How did you come to terms with your stretch marks?

[lesley&grace]

I LOVED being pregnant. Loved my giant belly, loved feeling my baby roll and twirl and kick. Loved the anticipation. Loved everything about it. Even when I was bone-tired and vomiting, I would not have traded the experience for anything else in this world.

Keep in mind as well that I would not trade my beautiful baby girl for a perfect body, here is my issue:

I have a mess of stretch marks below my belly button. Now, I was never the type to show off my mid-driff anyway. I always have had issues with weight, it has fluctuated my whole life. And for me, stretch marks came when my weight would spike up suddenly, usually during a rough patch in my life. So they were always negative, and although none of them are very visible now, I know they are there, and they are not good things.

I had a very healthy pregnancy, my weight has never been better for my body type, but I cannot shake the negative feelings about my stretch marks. I have tried to celebrate them as trophies, but it's not working! My beloved tells me "Babe, you EARNED those marks, they are as beautiful as you are". None of my friends who have had babies have stretch marks, so they don't understand how it feels. My mom's belly is a mess of stretch marks and scars from 3 c-sections, and she hates how her belly looks so no advice on getting over it there.

Any help would be great, or if you just want to sigh and moan along with me, welcome!

[hubris]

Somebody here referred to them as "tiger stripes" and another likened them to battle scars. Those images really tickled me and have helped me to see my own "stripes" in a different light.

Talking to other moms and realizing that many/most women in real life (i.e., not movie stars) have stretch marks made a difference, too.

I still miss how my belly felt smooth before pregnancy. Now it's more like crepe paper. But those scars are a reminder of something wonderful I've done - twice.

I think of wrinkles and scars and such as souvenirs. The things I have done have marked me. Without those marks, how would I know I had lived my life?

[Guest*]

Stretch marks being "badges of honor" honestly never helped me feel better about having them. I only accepted them after I ran out of energy to obsess and feel bitter about them.

These days, they've all faded into the whitish/silvery lines. No more pink/red marks at least. I actually don't notice them anymore so they don't bother me like they used to.

[rozzie'sma]

I love my stretchmarks, we were just talking about this in life with a babe. NAK. they are beautiful. they allowed me to birth a gorgeous baby girl. I feel they are a badge of honor. Here is the other post, with lots of beautiful stretchy pics both pre and post baby. http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=339795

[Black Orchid]

I haven't been able to embrace mine either! Mine haven't faded after two years and I'm sure I'm up for more with my current pregnancy. I guess I've more come to terms with them as part of my body which can't really hurt me unless I let them. But IKWYM, when I'm feeling down about my body it feels like they are all I can see. I guess I have trouble seeing them as "badges" because there are so many women who don't get them while pregnant, YK?

Arg, sorry.. no help here!

[lesley&grace]

Good to see I'm not the only one feeling down about my stretch marks! That makes me feel much better!

[Persephone]

Ok, first of all, WHO is telling you stretchmarks are bad? Who decided they were ugly? Who decided they were abnormal? Certainly not your dh, certainly not other mothers. How about people who have a vested interest in making money off your self hate? Yes, the people who make and sell StriVectin. That horridly expensive stretch mark cream. Why on earth would you listen to them over your own loved ones and self? Stretch marks aren't ugly or abnormal. THEY ARE NORMAL. It's what happens when you have a baby. (Yes, I know everyone doesn't get them, but most of us do, I think.) They fade as time goes on, and are hardly visible. Spend your energy loving your baby and families! Don't waste any more energy thinking about the stretch marks. They aren't bad, they just are.

[Undercover Hippie]

I :love that other thread!

Here is my favorite Hathor comic about stretchmarks: Pillows Rule, Stripes Are Cool! (http://www.thecowgoddess.com/bellytattoo.html)

I think accepting stretchmarks just has to happen over time. That has been true for me with all of them, for example I used to hate the stretchmarks that puberty left on my boobs, but now they are just part of me. During and after my first PG I was much more self-conscious of my belly stretchmarks than I am now. I think seeing them change over time and through another pregnancy and postpartum has helped me gain perspective (they didn't get any worse by the way, just grew upwards about another inch on one side but that's all).

It has also helped getting to know a wide variety of mamas, and seeing how many of them have stretchmarks and also how different stretchmarks can be... there are really thin ones that barely show unless they catch the light, there are other thin ones that gather the tummy into a "raisin" afterwards, there are ones that are wider and wrinkly in the middle, there are ones that are wide and smooth... Now they are rather fascinating to me!

So, do I love my stretchmarks and jiggly tummy? No. But I don't hate them either. Hopefully you can reach a place of peace with yours too!

[jerawo]

I got a ton of stretch marks on my hips and thighs from puberty, but somehow managed not to get a single one while pregnant. I did get some on the underside of my boobs when my milk came in, but I can't really see those and don't worry about them. The puberty ones are faint white lines now, and you really can't see them unless you look up close. Your pregnancy ones will fade, and one day you will hardly notice them. I doubt there is a single woman on the planet who doesn't have at least 1 stretch mark somewhere. I figure since so many of us have them, we are supposed to have them! Perfect skin only exists in airbrushed magazine photos.

[orangefoot]

My belly is a bit saggy and I have got more stretch marks with each pregnancy. They are all silvery lines now but if I added them up they would be a good six inches I reckon which is what I have spare! My belly button is a bit odd now too after having started as san outie. Such is life. These things make me the woman I am but

I wish I didn't have them

Thanks for letting me get that out! Having said that I think that stretch marks are a bit like breastfeeding. We would think they were normal if we saw other people's. When I was pregnant with ds2 I was really pleased to talk to a friend who was expecting her third and got her belly out to show me which ones had come with which child! We compared bellies and she complimented me on my new marks above my belly button (she was veeeery crunchy can you tell?)

I look at teenagers with their bellies out and I know they haven't lived yet! Those who don't have stretch marks have been blessed with other issues so they don't feel left out so don't worry that they are getting away with it :LOL

Love yourself as you are

[lesley&grace]

I look at teenagers with their bellies out and I know they haven't lived yet!

Yeah, my 16-year-old brother's girlfriend is a beautiful young lady with a smooth abdomen that she loves to display, and everytime I see her I think "wait until Life gets a hold of you...."

Sometimes I feel bitter about it because I NEVER got to wear cutie-pie outfits that showed off a slim physique. And for me, stretch marks are reminders of times when my weight got out of control completely...so it's just hard to change my thinking about the ones I got during pregnancy.

Suprisingly enough, having Grace changed my body and I am at a healthier weight than I ever was. Must be the breast-feeding...it makes me that much more concious about my food choices knowing that she is sharing those nutrients. And since right after I had her I didn't care about my size, it seemed that the weight fell off me...pregnancy was the easiest weight management program I ever went on: lots of fruit and veg and milk cravings, grease made me sick! I was heathier and looked better than I ever had!

[2+twins]

I haven't come to terms with mine. Not really. I admittedly do not have a good self body image and things like stretch marks don't help me feel good. They did get whiteish after the pregnancies were over but they leave these divits in my skin. My belly is much bigger/flabbier than I wish it were but sometimes I wonder what's the point? If I were to loose my belly fat then I'd have all this loose, wrinkly, stretch mark covered, diveted skin. Sorry, I'm no help. I seriously doubt I'll ever be okay with them. I've thought about a tummy tuck when I'm done having kids so I could get rid of most of it, but the idea of surgery and a scar to match is unappealling. But that's how much it bothers me.

[GnomeyNewt]

My stomach is reffered to as a watermelon! I consider them proof of having a child LOL. Thats my only way of dealing with them. How else to prove I have had my baby! Also if you think about it that you couldn't have your baby any other way than to have strech marks, it also easier to sit with. For me to have my DD I needed these strech marks, so somehow it becomes easier to deal with.

I have always been prone to strech marks, starting with my breast and later some other msc. areas when I decided excercise wasn't my thing anymore (however it is my thang now again :c). I was so very extremely shy about my breast and embrassed because of the strech marks even till this day a little bit. Honestly I dont know anybody IRL with them like me, so finding this thread is of great comfort. For me it is more of I don't like them, wish I didn't have them, but I accept them.

If you go to my album you can see my belly grow with my markies :c)
http://www.pacopac-obrien.com/thumbnails.php?album=1

(*Sniff* I locked the rest of my alubm because strange folks were leaving comments and I got freaked about somebody taking my DD's photos from the site)

[applejuice]

I never got stretch marks with my pregnancies, but I got stretch marks on my breasts from breastfeeding and on my hips from adolescent growth spurts.

Since I have no surgical scars from pregnancy or delivery, nor any other surgical event, I enjoy my marks as they tell a story about ME! :happyt:

[MamaTaraX]

I saw someone put a picture ina post a little while ago, don't know how so here's a belly pic (http://64.124.118.89/tarapics/week31.jpg) from my previous pregnancy wher eyou can see my stretch marks. I love them! I didn't grow up around people who were particularly thrilled to have them, from birthor other reasons, but nobody ever badtalked them so I never thought they were a terrible thing. Granted,I don't have those thick, red, raised onesthat some people have, but they're there (harder to see than on mostpeople though). I think everyone's are beautiful though! Badges of honor, tiger stripes...I love all those terms and more! They symbolize the lives that have grown within me, the transformation from woman to mama that my first brought into my life...my journey to motherhood! They remind me that I am a powerful and beautiful female, capabale of sustaining life and birthing children. Welive in a world where beauty is everything andany kind of blemish is to be despised when in reality most people do not have smooth clear skin. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Big people, little people, tall people, short people, people missing limbs, people with no hair, people with extra digits, people with fuzzy hair...people with stretch marks Everyone is beautiful intheir own way and I celebrate that!

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)

[kalirush]

I *liked* my body before I was pregnant. I *liked* my B-cup, and my belly and all my curves. Now, I feel like my body's just been ripped up. I have lots of stretch marks all over my body, and a strange dark line down my belly, and funky looking hips that *hurt*, and a stretched out belly button, and unknown tears in my perineum (because the *#%ed doctor wouldn't tell me what happened there, and I haven't been able to summon the courage to look).

Sure, I know this is normal. And I wouldn't trade my babe to have my body back. But it doesn't necessarily make it easier. I wish I knew that at least *some* of this was going to look normal again, someday. I hate seeing myself naked, these days, and I've always been a casual nudist.

:(

Julia

[timneh_mom]

Julia... :hug Your body will change so much in the upcoming year... your babe just came such a short time ago and although you won't look the same, you will look different than you do today. Give yourself a chance to heal, and to recover from pregnancy and birth. Your hips will stop hurting, and you will eventually get the courage to have a look "down below" (it took me a long time to do this too and when I did, I saw the bruising and decided I'd had enough). It takes time and eventually your body will settle into its new shape.

[Undercover Hippie]

Another :hug for Julia! I felt a lot like you did in the early postpartum time after baby #1. There are a lot of body changes to get used to! But trust me, in time, your body will change so much and you will feel so much better about it. You may never go back to "normal" and may always mourn certain things but with time you'll find a new normal that will help you feel at home with your body again. Good luck mama!

[soulsistah]

I wish I could upload my pregnancy picture we call "The Fire" :af to my pics page... My tummy during pregnancy looked like it was on fire from the cooch to up past my navel! Now I have a pile? (for lack of a better term) of flabby skin with "tiger scars" under my sinking in belly button :irked: .
When I was a teenager up until I birthed my son I was one of those women who wore the belly out shirts, low rise jeans, floor length skirts with the waist line sitting well below my hips....hee hee hee :LOL
Well I saw my momma's tummy from having us 4 kids and I knew: When I start having babies that time in my life is OVA! The women in our family just have very poor elasticity (sp?) We are overall beanpoles but if we gain 10+ lbs the skin is not going back! Momma, Grandma, even Great-Grandma.
So now I wear fitted long boybeaters with a fitted half shirt with my low slung jeans and skirts!!! :LOL When babies give you saggy skin and Tiger Scars, you fight back! lol Get you some fitted long baby tee's, tanks and keep on truck'n. :wink :love :love


(Maybe TMI but VERY helpful to a 20 something who was having the "I'm not sexy anymore" feelings :heartbeat ...I love dressing up for those *ahem* special moments. My corsets, white, pink, red, black, lace, zippered, leather, etc.!!! Are "ab"solutely FABULOUS!! Sexy up what I don't love but have accepted about myself and "serve up" what I do! lol :love :love :love )

[massagemom]

i have had a hard time coming to terms with my stretch marks too, but something that helps me to feel better is to take really good care of my skin.

might sound weird, but i have some really nice, awesome smelling lotion and also make natural body scrubs and soap. i take about 60 seconds (or longer if i have the time!) after a shower to pay extra attention to the areas that have stretch marks, give myself a massage. it's a bit of "self love" that goes a long way towards body acceptance, at least for me.

[lesley&grace]

My skin care regime began at 14 when I started to wear small amounts of make-up my mom took me and showed me how to properly care for my skin (if I was gonna wear make-up, I was in for the entire wash and moisturise routine. I rarely wear make-up now, but my care routine is practically religious!), I have always moisturized from head to toe.

During pregnancy I coated my belly from the moment I found out I was carrying a baby in a lovely scented cocoa butter formula (called Belly Butter no less!) I went through several bottles, I was very liberal with it. As you all know, I have stretch marks anyway, but I like to think that they would have been much worse if I hadn't coated myself in the intensive moisturizer.

I know from experience that the marks will fade, and I thank you ladies for your experiences.

Oh, someone had mentioned tattoos on the belly. My friend had a shamrock on her belly, and we took pics of it at the beginning of her pregnancy and just before she gave birth...too bad we didn't measure it because we couldn't quite tell if it had changed :LOL . However, a few weeks after her baby boy was born, she noticed that her one and only stretch mark...was a thin line through her tattoo! :wink

[orangefoot]

It is so true that it takes so many months to grow a baby and it takes as long if not longer to adjust to your new state, mentally and physically. Life and your body wil never be the same again.

Maybe the more wholesome we appear the less weare supposed to worry about these things for fear of comparing ourselves with the airbrushed super models and fake people on tv.

It took me a long time to look and see what had happened down there and I had very careful and sympathetic midwives. I spent months not liking looking at my belly when it slid towards the bed if I lay on my side. I sewed new trousers to accommodate my breasfeeding reserves on my hips and avoid the feeling of despair as I failed to be able to pull my trousers up or if I did couldn't hide the mushrooming me above the waistband!

Through all of this - and still, my husband stroked me, snuggled me and made me feel loved. He *likes* my stretch marks because he says they feel silky (he has a childhood thing for pleating ribbons or tafetta blanket edging between his fingers - its cheaper than other addictions!) I had stretch marks from my first two children when I met him and he didn't seem worried. I am a petite 5' 0" so there wasn't much room and I am just amazed that my belly skin could stretch so far and not fall to pieces, not once but 3 TIMES. Wow.

Like soulsistah says I have some gorgeous cami tops with matching boy shorts which keep everything where I want it and hide what I want to (not enough cleavage for a corset but that's another story) and make me feel............you know.

Its like being the gawky teenager, it takes a while to get to know how to make the best of what you've got!

Hang on in there mamas, the feeling of 'ripped up' will smooth to a new you and in the meantime don't hide yourself awayfind something special or just some everyday wear to make you feel and look good (even if it is from a thrift store!)

[starbarrett]

My husband took to calling my stretch marks my "tiger stripes" during my first pregnancy. I thought it was very sweet, but thought it was a little over the top.

But then I had dd. I birthed her after a 45 hr unmedicated labor. I nursed her on demand-- which for several months in the begining was every 20min. I woke up with her every 45 minutes at night during a miserable sleep period between 4 & 8 months. I have comforted her through many teeth and several colds. I play with her, I feed her, I teach her. I am a mother and I love it. And I have earned those stripes.

Don't be afraid to give yourself some credit.