Midwife Crisis

[~lioneyes~]

Hi mamas~
Warning, this is long.I just need to vent a little.

When I went out to look for a midwife, I interviewed the few that were available for my hospital. I decided on one group of three midwives. They said all the right things, and the one I met with seemed nice. I have had visits with two of the three now, and have not been impressed. One of them lacks a personality, and neither of them asked me how I was feeling, or really anything about my pregancy. The other one was very short with me, and when I mentioned not having goop put in my newborn's eyes, she kinda glared at me, then said "well it is state law". I said I knew, but would sign a waiver. She also looked at her chart and said (not in a warm tone), "hhmmm, it says you have had pretty bad ms, has it gone away?" I said it was better, but I was still throwing up 3-4 times a week. She said I couldn't be very sick, because I have gained four pounds in two months. They gave me the impression that they were intervetion free, and would not have a problem with our choices. Wrong!

Then, an internet buddy, and doula turned homebirth midwife, gave me some info about them. Here is some of the stuff she said, and she described them exactly as I was seeing them.

"I've been to a couple of births with (mw#1) and I can't say that I have anything good to say about her (sorry). I've seen her do several things without the mom's permission that I thought were really bad (broke a woman's water during a vaginal exam wi! thout telling the mom, interventive, and just kind of having a grumpy bedside manner). I had several moms that were really disappointed in the support that (mw#1) gave them after the birth. I've never met (mw#2) before, but I've never heard anybody say that they like her, "cold fish" was how one mama described her. I can't remember if it was her or (mw#1), but I was talking to a woman last year who had them and when she started pushing (she was kneeling on the floor) they tried to force her up to the bed and she got really angry with them and didn't budge and had her baby on the floor :)"

This is my first baby, but I think I should be getting more nurturing care than this, even from a medwife. I was almost feeling like I should have gone to an OB(which I am totally not in to). Now I am trying to find someone else, but so far I have only found them, and one other group of brand new outa school CNMs. I didn't care for them either. I'm very sad, because I thought I would be taken care of, and I just don't feel like I have been. If my care has been this bad during pregnancy, what would my birth be like?!

[crittersmom]

:hug That does sound tough.I really don't want to give birth with the people I'm going to end up with either.I have to have a hospital birth (unless I have an oops.) and the vibes I get aren't that great either.It doesn't help that every time I've brought it up with some of my friends who either work at the hospital or are due in the upcoming months I get, well they just remodedled the L&D ward" as if some paint and wood wrok is going to make my birth better.
I hoep that you hear about some great MW through the grapevine.

[Sleepymama]

You know, I had a similar situation with my first baby. I was in a big OB-CNM practice, and my first appointment I met one of the MWs and I loved her. Well, I never saw her again!!! One of the MWs was awful, and guess who I had for most of my appointments AND for the birth? Yeah. My doc was kinda flaky and wasn't even on call for the birth, and I had never met the other doc who did attend the birth.

So, my advice? Get someone else. Can you go to a different hospital? At the time I just wasn't confident enough to interview around to find someone better, and I didn't realize how much of a difference trusting my birth attendants would make.

[charmcitymama]

Your mifwives sound like the first OB I went to see with my first preg. that made me choose to have a MW.
I hope you can find someone new that works for you.

[~lioneyes~]

Thanks for the replies ladies. I just met with the woman who I think will be my doula. After hearing my story, and talking to me about my birth choices, she asked if I had considered homebirth. Well, I had always thought I would have a homebirth, until I got pregnant. When I thought back to why I chose to go with the hospital, it was because I was afraid insurance wouldn't cover a homebirth, and I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford it. I have found a recommended midwife at a hospital about 20min. away. I am looking into that, but I'm also going to see if the homebirth midwife I would have chosen can be flexible about payments, and how much it will cost. We will see!

[Boobiemama]

THat sucks. Sounds like you really need to look around.
Unfortunately, just because they are called midwives doesnt mean they are like a real midwife. I LOVE my male OB. I saw him my last pregnancy too, and he spends time just talking to me during visits. He delivers at a freestanding birth center and is very hands off. he did nothing to me except catch my baby as he popped out into the water of the birth tub!