Weekly Chat, Sept 12th - 18th

[MelW]

Here we go with another week...

I'm back online today after moving over the weekend. I have amazing friends, who all came and helped with the big parts of the move...while another friend took me to the spa for my very first time. By the time I got back to the new place the rental van was returned, all of our furniture was re-assembled, lots of boxes unpacked, and the kitchen mostly unpacked and very well organized (I had taken some kitchen stuff over earlier in the week, but just thrown in randomly in cupboards). And my husband's boss- who lives in our new building- made a giant crockpot of chili for all of our moving helper friends :love :love

I only have one "offical" shift left of work, then I'm on vacation until Oct 6 when my maternity leave starts. I'll probably work a couple of extra shifts to help pay for the unexpected move, but no more 12 hour night shifts for me!

Baby seems to have had a growth spurt over the last week- and I'm running short on shirts that cover my belly now. I'm 32 weeks!!! Time to unpack my camera so I can take some belly shots, because it's at a really cute stage right now.

Have a great week everyone- I'm looking forward to the updates :)

[meagen]

Now, that's the way to move! I've been really wanting to move, but the idea of keeping the house clean to sell has prevented me from doing anything other than pour over the real estate section every Sunday.

I'm hapily celebrating 33 weeks, and am REALLY starting to be in pain! Busy days like today, just about do me in! I can't believe we're getting so close!
This week's goal is to get Molly's hospital bag packed, and my own bag at least thought about. Oh, and pay bills. It's amazing how that always gets pushed to the back of my list :o

[AmyGirl28]

Hello everyone! Can you believe we are almost there? Time is flying by!
This weekend was my baby shower. I got lots of cute clothes and warm blankets for Amanda. As soon as I got home I started nesting BIG TIME! By the end of the day I was exhausted. I just keep thinking that I will never get everything done. DD's Birthday is 10/1, so I have to get ready for that as well. On Saturday I ate some chinese food at my in-laws. I had gas pains and diareah for 2 days after that. Yuck! I felt awful! Last night (Monday) I was so tired that I had DH go get a sandwich for dinner and clean house. I checked my BP yesterday and was very unhappy with the results 137/77. The top number seems to be steadily rising into the bad zone. Please pray for me. I do not want to come down with Pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome again! And I don't want to deliver a premature baby via c-section. But as long as we are both healthy that is all that matters I guess.

[mamaharsh]

What a way to move! Wish I could get friends over just to move furniture around the house for us...

Amy, hang in there! Hope your blood pressure stops going up.

Meagan - congrats on 33 weeks. You're almost there!

I'm 31 weeks today and feeling pretty good most of the time, as long as I don't pick up my 36 pound son. Any time I do that, I end up with serious pain along the top of my belly.

Today was Nate's first day at preschool. Parents stayed, so I don't know yet how drop off will go, but he seemed to be excited. Hopefully he'll be all settled in by the time the baby arrives.

We have a ton of stuff to do before the baby, but as long as we manage to set up the crib and buy a crib mattress soon, we'll be mostly ready. Of course, Nate rarely slept in his crib, so I'm not sure why I consider that an important piece of getting ready LOL.

[willemsmamma]

Had my 34 1/2 week appointment with the midwives today. Went very good. I'm getting excited. Our homebirth visit has been scheduled along with the rest of the visits until my due week. Yay! Ordered my birth kit online as soon as I got home. My BP is pretty low at 110/52. That's why I've been so dizzy and breathless, apparently. But I gained like 8 lbs in 3 weeks... go figure.

So like I said in last weeks' post I'm finally talking to my parents again :irked: Not too excited about it since I've gotten an average of like three calls and three messages on my voice mail DAILY since I broke the silence. My parents are beyond crazy. They seem normal... until you get to know them and then it's like... God, give me a break!!!! I'd been having dreams about my parents and since my mom is having major reconstructive surgery on the 23rd ...(she had my brother breech naturally and supposedly has had prolapsing of her uterus and bladder since ... until her hysterectomy after my birth b/c her uterus prolapsed when she was pregnant with me... long story). She almost didnt' make it through the last surgery due to post operative complications so maybe the dreams have been the baby telling me that I needed to make things right/break the silence for myself with her before the surgery.

So ds and I are flying out tomorrow evening. AND staying with my parents till next Monday. It'll be an interesting experience. At least the flight is only an hour.
I'm sure I'll be posting some frustrated posts here while I'm there... I'll need the support, for sure.
So I'm off to pack and clean... although I can probably skip the cleaning since dh will be here all alone and it'll give him something to do :LOL

On the lighter side, I discovered today that ds likes to pick poop out of his diaper and feed it to the dog...

[Belleweather]

Willemsmama: Oh no! You really sound like you have your hands full! Good luck with your parents; we'll keep you in our thoughts this weekend. I don't know what to say about the poor dog.

The first set of our diapers arrived yesterday, and I was totally acting like a kid on christmas about it. After making DH cuddle up to one of the kissaluvs, though, he was a total convert and now I don't feel like such an idiot about worrying and obsessing. He's getting all excited about CDing too now. I guess it's contagious.

Other than that, I'm finding my days just completely exhausting and am hating trying to split my attention between work and school now that the semester has started when I have placenta brain and can't manage to find enough attention for one thing, much less two. (I hope that actually adds up to a sentence). I have two 25 page papers to plan and start on, and got my trial advocacy professor to front-load all my presentaitons, so with all the things I'm trying to force into a small period of time, I need to be extra-orginized at a time when I'm more scatterbrained than I ever have been before and just want to lay around and pet my belly all day.

Sigh.

And, not to help matters, DH's department at the university is flat out refusing to let him miss any lectures, labs or exams when the baby comes. The lectures and labs aren't a big deal, since there is a specific time to make up labs and frankly who is going to notice in a 300+ student lecture hall if one guy doesn't show up. But he's got exams scattered all over during the time the baby is expected, and unless something changes in the space-time continuum, there's just no way the baby isn't going to conflict with something. So now we have to go through the university grievance procedure with the department and appeal to the dean of students and blah, blah, blah, as if we didn't have enough to manage right now as it is!

This week is just not shaping up to be my week. :( But I'm off to make supper and then read all night long... hopefully there will be some belly-rubbing time left at the end of the evening.

[BensMom]

We're settling in after vacation. It was a wonderful trip. DS was just a joy to have around. DH and I joked a lot that now we remember why we decided to have another one, it all sorta got lost in the misery that was April - July with DS' problems. Its nice to remember what fun parenting can be! Ben and I got nice tans, DH is glad Ben has my nice skin that tans well and doesnt burn easily. I just love seeing him run down the hall to take a bath with his stark white butt contrasting to his darker legs and back! :love

I tried doing handstands in the pool, to see if the darn baby will flip to vertex, and it was weird. I could barely get to where I was on my hands before my body started to panic for lack of air. I have never been able to hold my breath really long, but that was barely seconds. Weird how sometimes you are reminded that your body has adapted to growing this babe in weird ways. On the baby note, s/he has been active today, but AFAIK, still head up. :irked:

I took a week off from the gym last week for vacation and went again this morning. OMG, I was dragging so bad. Then I came home and accomplished NOTHING while Ben was in school, except stuffing my face, reading my book and a short nap. :shy

Plans for the week include finishing the %&^$&^%$^% floor in the nursery (a 2 day project that is in its 2nd month!) and start organizing furniture and baby stuff and nesting, nesting, nesting! We have a lot of cleaning and organizing and decluttering to do in the next couple weeks, so I just need to find a modicum of energy for that. 31 weeks today. 9 more weeks to go. That is single digits. Scary!!!

[Awaken]

Hi gals...getting in on the weekly chat earlier this time.

Jenn- glad you had a nice vacation and Ben was so enjoyable to be around :love That is great to hear! Awesome you are exercising so much- I wish I could go to a gym right now.

Mel- Yay about the move, and I have to say I am quite envious of your almost being done working!

Let's see...I've now officially gained 20#! My goal has been 25-30# so that is about right! I gained 20# total last time, with a 5.5# baby, so I'm really trying this time. The reduction in exercise has helped, I'm sure! I don't know if the wt gain will make a difference, but I've got to try- ds had so many nursing and sleeping issues being so small. In one sense I am glad, yet it is still hard to see my thighs so huge, cottage-cheese like, and now I am getting new stretch marks on my thighs! I can't even see my butt...I don't think I want to!

The baby is now poking out what feel like, or what I imagine to be, sharp knees and elbows at all angles! It is such a wierd feeling! Almost painful how hard s/he pushes them out! It is neat to think about how big the baby's getting in there. And of course, every time I try and get dh to feel it, it stops! The little stinker!

Exhaustion has been the hallmark of this pregnancy. I am just NOT sleeping, and I"ve done ALL the tricks short of prescription sleeping meds. I am almost considering that b/c I am so desperate. It is soooo hard to get through every day with ds's constant tantrums, and his poor sleep lately, when I'm going on 4 hrs of sleep a night myself. I have no patience or energy. Some days I just cry and cry when dh gets home b/c I"m so overwhelmed. The thing is, I feel great about the pregnancy itself and am really excited about the baby- but chronic lack of sleep in combination with a very difficult toddler just makes me psycho.

And as I posted in the other thread, meeting with the midwife was really great...dh and I have talked about it a little bit, but I haven't asked the final question- so are we doing the homebirth or not??? I am pretty excited about the possibility :)

[meagen]

I hear you, itsybitsy, with the knees-elbows everywhere. Last night he finally went head down for the first time. He's been enjoying his little hammock and not wanting to go anywhere else!

I had my 33 week appt today, nothing exciting, which is good. I'm getting so excited to see him! Molly was such a shock to see, I can't even imagine what he will look like. I had a dream that he was bald on top with this long, black mullet hanging over my arm :eek I was trying not to sound like I didn't like it, but kept asking everyone for a hat for him! :LOL

I found out that Molly can stay with us in the hospital, which is the best news I could hear! I really think that will make the whole transition easier on her and us both!

Other than that, not much new in this AMAZINGLY SLOW week. I can't believe it's only Tuesday still. Tomorrow ought to be Friday!

[tryingitnatural]

Hi girls! I figured I would join in this week even though I don't have much to say. My mother and mil was to throw a baby shower for me but I don't want one where they will invite people they know but I don't. I hate inviting people I don't even know for gifts - maybe it just me. So I told them that if they wanted to do something for the baby to just go ahead and do like a family get together. :) That to me is alot more fun - besides the baby has everything he needs already (1st grandson on both sides of the family :D )
I have my doc 34 wk appointment coming up on Friday nothing to report expect normal pregnancy woes :( I will talk to you guys next week. I hope all of us have a pretty easy and relaxing week :D

[PicnicBear]

Yay, maybe I can keep up with the chat this week!

I hear you ladies about the sharp, bony parts. I wish my belly would strech a little more to accomodate these. It can kind of hurt to the touch where these things poke out.

Willemsmamma, you're leaving DH to clean, most women come home to a messy house when they leave DH alone, maybe yours is different?

Bensmom, glad you had a break and got some sun -- it always takes a little while to get back into the swing of things.

Belleweather -- I am really suprised that your DH is having those problems. I have been in school forever (several different schools, too) and cannot imagine not being let out of exams, etc. That is quite strange. I have been a TA many times and you wouldn't beleive some of the pathetic excuses some students use to get out of exams -- and how many I have had to privately proctor because some kid slept through the first one or whatever. As for your own work, I feel the same way since I keep trying to lighten my load but things keep coming up like a paper on Oct. 14 thats pretty major and also I might have to travel to St. Louis to do some lab work. I went to a conference last week that was exhausting, then some people didn't understand why I didn't go to a second conference occuring this week (uh, because I didn't want to be away from home sleeping in a motel and eating crap food for 3 weeks . . ).

I am trying to take it easier this week . . .

[flapjack]

I came home, a bit sad, on Sunday after moving my best friend out of town (don't worry, I wasn't allowed to lift anything) late, and tired and hungry- to a roast chicken, a big big plate of vegetables and the worlds largest homecooked chocolate fudge cake ever. Then on Monday, he cancelled his dentists appointment so I could be seen instead (my teeth are falling to pieces, it seems.) I think I have the sweetest husband on the planet.
Willemsmama- it's a sad fact that dogs like eating poo- this is why I hate potties- and I think Willem is very clever to have figured this out already. It shows remarkable awareness and responsiveness to other's preferences. :mischief: I hope things go OK with your mum.
Belleweather- hugs, and sleepy vibes. My friend's husband didn't get let out of exams when his first kid was due either- two weeks after their due date there was a mandatory placement in Scotland, and he wasn't allowed out of that either. I think there's a lot of sexism surrounding the issue of student fathers.
Mel- maternity leave rocks, doesn't it? I'm not doing much, but I'm getting a lot less tired not doing it.
Amy- hope your blood pressure stays down. As I understand it, the bottom number is the really significant one, but even so a one-off high reading isn't cause for panic.
Jenn- I am in awe that you are co-ordinated enough to do a handstand, this far along in pregnancy. I can't :)
Mary- big sleep vibes. I'm so sorry nothing's working yet.
This week is pregnancy week on Discovery Home and Health over here, and there were twins on one of the programmes, born at 31 weeks. Steve thinks I've gone mad because I was so excited about how HUGE they were- you know, proper baby sized.Very very cute, but I think I'll leave this one to cook a little longer.

[Kavita]

Things here are okay. I'm working really hard at work trying to get my requirements met before I go on leave, and it is not going perfectly.

I met with my supervisor today to review my annual evaluation. It was pretty decent, but in our process we have several people from the school placement site anonymously evaluate us. All of the evaluations were positive and the comments included were very positive, except one negative score in each category, and I can tell that the administrator who I've been having problems with is the one who scored me low in everything and who made a number of nasty comments besides. It was very funny actually in a way, because there would be three good comments and scores in a category like work habits and then one low score and nasty comment. Oh well. I don't really give a crap at this point. I'm just trying to do my work, pay off some debts, go on leave and then get the heck out of there if humanly possible. But I do intend to include a written response with the evaluation for my file. I can totally relate to your work/school situations plagio and Belleweather, it's so hard to try to keep up with things and have school/work be your major focus, when really you feel like you just need/want to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby. It is like being pulled in totally different directions. You have things to do that are important too and that you care about--I'm just trying to do the minimum to survive until I can go on leave and then hopefully quit and do something different when I'm ready to work again. Which makes it both harder in some ways and easier in others I imagine! It is also shameful Belleweather that your DH is not getting any flexibility for something so important as the birth of his child! Even if he were working, he would be able to take FMLA. Well, you gave me very good legal advice with figuring out my leave situation earlier this summer, so I'm sure that you will be able to do what needs to be done to handle the situation!

DH is gone tonight (again!) doing a group presentation for this course. I am keeping my fingers crossed big time that it goes well, because it is a major piece of his grade and if he does well enough in this and the course overall he will get hired as faculty to teach evening courses. That has the potential to really make the difference between managing okay and penury if I stay home! Keep your fingers crossed! My poor husband is working so hard, between this course and his full time job and his part time job and helping me out at home and then trying to spend quality time with me and rub/talk to the baby! The last couple of months have been very stressful for us both in this regard. And for me, because I'm not used to having him gone and we don't get to spend as much time together but I also know that he's doing all he's doing for me and our baby and our family. I try to contribute in other ways (more cooking/housework, etc.) but that's sometimes a little hard too! I feel bad sometimes.

Other than that, things seem good. Baby's growing and moving and seems very strong, so that's nice. My good friend just told me she wants to throw me a shower, meanwhile another friend already has been saying she's going to and even set a date about a month ago but I haven't been able to even get in touch with her lately even to say hi and no further arrangements have been made (invites, guest list, etc.) so I'm unsure whether that one is going to happen or not and whether to take the second friend up on her offer!

I think I finally look unequivocally pregnant to anybody and everybody--today it was really funny because I caught sight of my sideways reflection in a window and because of the way the baby was lying my tummy was really pointy right in the middle! It was really pretty amusing, it seemed almost triangular! It's very weird to look at myself and see this huge belly sticking out--it just seems surreal sometimes! Also, it just seems to have reached a size where it's taken on a life of its own! The other night I was in the tub and looking across at my tummy and couldn't tell if it was moving because I was breathing or the baby was moving/kicking or what--it almost seemed like it wasn't even entirely a part of my body!

[MamaFern]

i just got my little guy bathed and in bed.. im sooo tired! i didnt realise how much more tired i would be having 2 21/2 year olds in my care all day long! it doesn't seem like that much more, but it is.. :p elwynn hasn't been naping these days, which is hard, because i really need to lie down in the day..today i have hardly sat down let alone lay down, so after this post im off to bed.

tonight we had a nice hot bubble bath together..something we dont do that often anymore and he washed my belly for about 20 minutes. it was really sweet. :love he has been having some rough days.. yesterday he got a handful of sand in the eyes at the park and cried and cried and said "i cant see" and still has sand coming out of them.. and today he smaked his face ( right on the side of his face just below his eye) on a sharp table at science world..he has a nice big gash and black eye :( my poor little monster.it cant be easy being 2..

tomorow i get my first paycheque from childminding, which is perfect since i have about $15 in the bank :shy but we always have enuff :heartbeat

[DreamsInDigital]

Well, I sat down today after having a major bawling breakdown and finally confessed to DP that we simply don't have enough money to get all of the things we need to move out and save up for a security deposit to move out by October. Money has been a terrible fixation the last few months because we live in a 3 bedroom house with my mom and dad and my 2 children and we are SO crowded here and we so badly want to move out but neither DP nor I have anything. Furniture, housewares, any of it, so we're having to buy everything. We have been having such a hard time coming up with the money for the things we need for moving out and for the baby, diapers and such and I'm also trying to cloth diaper Kolaiah full-time with very few diapers. I've been ending up not buying things for myself like my birth kit and supplies, mama pads, nursing pads, nursing bras and post-partum clothes. I keep thinking I can get something next paycheck and then something comes up and I'm freaking out that I have tons of baby clothes and not much else, so I'm really panicking that the last 10 weeks (give or take, of course) are already upon us. DP has been picking up overtime when he can but I just don't think it's going to be enough so we may not be moving out before the baby comes which means the baby will be born at my parents' house. I don't feel very comfortable with that and that worries me about how it will inhibit my labor and everything. Anyway, I'm really stressed out right now and I wish I could just quit my job and enjoy the last bit of my pregnancy but we would never get moved out of here if that happened. Sigh.

[flapjack]

OMG:hug
You poor love. I wish I had a magic wand right now- or even just wasn't so far, because we have duplicates of most household stuff but getting it to you would be almost impossible. Is there anyone at all who could help you out with the deposit on the house? It's possible to cook perfectly well with just two pans, for instance, and your local freecycle group might be able to help sort you out with the essentials for the house- something to sleep on, etc. You might find that there's not a huge difference in deposit between furnished and unfurnished houses as well.
There is a second package heading your way,btw, which might help a little (sorry it's taken so long) so I wouldn't panic too much about mama pads (both top and bottom, so to speak.) I think there's enough, but as ever with my life, there's an amusing anecdote, which I'll save for another time.
Hope things work out. Have you talked to your parents?

[*Amy*]

Hi mamas! We're back - despite the fact that I *made us miss our flight* yesterday morning!! Talk about placenta brain! I thought our flight left Oregon at 6:45am, when it actually left at 6:15, so we arrived at the airport just as they were closing the door to the plane, and we didn't make it. I felt like such an idiot!!! Luckily they were able to re-route us through LA and we arrived on the same flight from Chicago as the one we would have originally been on, so it worked out OK. But God, my brain just doesn't work anymore!! I cannot be in charge of logistical operations from this point on, obviously. :LOL

We had an absolutely great time though. Despite the hassle of traveling, it was really worth it. I got to spend so much quality time with my dad, step-mom, and brother, so that was great. We did all kinds of fun stuff: Crater Lake, the great redwood forest in northern California, camping, watching football together. :) I really wish that we had had about a month so we could have done everything I wanted to do, but it really was a great trip.

Now that we're back home, I am also feeling that slightly panicked feeling of having a list this long of things to do before Brynn arrives. We still don't have diapers. ARRRGH!!!

I am starting to feel really uncomfortable the past few days though; she's definitely pushing up into my ribs, AND I'm still getting the mystery-gall-bladder pain, which I've just accepted as part of my life at this point. But you know, it is all balanced by the moments I have where I feel so close to her. Last night I just laid in bed and rubbed what I think is her back for about 10 minutes. She responded by pushing back against my hand, so I thought that was really sweet. :love I feel so connected to this little spirit already, I can't imagine how it's going to be when I can see her!

I have a million things to do today so I guess I'd better get myself going. We have no food in the house and I don't think the glass of OJ and soy-sausage patty is going to hold me over very long. :LOL

I'll catch up on the other threads this evening.

[Queen of Cups]

Hello, all! I thought I had already replied in this thread and was wondering why I hadn't gotten any notifications... pregnancy brain!

I'm having a pretty good week. I'm just soooo tired! I think a big part of it is that DS has upped his nursing a ton since my supply increased at around 24 weeks. When I'm tired I tend to sit or lay on the couch, and that apparently is the equivalent of putting out a "24-hour-all-you-can-eat-buffet!" sign over my head for him. :LOL I'm trying not to complain, though, because I was really really hoping he would continue nursing through pregnancy - and boy, he is!

I'm getting lots of those pokey/bony kicks, too. And I swear there are times this baby is swimming laps in there! Yesterday the baby would move so it was totally on my left side, then totally on my right side. Luckily, I was laying in bed when it happened, otherwise I think I would have lost my balance it was such a huge shift!

Okay, DH and my sister think I'm nuts because every day all I want is the same food for breakfast and lunch: yogurt with wheat germ mixed in for breakfast and mac and cheese for lunch. I KNOW that sounds like a terrible lunch, but I do make it with Barilla Plus Pasta (multi-grain enriched with 40% more protein than other pasta and omega 3-fatty acids), just a spoonful of Ragu ready-made double cheddar sauce, real cheddar cheese, and topped with tons of wheat germ mixed with various spices. I keep figuring that if I must eat mac and cheese for lunch every day (and I must!), then at least I'll make it as healthy as possible. Then I fix a real meal for dinner with lots of fruits and veggies... Last time I didn't have any weird cravings like this - I just want wheat germ on everything now!!!

I had my 29 week appt on Tuesday and it went well. Measuring just a little big (30cm), whereas I was always 2-4 weeks big with DS. According to their scale I've gained 20 lbs even, so I'm hoping I'm close to being done with weight gain... I really want to keep my weight gain to 25-30 lbs max. My original goal was only 15-20 lbs, but my midwife said she didn't think that was a very realistic goal and really encouraged me to not worry about it and said she preferred to see an extra 5 lbs than me not gain enough. I struggled with an eating disorder in the past and so pregnancy is very freaky for me. I gained 36 lbs with DS, though, so I am gaining less this time it seems...

[DreamsInDigital]

Oh Helen, you are such a dear. :hug

[*Amy*]

Hey Ashe, I forgot to ask in the previous post but we have some extra household items that I would be happy to send you. I know I have an extra set of dishes and bowls, an extra set of silverware, and probably some linens (that I used once and then decided the pattern didn't go with my duvet). PM me or something if you want me to send them!!

[kel]

I had my 33 week appointment on Tuesday and everything is good. My next appointment is 35 weeks and the midwives are coming to the house for a home visit that time. When my midwife was feeling the baby she said that I have a really "fun" belly, because she can feel every single baby part so clearly. I think it has something to do with this being my fourth, and my uterus being so stretched out; I'm also carrying high and right in front still. I get lots of "cute" belly comments, too, but it's hard to get past people in hallways or to do the dishes or cook anything at the stove, because it's just right there in front!

I'm still feeling really good, except that I'm pretty exhausted - I think I get an average of about 5-6 hrs. sleep most nights, so that definitely has to change. Last night I got 8 though and I feel better today. Seven weeks left does not seem like nearly enough time to get everything done!

[gonnabeamom]

So I'm coasting on an hour of sleep last night. My brain has positively leaked out my ear.

I had a couple of good weeks where it was feeling really much easier to move around and I got a burst of energy, and DH and I got lots done. Now the baby has hit a growth spurt, and I 'm not sleeping and having lots of hip pain at night. Despite the fact that our list went from impossible to manageable and most of the stuff left to do can happen before or after baby gets here, DH is just super stress puppy again.

I'm having my first glimmerings of "Oh my god, I have to do this until November" where up to now I've just been hoping I could stretch the rest of pregnancy long enough to get everything done and have some time with DH. Now I just wonder if I can get any bigger.

On top of that I had a very weird midwife appointment. There are three midwives in the practice, and I like all of them, but one has a tendency to be really scattered, especially when arranging appointments which is kind of disconcerting. Actually all the in-between appt stuff has been a little off. But despite having made a great connection with this women initially, we don't really connect when it's her turn to do the prenatal. So on Tuesday, we have the regular pre-natal with much conversation about how to turn baby, since I think baby hasn't turned yet, and have been doing all sort of things to help it along. (Including somersalts in the pool right into a annoyed bee. I look like the before picture in eye cream commercial) Well then we get to the actual exam, and the baby has turned (YEAH!) but it takes her long enough to figure this out, that I'm not feeling terribly confident. Then she listens to the heartbeat, and I have to be on my back for this and it's not real comfortable, and she seems disturbed by the results, and so we do it again, and then we do 3 minute non-stress test, and then she's still concerned, and so we do the doppler, and get similar results which is that the baby HB varies alot-which is considered good-but is very slow at it's slow points. So she finally calls the other midwives in the practice to confirm that if we go into to be monitored we'll just get sent home, because variability is more important than actual rate at this point in the pregnancy. But now I have to do kick counts. I'm not that freaked out, but it does make me more nervous. I just kind of wished that she could have worked out what she was going to say before she said any of it, rather than working through it outloud with me.

:blah :blah :blah Sorry this is sooooo long.

[spughy]

This is a venting post but I should preface it with a :hug for DreamsInDigital. I haven't been in your situation but I can imagine how stressful it is. I hope you can work something out. And maybe you can find some humour in my vent - I'm sure in a few weeks it will seem funny to me too.

I almost killed my cat last night. Yes, on purpose. I was already having a difficult night - up to pee, then the pain in my ribs woke me up (and I had to pee), then half an hour after I got to sleep again my wretched cat decided it was time to play. She was scratching on her scratching post (it ended up in our room because it's too ugly to have in "public" areas of the house - this is now seeming a bad idea) and usually when she does that it means she has no food so I got up intending to feed her, and as soon as I got out of bed she started skittering around the room, so I swore at her and tried to grab her and missed because I forgot that I can't bend down like that anymore. If I had caught her, I seriously think I would have strangled her. She is 12 years old and ought to know how to behave by now. Anyway, at this point DH actually woke up (!) and told me he would deal with it. I was crying by this point because I was SO tired and fully awake (normally if I get up to pee or feed the cat I don't have to wake up all the way). So I got back into bed and DH got out the red flashlight to try to find the wretched cat (unsuccessfully). I couldn't get back to sleep because I was all wound up and Blobby had woken up thanks to my attempt to grab the cat so she was bouncing around in there too. And my ribs hurt again. Then, just as I was dozing off, the cat reappeared, and bounced off DH to get up onto the windowsill. DH jerked awake - waking me up again - but then thankfully took the cat and locked her outside, and then took the now fully awake dog and himself and went to sleep on the couch. So, I tried to go back to sleep, but I had to pee again, and I was thirsty, but reluctant to drink for obvious reasons, so I tried to just go back to sleep but Blobby was awake again and squirming, and then my stomach decided it was hungry!!! Argh! I think I got up 3 more times before it was time to get up for real.

Anyway, I did not get anywhere near enough sleep last night, and today I am tired and cranky and ready to bite somebody's head off, but also hoping that nobody pisses me off at work so I will still have anger left that I can take out on the cat tonight. Oh, and also? I ran over my landlord's poorly organized and nasty unsorted recycling on my way out this morning. The stupid git had put it in a green bag on the green lawn beside the driveway and my side mirror had fogged over just enough so I didn't see it. Okay, yeah, I shouldn't have been driving over the lawn - but everyone else's recycling was encroaching on the other side of the driveway so in order to avoid THAT I erred - I thought - on the side of caution. That improved my mood not at all. Fortunately my neighbour was on her way out and DH came out and my landlord's wife and they shooed me off to work and sorted out the mess.

Ok, enough venting. I hope that made some sense - I really feel very foggy-headed today. A preview of the time to come, I expect...

[meagen]

Spughy- I had to laugh at your post! Not because the situations are all that funny, but because I so know those feelings! Not only do I have the clouded-over brain that scares me sometimes at how inefficient it is, but I have the short bursts of rage that could possibly let me strangle a cat.

The other night, I hissed at dh for snoring and apparently scared the crap out of Liam because I got this huge jump, followed by hiccups for an hour. So, so much for trying to go back to sleep! Ah the joys of pregnancy! It's time for him to come out before I go permanently crazy :nut

My biggest fantasy right now is someone to come and clean my house daily for the next six months. I don't ask much :LOL Oh well, a girl can dream!

[MamaFern]

My biggest fantasy right now is someone to come and clean my house daily for the next six months. I don't ask much :LOL Oh well, a girl can dream!

im so with you! but id settle for a washer and dryer and a dishwasher :LOL i seek a life of luxury..

[MelW]

:Hugs DreamsInDigital. Hope things work out for you. I worked overtime yesterday to help pay for some of the extra expenses for our move, and was totally wiped out by the end of the shift- only to come home and face the piles of boxes still. Slowly, slowly we are trying to get settled. Wishing you an unexpected windfall...

gonnabeamom- Sounds like that midwife isn't too confident- I would be freaked out, too. And imagine how scary it would be if she wasn't sure about what she was hearing when you were in labour! What will happen if she is the one on-call when you give birth?

We're still unpacking and re-organizing here. I feel like a lot of the crazy nesting I did a few months ago was wasted, since now I have to do a lot again. But I LOVE our new place- I feel really comfortable here already, and am excited to have a baby here (and subjecting all of my new and unknown apartment neighbours to the potential sounds of a homebirth!).

[Gunter]

Spughy- I have similar issues with my dog waking me up or sharing the bed or leaving a toy in the path to the bathroom...DH and I do "paper, rock, scissors" to see who takes him out before bed. I switched bed sides with DH so I am closer to the bathroom now. I feel ya!

DID and MamaFern- Not sure how you feel about getting help but there are some programs around here that help people (one specifically for moms-to-be) temporarily with funds for food, rent deposits or furniture. There are both govt. and private programs. Maybe worth checking out what's available in your area? As a social worker, I am obviously a big fan of people getting the help they *deserve*! Like, we all pay into govt. programs, so why not get something out of it when that's needed? The medicaid program for moms-to-be is helpful but wacky...like you can't buy anything organic on the program! Weird, eh? It does pay for the birthing center though so there is an option other than hospitals. HBs are legal in NC so it doesn't pay for them. Maybe the trading post would help with CD, too?

[memory maker]

well I had my 33 week checkup with my MW today. She walked in and said "whoa, you got a lot bigger!" After measuring me we found out why. my last visit (31 weeks) I measured 28 weeks. This visit (33 weeks) I measured 32 weeks. Guess she decided to go for a growth spurt. So far I have gained a whopping 35 lbs.

[s_kristina]

After 3 weeks off insane nonsense from the state of FL I have finally gotten maternity medicaid set up so I can get in to see a midwife again. I have an appointment set up for Monday after having to change that appointment at least 3 times because of paper work not being done on the medicaid offices end. The good thing to needing to get this done is we found out that we qualify for medical care for dd also which is good if anything ever happens to her. Now if there was just a place that would open up and we could have the money together for deposits things would be set. Having to stay in a hotel while waiting for a place to open up makes it hard to have money set aside for deposits.

I think my sinus thing is finally clearing up some. I am still not eating much because of the icky feeling from sinus drippage, but that might not be a bad thing. Thankfully dh is totally over being sick and dd never got bad, just a mild cold for her. Dh has also picked up an extra day work and a couple trips to the dump for some stuff he was hauling out of one of their work sites. That will certainly be helpful with everything right now.

Right now my big goal is to find where my sling rings are so I can get a sling made for my sister. She just had #5 her 4th dd on Sept 5. I need to get her sling made along with slings for her 3 older girls. Hopefully I can get that cared for this weekend so I can get it in the mail to her Monday when I head out to the midwive's office. Once I get my sewing machine out and set up here I will probably also end up working on stuff for ds so we will see how that goes and how many things I actually end up sewing in the next couple months.

[MamaFern]

DID and MamaFern- Not sure how you feel about getting help but there are some programs around here that help people (one specifically for moms-to-be) temporarily with funds for food, rent deposits or furniture. There are both govt. and private programs. Maybe worth checking out what's available in your area? As a social worker, I am obviously a big fan of people getting the help they *deserve*! Like, we all pay into govt. programs, so why not get something out of it when that's needed? The medicaid program for moms-to-be is helpful but wacky...like you can't buy anything organic on the program! Weird, eh? It does pay for the birthing center though so there is an option other than hospitals. HBs are legal in NC so it doesn't pay for them. Maybe the trading post would help with CD, too?

we really do have everything we need. i mean we have so much more than most people in the world.. i was more joking than anything. it *would* be nice to have these things, but its not stuff we cant live without. i feel rich, though by societies standards im poor... plus in canada, midwives are payed for by medical and having a homebirth costs nothing. a hospital birth costs something if you want a separate room or something..and you have to buy a few of the HB supplies, but its nothing like in america.we are on social assistance because im a single momma with a child under 3 (you can recieve income assistnace till your youngest turns 3) and its not a lot of $ but we get by..im not sure how the welfare programs in the us work..
thanks for the concern though..

[DreamsInDigital]

I wouldn't even know where to find such government programs. I get medical assistance and that's it. But it's a good idea if such a program exists!

[spughy]

MamaFern, I love your attitude. I wish more people would share it - and not just low-income people either. We are not low-income at all (we're not rich by any Western definition either) but we *feel* so much richer than many of our friends (who are mostly even less low-income than we are) simply because we don't want a ton of consumer stuff. (It took us 2 years to buy a low-end stereo - we couldn't justify needing it...) We have plenty of good food, a nice place to live, good friends, and between the two of us, a skill set that would probably provide some income no matter what. Anything else feels a little like gluttony, although I will admit that I do enjoy bits of gluttony here and there (we like to eat at good restaurants, for example!) There is also a great amount of comfort and a feeling of safety knowing that we would be fine with much less money - not just for "essentials of life" but that we could be *content* like that too. And I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything - certainly not a bigger tv, or a fancy stereo, or a new computer, or all the baby toys/gear in the world. Or a house for that matter - we continue to be puzzled by friends who saddle themselves with enormous mortgages. Owning property doesn't seem to equal security at all.

On a completely different topic - does anyone else really enjoy their Braxton-Hicks contractions? Mine give me a bit of a head rush and relieve so much pressure against my ribs and stuff - they feel wonderful. Am I weird?

[kel]

I get WIC - which is just a federally funded food program for women and children, which I'm eligible for while pregnant or nursing. You get vouchers for milk, cheese, eggs, cereal, beans, peanut butter, juice, etc. It depends on where you live what you can get with it, but here I can get organic milk, vegetarian eggs, and decent cheese - Tilamook. Other places I've lived let you get soy milk or goat milk, too. Also, the WIC office has information about all of those types of programs that Gunter was referring to.
xox

[s_kristina]

Kel, thanks for posting that about WIC. I had been meaning to check with the office here in FL to see if they do anything with pumps for when I go back to college in the fall. If there is any hope they cover soy milk and soy cheese it would be worth it to sign up for dd also. Having one with a diary allergy I am already avoiding dairy and plan to for at least 6 months pp to see how things go with ds. Soy milk and soy cheese can get expensive quickly! I hope WIC in FL covers soy, but I had never heard of any WIC offices covering it so you have given me some hope.

[Gunter]

we really do have everything we need. i mean we have so much more than most people in the world.. i was more joking than anything. it *would* be nice to have these things, but its not stuff we cant live without. i feel rich, though by societies standards im poor.

I so hear you on this! It is really great to have such contentment. Having lived in India and Nepal, I always feel like I have MORE than enough in regards to food, transportation, "possesions" and even choice. We lived out of a backpack, shared a flat with two other friends, slept on a mat and turned our bed slats into a dresser/shelving. Obviously we walked or rode the bus/train for longer trips. it was the BEST time of our life together.

That awareness of how privleged many westerners are is not as common to find around my hood but it's great to hear others expressing such knowledge. We often feel like the freaks who plan to HB and CD or don't have TV or grill veggie burgers. Slowly, though we are seeing the awareness raised around us and that gets me excited!

[RainCoastMama]

Come here and reading these posts always gives me a warm feeling :love (instead of the burning feeling I had this a.m. on another mom's board where a ton of women, mostly mothers, were talking about how skeeved they were at extended BFing... :irked: ) Any old way...

Ah mamas...the joys of pregnancy complaining. I love it! I feel like we're standing around our back fences, hands on our backs, dishing what's what :LOL

DD and I have a wierd, extenda-cold that came around again for second servings. She woke up coughing and hoarse this morning - as did I - and I had to leave for work (sigh). She's now in the amazing hands of my mother. I only have 2 days of work left :bouncy

Body-wise I defiantely have less energy and stamina than the last time and DH has been doing 90% of baby duties :throb - feeding, changing, bathing, reading to her, walks. I don't feel as crappy this time around though - my back isn't as bad, or heartburn, and I don't wake up with numb extremities like last time. The baby is super-active and loves to do a jig on my cervix.

My only rant is that I've been trying to get in touch with my doula for the last month. Yup, a month. Phone tag, and she doesn't get back to me (I know she's crazy busy). I love her - she was amazing with DD1. In the back of my head is 'what if I can't get in touch with her when labour starts?' Ahh! I even thought about hiring someone else...DH is heading away for business in a week and I'd rather have her there should, god forbid, I give birth when he's away.

We're discussing moving DD1 to a matress on our floor as a safety caution as I'll be cosleeping with DD2. Have we gotten our arses around to it yet? No...we love her there. I know, get with the program.

Dee

[*Amy*]

I know what y'all mean. Anytime I start feeling down about not being able to buy something, I remind myself of the fact that we live *very* comfortably and I get to stay at home by choice, which is a luxury many don't have. Besides, we are so wealthy in the things that matter - I am with the love of my life, and I have great friends and family, and we're all healthy and happy. That's what is really going to make me a good mama, not whether I have a wipe warmer on the changing table! :LOL

OK, unrelatedly - my best friend Littlemomma is due in December, and she just had a really disturbing MW visit yesterday. If y'all have time, could you pop over here (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?p=3783037#post3783037) and read her post and give her some words of wisdom? I'm kind of thinking she needs to change her care provider if things don't turn around like PRONTO. I'm worried about the treatment she is getting/will get if she stays with this practice.

I think I had something else general to say....but of course I can't remember it now! :nut

[*Amy*]

OK, now I remember! I was wondering, after our babies come and we post our birth stories here in the November DDC, where are we all going to go? I think I remember seeing a "Life with a Babe" forum out there. The rest of MDC just seems so huge; I'm scared to venture out of our little cul-de-sac!

[DreamsInDigital]

Ugh. She sounds like a MEDwife. I fired my medwife a while ago and I am SO HAPPY with my new midwife. I can't wait for my next appointment with her.

[DreamsInDigital]

Amy, most of the DDCs turn into playgroups in life with a babe.

[MelW]

MamaFern~ I admire your attitude about having what you need. I was raised my a single mama on income assistance, and always felt well looked after. I've often felt guilty in recent years for having so much more that I've been used to...but I have so much experience with stretching my resources and making do with what I have that I'll need to draw on again during my maternity leave.

My exciting discovery of the day...my heartburn over the past few weeks was very stress related. I mostly had it when at work, and in the middle of the night when I was stressed and worried about having to move. Since we've moved and life has settled down- the heartburn was gone. Then today at work it came back. I'm so glad to almost be done...

[gonnabeamom]

Somebody asked me if my wierdo midwife visit caused concern about having that midwife on call when I give birth, and I'd rather not if I get to pick, but this is one of three in a practice where you get two at your birth.

I like her in general, I think she was tired and simply did too much of her thinking outloud. I may mention it to the other midwives next visit. I had a very reassuring phone call with her today, so since the odds are 10,000 to 1 against having her solo I'm not really worried.

[*Amy*]

I had the BEST night's sleep last night and I woke up this morning feeling like I'd just had amazing sex (that good!). God I had forgotten what a peaceful night's rest could do for a girl. I don't think I woke up once, even to use the bathroom. Woo hoo!! :banana

Today I get to go buy new tennis shoes and new nursing bras so I'm excited about that, and then DH and I are going on a "date" to watch the Texas football game at some sports bar because we don't get the channel that it's going to be on. Not as bad as it sounds; I do love watching college football. :D

Thanks to those who posted over in December for Littlemomma. She called me last night and said she is VERY excited about exploring the possibility of homebirth, so I am really happy for her. Jenn, she said she's going to be emailing you today to ask for more advice!

Hope everyone has a loverly Saturday! :love

[PicnicBear]

Yes, everyone have a good weekend -- we are off to the Celtic Festival today in downtown Chicago -- I hope it's fun and not too much of a madhouse. Then try to get some housework or schoolwork, or other work (I really have my choice since so much neeeds doing) done. And tomorrow is appointment with doula.

I think it is this thread that we were talking about evil Old Navy -- well I need some Fall clothes and went to the website and they have a 25% off maternity sale -- I got 2 more pairs of black yoga pants for ~$18 each, not bad considering how much use I get out of them. Just FYI.

[MamaFern]

*amy* life with a babe is where most of the Due date clubs go after.. im not sure how many stick together, i guess some DDC are closer than others :) i wasnt part of MDC when elwynn was in utero, not till he was a year old and i joined in with the nov/dec 02 group and we are still talking, almost 3 years later for some of us! :love its really nice. i hope that we continue sharing with eachother on life with a babe and then toddlers...

so i went to the pool the other night and swam lengths and joined into the super dorky but really fun water exercise class.. i felt so good being in water.. and when i woke up my body felt really healed. its a bromine pool so i didnt feel all sick from chlorine after, which is a big issue for me usually. i hate having a hangover from going swimming.. im going to go at least 2wice a week now till baby comes. yum. swimming.

oh..anyone else waking at 3 am starving? last night something outside woke me up and i lay in bed a while and i couldnt fall back to asleep..and then i realised that i was sooo hungry! i didnt want to get up so i tried to get back to sleep and after about an hour i finally gave up and got an apple and some cheese and bread and climbed back into bed and munched it and read my book.. even after i couldnt fall back asleep till my body had assimilated the food, then i slept till 9am.. which is late for me.. i ate a really good meal at about 8 pm ( late dinner) of miso soup and a samwich, lots of protein and veggies and stuff.. and its not normal that i wake up so hungry. do you think it correlates with baby having a growth spurt?

[Awaken]

I was wondering, after our babies come and we post our birth stories here in the November DDC, where are we all going to go? I think I remember seeing a "Life with a Babe" forum out there. The rest of MDC just seems so huge; I'm scared to venture out of our little cul-de-sac!

I always wondered the same thing- what happens after our due month is over- do we still exist? I saw some of the other DDC's moved to the other section.

I think we should start a yahoogroup at that time- I am still in my yahoogroup I joined for AP Dec. 02 mamas after ds was born (wish I knew about it when I was pg!!) and we are all really close friends now, 3 yrs later. I hope to stay close with you ladies as well! It is kind of a lot easier to chat when you get all the emails rather than sorting through topics.

[HoneyTree]

Hi gals.

Two days ago baby left his comfy head-down spot and started traveling around the womb. Man, does it feel WEIRD when he stretches into some corner or really pushes against the front with some BIG part. Today he was lying with some pokey part at my belly button, and when he pushed outward my belly button popped out, then popped back in again when he relaxed. I tell ya, this being inhabited by another sentient being thing is FAR OUT.

So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? I have tried to talk to my midwife, my mother, and my husband about these feelings, but they all have these really simplistic (but well-intended, I'm sure) answers that leave me feeling kind of alone with my negative thoughts. I just tend to spin out all the possibilities of a situation, over-analyze things, and hardly ever see the world from rosy glasses -- I'm scared that this personality trait is going to sabotage the birth, and then I'm scared that by obsessing over it I'm going to will it into being. Shall I start a separate thread, November Neurotics? :o

Teresa

[PicnicBear]

Teresa -- I think it's totally normal -- I was noticing how, when I first got pregnant, I thought a lot in terms of what would be the best birth experience for ME, then I started to shift over the thinking it in terms of what would be best for BABY -- the good thing is that is that most research shows that what is best for mom and baby is the same, nevertheless, it was interesting how my perception changed. I guess that' part of becoming a mother. If you have any mixed feelings I think it just means you are thinking about things.

[BensMom]

Yeah, I wonder all the time whether I can handle labor. I feel pressure to get it right, being a doula myself and all...like people are watching me to see if I can "walk the walk". I think it's setting me up for a bit of stress. But all I can do is prepare as much as I can, surround myself with good support (2 doulas of my own :LOL ) and hope for the best. I had terrible back labor with DS, never even felt a contraction in the front, so I worry whether that will happen again or if all the chiro work I have done will help with that. And then there is the issue of this babe turning vertex already...um, get on with it, little one!

One a positive note, we finally finished the floor in the nursery/playroom. I moved some of Bens big stuff and toys in there since it will only be a PT nursery (and maybe not even at all if we sell the house in early spring) and it is so cool. Bens room was sooo crowded (the 2 bedrooms are tiny) and now he has so much space and we got most of the toys and clutter out of his room. He loves both rooms now, has a huge open space in the nursery to play in. Now we just need to clear out some furniture in our room so we can fit the Amby in there and set up a makeshift changing table for midnight changes on our dressor. I also can start setting up things for the babe - I bought a bunch of cheap baskets from the thrift store today, since we dont have a dresser in the nursery and will just use shelves and baskets for stuff that doesnt hang - diapers, onsies, socks, etc. I can't wait to see it all come together. It's great to feel like I am finally getting ready for this babe!

And the fact that an Oct mama has already had a baby...scary! I wonder who will be first to go here... :p

[*Amy*]

And the fact that an Oct mama has already had a baby...scary! I wonder who will be first to go here...

I've been thinking about that the past few days too! I'm one of the last due dates in our DDC and I'm 30.5 weeks, so I know we must have mamas who are 34-35 weeks among us! It is possible that we'll be having our own celebrations in the next few weeks. It's kind of mind-boggling, isn't it?

I'm finally starting to feel a bit more prepared though. The only major necessity we don't yet have is diapers, and I'm making that purchase in about 2 weeks. I'm really excited. :throb

Yesterday I visited a friend's brother and sister-in-law who have a 3-week old little girl, and it was so cool! I don't have a lot of exposure to newborn-type babies (other than the one LLL meeting I've been to so far) so it was really cool for me to be able to see what a newborn looks and feels and acts like. It made me so excited to meet my own little bambina!! Are you all starting to feel really giddy about meeting your babes?

[BensMom]

I did some major nesting this morning. We finally got the floor done in the nursery, so I started going through boxes of stuff. I have a lot of stuff! I don't want this much stuff, but even the little things need a place - burp clothes, bibs, hats, blankets, etc etc. I have 18 infant prefolds, so I think I need a dozen more of those and maybe some kissaluvs if i can find the $$. The only other things I *need* are the mattress and sheets for the Amby bed (the one I got at consignment did not have these, :irked: ) and an infant careseat, which I hope to get from someone. Other than that, I think I'm ready. Scary! Now I just need to get ready for the actual birth. :p

[zjande]

Hi gals. Two days ago baby left his comfy head-down spot and started traveling around the womb. Man, does it feel WEIRD when he stretches into some corner or really pushes against the front with some BIG part. Today he was lying with some pokey part at my belly button, and when he pushed outward my belly button popped out, then popped back in again when he relaxed. I tell ya, this being inhabited by another sentient being thing is FAR OUT.

So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? ..............
Teresa

Yeah, isn't it just bizarre to know there's a little human in there & those are it's cute, tiny body parts protruding from your own body?? It is mind boggling.

And I think it's so fun to describe those movements to people who haven't been close to someone who's pg. My DP is the 1st in his group of friends to have a baby & it is so awesome to hear him talk excitedly about it to his friends. Last night he was describing how TOTALLY WEIRD it is to see these body parts traveling around & poking out & how bizarre it feels when he puts his hand on my belly. He's admitted that he didn't even know babies moved much at all while gestating. And friends are often shocked, y'know, it's like everyone thinks babies just "kick" here & there in the belly, not thrust your belly button inside out with their knee & cause you to look like an alien is bursting forth from you.

And on another note, I've been dealing with the fear that my labor is going to be intensely short since the very beginning of my pg. I'm worried DP won't get here in time, that my mom won't get here, that I'll not be able to handle the sudden intensity, that I'll suddenly get the pushing urge in the middle of our huge staircase, that I'll scare my kids to death as I suddenly go into transition alone at home, or that I'll birth in the car. Whew, that's a lot of worries. I have no idea if it's just fear of if it's intuition. My dd's labor was 24 hours, my son's only 5. What will happen this time??? I only hope labor comes on during the night when DP's right next to me.

I can't believe the 1st Oct baby is here!!!!! Do you guys remember when we were all excited just because people had started posting in the December DDC?? Haha. :LOL I wonder who will be the 1st from our group?? I'll fall out of my chair (well, off my birth ball) with excitement & shock & nervousness & joy when I see the 1st announcement. Wow, we're so close.......

[MelW]

Hi gals.
So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? I have tried to talk to my midwife, my mother, and my husband about these feelings, but they all have these really simplistic (but well-intended, I'm sure) answers that leave me feeling kind of alone with my negative thoughts. I just tend to spin out all the possibilities of a situation, over-analyze things, and hardly ever see the world from rosy glasses -- I'm scared that this personality trait is going to sabotage the birth, and then I'm scared that by obsessing over it I'm going to will it into being. Shall I start a separate thread, November Neurotics? :o

Teresa

I've been thinking about a separate thread to deal with some fear and performance issues around labour and birth- and considered popping over to the midwives and doulas forum to ask those mamas, too. As a maternity nurse I've been exposed to WAAAY to much intervention and scary stuff, and can easy think of lots of crazy unpleasant things to obsess and worry about.

And I feel the pressure, too BensMom of being "tested" in a way- like I'm a "professional" and should know how to do this well. In my initial questionnaire with my midwives where they asked about my expectations of care, I basically wrote- to be treated and recognized as a new mother, to have my knowledge and experience respected but not expected and for them to realise that the pregnancy, birth and motherhood are all totally new experiences for me. My midwife and I had a talk at my last visit about how many "expert" women- doulas, midwives, nurses, doctors take a while to "get out of their heads" and into their labours... a huge letting go process in labour. The story in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth about the couple that are both OBs shows a similar thing.

So what to do??? I'm starting with an early maternity leave, to get out of the hospital and away from some of the intervention and spend more time "just" as a mama-to-be. (Some stupid co-workers last night were trading "worst PPH" stories, until I told them to stop...thoughtless). I have spent a lot of time analyzing "what went wrong" with births I've been at- almost trying to see what I would/wouldn't have done differently, in a "that wouldn't happen to me because of X or Y"- though this is really a futile exercise that I'm trying to stop. And my most helpful way of dealing with fear so far is LOTS of visualization, meditation, and some naming of fears and sharing them and crying over them, then trying to put them aside. My husband is a big help, too- he has an amazing faith in birth and my ability to birth our baby naturally at home. My midwives do, too. The constant affirmation from them and their expectations that everything will proceed normally gives me more confidence in my body and my baby and my birth, and helps me to put some of the fears in perspective.

Loooong answer, I know, but you hit a on a topic I've been thinking a lot about.

Your fellow Novemeber Neurotic (who is hoping to avoid the curse of the nurse),
Melanie

[Kavita]

November neurotics--count me amongst you! I can relate especially to what Jenn and MelW are saying about dealing with birth as a profession--it's interesting to have not only the regular "woman" fear of the unknown in approaching birth, but the professional fear of the known! Since I have a belief in home birth and natural birth, but also have seen my share of scary stuff, it is hard to sort out. I have some performance anxiety issues--I would like to imagine me being like one of the ladies I have seen serenely breathing and concentrating and being reasonably positive and in control, rather than having a big freak out at some point or the whole time. I have to remind myself that this is not some sort of test of my grooviness! I have seen people who were having a birth in a freestanding birthcenter with CPM's basically because it was cheaper and they were uninsured do great in labor. I also know someone who was becoming a midwife and had started doing births by herself and had already had four or five kids and was like, MILITANT about homebirth and very anti-hospital, and she ended up screaming for her midwife to take her to the hospital for an epidural! Which was what ended up happenning . . . who could have predicted THAT? I guess you just never know what you'll get, and it's harder I think if you're someone who's used to being in control.

Well, the weekend is almost over. I am bummed about going back to work tomorrow--things just feel really negative at my job and it's stressful feeling like I'm under so much scrutiny and I can't please anyone. It just feels futile. On the good side, I did get a chance to go today and picked out my beads for the swap, so I'll send those to Jenn and not be the bead swap slacker!

[MelW]

I have some performance anxiety issues--I would like to imagine me being like one of the ladies I have seen serenely breathing and concentrating and being reasonably positive and in control, rather than having a big freak out at some point or the whole time. I have to remind myself that this is not some sort of test of my grooviness!


The "in control" stuff is a big issue for me, too- I try to focus some of my meditation and visualization on being okay with not being in control...
As for it not being a test of my grooviness- I should write this out and paste it on the bathroom mirror as a reminder :)

Thanks, Kavita- I was anticipating that you'd chime in with something helpful on this issue. I appreciate your wisdom as a fellow pregnant woman and a maternity caregiver :thumb

[gonnabeamom]

On the whole birth anxiety/being in your head thing. I'm currently feeling pretty good about this myself, but I think that's from years of being a birth junkie before even TTC, and then having such an extend TTC period. Also because of injuries, I've had to deal a lot with issues of trusting my body, and trying to be in control when I clearly wasn't.

A couple of things to pass along, one is that the most inspiring thing I've read is a description of a birth in Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, about a women who wants a homebirth where they aren't legal, and so has a friend of hers (I can't remember if the friend was an OB or midwife) come just as an observer. Somehow she manages to simply do everything that her body and her instincts tell her, and she has a wonderful labor and birth experience. It totally changes the perspective of her friend. Combine that with reading lots of Ina May early in pregnancy, and what constantly got reinforced for me, is that we don't really have to do labor, at least not in the same way you would run a marathon, our bodies know how to labor, and all we have to do is be open to that process.

The second is that Birthing from Within has great exercises for dealing with anxieties, and fears about birth. I don't think any of that stuff goes away just because someone says "Don't worry" or "It'll be okay". The author really encourages you to confront those fears and worries, plan around them, draw about them, and get them out of your way.

So I hope some of that is helpful to some of you. I don't want it to sound like it was a snap for me to get where I am now, it wasn't, but I know that it is possible to get to that place.