I'm having my 4th miscarriage

[mama4gals]

I'm having my 4th miscarriage. It seems so unbelievable. I've had 5 completely normal pregnancies resulting in perfect babies (my first I gave up for adoption many years ago). Then I had my 1st mc at age 38 (13 wks), 2nd at age 40 (6 wks), 3rd at age 41 (very early), and now my 4th at age 41 also (6 wks). My midwife has no idea why; possible explanations: my age, number of pregnancies, older husband (50's) who is on a lot of medication for his heart irregularity. The first 2 mc's I was nursing, but my youngest is almost 4 and has been weaned since she turned 3. My midwife insists that the internal exam I had last Thursday had nothing to do with it, but I started spotting right after that and it just kept increasing, so I seriously wonder if that was it. Could kick myself for allowing it, but my sister says if the exam caused it, it was a very fragile pregnancy that would have ended in mc anyway. Don't know what to believe. I was so excited about this baby. What a miracle to be expecting again at my age. I wanted another baby so much, and I was really open to whatever came. I was willing to be open to the chance of a loss, just to have the chance at another precious baby. And since the bleeding started, I have been giving myself some serious talking to. I had a very full life before this, and I will after this. My oldest is going to graduate from hs this spring, and there are colleges to visit, etc. My next one is about to be a teenager, the next is entering puberty, and my youngest is an extremely smart and high spirited almost 4 yr old. While very welcome, a pregnancy and a new baby would have been a great stress. And I've been telling myself that I'm so grateful to be losing this one early. My 1st mc was later, and I bled so profusely that I had to go to the hospital, and I was afraid I would die. Life goes on, doesn't it? And we have to accept and embrace it, joys and sorrows. It's weird, I feel so sad about this loss, but not depressed (yet, at least). I hope I'm not too old. I hope I can still have another baby.

Have any of you ladies had multiple mc's after multiple healthy babies? Any feedback would be great.

[JBaxter]

Liz I am sorry to hear about your m/c. I am 38 and had my 2nd m/c in June. My 1st m/c was in 1990 ( my first pregnancy) then I had 3 happy healthy boys 14, 11, amost 2. I was really shocked by my last m/c . BUT I was really busy that week and it helped ( I started m/c the day my 2nd was having his tonsils out w/ d&c the next day) I have a great OB and he gave me statictics that shocked me. 17% of all pregnancy end in m/c but as we get to "advanced maternal age" the rate is more like 25%. That is with each pregnancy. We are ttc again. If you are able to get pregnant that quickly that says things are still working. :hug Good luck if you decide to ttc again.

[JennInSeattle]

I have had multiple m/c's but only one child. I am young (26), my husband is young (29) so age may be a factor with yours but it may not as well. :) We've done some testing without any understanding of what has caused so many m/c's.

For me I reconcile what happens partially with the scriptures Psalm 139:16 and Job 14:5.

They say:
Your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb. All the days ordained for me were recorded in your scroll before one of them came into existence.

Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.

The Lord has decided how many days we'll live and we can't exceed His number no matter what we do. If the Lord had decided before she was even conceived that she would live for 3 weeks inside you then whether you had an internal wouldn't have made the difference - he would have taken her anyway. There's comfort in knowing where she rests.

I'm sorry, I don't know why she's a girl to me but I can't shake that! lol Anyway, I don't know if I've helped or not but I wanted to share what's been helping me. :hug

[mama4gals]

thanks Jeana & Jenn! The bleeding hasn't been too bad, just like a heavy period, and the backache has been manageable with ibuprofen. I'm so grateful the physical part isn't horrible like it was with my first mc. I've been through so many, I feel like this is something I know how to do now. I see a pattern here. When I am going through a mc, God wraps a protective arm around me, shielding me from the intense pain, helping me to look on the positive side, and to see that life will go on. Then, weeks later, when I am stronger physically and emotionally, I'll sit and weep, grieving the precious life gone. It seems to be God's way of protecting me from depression, which I am terribly afraid of, because it makes me feel so hopeless. And this strength which God gives me in the beginning helps soften the blow for my husband and children. Much as I hate to admit it, the mother sets the tone for the attitude of the family. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! And my husband and children seem to draw strength from my calm attitude, and they can accept the loss. My husband worries about me, whether I'll be okay, and right now, I know I will be, not by my own strength, but with God's strength. And weeks from now, when I'm sitting alone crying my heart out over this latest lost baby, I'll still know it'll all be okay in the end.

[KYCat]

Liz,
:hug
I'm so sorry that you're going throught this. Please know that we are thinking of you now as you are calm and we will be here when you are not doing so well too. :(
Take care of yourself and God bless,
Cathy

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

Oh mama...I am so sorry. Holding you close to my heart. You are in my thoughts...

:hug

[mama4gals]

It's been 2 wks, and the bleeding is over, and I'm getting back to "normal". At my request, my midwife sent me to a genetic counselor. It was a little bit weird at first. She works in an ob/gyn office, and they put me in the u/s rm and told me to lay down, pull up my shirt and pull down my skirt. I asked what they were planning to do. She said, "why, an u/s to see your baby", and I said that I'd miscarried a week ago. She asked why I was there, and I told her that my midwife sent me to talk to someone about why I'd had 4 mc's in a row. She said, "Oh, wait here just a minute." Then she came back, had me wait in the waiting rm again, and then I saw the genetic counselor. She couldn't have been nicer or of more help. She spent an hour and a half with me, asking questions and giving information. She showed me charts and statistics, etc. It's amazing how dramatically the chance of chromosomal abnormalities goes up as we women get older. She showed me how when the abnormalities affects the smaller sets of chromosomes, Down Syndrome and other problems occur, but when the abnorm. affect the larger chrom. the body just rejects the pregnancy because the defects are major. And we talked about my husband's medications, and with the exception of one with which she was not familiar, she said they would be unlikely to result in defective sperm. She said she would research the other and let me know what she found. She asked how far in testing I was willing to go. I told her that I wasn't really interested in testing. I just want to know if there is some reason that I should make sure I don't get pregnant again. My husband and I are Catholic, and we are open to any children God gives us, but if there is no way I can carry another baby, I want to know so that I can avoid pregnancy. She understood this, and didn't seem surprised or offended that a 41 yr old woman with 4 kids wanted more. (I know my signature says I'm 42; I was having a senior moment that day and forgot that I'm still 41, til November). Anyhoo, I know this has been long, but it's all to say I felt much better after talking with her. I had a 6 month old very demanding nursing baby when I got pregnant with what was to be my 1st mc at 13 wks. My body could have been really stressed and I was probably somewhat dehydrated. My 2nd mc (8wks) I was still nursing, and I always wondered if that had anything to do with it (maybe not for normal pregnancies but for ones that are already iffy?). My 3rd mc was only a couple months afterwards, and super early, so maybe my body wasn't ready again. And this last one might just have been because of my age. I was in better shape than before (getting exercise daily, taking vitamins, body not stressed by nursing, etc). But it is true that so many pregnancies end up in mc, and the risk goes up with age. So there may not be any definitive answers, but I guess that's okay with me. It was a major difference for me this time that I was so grateful for the few short weeks I carried the baby. Even though it was not to last, I wouldn't give up the thrill and joy of knowing I had life in me again. I felt so young, and alive. And I'll take the chance again, if I get it. And I consider this attitude a gift from God. I certainly didn't get it on my own.

If you're still with me after this tome, thanks for listening. You all are a true source of strength to me.

Liz

[HoosierDiaperinMama]

:hugs

You're such a strong mama. God bless you. Take care! :hugs

[mama2four]

:hug mama its so hard. I had two healthy pregnancies and then 3 unexplained early misscariages, all around 6wks. They ran all sorts of tests and never found out why. I went on to have anther healthy baby, then a missed miscarriage. Then i had another healthy baby, which is one now. Its so hard mama, be gentle with yourself and take time to grieve.

[mama4gals]

Thank you mamas! You all are helping me to be strong!

Liz

[mama4gals]

Today it's been a month since this last m/c. I'm alive and well, wondering where AF is (it's always come back 3 wks after births or m/c's). Wondering if maybe I'm preggers again. It's totally in the Lord's hands. Just thought I'd check in here. My heart goes out to all you mamas who are going through m/c's right now. It does get better, I promise. I should know.

Liz

[mirlee]

:hug for you. You seem like a wonderful mom. I hope that you are blessed with another child if that is what you wish.

[minimunklemama]

hi,
I have no words of advice to offer,sorry,I just wanted to send you a :hug
I am so sorry for your losses,

[JennInSeattle]

I read your updates, your words are encouraging. I read what you said on the other thread to (to me) and I was really suprised but had no idea how to respond because these words aren't my own (I now know you know what I mean).

Anyway - af has taken anywhere between 28-38 days for me to return in my 4 back to back m/c's. 4 of us are testing this weekend on the support for those ttc after a loss on the pg after m/c board if you'd like to join us. :throb

[pumpkinseed]

Just wanted to say that I read your posts and that you sound like an incredibly strong woman. The fact that you can embrace so much comfort from God...your faith is beautiful and inspiring :hug

[Naughty Dingo]

Mama, I wish you the best. Thank you for posting your updates. They have been helpful to me during my own sad time.

Sending love, ND

[mama4gals]

Thank you all for your support. It's a mutual thing here. You know, with the first 3 m/c's I felt so alone. The only person who really understood me and gave me constant emotional support was my sister who lives in MD. She has 10 children, and has had one stillbirth and 3 m/c's. But this time I've had so many "friends" who I've never met who know exactly what I'm going through and who are going through it with me. I've felt close to you all, and it has helped me to get through it with peace of mind. Thank you all for being here.

Liz