morbid worry

[mommaJ]

Anyone else have no suitable guardians lined-up "just in case"?? Such a heartwrenching thought, something happening to both me and DH, but even so much more because we do not have ONE SINGLE option for guardians for dd. There is just NO ONE we know who practices GD and would open their hearts and minds to raising her. It makes me ill. I worry about this all the time because I feel like we should "have a plan," but it seems we have no options. Us not naming anyone would guarantee she would go to my mom and I really don't want that.

Anyone in the same boat? :(

[ankh]

I've been thinking about this one for a while, I have a girlfriend back in Canada who agrees on the way we want to raise our kids, she owns her own business, has just had her second baby and has a crazy life, not much money etc...I started to realise it would add such stress to her life I wondered if it was the right thing to do.

My other option was my parents back in England. Financially it would be great, they would almost follow the way we raise them...it's a tough one, I still don't know. Nothing is written down as yet, but they are my only options.

I really think we will never find anyone who will do it exactly the way we wanted, but if they are loved and safe, I can live with that.

[mama2oneplustwins]

I faced the same problem when I made my will. My parents are older and would not be up to raising 3 boys and neither of my sibs have the same parenting values that I do but I knew I should choose someone. I spent many nights worrying and going over the pro & cons before deciding on my sister. While we don't always agree on parenting styles I know that she loves my boys and would make them welcome in her family. I am actually closer to my brother but he is one of those parents who's kids can do no wrong and I could see that even though he loves my boys and is a wonderful uncle my kids would always be second to his where I am pretty sure that in my sisters family my boys would "be" hers KWIM?

HTH some, I know what a hard issue this is.

[USAmma]

Yeah. Our guardians for our kids are in India. Dh's sister and BIL. While they are young, have energy, and would provide well for them, the whole extended family is pretty dysfunctional. I have concerns about that. However no family is perfect and I know that they would be very much loved and wanted.

We have two people locally who would be their guardians until they were able to go to India. One is not related to us but I feel the best about her vs. blood relatives.

[chersolly]

We're in the same boat.

No one is worthy of DD's guardianship in our family. :o I guess I just have to become a Highlander and never die.

[velochic]

We're in the same boat as USAmma - we would want dh's sister raise her and they are in Turkey. I know it would seriously break my family's heart because they'd never see dd ever again, but really, I'm more concerned about dd's upbringing that their feelings. That may be harsh, but it's how it is for us.

[the2amigos]

As a hospice nurse I don't see this as morbid at all!! We had a will drawn up for that same reason shortly before I had DS. The worst would be to have nothing in writing, family arguing over kids and a custody battle after you and your DP are gone....wouldn't that be disgusting?!?

[grahamsmom98]

Just curious. Have those of you that HAVE decided on guardians made financial arrangements for them to raise your child(ren)?

We have chosen my best friend to take our son should something happen to both of us. She is terrific. She and her dh have two children that ds knows and likes. They raise their children pretty much the same way we do, though not as AP as us. But, the family is filled with love and is very kid-oriented. She knows our feelings on vaccination (and ds's medical history) so he would never be vaxxed. She, too, is a sahm and has homeschooled her older child. She would homeschool our son.

We have stated in our will that they are to receive a very large sum of cash for agreeing to be our ds guardian (they do not know about this money, and will not until the will is read). It is our way of continuing to say thank-you to them for this important agreement after we are gone.

We have set-up a trust for ds, as well. It will pay for all his expenses, including college, wherever he chooses. That way, there is no financial hardship on our friend's family. They will be able to focus on his being a member of their family, not an extra they have to figure into their budget.

The only downside of this is they live back east in NJ, so ds would be leaving the only area he has lived. However, she has family in Montana and has been pushing her husband to move out west, so who knows what will happen.

My friend has even said my Mom could come live with them (ds is closer to my Mom than any other family member) for as long as she wants! THAT is friendship!!

[sweetest]

Anyone else have no suitable guardians lined-up "just in case"?? Such a heartwrenching thought, something happening to both me and DH, but even so much more because we do not have ONE SINGLE option for guardians for dd. There is just NO ONE we know who practices GD and would open their hearts and minds to raising her. It makes me ill. I worry about this all the time because I feel like we should "have a plan," but it seems we have no options. Us not naming anyone would guarantee she would go to my mom and I really don't want that.

Anyone in the same boat? :(


We are in the same boat - dh and my parents are older and couldnt care for dd. Dh has a brother with 3 kids already and they spank, etc. My sis is a great mom to her dd, but shes broke and my brother is still a college kid. So the only choice is really dhs brother. But I am so uncomfortable with that option that I have been reluctant to formalize it. I keep hoping my sis will get her act toghter.

This is actually a sore spot for me and dh. He gets a bit defensive of his brother when I say I dont want dd raised that way (SIL also belongs to a religion I stronly disagree with and I dont want dd exposed to that either). I have a step brother that I have thought of making the guardian, but again, dh gets defensive about his brother. Ugh. It just breaks my heart to think of dd being raised in a house with yelling, spanking and an oppresive religion. :bawl

[newmommy]

Just curious. Have those of you that HAVE decided on guardians made financial arrangements for them to raise your child(ren)?

Yes. DH and I (each) have a good amount of life insurance to help with the raising of DS. I probably should...but I don't include Social Security's Survivor's Death Benefit which I believe the Guardian would receive a check and the Child would receive a check.

But I know the state of SS...so I won't count it financially.

Re: The Guardians...I have my AILaw as Primary and my SIL as Alternative. But I keep waivering on these choices.

I hate this problem. Everyone else in my family is on drugs and if they "smelled" that DS came with alot of cash... :(

[Divina]

We have finally decided on a couple we are close friends with. The mom went to high school with DH. They are not quite as AP as we are, but are loving and wonderful folks, and are "AP enough". They live near us, so our boys wouldn't have to go to a strange part of the country, and would still be near DH's family. Now we have to get it in writing! And we do plan to have them be financially compensated in some way for taking on our kids, if they need to.

[mommaJ]

We have some friends who have two girls and are wonderful parents and we've considered asking them, but they are already named as guardians for their nieces should something happen. So I feel like its too much to ask of them. Is it? Also, they live in the same town as my family which can be a good thing because my family could still see DD. However, on the flip side, it would be like they have to be involved with my family all the time which frankly wouldn't be all that fun for them. I REALLY do not know what to do.

My little sister is the only stable person in my family and is only 19. I keep thinking that in a few years maybe I could ask her, but that seems awfully young. Plus, I need a plan sooner. Its probably my greatest worry.

Glad to have some company here. :heartbeat

[rainbowmoon]

this is definitly not morbid. it's reality in the event of you & your DH/SO deaths.

I am personally wishing I had listened to these types of fears that have crept into my brain the last few years. :innocent