Hellp! I can't taaaake the whiiinnninnnggg!

[CookieMonsterMommy]

Please someone help me, because I've been "losing it" (mainly just snapping, voice raising), and I don't want to be that kind of mother.

But my son, 6yrs old, whines about everything.

DeVante, please put away your breakfast mess.
Whhhhhyyyyy??
Because in this family we each try to clean up after ourselves.
Why can't yooouuu do it?
DeVante please don't talk like that.
Fine! I'll do it myself! ::mumbles:: This isn't even faaaiiiirrr....I'm always cleaning up! No one else everrr does!

And I've talked with him, does he really feel like Mama and Pops don't do their share of cleaning, etc....

Even non-annoying things:

DeVante, what do to wanna do today?
::rolls eyes:: I don't knoowwww.
Why are you speaking to me like that?
Becaaauuuuse. I don't know what I wanna dooo....
Okay[thinking he feels overwhelmed by choices], would you like to go feed the goats or go to the pool?
Fine, we'll go feed the goats. ::under his breath:: but I don't even want to do that!
Then what would you like to do?
Nothing, we'll feed the goats like you want.
DeVante, i don't care what we do. I just wanted to do something fun with you today, that's all!
Fine, just pick something then.

Then I usually end up getting POed and tell him to knock it off or we'll just stay home and do nothing all day. Or I tell him I'm going back to bed, don't wake me till he's ready to be nice. Or I just level with him and tell him i can't deal with it anymore and walk away! :bag:

Arrrggg! He's a very smart child, with a very big heart, but I can't, for the life of me, figure out why he's acting so bratty! The whining, the eye rolling, the "fine", the sulking whenever we have to do something he doesn't like (even if it's just stop at the bank for 2 min).

Suggestions? Advice?? Help??

Kelly

[dharmamama]

DeVante, please put away your breakfast mess.
Whhhhhyyyyy??

"That is a whiny voice. I don't listen to whiny voices. If you'd like to ask me nicely, I'll be happy to discuss it." End of discussion until a nice voice is forthcoming.

DeVante, what do to wanna do today?
::rolls eyes:: I don't knoowwww.

"That is a whiny voice. I don't listen to whiny voices. When you are ready to talk to me about it in a more pleasant voice, I'll be happy to talk about it." End of discussion until a nice voice is forthcoming.

On occasion I have even been known to stand up, dramatically hold up my hand like a police officer, and shout (dramatically, not harshly) "STOP! I am the whine police and you are being ticketed!"

I don't tolerate the whine and I promptly chop it off!

Namaste!

[LunaMom]

I pretty much agree with dharmamama - you just have to simply refuse to acknowledge any communication that is delivered in a whine. My suggestion is that you find a time to sit down with your son and explain to him that you have noticed that he has been speaking to you in a way that you find unacceptable, and that the two of you are going to work together to change that. You can even get a little silly with it, and take turns saying things in a whiny voice and then coming up with more appropriate ways to deliver the same message. I t6hink it's good to get the child involved in the process so he will feel that the two of you are on the same side, rather than have it set up in an oppositional way.

Then, if he does whine, you can just say, "you need to say that differently." This worked so well with my daughter when she was going through a "fresh" phase. After a while, all I had to say was, "Try again." Learning that they can express their feelings of irritation or frustration in an acceptable way is a great lesson.

Depending on your child's sense of humor, you might want to try a silly "penalty" for whining. We're really goofy in my house, all of us, so this worked - whenever DD whined, I would say she had to sing it, opera-style. She would just crack up every time. It helped make her aware of her tone, though, without making her feel scolded.

[LovemyBoo]

Yup, :thumb , I do the same. "I don't like it when you whine. I'll listen when you can stop." Then I follow up. No more conversation until ds speaks in a normal voice. :)

[matts_mamamama]

think that would work for a 2 year old whining? :D

[dharmamama]

think that would work for a 2 year old whining? :D

It doesn't keep my kids from starting to whine, but it does keep them from continuing to whine ... at least until five minutes later when they've found something else to whine about! :kewl

Namaste!

[matts_mamamama]

LOL. That's about what I was thinking, too. :)