How do I not pass food issues onto my dd?

[seren]

I'm having such a hard time with this recently. Dd1 is 4. When we recertified for WIC in May she had gained 5 lbs in 6 months. The nurse said it was ok, but she shouldn't do that every six months. She's 39 lbs.

Here is my biggest issue. She constantly says she is hungry. Right now she is BEGGING dh for more ice cream. For dinner she had some salad, a little bit of pork chop, and a few bites of rice. About 30 minutes later she had 1/5 small scoops of ice cream and then dh gave her a few bites of his. She is telling him she is *really really hungry* *starving*. I know that there are times kids just say they are hungry to get something they want, like a treat, snack, whatever. And she does do this, but not always. She can eat and say she's hungry. If I give her a healthy choice, carrot sticks, piece of WW bread, etc., sometimes she will pick one, other times seh suggests something else, chips, ice cream, etc. I know if she wants the not so healthy stuff it's she just wants it, but when she chooses the healthy stuff she is really hungry. Or, so I've been told by a few health professionals.

I am trying so hard not to make a big issue of this with her. I have always struggled with my weight. I'm currently about 100 lbs overweight. I do not want my children to struggle like I have. I'm not saying they have to be skinny, but I do want them to be a healthy weight. It's hard to be overweight. I have a hard time playing with my kids. I don't want that for them. The other day I had to stop myself from saying the words that came to my head *If you eat all the time you will get fat.* I WILL NEVER EVER say these words to my children. I don't want dd to have a food complex. I don't want her to worry about getting fat. How do I overcome my feelings and not pass them onto her? And do I just let her eat, but only the healthy things, when she says she hungry? I'm so confused.

[Jennifer Z]

I am in the same position as you. An overweight mama (around 100+ lbs too much also) who is really trying to not pass on my food issues. I know it doesn't work to ban foods, because then they will start sneaking food, especially when they are older and have some independence (speaking from personal experience). I know that my two cousins had a mom that constantly monitered every bite & commented on weight constantly and ended up with a son who was anorexic and a daughter who was bulemic. Having all your comfort food be unhealthy food is not good either (another of my problems).

What I am trying to do (no idea if it is working, my ds is only 3 right now) is have a constant supply of healthy snack food, laid out on where he has access to it 24/7. I also don't make a big deal about him eating/not eating at meal time either. I figure that if he is hungry, he will eat. We don't have a dessert at meals either. If we are going to enjoy something less-than-healthy, it is presented as a snack, and I try to make sure there is only a limited supply (or have it appear that way to him) so that he doesn't keep begging for more.

I also work very hard not to comment on my weight, or anybody else's weight. I work to smile at myself when I look in the mirror and am careful to only "check for lint" and such when he sees me looking in the mirror. I try not to let him see me weighing myself, and I try not to talk about being hungry or that I am on a diet, even when I am.

Like I said, I don't really know if it is working, and I catch myself doing thing (especially commenting negatively) more often than I would have imagined. It is a learning process.

Dr. Phil's books have helped me some on changing my own attitudes towards food. (I know a lot of people don't like him, but I found value in the weight management books).

I think it is one of those things where the best we can do is work to change ourselves. How we interact and act is going to have a lot bigger impact than what we say to them. The problem is, that is really hard.

[seren]

nak
thank you. I think i will try the healthy foods out all the time thing. It's so hard sometimes. I won't say anything to her ever because i don't want her to have issues like your cousins. your post really made me think about what i do with myself affecting her, too. thanks for that.

[sweetest]

I want to join in as another overwieght mama trying not to pass on food issues. Dd is tall for her age (2 and wearing 3t clothes) and is already recieving comments on how "big" she is - she is not overweight by any means. I reply "and she's strong" :D

I have to really stop myself when I want to comment on my own body. Im also dieting right now, and I've made a point of not saying "diet" around her.

So far (again, shes only 2) I let her eat what she wants, when she wants. BUT that means only bringing foods into the house that I can let her do that with. Grocery shopping is a front line battle :LOL It has worked well so far. For instance, dh bought her these all fruit popsicle things. She LOVED them and would ask for one all the time. I hated telling her no. When they ran out I made "popsicles" from pure apple juice (just frozen juice in a popscile mold) she still aksed for them, but its funny, now that Im like, "okay, here you go" she doesnt ask for them as much. I think part of the fun in getting the popscile was the "treat" aspect of it. Once that was gone, the magic was gone, too. Plus, each popscile is about 1/4 cup of organic apple juice and it takes her a good 15-20 minutes to eat it :thumb

Same thing with chips - I bake whole wheat tortillas in the oven and cut them in wedges.

BUT Dh is going through withdrawl. :LOL He had never had any sort of weight issues - he is always perfectly in his "ideal" BMI :irked: The other day dd was sick and I told dh that I wouldnt have any thing ready for him for dinner when he called from work on his way home. I told him there were leftover turkey burgers, or he could stop and get something.

He came home with a box of frozen taquitos and two frozen pizzas :irked:

I know where you are coming from, its such a complicated issue :hug

[miss_sonja]

Just a quick practical thought...

We (us humans that is) often mistake thirst for hunger. She could be thirsty and not realize it and be asking for food thinking she is hungry. Perhaps try making water, flavoured seltzer, watered down juice, available and offer them.

As for not passing on issues, that's tough. I'm working on that with another issue (clutter). It's very hard! But I think I'm doing better...each day is a journey!

[Neldavi]

Just wanted to say that I'm trying to deal with the same thing now, too. Although ds is only 17 months, so it's not really an issue yet, I'm trying to think a lot about it ahead of time.

I definitely got a lot of food issues from my mother - comfort eating, food as BAD vs. GOOD, poor body image, sneaking and hiding food :blah - and they continue to this day. I know that when ds gets to an age where he knows what sugar and treats are I'll have to do the "grocery shopping as a front-line battle" thing, otherwise it'll just be an uphill battle.

It's so hard, isn't it?

[avivaelona]

:lurk:

hmm weird smilie for this thread...well anyway reading with interest

[ShadowMom]

I feel for you mamas. I am also extremely overweight. I read the book "Are You Hungry??: A Completely New Approach to Raising Children Free of Food and Weight Problems " (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0451145135/qid=1126558880/sr=8-8/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i8_xgl14/002-4147027-7320830?v=glance&s=books&n=507846).

The book makes so much sense, and gives you real guidance on how to handle food with your children.

In case you're wondering, I don't restrict DS' food at all - ever. Whatever he wants to eat, I give him happily. And I feel very confident that this approach will raise a child who will be healthy and happy, and who will NOT have the food issues I do (or if he does, it will be for different reasons).

I'd be happy to discuss more. I really highly recommend the book suggested above. I think it's not very popular because there's no concrete "plan" to follow, the sort of thing that sells books, and its message isn't going to make ANYONE money. But it is a wonderful book and will help you look at food differently.

[thyme]

Is she getting enough healthy fats? (avocados, olive oil, etc)

It's fat that helps make you feel full. Also fat is absolutely necessary for brain development.

Sorry MAK can't type more. I will try to come back later.