Is anyone else debating whether to learn baby's sex?

[MamaMarlen]

My sweet husband and I are talking about whether and when to find out the baby's sex. The day before our u/s, I realized I didn't feel ready to know, and therefore, so far, we're keeping it a "surprise." My husband would like to learn, to begin the bonding, etc., tho he's being SO great about telling me it's up to me, and says whatever I decide is okay.

The potential of finding out is making me realize I think I'd been wanting/expecting we'd have a girl--but the poss. that it's a boy sort of has me anxious. Like, I have one older sister and no brother, and so I feel more insecurities about mothering a boy somehow.

But then my "higher self" knows so surely that in many ways it really doesn't matter, that we'll be parenting a PERSON either way...and then I get upset with myself for my differing feelings.

Part of me says: FIND OUT--quit worrying! Another part of me says: LET IT GO--focus on growing and raising a child, give the wee one 9-months of being a PERSON-in-formation, and ignore the sex question as long as possible.

Is anyone else--or HAS anyone else--going/gone through inner angst around these questions?

Thanks so much--I need to hear from moms-to-be and new moms...not so much for advice, since I know only me and my :throb can decide; I'd just love to hear your experiences with this...

Healthy mom-and-baby wishes to all of us!

[3 Little Monkeys]

going through this right now. Dh wants to find out - because he's convinced we are having another girl - I don't want to find out this time. My reason is that this is definitely my last, I found out with all three girls and I really want it to be a surprise this time. He says he'll find out at the u/s but won't tell me - I'm not faced with the u/s yet though so I don't know what I'll actually do when we get there.

[sewingbarbj]

With our first two we didn't find out.
This one we have the option and after much debate we are thinking we might find out. I want to make some gender specific items this time and with 2 girls already, I am actually stressed about the possibility of having a boy.
I have nothing for a boy :LOL

[danav]

Well, we chose not to find out with our first two, and I thought it was really cool to wait and be surprised. I was desperately hoping for a girl the first time! When the baby was born, I pulled her up onto my belly and DH and I just sat there in awe for what seemed like forever (probably just a few minutes) until someone in the room (I think it was my sister) said "WELL? What is it?!" It hadn't even occurred to us to look until then!! Of course I was thrilled when we saw she is a girl.

The second time I was convinced it was another girl and had even bought some girl clothes...when Noah came out I was stunned for a moment, but then I couldn't imagine him NOT being a boy and it felt perfect. No disappointment at all - I was thrilled to have one of each!

This time, for some reason, I could hardly stand waiting to find out and was dying to know what sex this baby is...we wanted to find out for Jenna's sake as well, because she was so convinced it was a baby sister that I wanted her to have time to adjust if it turned out to be a boy...which he did! But SHE handled it better than me - she is thrilled and was not the least bit upset when we found out. I actually felt a twinge of disappointment because yet again, I was thinking "girl" as well. But I'm over it now, of course, and happy to be having another baby boy. In a small way, it does feel slightly disappointing to already know and be telling people...almost like now they know so they won't really care when we call and tell them the baby is here (irrational, I know!). But overall I'm glad we found out - I'm having fun shopping for a boy and althought it feels weird, it's nice to be able to refer to him as "him" and "he" instead of "it". LOL

So essentially, I've done it both ways and don't really know which way I prefer over the other...it is loads of fun to wait and wonder (and keep everyone else guessing as well!), but it's also fun to know ahead of time and begin identifying with the baby a little more and not have to get all gender-neutral stuff. As far as wanting one sex over the other, obviously I can sympathize there but I want to assure you that once your baby is here you won't be able to imagine him or her being any other way and you honestly won't care if it's the opposite sex of what you thought you wanted. Don't feel guilty about that!! I think it's totally natural. I had always wanted one of each, but when I was pg the second time I suddenly wanted another girl, mainly because that's what I already "knew" and was familiar with. It certainly didn't diminish my love and happiness for my son when he was born.

:hugs

[Mytwokids]

Edited for duplicate post. Whoops!

[Mytwokids]

Dana - We have the exact same age/sex kids. My dd is 5 (2/13/00), my ds is 3 (6/2/02) and expecting a boy Feb 2! Crazy. Dd took the news of baby being a boy a little hard. She was upset for about 5 minutes but now is happy as can be and suggesting names. Her latest was Gary?!?!? Where that came from I have NO idea.

Micky

[danav]

Yeah, during the ultrasound Jenna exclaimed "I know what would be a GREAT name for a baby brother - JACK!" Which I think is a cute name, but have no idea where it came from - we'd already picked Ian for a boy!

So MamaMarlen - do you still have the option of finding out if you want to? Did the OB put it in the chart after your ultrasound and just not tell you? What do you think you'll end up doing??

[EllasMama]

We didn't find out for #1 and didn't find out for this one, either. I really like the wait-to-know aspect b/c there are so few real surprises in life. And that way I keep my mind open for the possibility of either gender, which I think is kind of a treat in and of itself. Whenever I go to stores that sell baby clothes I look at the boy stuff and think "awwww" and then the girl stuff and think "awwww." The moment I found out I had birthed a little girl was honestly the most exciting single moment of my life, but the moments BEFORE that (we were with midwives who didn't bark out the sex first thing, so we didn't look for a couple minutes) were so amazing. I didn't care whether it was a boy or girl, I just saw the most precious being I'd ever seen and loved that little baby for itself. Not to say I wasn't thrilled to discover she was a girl, but those moments of just having a new baby and honestly not caring about anything else were amazing.

As for bonding more once your DH knows the gender, I might worry that he might "bond" more with one gender over the other if he knew the sex. Of course I don't know your DH, but I think that if I'd known DD was going to be a girl, my in utero relationship might have been different with her. I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know.

Plus once you know the gender, esp. with first babies, if you tell other people you'll get nothing but blue gifts with footballs on them or pink things with bows. Gag! Our not finding out forced gift-givers and us to seek out the cute yellow, green, and white clothes. I liked that our infant daughter didn't look like a walking advertisement for gender differences. (Of course now she only wants to wear pink and purple, but that's at least her choice, not ours, LOL.)

I don't think there is a "wrong" answer, just important that you follow your heart and do what's right for YOU. And this may not be a popular thing to say with the dads out there, but if the mom wants one thing and the dad wants another, well, I say the mom has veto authority. You, after all, are the one growing the baby in your body, so IMO you (and I) should have the final say! :D

Carol