we found out to decide to have a d&c. It was an awful wait.

[gabry]

Feeling scared and worried today. I had a little bit of spotting three days ago and again last night. Or, I think it's spotting, it's some brownish stuff mixed in with the progesterone. (sorry if tmi)
I try to be optimistic and positive, telling myself that I spotted with ds who is fine, and that lots of women spot, but there are moments that I feel this pregnancy is doomed already :( And then I worry that feeling that way is 'bad for the baby' and might 'make it happen', which of course I know isn't true, but still..
Anyone have anything uplifting to tell me?

[nydiagonz]

Oh Gabry!! :Hug :Hug :Hug

Brown is better than red. Just keep those good thoughts flowing today. I will be sending love and peace your way. I feel the same way at some point most days right now, but I just try and remember that I have no control over what happens and though that can be frustrating, it is liberating at the same time. Much love to you mama!!!!

[JuicyPakwan]

Hey all, So sorry we have to meet like this but very grateful for the support groups here at mdc. I hope you are feeling better gabry. I will continue to temp and chart as well. I feel like it is something tangible to rely on. I will be going in to ob at 4w 1d. I feel like on both my mc's the babies died in the 4-5wk stage. My sister who is a RN says the blood work they do at this stage can give lots of info. I don't have much confidence they can do anything for me but I am hoping she is right!

[gabry]

Welcome Ana! And congrats! The bloodwork that they can do is mainly progesterone levels (to make sure they're adequate, and possibly put you on supplementation) and hcg levels. Hcg levels are only helpful if you do at least two or more, because they can vary a lot, but for everyone they're supposed to double every 2-3 days. Aside from that, it's all about the wait :(
I do feel a bit better, had my first ob appt. today and US showed a gestational sac and yolk sac, which is what you'd expect to see at 5 weeks. Phew..

[happeeevraftr]

Gabry, I'm on progesterone too, only I'm using the natural cream and it sounds like you're using something else...something that can come out?

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 6 weeks (spontaneously started bleeding red blood) but then got pregnant soon after with Sariah, who is now 2. I was pregnant last November but miscarried in January. We've been trying ever since. There were at least 2 cycles where I was SURE I was pregnant--I had undeniable morning sickness, but then AF came only a day or 2 late and I never had a positive test. I started thinking I was progesterone deficient--not enough to sustain the uterine lining and keep me from bleeding. So I started taking progesterone 10 dpo (although at the time I thought it was only 5dpo, but now I'm thinking that O date was wrong).

How long are you supposed to keep taking the progesterone?

I too am so worried about another miscarriage, although I do feel some comfort taking the progesterone. This is my first month trying it, and maybe it's just a coincidence but I got pregnant! The other thing is, I'm not sick at all! I think it's totally the progesterone. Maybe I should start a progesterone thread though, since Im' getting way off topic.

[gabry]

Happeee, welcome, and sorry about your losses. I use prescription progesterone (crinone) that you insert with an applicator. I think it's a little thicker than cream, and sometimes some of it comes out.
You're supposed to continue the progesterone until 10-12 weeks, check with your mw/ob what they recommend.
Oh, and I forgot before, Nydia, thanks for your encouraging words the other day, it helped! :)

[kathteach]

Well I just wanted to check in with you ladies and say hello to everyone. I feel pretty happy and optomistic, but then I tell myself not to feel so much, just be mellow. The first trimester is just before Halloween for me and I'm just trying to hold on until then. Maybe it sounds crazy, but I sure wish I had some morning sickness so I felt pregnant. Another thing that's crazy is that I don't want to go to the doctor or make an appointment until I can make it to ten weeks. Both of my m/c were about 7 weeks. I know that doesn't make sense b/c I could end up having a "missed m/c" and not even know it but that's how I feel.

[nydiagonz]

I wish that I had insisted on an earlier appt. with my perinatologist or OB. My appt isn't until the 20th and that seems so far away. I keep picturing myself coming to this site and telling you guys that there was no heartbeat... I think I am going crazy.

[gabry]

Welcome and congrats Kathteach! I guess everyone reacts differently with different 'defense mechanisms' and if you feel better going in later for an appt. that's perfectly okay. It's not like anyone can make it stick ;)
Nydia, is there any way you can advance your appt? Of course, it'll only take away some of the worry, for a little bit, or at least that's what happened for me. I guess try to remember that what happened in your last pregnancy doesn't really put you 'at a disadvantage' right now. If I'm not mistaken, your chances of this pregnancy developing normally are normal or close to normal, right? Hang in there! :hug

[JuicyPakwan]

nydiagonz- I am so sorry for your situation. I would insist on an earlier appointment. I used a trick my RN sister ( who works at a independant birth center) told me is to get past the receptionist they don't know anything and are often power hungry and talk to a Nurse they can exert pressure for an earlier apt. The clinic I am going to has very cold receptionists that sounded angry and talked rude when asked to talk to nurses but oh well. They are also VERY busy and I was first told no way before 14 wks so I talked to a nurse and they got me in tomorrow. They do have time for those who have had troubles. My first appt will be tomorrw at 4w 1d. Early I know but I am a basket case.

[JuicyPakwan]

Hi all I just wanted to vent a little about my appointment yesterday. First of the receptionist wanted up front payment for a pap smear and when I said I won't have one she said "we will see about that". The nurse was worse she told me to take my clothes off and I said no pap she got very angry and argued with me. She also told me she didn't think I was pregnant and asked if I had even taken a hpt! I showed her my chart and she laughed and asked what it was. I explained I had ovulated very early she didn't believe me so I lied and said I hadn't had a real period maybe it was implantation spotting so she would go away. Anyway the doc was alot better and compassionate and did what I asked with no question (blood work and progest suppositories). He also understood and agreed with my chart. However I am unable to convince any one else in my family I am pg. It makes me regret saying anything to anyone. I have gotten alot of the "well did you take a test (no ya think???) and are you sure it is not left over from the m/c? um yeah I had a negative HCG five days before my period started. Anyway I talked to one of my sisters today and got the same thing and now I am completely disheartened and am questioning my own judgment. I can't believe this is happening I wish so bad I had told no one. Here is my chart http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/da74f tell me if you think I am crazy.

[happeeevraftr]

I would say you're pregnant. Especially if you've had 2 positive pregnancy tests! I don't really believe in false positives, peeonastick.com has lots of reasons for that. How long is your luteal phase usually? It definetly looks like you ovulated when your chart says you did. I just don't see how anyone can deny a positive pregnancy test.

I'm glad your doctor was more compassionate. I hope I can find a dr or mw like that. Sorry about the idiotic nurse.

Is this the first month trying after having a m/c? If so, that gives me hope. I am in the middle of a m/c right now, but I really just want to try again right away. I can't stand missing a month. This is taking so long already!

[NurseLaurie]

Hello everyone. I miscarried last August. I waited a year to start trying, but now we are pregnant. I think we probably have the same paranoia as everyone. At 13-15dpo I had HORRIBLE AF cramping. There were tampons on every toilet in the house because I was convinced it was over. I was ok with it. I had resigned myself that whatever will be will be, and if this time doesn't work I'll go in for testing to see why it won't stick. Then the cramps went away and the symptoms hit. I had NO symptoms last time, so this makes me feel much better about my hormone levels. I can't make myself go to the doctor because I drove myself crazy last time with blood work every 2 days. Then obsessing about the levels. Then worrying that it didn't double. NUTS! I was nuts! I don't think I'm even going to go to the doc until 12 weeks unless I have a problem. I know the routine. I take my vits and eat healthy, organic foods. I just don't think I can bear to hear the heartbeat at 8 weeks. I lost the last baby after that point, so I don't want to hear it yet. Trying to stay positive. But, I still run to the toilet every time I feel a little something dribble down below. I still panic every time I get a cramp and I'll probably do that the whole time. Here's hoping for happy, healthy pregnancies for all of us.

Gabry: Since you are putting something up inside you, it is very likely that old blood is coming out with it. Brown blood isn't bad. I know it isn't easy to trust that. It may just be washing some old stuff out leftover from implantation.

[gabry]

Welcome Laurie, and thanks for the positive input. It hasn't happened again, so I feel better. Keeping my fingers crossed for you too. Did you wait a year for medical reasons, or did you just need that time to feel ready again?
Anakna4, I can't believe you are being treated the way you are! :angry I'm glad the doc at least 'overruled' the other staff, but that's still awful. Did they at least do their own U-preg in the office to convince themselves?
I looked at you chart because you linked it, but as I was looking I realized it didn't matter what it looked like as long as you had the bfp's, preceded by a negative after your m/c. I am sorry even your family is doubting you :( If you are truly doubting yourself, just go ahead and do another hpt, just for the heck of it (and if you feel the urge, do it with witnesses :LOL ) But honestly, I don't see any reason for doubt. Hang in there momma!

[JuicyPakwan]

happeeevraftr Thanks for the encouragement. It was the first cycle after my 2nd miscarriage. It took us 8 months of not really trying after my 1st m/c. I am not sick yet but I feel hopeful. And I do have a symptom that I didn't have with either m/c pregnancy and that is excessive thirst I got that also with my first three kids I have to carry a water bottle with me everywhere so that is giving me some hope. I just realized that today.
I always thought I had a classic 14 day LP but now reviewing my charts I wasn't counting a jump in temp until it passed 98 I had it in my head that was some rule or something. So now I believe I am just and early ovulator. FF friend counted a jump in temp and it was still in 97 range. Which would make my LP approx 18 days. Sorry this is so long.

[JuicyPakwan]

Thanks Gabry I think we cross posted? I think my family might be worried that I am crossing over into obsessive wishful thinking as I took this last m/c much harder. I guess they think I am hormonal. Oh well. I have taken over 10 tests just because I keep thinking what if they are right. I am now screening my calls so I don't have to deal with them until I have my u/s in 4 weeks.

I just realized how self absorbed I am sounding.
Gabry I am so glad you are doing better and the spotting has stopped.
Happeeverafter- I am so sorry you are going through a miscarriage you have my utmost sympathy and hope you have a speedy physical recovery.

[NurseLaurie]

We actually tried to get pregnant again for a few months after the miscarriage, but my body just wasn't ready. After that I started nursing school, so we waited a few months again to give me time to get comfortable in my new routine. Now, I'm just hoping to find a good doc/midwife in my locale. I'm not content with the one I have now. My experience with them up to this point has been similar to Anakna4's. They are unsupportive, they lack compassion and they insist on every test and intervention known to western medicine. They didn't believe I was pregnant last time because THEIR urine test was negative (even though I brought 4 positive HPT's to the office with me). Finally it was confirmed with blood testing, but I already had a bad taste for them. When I miscarried nobody even said they were sorry. They just paraded me through like cattle, did the U/S and charged my copay. ARG! So, Anakna4... I totally feel your pain. The medical provider can make or break your experience, and they BROKE mine!

[JuicyPakwan]

That is so rotten. With my second m/c I didn't even go in when it started I felt safer and more respected with my dh. My dh is going to currently going to nursing school and I am already preaching patient advocacy and trust. Anyway I hope everyone is having a good day and that the babies are growing nicely!

[gabry]

Laurie, I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience with your first pregnancy.
Mine was better fortunately. I had no symptoms and it was on the first visit at 9 weeks I learned the embryo had died. They were very sympathetic. Even though I go to a pretty 'mainstream' ob practice, she didn't insist on a d&c or misoprostol, though she offered those options. Since I had never really considered what I'd do in such a situation, or was even very aware of my options, I might not even have thought of insisting on a natural m/c. So, I'm grateful my ob brought it up, since I know now a lot of them would not..
The only bad experience I had was when I checked out after my 'post-m/c follow-up visit' the receptionist kept insisting I needed a one month follow-up. I finally had to spell it out for her that I was no longer pregnant :irked:

[katiejon1]

Hi everybody. Just checking in. We got our bfp on Tuesday night and I've been on cloud 9 ever since. :) I'm really hopeful that this one is going to stick and I can't even begin to imagine if it doesn't. I don't know if it's because I have symptoms with this one that it feels more real than the last one, or if subconsciously I'm feeling that it's going to stick. I just hope I'm right!


Happeeverafter: I'm so sorry that you are going through a miscarriage right now. :hugs: I wanted to pipe in and tell you that I lost a baby last month and got pregnant again before my first cycle. My midwife was supportive of my decision, and said that she usually tells people to wait a month, but if it's an early m/c (mine was 6 wks 5 days) that it's ok if you get pregnant before the first cycle. I hope you can find some peace.

[happeeevraftr]

Thank you Katie, that's good to hear. I want to try again this cycle too, but I do want to at least talk to a specialist over the phone, if not make an appointment. I want to know if there's anything I can do to help keep my baby alive! I used progesterone cream this time for the first time, but I only used one dose a day, and I'm wondering if I needed more, or maybe a prescription of it. Or maybe my problem isn't progesterone at all. I'm just wanting it to be because that seems relatively easy and quick to solve.
Cathryn

[kathteach]

Well ladies, I think it's time for me to say goodbye. The spotting has started and since this is my 3rd miscarriage I definitely know the symptoms by heart. Good luck to all of you. Thanks for letting me be part of your group.

Bye.

[happeeevraftr]

Oh Kath, I'm so sorry. I am right there with you. I was planning on telling people halloween day, since that's when I would have been 12 weeks. I hope we can both figure out what's going on with our bodies.
Cathryn

[nydiagonz]

Kath :hug I am so sorry. I hope your recovery is as peaceful as possible. Sending much love in your direction :heartbeat

[gabry]

Kath, I am so sorry. I was soo wishing all of us would stay around this time. Take good care of yourself!

[JuicyPakwan]

Kathteach I am so sorry.

[RosePetal]

hello all, I hope you don't mind me joining the thread. I have had two m/c, one in 2000 (8 wks) and one this year in January (13 wks). This will be my third pregnancy and with it, of course, comes the anxiety. I'm trying to stay calm, unstressed...but as most of you know, that in itself is very difficult. My first drs appointment is Thursday. I'm 5 weeks today so obviously I have a long way to go. We've decided that if everything does go ok we will announce at four months instead of three.
As far as temps go, I've not yet reached 98...which is really weird for me. I've been hovering in the 97s for over a month. Is this something I should be concerned about?

[gabry]

Welcome Rosepetal, and congratulations. Hope all will go well for you!
Don't know about the temps, I imagine everyone / every pregnancy is different. My post-O temps were well above 98, but I'm also on progesterone, so that can increase temps. I'd say, if you had a bfp, it really doesn't matter anymore. Although I had to force myself to quit temping at 20dpo after 10 bfp's or so :LOL

[RosePetal]

I guess I just can't help it...it's the neurotic side of me. I've been taking temps for a few months now and I figure if I stop something will happen.
I think that I will just have to wait and see.

Andrea

[gabry]

Nydia, I read on the due date thread you adjusted yours based on ob visit. How did it go? Were you able to see a heartbeat?
I'm going back in tomorrow at 6wk6days and hoping to see that little :heartbeat . How is everyone else doing?

[nydiagonz]

Yes!! We did see a little :heartbeat and that was nice. However... the perinatologist said that it was very small, not even a fetal pole visible, so he thinks that I am not as far along as we thought. That worries me is that I know that I ovulated on the 12th day after my period and we were TTC then. So maybe we concieved after that?? I dunno it just doesn't seem right. I am seeing the peri in 2 weeks to check again. I don't feel much better.

[gabry]

Nydia, I'm sorry you didn't get unequivocal good news.. I guess at least we can say it's not bad news, but it sucks to have to wait another 2 weeks to find out more. Hang in there, momma!

[gabry]

Well, just got back from my US at supposedly 6 weeks 6 days (based on charting, opk, bd timing, +hpt). Small fetal pole seen, no heartbeat, and sac measuring 5 weeks 4 days. Grown since last time, but not as expected. So, got hcg levels drawn, will repeat next week (going out of town) and another US in a week. Unless levels go down, I guess...
We've planned a trip to Atlanta, it's our 5 year anniversary, and we're trying hard to stay hopeful, but it's so hard :(

[dshields]

I'm so sorry that you two are both going through this uncertanity! Hang in there mamas, I'll have you both in my thoughts...


Danielle
(no appt. here until the 20th Oct. at 10 weeks)

[nydiagonz]

Gabry :Hug I am so sorry that you are also going through this worry phase. I whish I could lend you the :heartbeat and you could pass over a fetal pole and we'd have the perfect scenario... this sucks :( Keep us updated. I will be thinking of you. :throb

[NurseLaurie]

Hugs to all of the mamas with uncertainty! Try to hang in there.

dshields: Our 10 week appointments are on the same day! I hope we both have great news.

[dshields]

Cool Laurie! I'm counting the days...

[RosePetal]

I had my first prenatal exam yesterday and dr said everything looks ok so far. He recommended me taking 1500mg of calcium plus the materna I'm already on. I think he's worried. I know I am. He said I'm due May 21...I was only off by a day. (I guessed 22nd)
I had my first prenatal blood work and urine stuff at the hospital today...I hate peeing in those cups! I usually don't do very well with them...I have bad pee coordination!! :LOL But today I had a good sample and I was about to adjust the other container (the skinny one) and didn't I drop it (the pee) down the toilet?! so I'm not sure there's much of one, but I was so embaressed I just left it in the lab container and ran away. :blush
My next appointment is Oct 20 too.

[RosePetal]

I woke up today spotting...I figure it could be from the exam at the drs on Thursday. I'm not sure but I'm trying hard not to worry. I can't go through another loss again.

I'm crossing my fingers and leaving it with God to decide. Please send prayers.

[nydiagonz]

Rosepetal- I will be thinking of you.

Gabry- Where are you sweeite?? Any news? I have been thinking of you. I hope you are doing alright. PM me if you want.

[gabry]

Thanks for your support, and Nydia, thanks for asking about me. We were on a trip to Atlanta to celebrate our 5 year anniversary, just got back. It was a welcome distraction, lots of great stuff to do with ds.
My hcg levels were in the 4000, 5-6 weeks, not 7 weeks. Will get another level tomorrow, and likely we'll know for sure then. Will keep you posted.

[RosePetal]

:( Sad news to relay. I've miscarried for the third time. I'll post more where appropriate.
Thanks for your support while I've been here though, much appreciated.

Andrea

[gabry]

I am so sorry, Rosepetal. I hope you will be able to take good care of yourself and get through this somehow. And, if and when you want to ttc again (I don't want to assume either way) you may want to consider joining the 'Support for mommas ttc after a loss' on the 'pregnant after loss' forum. I found a lot of support there before, and am afraid I will need them again very soon.
Wishing you lots of strength and courage.

[nydiagonz]

Gabry- Oh yah :Sheepish: I forgot you were going away for your anniversary. I am glad that the blood looks good so far. I was told the same thing about the timing, but I don't like the sound of it because I know when I O'd (Aug 11th). Anyways, I will be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for both of us.

Rosepetal- I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you can take it easy and take care of yourself. It is so hard to go through this and especially so many times. Take care :throb

[JuicyPakwan]

I haven't posted alot but you guys are in my thoughts.
Rosepetal I am so sorry I hope you are able to find some answers.
Gabry I hope you have good news today with your hcg levels.
Nadiagonz that is strange. I hope your next appt is more conclusive. I agree seeing the hb is a good thing.

At my appt 2 wks ago the doc said he would do hcg levels but when I called back all he had ordered where basic blood work with hormone levels. I was so dissapointed so I have to wait 2 more weeks to hear anything conclusive. I am sure I will go ahead with the ultrasound. I will be 8wks exactly when I get it.

[gabry]

Well, I guess when I started this thread I just sensed I might need you ladies for support. The news was bad this evening :(
My level came back a little lower than 5 days ago. I'll stop the progesterone and probably miscarry in the next few days. I can't believe I'm having to do this again, and then start the whole ttc obsession all over again too.
Thanks all for your support and hugs. It definitely makes a difference to have you mommas here. I don't know many people irl who understand.
I hope all the rest of you get to stay here!

[nydiagonz]

Oh Gabry!! :( :( :( I am so, so sorry. I wish I had words for you... I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I wish I could see you IRL and give you lots of big :Hug :Hug :Hug Please take care of yourself.

[dshields]

gabry,

I'm so sorry.... My heart goes out to you and your family.

[JuicyPakwan]

Gabry I wanted to add my condolences as well. I am very sorry.
I have the feeling I will be joining you soon. I had and ultrasound today for some spotting and it measures 4 - 5 wks tops and no visible heart beat and I should be measuring 6wk3days. We will have another u/s in a week and a half to make sure they told me not to stop the progest yet.

[gabry]

Thanks everyone.
Ana, I'm hoping the spotting stops and you'll get better news next week. Maybe the tech didn't get a good view/angle?
I'm doing another hcg tomorrow 'just to be safe' at the ob's request but I'm not holding my breath. Did restart the progesterone for now, just to know I did all I could..

[JuicyPakwan]

Thanks gabry I wish that where the case. But there wasn't even an embryo just a yoke sack and the placenta has started detaching. I wish I could stop the progesterone now as I feel it is delaying the inevitable but will wait until my next u/s to stop. Maybe better luck next time.

[gabry]

Ana, I am so sorry. I was just doing some research on work-up for recurrent m/c, I can pm you the links if you like - I noticed you asked about that in the other thread. (don't have them readily available now). Take good care of yourself.

[JuicyPakwan]

That would be great Gabry thanks. The stuff I have been reading is pretty scary (Lupus,Diabetes2,Autoimmune etc) so it would be nice to hear from another perspective. Take care of yourself as well, are you getting your blood draw today? Let us know how it goes.

[kathteach]

Rosepetal, Anakna4, and Gabry,

My heart goes out to all of you. I am so sorry you had to experience this again. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[nydiagonz]

Hey ladies,

I just came back from the docs and everything is looking alright. I guess we just concieved a lot later in my cycle than we thought. I guess those post pardum hormones are crazy. Anyways, I feel a little better after seeing that things are progressing. I hope I can just "feel better" for the rest of the pregnancy.

[kathteach]

Congratulations Nydia! That's awesome news!

[gabry]

Nydia, I'm very glad to hear that. I had been thinking about you these last few days and I'm happy to hear good news!

[nydiagonz]

Thank you Gabry! :heartbeat I sorry we couldn't take this journey together, but I'm sure you will be jumping into another due date club soon. I have thought about you this week as well. Good luck sweetie.

[JuicyPakwan]

Hi ladies,
I had my ultrasound yesterday and have very good news. I have a fetus that measures 8w 1d. I am very happy. I count it as a miracle from the prayers of my children for another baby. The doc could not explain the last u/s. Basically the baby grew 4 weeks worth in 2 wks and the placenta has reattached.

[gabry]

Anakna4, I am sooo happy for you! :love Sorry you had to wait so long to hear this good news, but I'm sure it was worth it.

[nydiagonz]

Yay Anaka! I am happy for you and I hope this is the last bump in the road for you! Unfortunately I think we loose our "innocence" and ability to fully enjoy a pregancy after a loss. Well, at least in my case, since my loss was so late in the pregancy, I don't know if I will ever feel "safe".

[JuicyPakwan]

Thanks Gabry and nydiagonz. I agree it will still be stressful. I am waking up in panick and running to the bathroom if I feel a little wet. Hopefully this will pass soon.

[Snowdrift]

Oh, how I wish I was having a u/s. My homebirth midwife is discouraging me from getting one, and I totally get why. Mostly I'd be looking for reassurance every other day and would be even more of a nervous wreck.

My u/s last time was a nightmare though. The tech kept muttering things like "I sure don't see anything" and "you sure don't *look* pregnant".

That visit was enought to scare me away from hospitals forever--I won't bother y'all with the details, but it was not a good day and the opposite of empowering. The whole disbelief that I was even pregnant was very de-affirming.

So this time I started going to midwife very early (fourth week consult, eighth week first prenatal) not for medical stuff but just to talk and get to know her and let myself try to feel a little pregnant and a little less scared.

Also, I've found that black haw bark tea really quiets down those twingey, crampy feelings that feel like a m/c coming on. It had been used traditionally to prevent m/c and it acts by relaxing the uterus a lot. I mention it because I foud it online somewhere and mentioned it to my midwife and she wasn't even familar with it so she asked her apprentice who is an herbalist as well and sure enough...

It tastes like dirt though so I mix it with spearmint. Helps with the nausea.

TD

[JuicyPakwan]

I am not a big fan of u/s either especially early ones but I felt this time the stress of not knowing was worse for my and baby's health than a few minutes of u/s.

I totally agree on the hospitals they creep me out. Was your bad experience from your m/c?

[Snowdrift]

Yeah, m/c day was pretty bad at the hospital. I didn't even have a d&c or anything, it was just very uncaring and so many invasive tests for really no reason at all. Over and over again they tell you they can't do anything but there's just one more test....

They even insisted on a foley catheter to do an u/s. C'mon folks, give me a couple glasses of water, for pete's sake! For a completed mc at five weeks!

I think the moment I decided not to go back to doc for pregnancy stuff was when I went for my third hcg in the series and the physician's assistant insisted one doing yet another pelvic--fifth one in three days. And not a one was necessary. And even as she insisted she needed to do it she conceded that there was no real reason.

It just doens't make sense.

Then they messed up the insurance so I was fighting with billing issues for nearly a year. Just a mess.

But this time, if we can't get a heartbeat with the doppler at 13 weeks (I have a bit of um, padding) we will get a u/s. My 13 week appt is the absoulute limit on waiting for good news!

[ltk]

Sorry for your losses ladies. I had an early m/c in early July and then conceived in the middle of august. It was quite a shock to me, since the midwife said to wait 3 months. I didn't! That loss took a lot out of me, but in retrospect it seems easier to bare. I try and keep in mind nature's cycle and the universal plan. I have been on edge, thinking I would see spotting...but touch wood I have not. I am now almost 14 weeks, and just started telling family and friends widely. All we can do is trust and go forward!! I suggest doing some guided imagery....visualize that cute babe on your breast and surrender. :thumb

[JuicyPakwan]

tie-dyed what a nasty experience. For my 1st mc the doc was fine only checked to see if cervix was opening it was the ultrasound tech that was awful she used the probe for 30 min! I thought I was going to puke on the table, all because she couldn't find one of my ovaries because my intestines where in the way so stupid. The nurse forgot about us for 2 hrs after so we where just sitting waiting. I did the second at home by myself. This one I just wanted and us to see what was going on. Refusing everything else was a huge circus but haven't submitted to a vag exam yet although the us was vag I put it in myself. I plan on not having any vag exams this pg if it continues and do a UC.

ltk-I totally agree visualizing a baby helps alot. Congrats on the pg I hope we all have sticky babies!

[nydiagonz]

My peri is insisting that I see him (or the OB) every 2 weeks. I have had an US every time I see him too. So far we have 3 US's but honestly I don't think I feel any better because of it. What I do feel good about is that I know that he is by far the best peri in the area and he is completely honest with us. Even my new OB (from the same office) was saying stuff like "Oh, well what do I know compared to Dr. T!"

I definitely opted out of the vaginal exam and Pap when I saw the OB and luckily she was pretty cool about it. When people actually bother to read my chart, they see how much hell I had to go through and are generally cool with my decisions to keep my blood in me and hands out of me.

I don't know if all of these doc appts are helping or making me more anxious. I think they are helping because considering what we went through just a few months ago, I am feeling alright. Strenth to all of us!! :heartbeat :thumb

[JuicyPakwan]

Hey all I was wondering how everyone is doing?
nydiagonz-I remember reading your story but can't find it again. If you don't mind my asking are they looking for some of the same signs or reasons that you lost your first baby? I am really hoping all goes well for you. I think it is wonderful you have a peri that is so good and a doc who is supportive. For me the appt are very comforting in that I saw the baby and it would pull me up for about a week then I would go back to is something wrong is it still alive? I forced myself to make some newborn diapers and having them out and looking at them is very theraputic. I also finally found my uterus I was getting very worried when I realized I was feeling too low. It is up to my belly button. Very big for me but this will be pregnancy #6 so I think it is very normal.

[nydiagonz]

Hi ladies. Anakna - thanks for asking. I guess when it comes down to it, my peri (who is also a geneticist) does not think that a)the abruption was caused by my genetic variant (MTHFR), nor b)that I have a high risk of it happening again. So, really he says he is just monitoring me closely for "peace of mind" and anxiety control on my part.

I dunno... I really have a love/hate relationship with hospitals, doctors and western medicine in general. Even though he constantly reassures me that it was a "fluke", I just wonder if that is true. I just try as hard as I can not to think about it all because it makes me feel :flipped

Here is the link to our story "My Son's Story" (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=307912)

Again, thanks for asking and in general I am feeling better. I had a month long battle with bronchitis/asthma which has finally subsided. pheeww!

[nydiagonz]

I just wanted to check on everyone here. How are you holding up?? The holidays... ugh. Anyone else find the holidays to be practically unbearable? I guess my grief is still somewhat fresh.

I got my official U/S pics (http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=v2etqro.19paubrk&x=0&y=-g1hjg2) and everything looks great. I haven't seen my perinatologist in a month, so I am a little bit anxious. I see him on the 19th though, so that will be nice.

Well, I hope to hear that you all are doing well!

[kathteach]

Well hi ladies. I saw the doctor this morning and my cervix is measuring at 2.41 cm. He said he likes to see them at at least 3 inches, and a normal cervix is 4-5 inches. I'm so scared. I've made it this far and now there's a possibility of incompetent cervix. I'm going back next week and they'll measure again to see if it's funneling. Wish me luck ladies and if any of you has any stories or advice for me I'd love to hear it.

[Sydnee]

Hugs to you mama, you'll be in my prayers. :hug Were you having problems that they ,measured you for that? Was it thru u/s???

[kathteach]

Yeah, it was measured through u/s. I just started reading up on pg. and I fit the risk factors (prior leep, 2 d&c's due to miscarriage) so I asked the doctor to check. I'm completely going out of my mind.

[miamommy]

Hi kathteach,

Just wanted you to know that I am hoping everything is ok and you are in my thoughts.

[nydiagonz]

How very scary Kath. I am wishing you lots of luck. Is that something that bedrest can help? Let us know how everything goes.

I just saw my perinatologist on Monday and everything looks good. I am feeling movement which is very nice :love My peri told me that I am the "least risk" patient he has, which felt really good to hear.... makes up for last time.

Hang in there ladies!!