How to shift parenting styles?

[burritomama]

My sister (the almost single parent of a 5-year-old girl) is ready to make a shift in parenting styles but is worried that it's "too late" - her little one, at 5, has already adopted many poor habits - mostly due to the lack of stability in their lives so far.

How can I help my sister and my niece begin to make the change? What can I tell her? advise her?

She is serious about embraceing a more thoughtful model of parenting but skeptical about the possibility of success....

TIA!

(I hope this makes sense!)

[j924]

I would tell her to take baby steps. A lot is going on in her life right now. To do a complete overhaul will just stress her out. Pick one aspect of her parenting that she would like to change(yelling, lack of respect etc.) and work on that first. Then move slowly. It took her five years to get where she is as a parent. It will take time and practice. Tell her to lean on you and of course it is never to late. Also the book list stickers have some amazing titles to help just about every level of parenting. Good Luck.

[burritomama]

Thanks!

I like the notion of baby steps - I think she will too.

I'll check out the titles too. (I forgot!!!)

I think she is also looking for strategies of more directly involving/engaging her daughter in the shift too....

[Katwoman]

This is a perfect opportunity for your neice to learn about self improvement. Most humans aren't the same person from beginning to end. Improvement and change are just part of what makes us interesting. :D You're sister can just talk and talk about what's going on in their lives. She can tell your neice that she thinks x really isn't working for them as a family and now she wants to try y. That means the neice will be responsible for z. Then remind the neice that things don't change over night, but they are working on it as a team and things are going to change. I think it's wonderful that your neice will have a role model for always making her life better and not settle for something just because "it's always been done like that". She can also ask your neice is there is something your neice would like to do now. (I realize she's only 5, so I'm not saying your neice should identify a self improvement type of change. But I was thinking maybe the neice eats oatmeal every day for breakfast, but would really like the sugar cereal instead. Then your sister could say, well oatmeal is good for us, but a treat once a week or once every other week wouldn't hurt either. Then the daughter would be engaged in making changes in there life. Does that make sense?)

[burritomama]

You gals are great - thanks - I'll keep you posted.

[MsChatsAlot]

Parenting is a day to day (even minute to minute) thing. She can change at any time and it will have a positive impact on her child's life.

I agree to take things slowly and encourage her to be patient. I believe it takes about 21 days to form a new habit, so she needs to keep doing things over and over before it will become natural for her.

I would suggest being positive and finding ways that she is succeeding. Most of us arre critical of ourselves and if she's feeling discouraged she will be less likely to stay on track. If she feels like someone is noticing and seeing change in a positive ways and acknowledging her, it will help boost her confidence and self-esteem.