Son's first 2 days at school - help (x-post)

[uberwench]

I feel weird posting asking for help and advice - it's been probably over a year since i posted anything, so i'm pretty much an outsider again...

But here goes.

My 3.5 year old bright, exuberant son started montessori school yesterday. He was initially supposed to start in the Primary class (age 3-6) but i got a call an hour after he arrived that they wanted to start him in the Toddler room instead because he was showing "Impulse control" problems. Huh. ok. fair enough - He's never really interacted with other kids for any length of time, never really has had much sharing experience.

But i was upset at first - i felt like they were holding him back just because of energy level (no doubt exacerbated by the new environment) and not really giving him more of a chance.

From what he told me after school (unprompted) and what i know of him, i pieced together that he made a beeline straight for the big box of letters and immediately began forming them into words and making up games with them. That's simply what he does when he sees letters. He's curious about what other people are doing and like to join in, too. I consider these to be admirable traits. I unsure why they were not able to redirect him or at least explain the rules to him.

I had to exercise some impulse control of my own to keep from immediately going in there and taking him out of school entirely.

So we try again to today - this time in the Toddler class. He walked in the door and lay down flat on the floor and said "I'm in my shell" (its what he says when he's mad). So i came in and rubbed his back and was shooed out by the teacher who was somewhat snotty.

THe longest 2 hours passed and i picked him up. The teacher said he was "ok, but we need to work with him because he still yells" "Cries?" "No, he yells". Ah, I know this one. He has a very booming voice, and knows his own mind and if he doesnt want to do something he will tell you in no uncertain terms. We're very lenient in our house - as long as it's not violent or rude or dangerous, pretty much anything goes.

He told me about his day on the way home, and seems in no way traumatized by the experience. But i feel...weird about the whole thing. My husband thinks we should give it a few more days. But a big part of me just wants to say the heck with it and keep him home for another year.

Any thoughts? I know many of you have gone through this sort of thing, and i dont know anyone here where i live who has gone through it.


I think i'm most uncomfortable with how quickly my ds was labeled with having "impulse control issues".

Any input appreciated.
Sorry for the length.

[siddie]

I think you need to go with your feelings. Is there another Montessori school in the area you can try? We tried a Montessori school and in this particular school, the placement of the child was really more about balancing the classroom numbers than the needs of the child although they would use terms like impulse control or ready to move up. I can't believe they would move a child the first day within an hour, it takes children time to adjust to a new environment, they didn't even give him a chance to learn the rules/routines. Why pay for a snotty teacher?

[MountainLovinMama]

I read your thread in the other forum, and, since your ds seems to be happy once he settles in, I would give it some more time before making any changes. The initial transition to going to school for the first time takes some time - both for the child and for the parent! That said, if your feeling that the teacher is "snotty" means that she is not very communicative, or that you feel she is unsupportive, I would not hesitate to schedule a time to talk with you about your son's placement and adjustment at school. And if, after a few more days, you still feel uncomfortable or uncertain about how your child is being handled by his teachers, I would definitely meet with them and talk about your concerns. If this is his first time in a classroom setting or with other kids, I think it is entirely normal that his transition might take a little longer than some of the other kids, especially if he is not accustomed to sharing or abiding by other people's rules. As far as the toddler classroom - I'm sure I would feel a bit ruffled if I were in your place and got a call one hour after drop-off the first day saying that my child was going to be placed in a different class due to "impulse control" issues. But, if you feel the situation is supportive of your son and not punitive, I could see where being in a class with younger kids might help him feel like a leader as he learns new skills, rather than the one who is always being singled out in the older classroom for his "impulse control issues." Perhaps being in the younger classroon for a time would help him adjust to being in a group and classroom setting and practice new concepts (sharing, following rules, etc) so that when he enters the other class he is better prepared to integrate smoothly into the class.

We are in a wonderful Montessori program - the staff are very approachable and supportive. I hope that turns out to be your experience too! Good luck!

[uberwench]

Perhaps being in the younger classroon for a time would help him adjust to being in a group and classroom setting and practice new concepts (sharing, following rules, etc) so that when he enters the other class he is better prepared to integrate smoothly into the class.

This is an excellent point, and if they are the school i believed them to be when i enrolled ds, this was most likely their reasoning.

After giving it some thought over the weekend i realize that certainly SOME of my reaction was because of my personal issues with authority. My own prejudices may have somewhat clouded my interpretation of events.

My son has been thus far surprisingly ok with the school experience - considering it is the first time he's EVER been in the care of someone besides me or immediate family.

I have a meeting set up with his Primary teacher on Thursday, and until then I'm going to keep watching and listening with an open mind.