What else to do? SIL lost one twin but not other

[laralou]

My sil just lost one of her twins (1st trimester). She is very upset.

I called yesterday (after she found out) and talked to her a long time. I told her what made me feel better when I was told we lost one of ours (a different situation and the doctors' ended up being wrong). I probably said all the wrong things, but I hoped that since it made me feel better when I thought one of my twins was miscarrying, it might make her feel better.

I also told her what bothered me the most (dealing with the "twin stuff" I bought- books, nursing pillows, etc.), and offered to help get rid of anything she didn't want.

Today I took her flowers, candy, and a card to her work (but took it in by the back door and kept it wrapped up so no one would see it- so she wouldn't have to talk about it if she didn't want to).

I called all the people in the twins club who would be contacting her with calls, newsletters and emails, and asked them to take her off the list (I signed her up - I'm the treasurer- so I don't think she would think to do it herself.)

I just don't know what else to do. I don't always know how she feels about me, so I don't know if I am being overbearing or not doing enough.

She is in the position of grieving for one but still being happy she has one. Anyone who has been there and can give me any advice, I would love to hear it.

I was thinking of making a special present for the baby- something androgenous since we don't yet know what it is. What do you think?

[AntoninBeGonin]

**Hugs** to your sister.

~Nay

[abimommy]

I think it is good you took care of twin issues for her...no one wants to make such calls.

It is such a rollercoaster to go through...she needs a lot of rest and hugs. She still has a baby to worry about, though she is going through such a devastating loss. :(

Perhaps get her some red rasberry leaf tea, it is good for uterine lining and uterine health.

Does she have other children? If so you might watch them so she can have some time to herself. Maybe some relaxing bath items or a book. There are some mentioned in resources sticky...or perhaps just something you think she would like to read so she can relax a little. Loss of a child is the worst thing one can go through and such stress is not good when going through a pregnancy as well. She needs a lot of loving care.

:hug