Can we talk about this?

[Boobiemama]

I am nervous. Not horribly nervous, but nervous.

In the back of my head, any time I think abot the baby, or making future plans, I am thinking *if* we have a baby in Feb. I dont know how to get past that and just trust.
I feel better since my u/s, but at the same time I feel worse now because I saw the baby and got more excited.
I know things happen. I lost a son 8 years ago. Geez, I cant believe it was that long ago. He lived for 3 weeks and it was a huge shock when we were told he had a birth defect when he was born. We were not prepared for that at all. We were young too, and it was awful.

But I also know most pregnancies come through just fine with healthy babies.

How do you reassure yourself? I want to get over being worried and just enjoy it. I want to be able to buy something instead of being scared I am buying something I wont need.
Does anyone else have these fears? Am I just crazy? I feel like I am pushing my luck, since I have had 3 healthy kids since my son died. Like I dont deserve more. :(

[bleurae]

I just wanted to hug ya and say it is soooo normal think and feel those things. I have had an early m/c but have never gone through what you went through. I did have a LOT of fear throughout my pregnancy with my now son and I was told that simply little by little, with each bit of passing time it wold get easier, and that when my baby was in my arms it would get a little easier and after some time it would get even more easier. It did, but even now, about to start ttc, and I get some fear of loss still.

Hang in there mama, your baby will be looking into your eyes before you know it.

[crittersmom]

:hug I don't even have a reason from past experience to fear, but I do.After 5 years of not getting pregnant I thought I would need help and pyut it on a back shelf.Now I'm making up for it. ;) I still feel scared at every appt when they listen to the heartbeat and at my U/Ss even though ifeel the baby moving inside me.I'm guessing its because we want these little treasures so much and once you've been given one you realize it really is your heart walking around.Its being a parent.Its okay to be scared. :hug

[charmcitymama]

I feel the same way. Any reason to become concerned I run with it and am just stuck in a negative thought process with worry.
One thing that bugs me lately is that I don't think my belly is growing as it should. At my last appt I was measuring small, and I wonder what is wrong....and how foolish we are to be getting our hopes up, etc.

[My Three Boys]

Oh (Angie)) I can't imagine what you went through when you lost your son. I'm so sorry.

But, you are not alone when thinking "if" you have this baby. I've lost my last three to miscarraige and I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that this one actually will survive (probably). Pregnancy and nursing are times when I'm very stressed out and anxious. I'm definately not enjoying this pregnancy as much as I could be. With my first three, I was excited all the way through. This time, I'm just afraid. I'm afraid when my kids start talking about playing with their new sibling. I don't want them to be disappointed.

I don't know - I'm rambling. But you definately aren't alone!!

[todzwife]

Angie, I think your fears are TOTALLY normal- especially for a mama who as experienced loss. I hope you are able to get past the negative feelings so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy! HUGS!

[Jlcampbellkidz]

I've never experienced a loss like yours. I am so sorry you had to go through that pain. I served a client in Jul 2003 who's son was still born, then I found out I was preg. w/i weeks of that birth. I was so afraid. Then I miscarried.

Fear and worry, can have huge effects on our unborn children. I am not sure how you would overcome it, considering what you've been through in the past, but try. Big hugs to you honey.

[~lioneyes~]

Angie~
I think your feelings are very normal, and I just want to give you a big hug! I think most women have a little anxiety about the babies they are carrying. I am pretty laid back about it so far, but I still kinda hold my breath when they are looking for the heartbeat. Hang in there, and we are all here to help you. if you need it.

[Boobiemama]

Aww, thank you all.
I just wish this baby would coperate and move!! I felt movement 3 days last week, pretty strong movement, then nothing since then. I had my u/s and saw the baby moving, so I know its kay, andI know its still early. Plus I have this layer of fat padding it! LOL I think it wasnt till 22 weeks last time that I felt good movement.

I think maybe at this point, I am not far enough along to realize I am *actually* pregnant. This morning, it hit me, I am about half way!! I think I just need to let go and quit worrying, because even if something did go wrong, theres nothing I can do anyway, and worrying wont help.
I have another fear thats part of this too. This is to be our last baby. After Jack, my hubby said one more, but no more after that and I agree, this will be plenty. But I am scared if something happens to this one, my hubby wont want to try again. I know I would, i would still want one more child. I am scared he wouldnt want to try again, because he is scared. The son we lost was his first child, I had one before from an ex. I know i shouldnt even be thinking about this, but it worries me.
Okay, now that I have typed this out, I am going to stop worrying. I let it out, I need to move onto positive things. Maybe I need to go baby shopping. ;)

I guess I didnt reliaze so many others are scared too. I thought I was just a worrywart! LOL

[Sleepymama]

Yeah, if anyone figures out how to stop worrying, let me know :( After a severe birth defect (though not a loss!) and two miscarriages, I have never had a healthy baby. I do have this deep seated fear that my body just isn't capable of making a healthy baby. I haven't felt much movement lately and it does worry me too. There is really nothing that will help until I am holding a healthy baby in my arms, and even then I'm sure I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[sarasprings]

I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

I'm really nervous, too, which is why I haven't been posting here. I don't have any maternity clothes upstairs and we haven't told anyone yet. I don't really believe in jinxing, but after 3 miscarriages it's just hard to get my hopes up. After a skin cancer scare last month, I'm worn out worrying. Last week for the first time I bought something for the little bitty thing at a thrift shop. After my regular u/s next week and fetal echo the week after, I'll be almost 21 weeks so I'll have to start telling people.