Help needed 2yo sleep getting worse + nighttime tantrums

[mamato2boys]

Add me to the list of moms at the end of their rope :( I'm looking for any advice anyone can give! Our 2yo has never been a "good" sleeper, but over time we have worked with him to establish a fairly good pattern that seemed to be working for all of us. For the last 6 mos or so he has begun his night in a twin bed next to ours. He would wake 2-5x a night and would usually fall back asleep while we cuddled (in our bed or his) Then usually around 4-5AM he would join us if not already with us and breastfeed pretty much continuously until we woke at 6:30. It wasn't the greatest for me, I've been tired for the last 2 years, but it's been manageable and I knew it was what he needed to do. In the past 10 days or so he has followed this pattern 1x. The other nights have been filled with multiple wakings (at least 10x last night!) He wakes screaming, kicking and yelling, much like a temper tantrum. If I try to cuddle with him he kicks/hits and tells me NO! As soon as I back away though he starts shrieking, and yelling for me. He'll get out of bed, trying to open the door to get out of the room, throw himself onto the floor screaming for me again but as soon as I try to comfort him with words or touch he escalates again. This lasts for 10-20 mnutes each time until he falls asleep again wherever he is lying. I'm really at a loss. I can't think of anything in our life or environment that has changed recently that he would be stressed about.
It's not just the lack of sleep that is so draining. It bothers me to see him so upset, but also; at 3AM after several nights of this I get angry at him--and now I feel shameful for being angry with him. I realize how much he is struggling too, and I know that this is not purposeful behavior. And I feel so bad b/c while we don't believe in CIO that is what he is doing b/c he won't allow any closeness.


SO, thanks for reading about our saga---ANY advice or suggestions would be so much appreciated. I'm just dreading going to sleep tonight. :(

Thanks much!

[SleeplessMommy]

This is just FYI. Having our little guy in his OWN BED, OWN ROOM has helped a whole lot. More sleep for Mommy!

Long story short, here is what works for us:
* Bedtime "routine" was established - by daddy, since we were night weaning at the same time. Routine is brush teeth, potty, put on jim-jams, say good night to (various relatives, elephant etc). Pick 2 books and daddy reads them. Then, lights out and daddy sings the "special song". Mommy has a different "special song"
* Use the powers of suggestion - "we had a long day, we did a lot of fun things, now we are tired" Don't be afraid to yawn. :- ) " I feel sleepy"
* I tell stories about his 2 attatchment objects, and the fun things they do. (Trains, bulldozer, etc.) The stories start out interesting, but then are repetitive and very boring! They don't ever end. If he cries, he can't hear the story.
* Because of hopping, jumping, and almost climbing out of the crib, we got a "big" toddler bed. The success of the "toddler bed" has been due to lots of marketing. We made a big deal of the trip to Ikea to pick out the bed (and a tent to go over it) Assembled it in front of him. Reinforced the message "you are a big boy to sleep in the toddler bed." He places his stickers (potty training rewards) on the bed frame.
* "If you sleep in the big (parents) bed, ____ (stuffed animal) will miss you. " This has been a surprizingly stong arguement!
* All good behavior is reinforced with lots of praise.

Best regards, sleepless mommy

[SleeplessMommy]

Another thing... is he having nightmares? My little guy is a good talker now, so when he cries/tantrums we ask him "what is wrong?" and he needs to answer with words to get results.

If you use a really soft voice, maybe he will eventually be calm to hear what you are saying.

When he is old enough to talk on the phone, maybe he can call grandma? (yess, I know this will be tough at 3 am)

.. best regards.

[IncaMama]

my DS went through something very similar about 2 months ago. i really think he was having some pretty scary dreams and was just absolutely INCONSOLABLE. i mean NOTHING helped him. if i tried to nurse him he'd arch his back and slap me (not like him at all - normally boobs are like liquid gold to him! LOL) and it was AWFUL. honestly, it lasted maybe about 2 weeks and then it just magically went away. i have NO idea why or what prompted the beginning OR end of it...*shrug* i wish i could offer something more concrete, but i guess my only advice is to just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing! *hug*

[merpk]

Hmmm. We had the opposite experience of SleeplessMommy and had, well, the opposite experience.

We did not have anybody in their own bed or own room. We were all in the same bed, meaning no side-cars, no twin-bed-next-to-ours, nothin'. Just large bed (futons pushed together on the floor, to be exact) and everybody in the bed together ... no expectations, etc. And if someone wakes up to nurse during the night, nobody else has to get up or move anywhere, they just crawl over to me and nurse. Often I'm only up long enough to get the shirt open.

Sometimes maybe less planning works best ...

??

Maybe.

[merpk]

Will add agreement, though, to the nightmares posts ... with each of our kids we went through a bad dreams stage, where they'd wake up or sleep poorly and fuss a lot, somewhere in the 3yo range, give or take some months ... the only solution at that point was to turn off the TV in the daytime and go TV free. That worked. And also with nightmares I found that actually waking them up fully and then nursing back to sleep worked best, as opposed to just nursing them and getting them back into deeper sleep ... which just ended up with another bad dream, it seemed.

[mamato2boys]

So apparently I was worried about nothing; the last two nights he has been just fine. We've stepped up evening cuddling and BF and last night he slept until 2AM which is a great night for us, and then up only one more time before morning. He also developed a really bad cold; I wonder if maybe he was trying to fight that off or perhaps nightmares like you all suggested. He still seems a bit upset about the whole ordeal, before we lay down at night he says "no screaming at night" a gives me a big hug.

Thanks all