Choosing to have a third

[Luvmyboyz]

I would like to get a few opinions from Mamas and PApas who have three children (and some who plan to). We have two boys and now that the younger one is approaching two and is super independent, I feel the urge to try for a girl. I definately don't want more than three kids so this would be our last try to have a daughter. IT is literally the only reason I want to have another baby. I don't have an overwhelming desire to be a mother of three nor do I particularly want to go through another newborn postpartum period. I have an overwhelming desire to be the mother of a daughter. I am not horrified by the idea of having another boy, though I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if it turned out to be a boy. I have concerns about having three boys because of the "odd man out" type scenario. My boys are very close with each other and I wonder how having another boy would change the dynamic. I am sure having a girl will change the dynamic as well, but for some reason I am not as worried about this. Also, I like how my husband and I can be one on one with our two kids right now. Dh can play blocks with he little guy while I play board games with the older ds. This will change if we have three. We will have to take turn and do more group stuff. It may sound silly but I worry about this stuff!

So here are my main issues:
Was your third pg extremely difficult chasing two kiddos?

If you have three children in a row that are the same sex, do you see alot of "odd man out" or ganging up on?

Was the postpartum period with your third extremely hectic and stressful and if yes or no, how did you deal with it to make it ok?

Dh is pretty much ok with only having two boys but I know he would let us try for a girl if he knew how much it meant to me. It really weighs heavy on my heart and it is one of those things that I feel like I will regret for the rest of my life if I don't do (try for a girl, that is). Can anyone else relate?

[mirthfulmum]

I'm in a similar situation and am looking forward to reading the responses.

[merpk]

Have 4, b'H. And the thing that saved me all the way through is nursing. Nursing the older one is a chance to sit down and know that s/he isn't running around like a maniac. Nursing the little one is a chance to sit down, altogether. :LOL Nursing them both together is hopefully a chance for us all to sleep.

Nursing during the pregnancies was always a lifesaver, too. When you need to lie down, well, it's time to nurse. :thumb

But seriously, that's how it's easiest. And asking for help when needed (am lucky to have an enthusiastic mom/grandma available). And totally ignoring any standards of housework, etc.





In re the games, etc., well, one thing I've discovered is that the children don't need me or DH to be constantly entertaining them. I worried about the breakdown of the "keep 'em stimulated" chores, too, and then learned that they can entertain/stimulate/even educate themselves just fine if the grown-ups aren't constantly on top of them trying to direct their entertainment/stimulation/education.





In other words, don't worry, be happy, and nurse a lot.




:)

[Luvmyboyz]

Thanks for your encouraging words! I totally agree about tandem nursing as it worked well for us with the first two. I had no sibling rivalry at all, #2 just slipped right into our lifestyle very nicely. I am more worried about having an odd number of children. Something in me craves an even number. IS that silly? Probably. I suppose I should talk to my dh more about this!

[artgirl]

I haven't read all your responses but the first thing that came to my mind was how about adoption? That way you'd be certain to get a girl and you don't have to deal with the post-partum period at all.
I'm seriously considering it myself right now. Just trying to get my dh on board.

[emma00]

I have three children. A 5 year old boy, 3 year old girl and 1 year old boy. For me personally I always knew I wanted at least 3 children - so the decision part was fairly easy. I also already had a boy / girl so there was no particular "pressure" to have either sex.

I love having three - I know what you mean about even numbers and sometimes I think we ought to have another to even it up (& maybe have another girl) but who knows? Some days I think three is perfect - but on others I see another little soul waiting to join our family.

So far I haven't found too many odd man out types of situations. The baby is just starting to play with the older two and so far so good. I suppose it may come up in the future, we'll have to wait and see. For me the biggest challenge is meeting everybody's needs. Particularly when they all happen at the same time. There were (and still are) times when somebody's needs have to be delayed until I can finish X Y or Z. Sometimes that means someones crying or having a fit, but that's life.

The pregnancy was bone-crushingly tiring! I dragged myself around for the 1st tri and then dragged myself around for the 3rd tri. I don't sleep well during pregnancy so that makes it particularly hard.

I had a pretty easy homebirth so the post-partum phase was actually in many ways easier. At least my energy levels were up a bit. I had lined up a lot of help for the first month (my mum, my nanny, my dh etc.) By the time all my help was gone I was more or less back on my feet. I kept my nanny one day a week to help keep up with laundry etc. My oldest was in school in the mornings and my middle was at nursery school two mornings a week. This was helpful for me to get some down time with the babe and keep on top of my house.

My daughter weaned during the pregnancy - so I didn't tandem nurse, but she had very few jealousy issues and embraced her new little brother without any real problems. My oldest very delighted to have a brother - so transitioned very smoothly as well.

[j924]

My third child was the only one we planned. We had 2 dd's and like you would have liked to have the opposite sex but would have been happy with three girls. Well suprise suprise it was another girl. Her sisters were 4 and 2 when she was born. I was terrified about the odd man out situation but it never seemed to materialize. I was tired and a bit anemic during the pregnancy (maybe because all I wanted to eat was watermelons) but it seemed a bit like slipping on an old hat. The post partum for my second child about killed me but the third one seemed somewhat easier. We felt like she had completed our family......... until her ooops brother was born two years later. :nut

[wednesday]

Have you heard of family balancing (http://www.microsort.com/FB.htm)? You may feel that this is totally not appropriate, or not doable, and it's definitely not NFL, but I thought I'd throw it out there. It's a medical procedure where the father's sperm is sorted between X and Y and the desired gender sperm is then used for an artificial insemination. I think the whole thing costs a few thousand dollars. It is only available if you have a medical reason to avoid one gender (like both parents carry the trait for a serious/fatal sex-linked disorder OR for what they call "family balancing". Like when you have more children of one gender than another. The success rate is higher when you are trying for a girl than a boy.

Now before anyone totally freaks out I KNOW this is not NFL and there are ethical issues :blah but DH and I have talked about this from time to time. We have a son...we'd really like to have a daughter...and we'd really like to stop at two. The barrier for us is really just the cost.

[marybethorama]

We have three boys. We didn't try for a girl the last time but we would have been thrilled. We're happy with our boys though.

When the youngest was born, the older two were 5 and 3. They adored their little brother. The then three yo said he was the "bestest" baby in the world. There's no odd man out at all. They do fight but they generally get along.

[phathui5]

Was your third pg extremely difficult chasing two kiddos?

No, it went pretty well. I was really tired in my last month, but I always am. In addition, I babysat for a family with five children a couple days a week until my last month and even that went well.

Was the postpartum period with your third extremely hectic and stressful and if yes or no, how did you deal with it to make it ok?

Well, ds#2 is only two weeks old, but so far it's going well. Dh was home for the first 9 days and we had both sets of Grandparents bringing us dinner. And dh's mom came over one day to clean. We have good support people.

But with you saying this:
IT is literally the only reason I want to have another baby. I don't have an overwhelming desire to be a mother of three nor do I particularly want to go through another newborn postpartum period. I have an overwhelming desire to be the mother of a daughter.
I would lean toward agreeing with the poster who suggested looking into adoption. If you just wanted another baby, I would say to go for it. But there's no guarantee that you'll have a girl.

[HippyMama4kids]

Was your third pg extremely difficult chasing two kiddos? It was really hard & so was pregnancy no.4 I have suffered terribly with hypermesis during my pregnancies, so it was hard on everyone :(

If you have three children in a row that are the same sex, do you see alot of "odd man out" or ganging up on? No, I have three girls in a row & the older two don't gang up on the younger one. They all get along pretty well :)

Was the postpartum period with your third extremely hectic and stressful and if yes or no, how did you deal with it to make it ok? I suppose life around here is always hectic, so I didn't notice any real difference from my other post-partum experiences ;)

[Kirsten]

We have three but I think in my heart I always knew I'd have three - as I am one of three. We have three girls but I wasn't trying for a boy, just a third child. No ganging up or odd man out at all at my house. My kids are now 9, 5 and 2. When pregnant with #3 you are too busy too notice being tired. :) My dd3 was a homebirth - easy newborn period. If you really want a girl, have you considered adoption? If you go for #3 the old fashioned way, and get a third boy, you will save a lot of money being able to reuse all the clothes, toys, etc.

[Luvmyboyz]

Thank you all so much for the replies. To answer a few of you, yes I have considered adoption and also "sperm washing" to have a better chance of a girl. For me, though, since I haven't had a problem conceiving, I feel compelled to just try. I have looked into Shettles method as well as others. Some place on the net sells a kit for $200 that supposedly has great accuracy if you want a girl. It has a lemon water douch and other silly things. I almost just wish I could get rid of the urge to have a daughter instead of have a baby! Maybe I should go volunteer with little girls. Anyone need a brownie coleader :LOL ?

I want to play dress up with princess costumes. I want to play Polly Pockets. Yikes!

[NYCVeg]

I feel very strongly that I want at least one daughter. We don't know for sure how many kids we want, although we think probably three. If we have two bio sons first, we will very likely adopt a daughter. I don't know if this is an option that you would consider, but maybe something to think about?

[Crunchier]

We have a son, and we've decided that when we are older if we don't have a dd, or we want another, then we will adopt. I do feel called to adopt, although before I had Ben it was intense, afterwards a little less, and now that I'm pg again, not so much. I'd like to birth 3 or 4 more kids if I can, and that won't leave much room for an adopted baby. But we have agreed to never close the door on any child, biological or adopted. We even discussed adopting a teenager when we are old if we feel it's something we want to do.

Perhaps you could look through some photolistings and see if there is a child that you feel you need to have in your life. Brace yourself, many of the babies are very sick.
http://photolisting.adoption.com/

For me already having a boy, and knowing that we would someday adopt a girl took care of all my concerns about having more kids. I felt that we had all our bases covered, and whether we had just the 2 kids 10 years apart, or had 5 kids in between (all girls, all boys, or a combo) really doesn't matter.

[BurnsideMommy]

We have 2 son's also. Austin is almost 3.5 and Hunter is 16 months. I'm 9 weeks pregnant. It's hard. Changing poopy diapers sends me to the potty sick to my stomach. My morning sickness is worst with this one. I'm scared of how I'll manage with 3. I'm excited as heck though - hello pregnancy hormone roller-coaster! I'm constantly exhausted and more or less imobile most days. I'm hoping it'll easee up as the 1st trimester ends. I think this would be easier if Austin was potty trained and both the boys were about 6 months older - just my opinion.

We're hoping for a girl. Actually fine with either since we want 4 kiddos, but Austin wants a sister so he can name her 'sauced'?!? I have no idea where he got that name from and it's a little crazy, but he wants a sister.

Pregnancy with 2 little ones is hard. And my pregnancy's are quite easy compared to other mamas. It takes a lot out of you. If you have a good support system & family to help out with your kids & house so you can rest, then you'll do great. If not, it's draining, but worth it.
Good luck! :)