memorial services

[rozzie'sma]

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[abimommy]

Uh...I am just not sure if this is the appropiate board for this...

Well..many people do find memorial services or funeral to be helpful and healing. IME it is just so different from any other type of service or funeral. No one spoke...it was just shock..a room full of stricken, grieving people...it is very very different and very very hard.

It is generally recommended by many people as it does help..it does, I just cannot imagine going through it as a profession.

[iris0110]

I think it is good that you are addressing this aspect. Yes, the memorial service we had for my daughter was one of the most healing things I did after her loss. The funeral director was a very gentle and caring man, he came to the hospital to handle all of the arrangements with me, then assured me that we could wait as long as needed for me to be fully recovered. He held the home open on Christmas eve just for our family. The home we chose handles alot of still birth and infant funerals, they offered their services free of charge for parents of infants under one year in age. He told me that while infant funerals are some of the hardest, they are also where he feels he is doing his best. Last year I sent him a card on Arawyn's anniversary, and he sent us a Christmas card. This year I hope to send him a picture of our newborn son.

[wilkers8]

I didn't have one and as time goes by (this weekend will be eighteen months) I regret it more and more. I remember so clearly thinking I can't make those decisions...I can't decide anything regarding a memorial. My hospital was so good about so many things but I now really wish they had a funeral director that they contact for stillbirth notification. Had someone said, I will take care of everything and give your child the acknowledgement he deserves...I would have been forever indebted to that person.

I would recommend really reading some of these threads for "things to say or not say", "things to do or not do", etc. A grieving mother knows pain like no other. You can help us in a period of time when we're in the shock phase.

[rozzie'sma]

Thanks for those who posted. Again, I really do not mean to open old wounds for people and I appologize deeply for any hurt I may have caused.

[mimi_n_tre]

After just losing a little one, I personally just want the opportunity to see Jase again. I haven't really talked to anyone about him yet, but we are going to have him cremated and a few of our family members are going to go. I'm not really sure if I want to have my son go. I told him that his baby brother is in heaven, which he now thinks is in the hospital. Yesterday he said "Heaven is everywhere, why?" I told him it just is and it sucks. I really want him to get to see his little brother, but am not quite sure how it will impact him and how bad of a day Jase is having. I'm heading more towards yes, but I still don't know.

A friend of mine, sister-like, asked me if I was going to have a memorial for him. I said no, I just want to see him again. I'm making a pouch for him today in hopes that the director guy will let me see him one more time if he thinks it is okay. I hate that word now. If.... Why should he get to decide?

Love You Jase, Mommy.

[iris0110]

Mary, I took my then 2.5 yr old to the memorial service we had for Arawyn. He did very well. The funeral director held him some and our Reverend held him through part of the service. He was quiet and seemed to get alot out of seeing his sister and just being there. Our service was very small, just imediate family. I remember it being so important to me to pick out a dress for Arawyn to wear. My mother called everywhere while I was in the hospital looking for somewhere that had dresses small enough to fit her. As soon as they released me from the hospital my mother and mil accopanied Dh and I to a childrens botique where they had set asside several doll dresses for me to look at. In that moment choosing that dress seemed like the most important thing I had ever done. I picked a little white gown with short sleeves and a smocked bodice with tiny pink roses. I just kept thinking about how this would be the only time I got to dress my baby. At the funeral home we took some pictures of her in her gown, but while I love to look at the pictures from the hospital, the ones from her service do bother me. She looked very different there. Some parents hold their babies again at the service, but I couldn't do it. I did talk to her and kiss her before we left though. It all seemed so sureal, some parts I am still only begining to process now, almost 2 years later.