Help me: MW Decision

[Gunter]

I have a MW and a MW apprentice. The MW apprentice has been seeing me as her primary, doing all my pre-natals, taught my birth class and water aerobics and came to my mother's blessing. She has attended 95 births and has 5 kids. IMO, she can be a bit absent-minded but is very empowering and compassionate. The MW has been at my pre-natals, except for one at my house. She has attended over 500 births and has 10 kids. IMO, she is profesional but not as "warm". DH and I like the combo they are. They will both attend my birth.

Well, up till now they were both planning to attend my birth. We just found out that she (MW apprentice) will no longer be working with my MW. She will become certified some other way. We spoke for about an hour on the phone about this and I got a lfollow-up etter in the mail. I am 30 weeks along. I have another woman attending my birth as a friend who is a doula; she'll be at the birth regardless.

Want to help me make a decision? Hospital is not an option for me and not brave enough for unassisted, yet. Dh supports me in any choice. I have an appt. in a week/am 30 weeks along so need to decide soon.

Viable Options include:
1. Seeing my MW only.
2. Seeing the MW apprentice only.
3. Getting another HB MW (there is only one other in the area).
4. Going to the freestanding birthing center (heard good & bad but want a HB)
5. Asking MW apprentice to be my doula and seeing MW still. (could be ackward though?)

Help me weigh this decision?

[mtn. mama]

Who are you and dh the absolutely most comfortable with ? That is the person you want to attend the birth.
From the info you posted it seems the the apprentice is the one you favor and she isn't a complete novice. When you wrote she has attended 95 births, was she catching the babies?
From personal (my own hb) and professional (as a birth doula) experience, I again encourage you and dh to have only those you 100% "click" with to be present.
This will allow you to have the best experience possible. Remember, it is your birth! :)
Blessings and let us know how things go!

[alegna]

I agree to go with who you're most comfortable with. It sounds like that would be the apprentice.

good luck!

-Angela

[IfMamaAintHappy]

I agree. You need to stick with who you would feel most comfortable with, and Im going to heartily recommend picking one of them and doing a homebirth over other options!!!

I enjoyed the combination that they were as a team at my last birth, and am bummed that they have parted ways.

I think having S doula while A attends or vice versa would be VERY awkward right now, but in 10 weeks, maybe things will be better. The break is so fresh right now.

A is attending my birth, if all goes as planned, with a new apprentice and a current apprentice.

I've never met the new apprentice, so Im sorta feeling like you. Im sure most of their clients are!

I do know both S and A very well personally having been friends with them over the last 3 years.

[jerawo]

Ditto the other women. The most important quality in your caregiver is to have someone you trust and feel comfortable with. IMO, the number of babies caught is not so important. I ended up switching HB MWs because we moved to a different state. My first MW had 200 babies under her belt and 2 of her own children, and my second had over 1000 babies and no children of her own. I felt they were equally qualified, and I'm sure I would have had a great birth experience with the first just like I did with the second.

If you are worried about going with the MW apprentice, it wouldn't hurt to look for another HB MW. However, you may not have the same connection as you have with the apprentice due to the amount of time left in your pregnancy.

Good luck!

[Gunter]

This is such a tough decision. I feel comfortable with them both. I am keeping my pre-natal appt. this weekend with my MW and spoke with her today but have not made any final decisions. I am staying in touch and open/honest with both the MW and the MW apprentice.

I appreciate the wisdom of your experiences and your advice. Keep it coming.

[andreac]

What level of "complication" is the apprentice comfortable with? My midwife is young, which is one of the things I liked about her, I felt a connection, but it means she hasn't had a lot of experience with some things...like breech. She was upfront that she didn't feel comfortable delivering a breech baby, but I hired her anyway, assuming it wouldn't be an issue...guess who's head is firmly planted in my ribs as I type? :rolleyes

So now here I am at 38+ weeks, waiting to find out if, considering that her backup midwife is much more experienced and will be here and also the backup's backup is even more experienced and would consider attending as well, she will attend my homebirth. If not, I have either try and find another midwife or go with a c/s if this baby doesn't turn by the time I go into labor.

Sorry to hijack, just wanted give you this angle to consider. If there are things that the apprentice won't feel comfortable handling, you should find out now and consider how you will feel if they come up.

Good luck with your decision!

[mwherbs]

since you are comfortable with both to a degree-- my next question would have to do with the ins and outs of payment.... I am guessing you have paid the "primary" midwife already so how much would she refund and how much would the other gal want for payment?
if you are in a state that requires midwives to be licensed, and you decide to have the apprentice attend , what would you have to do to get a birth certificate?
also how many births has the apprentice been primary for out of the 95 births she has attended? some midwives can easily teach and let go enough for apprentices to get their experience and others have a hard time letting their apprentice take much responsibility...

I don't think that you should try to put them together as in doula/midwife because I think that there must be some recent falling out- since they were previously both planning on attending your birth.

[Gunter]

since you are comfortable with both to a degree-- my next question would have to do with the ins and outs of payment.... I am guessing you have paid the "primary" midwife already so how much would she refund and how much would the other gal want for payment? if you are in a state that requires midwives to be licensed, and you decide to have the apprentice attend , what would you have to do to get a birth certificate? also how many births has the apprentice been primary for out of the 95 births she has attended? some midwives can easily teach and let go enough for apprentices to get their experience and others have a hard time letting their apprentice take much responsibility... I don't think that you should try to put them together as in doula/midwife because I think that there must be some recent falling out- since they were previously both planning on attending your birth.

Such good points to consider. The payments I have made go toward the person I choose and the balance stays the same for the MW with potential re-imbursement from my insurance. Payment for MW apprentice would have to be decided and she's not submitting it for insurance. Money isn't really a top issue though for me in this decision.

Homebirths are not legal in NC so the whole licensure thing isn't an issue either way. I have to get a birth cert. within two weeks at my local DSS and don't plan to mention the attendance of a MW at the birth.

That's a good question about the MW apprentice. I think she's been the primary on all 95, and has attended more as a doula. I should check that out though. She has fully been taking the lead on the pre-natals. I am not sure about how much of the lead she gets to take at births, but the MW just observes at my pre-natals and guides her. You're probably right about how there's been a falling out and the tension would be evident at the birth. It's hard for me to not see them both there. But, I am re-adjusting my expectations. I appreciate your thoughtfulness in helping me make this decision!

[Gunter]

:confused:

Still feeling like this...just not sure. I do appreciate advice and things to consider, especially from those of you with experience in HBing!

[mtn. mama]

Let us know how things do work out for you. Have you and dh had some good conversations about what you want? Just curious what his perspective is?

[Gunter]

Let us know how things do work out for you. Have you and dh had some good conversations about what you want? Just curious what his perspective is?

We have had really good talks and are together fully on this. He totally supports whatever I want to do while offering his ideas to help guide the decision making process. He's so open-minded about birthing.

Some of his ideas other than working with the MW or MW apprentice: "Let's just go to The Farm in TN." We live in NC and are good friends with an older lady birthed both her boys with Ina May.

"Why can't we just have the baby ourselves?" With the offer to learn and read as much as he can to help, examples of his friend's dad who helped mom deliver all five boys at home.

"Do you want to go to Dr. C's birthing center?" Our family friend and MWs run that birthing center less than two hours from here and it's in his mom's town, who is a big support person for us.

We had a MW appt. this weekend that went well. We are starting to gain more understaing about what we want/need out of a birth attendant. It's really made us think and talk and question things about the roles people play in birthing. Guess we could be thankful to have explored such things at this point with our first babe pre-birth. We are still open to advice and ideas from you all. TIA!

[mtn. mama]

Wow, to birth at The Farm that would be a great experience!
And it sounds like you have some very positive options.
What is your heart leaning towards?

[mwherbs]

well what are you up for? going to the farm means travel before and after... so you have seen the midwife you have been getting care from have you also seen the student midwife?
how did you come to the midwife in the first place? did you interview , was she recommended?
I am having a hard time giving advice on this partly because it is very individual what someone wants and why they want it. The midwife I had for our first homebirth I had a very deep trust in --(but we also worked together) she was not the most intellectual, but she was honest, caring, and capable and most important for me-- willing to give me the space I needed to labor in . I did not want or need coaching or much support beyond reassurance that someone was paying attention to the details so I didn't have to. At the time she was at that birth she probably had only done 30 births but it did not matter I think that for me her trust in birth, optimism coupled with her ability to be practical -- lead to my feelings of safety and trust with her-
So what I am saying to you is what is important for you to feel safe at this birth? there can be such a range of what people want and are comfortable with--

[IfMamaAintHappy]

i was one on mothering that recommended the midwife. and I had the midwife and the student midwife (as a doula) for my last birth.

Everyone in both their practices who has been around both of them for prenatals is having a pretty hard time with this. I am using an unfamiliar doula and Im not real excited about that, and my midwife and the student midwife are both really stressed out because of having clients who are upset and confused and torn, like Gunter is.

I love my midwife, though, if I moved from the Raleigh area, I think I'd come back at 36 weeks to have her deliver for me. Seriously. But that's because I know her and trust her and have birthed with her before.

I'm praying for you, Gunter. I know this is hard on you. And I am glad that your husband is so open for dialogue on where and with whom to share your birth!

[Gunter]

Jeni, thank you so much! I hope that you know how much that means to me! It is so hard to make a decision. Either way, one of them will be left out of my birth and we really liked them both being there. But, that will not work for obvious reasons now. I think we are close to deciding which one we want to go with for the birth though.

We're going to the LLL Conference in the mountains this weekend and will seek guidance while there. We hope to return to Raleigh with more confidence in our decision. It is a mini-retreat for us. We are trying to be wise and go with our spirits in this decision.

[alisaterry]

I am not necessarily buddy buddy with my midwife or her apprentices (I've met three). To me the most important thing is trust, especially since this is my first child. Do I trust her to let me lead the birth the way I need to? Do I trust her to know what to do if something does go wrong? Do I trust her to consider my opinions and needs important? Do I trust that she won't recommend anything unecessary or for her own convenience? I guess for me I expect her to pretty much be hands off unless I need her, and I trust her completely on all these counts, so if I was in your circumstance and my favorite apprentice was not going to attend my homebirth, I would still stay with my midwife. I expect her to be the expert when expertise is required. I don't expect her to be my best friend because that's my husband's job.

Obviously, not every woman is going to feel the same way about this, but if you already have a doula, and your midwife doesn't necessarily put you off, you could very easily keep your current arrangement and have a very pleasant birth experience.

If she actually makes you feel uneasy, then that would certainly be a valid reason to find a different birth attendent. My midwife's apprentices also work with other midwives. Yours will have to before she becomes a full midwife, does she not? If its really important to you, you can ask her new master midwife to accept you. It shouldn't be too difficult a transition since the apprentice is familiar with your pregnancy.