Breathless Wonder
09-16-2005, 08:13 AM
I have been so irritable this past week, and yesterday was just the worst. I couldn't figure out what my problem was.
Last night, as I went to bed, I realized that it was the anniversary of the D&C I had after I tried to miscarry naturally. I had increasing HCG levels, but the levels were not increasing properly to sustain a pregnancy, and the baby had stopped growing. It wasn't rational, but at the time of the D&C (early second trimester), I felt like I was killing my baby. The whole thing was pretty traumatic for me, and the reactions of the people around me only served to make the loss that much worse. I had/ have some pretty toxic, unsupportive people in my life.
It has been a long time now, and I have other children. Yet, every April around my due date, and every August/ September, I get blindsided by these feelings.
I don't wish to forget the baby I lost, but will there come a time when this gets better?
Last night, as I went to bed, I realized that it was the anniversary of the D&C I had after I tried to miscarry naturally. I had increasing HCG levels, but the levels were not increasing properly to sustain a pregnancy, and the baby had stopped growing. It wasn't rational, but at the time of the D&C (early second trimester), I felt like I was killing my baby. The whole thing was pretty traumatic for me, and the reactions of the people around me only served to make the loss that much worse. I had/ have some pretty toxic, unsupportive people in my life.
It has been a long time now, and I have other children. Yet, every April around my due date, and every August/ September, I get blindsided by these feelings.
I don't wish to forget the baby I lost, but will there come a time when this gets better?