Home birth question?

[My Three Boys]

Okay. I would really like a homebirth. With my last two births, once labor started I wanted nothing more than to stay home. I actually begged one of my midwives to come to my house. But both were birth center births. This pregnancy I've been going to a birth center again. (We moved - different area) I love my midwife and trust her, so this option is wonderful too.

I would like to try a homebirth, but I just can't get over the idea that if anything goes wrong, it would be considered my fault by friends and family because I was "crazy" enough to try it at home. Yes, I know the stats on hospital vs. home birth, but still . . . I don't want to be explaining them to everyone I know.

How have any of you gotten over that?

[charmcitymama]

How far are you from the hospital? I live downtown and if I had a HB I could be at my hospital in just a few minutes.
I am not going to have a HB, but, I it is a thought floating around for me.
Honestly, if I were planning a HB I would like to have one quick u/s before I delivered just to make sure everything is cool.

[Mrs Dimples]

Well, in my area a birth center birth is no different than a HB as far as what equipment is there, access to hospital, etc. It's a free-standing BC and it's very near a hospital (2 miles or so) but so is my house. Midwives here bring pit and O2 and everything to your home that they would have in the BC, so it's really no different in that respect. Not every state is like that though, and not everyone's home is as close to a hospital as I am.

As far as wondering how to head off people's "concerns", well that is something you'll have to think long and hard about and work through on your own. :hug I will say this: I made a lot of choices with my son's birth (and by "made choices" of course I mean "did what was suggested to me and didn't ask too many questions") that were not very smart from a medical standpoint. Choices that could have had major complications for me and the baby (ie elective induction, epi, vaccuum delivery) and no one said anything to me about "But how would you ever have forgiven yourself if something had gone wrong?" No one thought anything of it, including my dad who is an MD. So it's clearly all in people's minds, IMO. They are just so engrained that they have these knee-jerk reactions and they just blurt things out because they don't know how to approach it. The fact that they say anything at all is probably a good sign, but it's just so far out of their realm of experience that they don't know what to say so they say something stupid. To me, it has become an opportunity to educate people, to plant a little seed in their brains. I'm not talking about standing on a street corner with a sandwich board that says "Ask me about my HB plans!" but just gently enlightening friends and family when the subject comes up.

Anyway, sorry to be so long-winded. My point is that you will have to move beyond that place of letting other people get to you, or believing what they're saying, before it would be a good move for you to birth at home. You have time. ;) It took me awhile to get there, but I thought it was important for me to really assess my own position on it and make the decision for myself and my baby, no one else. :hug

Good luck!

[My Three Boys]

Thanks CharmCityMama. I did go ahead with a VERY short (3 minutes) u/s just last week with this one. My current midwives really wanted to take a quick look at the placenta and I wanted to make sure all the insides were on the insides and that the baby had four limbs. Everything looked fine. I do not want another u/s because they always try to estimate the birth weight and they are terribly inconsistent later on in pregnancy. I'm still thinking . . .

Mrs. Dimples - Thank you!!! I had actually thought about the fact that my house will actually become a mini-birth center if I choose a homebirth. I do know a midwife here who carries pit (which I've needed after every birth) and O2. I live less than 2 minutes from our local hospital (I know because I've had to drive a croupy child there in the middle of the night!).

I love what you had to say about your hospital birth - that nobody once questioned your choices there. But it's true!! Why is it that the MORE intervention we do, the fewer questions we get. (This time, when I was debating whether or not to do an u/s, more people thought I was just plain crazy for even considering NOT doing it! I didn't have one with my other three!!)

Anyway, I'm glad you were long-winded. You gave me a lot to think about. Thanks!

[charmcitymama]

So...if you live so very close to the hospital and you want it, go for it!!!
I think another issue in this situation is how much you trust your midwife to make good decisions.

[Jlcampbellkidz]

If you trust your midwife enough to birth with her in the birthcenter the trust should be no different if you choose homebirth.

Same as Mrs. Dimples, in my area, the midwife brings the same equipment and meds to the birth that are available at the birth center. My midwife has stated that the only difference in birth center and homebirth is at the BC you use their facility, tub, shower, bed, restroom, rope, etc. then they clean up, at home you have and use all of your things and they still help clean up. It's also usually a bit over a 1000 dollars more for a BC because of a facility fee.

Good Luck!

[Sleepymama]

For me, choosing hb over birthcenter was easy--I didn't see anything at the birth center that couldn't be at my house--recussitation equip, pit, O2, etc. I'm just as close to the university medical center (with the level 3 NICU) as the birth center, maybe even a few minutes closer. Plus, the tub at the birth center wasn't quite big enough for me :LOL I'm getting the giant fishy pool for my living room--I'm a big girl!

For me the big deciding factor was the MW. I just didn't feel comfortable with the birth center MWs, and the HB midwife (the only local one) just clicked with me immediately (was also recommended by at least 5 LLL moms). She answered all my questions about risk and emergencies, and even showed me a video where they had to recussitate a baby that wasn't breathing after birth, and he pinked right up. After my son's very difficult birth (immediate NICU for heart defect) that was what I was most concerned about.

I think if you go to the homebirth forum there are lots of links to articles about the relative safety compared to hospital births if you need something for your relatives. We actually haven't told anyone we're having a homebirth, and probably won't until the baby is crowning :LOL (I did tell some RL friends who I knew would be supportive).

Also read Ina May's guide to childbirth and the stories there, and the info in the back. She has some statistics in there about the safety of homebirth too.

[AndiG]

At the end of the day, I would never have chosen a home birth for my children until I'd had one.
My son was an unplanned home birth after a really sudden progression. Midwives arrived literally five minutes before he did and were completely unprepared (all the equipment and supplies were in the car, they came inside to check me and hang out before we would all head up to the hospital in our respecitve cars....)

Even at that, everything turned out flawlessly. No complications. When I think back on it and and what could have gone wrong, it makes my blood run cold.

But it was like a trial by fire. Honestly, We're now choosing to have a home birth this time and can't imagine it any other way....

Yes, it is a leap of faith sometimes. But so very many things are....

I hope you find a decision that works for you.

[crittersmom]

I would love to have the choice to do a HB and even interviewed a MW but it didn't work out becuase of my crummy perfectly fine while on meds BP issues.
Iam already odd becuase I BF for longer than 2 weeks so I figured I could get away with it.
Just think about some of the decisions you made about your other births.Like did you do it pain med free,did you have pitocin,did you do the vitamin shot,was the baby circ'ed,did you BF and room in?Weren't some of these choices made by just you without wondering what the family might think?Go ahead its just another step toward what you feel is best for yourself and babe. :thumb Most of the time you can get a feeling that this preg might be an Maternity Ward one rather than a Baby Story before you even deliver. :wink

[Sleepymama]

Crittersmam, have you looked around for different MWs? Mine would be fine if I have to go on BP meds, I wouldn't risk out unless I also developed pre-e or it became uncontrolled even with meds. :confused:

[My Three Boys]

Laurie - Thanks! My birth center midwife does not do homebirths. So, I'd have to find another one. I have a call into one that I picked after talking with many other women in this area. Most love her. The ones who don't, don't like her because she's too hands on for them. Well, I want hands on! So, I think I'll like her. Plus, she's a Christian, which helps me! But, you're right - trust is a huge issue.

Sleepymama - That's what I needed to hear! That basically I'd be giving birth at home with all of the equipment that would be at the birth center anyway. Good point!!

Wow Andi - that would be scary. I think anytime you plan on birthing one particular way and then it's changed by things out of your control it'd be scary!! (My first birth was an emergency transfer during labor from a BC to a hospital - VERY scary!!) That's awesome that you're choosing a HB after that experience! So, did you end up going to the hospital anyway?

Crittersmom - I second sleepymama - check around. I know around me there are midwives who will take you with high BP as long as it's controlled. Anyway, good point about all the other choices I made without thinking about what others would think.

Hmmm . . . I talked a lot with hubby today and basically, we're going to see how much we like this midwife. We have lots of issues to discuss - shoulder dystocia (my third had one), strep B positive (I am), etc. We also agreed that we wouldn't share our plans for a HB with people who wouldn't be supportive. We'll tell them after the baby is born!!

[Sleepymama]

On the GBS--there are different strategies. My MW told me that I could do one of several things: cleansing before labor involving rinsing with herbs, garlic, and probiotics, etc. She also said some of her clients get a mega dose of oral antibiotics from their doc to take at the beginning of labor. Others choose not to worry about it but avoid internal exams until late in labor (if at all) and take other precautions. I was heavily colonized for my first PG, and will probably get tested for this one (I had a GBS UTI at 10 weeks with DS, not been tested with this one yet) and will try the cleansing first and then get oral ABs if it doesn't clear up. GBS doesn't rule out homebirth--I bet the HB forum has more info as well.

[My Three Boys]

Thanks Sleepymama. I am heavily colonized (it's in my urine). I did a whole bunch of research before my second one was born and decided to go with the IV antibiotics and ended up with a raging yeast infection. It took months to get rid of it! With my third, I did more research and opted out of it unless my water was broken longer than a certain amount of time (I don't remember what it was), and a couple other things. It was not a problem and William was completely healthy. I just worry that this time my water will break earlier and I'll not have the option of antibiotics at home unless I take them orally for a few days before the baby is born. Okay, I'm rambling. . . I'll ask these questions on the HB board!

Do you ever know what kind of birth you'll have? Every time I think about this birth, I think it'll go really fast. (I went from 4 - birth in an hour with number 2 and number 3 took only a bit longer.) Also, even though I really wanted to be pregnant at the time, when I got pregnant with the babies I miscarried, I absolutely lost it! I wasn't happy about the pregnancy. It was weird. I really think deep down I KNEW. I'm wondering if it's the same this time.

[charmcitymama]

I'm also Strep B positive. But, I think that I will probably already be on tons of antibiotics for my MRSA. So, we'll see. I'll talk to my mw about it at my next appointment. I will be in a hospital but plan to do this naturally. There are no birth centers in this city.

[Sleepymama]

Yeah, my water was broken for almost 24 hours before DS was born and I think I had something like 2-3 bags of IV antibiotics. No yeast, thank goodness. But they were very concerned about him b/c of his condition at birth and pumped him full of ab's as well prior and after surgery, and he had the diaper rash from hell, poor little guy.

Also, having it in a previous pregnancy doesn't mean you will always have it, right?

[crittersmom]

I asked in the finding your tribe section about MW and there was only one who is close enough.I have really fast labors so I need somebody who is closer than 45 minutes away which is how far the other MW are.I looked up one practice that is close by but they aren't taking any new patients so it was this lady or back to my OB.She took my info and her backup OB told her it wasn't a good idea so she had to trun me down.I am well controled by my med. but they said are more worried about placental function at the end.At least the hospital is so close I could spit on it so I can stay at home for as long as possible.

GBS I read on another board that there is a study going on about it and that they can treat you and baby afterwards and it still works out okay.It was something being done at a hosptail in Dallas I think.

I have been able to tell when I am going to have the baby the farther along I get.I knew I was going to have my second that week but I was really trying to hold him in so that my support system would be in place (DH was delpoyed at the time).I'm pretty sure that I am not going to go to my due date with this one either, I'll know more once I'm 8 months.

i hope you like your MW and that you get your wonderful homebirth!

[candiland]

Just for the record, a hb midwife can give two intramuscular injections of antibiotics during labor and you won't need an i.v.

[AndiG]

Jennifer, to respond to your "did we ever make it to the hosptial" question...

No. We didn't.
Silas was born at 4pm and the mws simply said we had a couple of options
1. we could call an ambulance and the baby would be strapped down with me and taken to the hosptial , we'd have to pay for a non emergency hosptial, and they weren't sure why I'd need to go, since everything was fine and they were just going to give me a tiny stich and be done with me.
2. they said we could drive to the hosptial later but that they would let us transport the baby in a car seat until he was at least four hours old . Dh and I both hated the idea of putting him out in a car seat at night in the cold Canadian weather for no reason....
3. they figured they'd end up letting me go home again the following morning. So really, what was the point?

So we didn't go. The only thing that was hard about it was that dd, then only 18 months, really had no concept of 'mommy needs to rest' in the first few days and a couple of times I ended up doing things (like nearly lifting and carrying her three hours after the birth) which were really silly. She was 26lbs and I just didn't need to lift and carry her (from our bed to her crib once she was asleep) when I'd just given birth... But because we were in our home environement it was hard for all of us to remember that I needed to take it easy a bit.
The mws were very supportive about this and tried to help out.... honestly I'm a large capable, woman, nearly six feet tall and over 200 lbs pg. I'm healthy as a horse and very independant, so it made me feel silly to have to ask for help....

so that's my answer.
This time around dd will be in JK and DS will be in part time preschool so I'm hoping that will help us a bit.....

[EllasMama]

I struggled with this question. Eventually after I'd thought through all the "what if's" and "how will I tell people?", I just sort of let it go from the forefront of my mind. Then the answer came to me; I knew I felt more comfortable having a homebirth. My first was at a free-standing birth center with direct-entry midwives. The only bad parts of the birth were getting there, being somewhere unfamiliar, and getting home. So I'm removing those parts and keeping the rest.

If at some time during pregnancy I for some unexplained reason feel the need to change my mind, I'm allowing for that possibility as well, but all in all, I'm excited about planning a homebirth.

Oh, did I mention that I haven't told my parents about this yet? :2whistle: I told them that I had up till 36 weeks to decide whether I wanted to choose the birth center or home (which is true) so they haven't thought to ask me about it...yet. But it's comin'....

Carol

[My Three Boys]

I decided to contact a homebirth midwife in my area. She called me back yesterday and we talked for 45 minutes about birth. I think I LOVE her!! She is really awesome and really listened to my concerns and she addressed all of them. Dh and I go to meet with her next week. I've always heard people say that when you meet your midwife, you'll know. She may be it!!!!

Yea! I just might have a homebirth after all!!

[charmcitymama]

That is wonderful, Jennifer!

[My Three Boys]

Thanks! We're really excited about this!