why do people say such things?!

[Danielsmom]

Hi all,
After being a mom of one, I should be desensitized to tactless comments...but I still find myself getting irritated/exasperated.

I went to a writing class tonight; it was the first class. We were all introducing ourselves and had to say a little bit about ourselves. I talked about how I was mom to 1 and expecting another in February, then joked how I must be crazy to do this at my age(I'm 40).

Then two of the moms in the class made a point of telling me, that, yes it is much more difficult to go from one to two than it is to go from zero to one. "But we can help you along the way with the transition."

I don't know why I get exasperated at these comments. Especially since they are true. Maybe part of me fears that I won't be able to deal or handle with the transition. But I would still not tell a mom, "it is tough going from one to two; you have a right to be worried."Because my point wasn't so much about going from 1 to 2 as it was doing the whole baby night waking routine at an older age.

Last week dh, ds and I were visiting with a neighbor and she was saying, "what if your second is a terror?" I didn't pay her much mind because her idea of a terror is a toddler running around and acting like a typical toddler. But I still thought it was obnoxious.

I saw someone else's post on getting rageful...and had to laugh, because that is how I feel sometimes. I have actually had to walk away a few times because I didn't want to start yelling at someone to SHUT UP in front of my son.

Anyone else...how do you deal with tactless comments? A few times I have spoken up and said I don't appreciate that comment or do you realize how obnoxious it is to give unsolicted advice...and people STILL don't get it!!!

I won't even go into the realm of unsolicited advice...which is another pet peeve of mine.

[Sleepymama]

I hate that too. I just don't say anything to people anymore--most people don't even know I'm pregnant!

And I have definitely heard from lots of people that going from 1-2 is easier than 0-1. I think it really depends on the baby's temperament, the situation, your transition to motherhood, etc.

But yes, SHUT UP! It's hard enough to get advice, but it's always mainstream advice too :(

[~lioneyes~]

I agree with the mainstream advise comment. The other day, my MIL said, "Oh, so your going to breastfeed?" I said yep. Then my step-FIL said, "You probably won't do it very long, most women quit right after having the baby." I was pretty mad about this! I said that many women don't have support, and some aren't truly committed to doing it. They think, oh well, if it doesn't work out, I'll use formula. I have had friends like this. I am devoted to breastfeeding-it would have to be a serious problem for me not to, even then, I would rather pump and use a bottle than feed formula! Just my opinion btw. :)

[EllasMama]

I think people get off on having done something already, and like to scare others who are facing it. Every age my daughter turns, someone with an older child seems to pop up and say, "Just wait till she's 3 (or 4 or 5...)." Umm, hello, can you see that I'm barely hanging on here? Why are you pooping on me even more by telling me it's only going to get worse?

I do think we should be way more honest about parenting in general, but in a compassionate way, not a competitive or scare-tactic one. Sorry this has been happening to you. Hang in there.

Carol

[EmMomof6]

Well, having had my share of rude comments about having a large family, homeschooling, breastfeeding toddlers, co sleeping/ attachment parenting, etc., etc., I can sympathize with you. I keep my mouth shut and come home and vent it to dh (or online to others who understand). It's hard not to get angry when people are so clueless. Just because their experience was a certain way they assume everyone else will feel the same way.

My experience was that going from 0 to 1 baby was much harder than having a 2nd baby. That had more to do because I had no clue what I was doing when I had my 1st, she was an extremely fussy, difficult baby. My 2nd (son) was an easy going baby. So it really has to do with the baby's personality and what kind of stresses the parents have in their lives at the time. Each of my children has a different personality, some are easier than others. Try not to let the comments from others bother you. Just enjoy your children! :)

[nikisager]

I think my most "unfavorite" comment is ..oh no, your pregnant again?.. since when did deciding to have families grow become a bad thing? We are pregnant with our 5th son and when we first told our families, that is all we heard.. ohno, and not again. Well, they dont have to worry, I am NOT contagios,lol.


Nicole..wahm to Donnie 12..Thomas 5..Joseph 4..Jacob who is in gods hands..and Hunter making an apearance in February :throb

[AndiG]

Ok, I'm really big on the "gee, do you know what's causing this?" question complete with a smart alecky grin.... :lol

Those who say going from one to two is harder than zero to one obviously had easy first babies IMHO. My first was a really really difficult infant and toddler. Our son (although he didn't sleep overnight until he was over a year) was a far far easier baby. Its got a lot to do with the innate temperment of the children and the parents. Dh is hardly ever irritated by our dd, where she can drive me bonkers in under 10 seconds. The reverse is true for our second child. Ds can make dh nutbar, where he really rarely pushes my buttons.

Unwanted advice and negative comments are EVERYWHERE. I think I'd like to get ear plugs. Whadaya think? should we do a group order?

[~lioneyes~]

I get comments about how I'd better "enjoy my life now, while I still can", and "having kids is so hard". I know it is a big life change, and it's not at all easy, but I will be 28 when I have this babe, and I feel I'm ready to start a new phase of my life. It's like people just can't be happy for you-they try to bring you down all the time. I have never done that to a mama to be!

[citizenfong]

Fortunately I seem to be in a lull. I'm working on my third, and my second UC, so I guess people pretty much figure I know what I'm doing. However, I fully expect that to change NEXT pregnancy when they realize, Oops! We made a mistake! She didn't *stop* having babies, so she must NOT know what she's doing! :lol

Though maybe I'll make it to number five before that happens. Though I *know* that's how my IL's will react. Shoot, they barely acknowledge *this* pregnancy...

[EllasMama]

I get comments about how I'd better "enjoy my life now, while I still can", and "having kids is so hard". I know it is a big life change, and it's not at all easy, but I will be 28 when I have this babe, and I feel I'm ready to start a new phase of my life. It's like people just can't be happy for you-they try to bring you down all the time. I have never done that to a mama to be!
Yeah, people love to say that. Also, "you'd better sleep while you can..." as if you can store it up or something. I mean, having kids IS hard, but what are you supposed to do, not have them (when you want them) just because it's hard? Having a child is the hardest thing I've ever done...but I'm having a second one, so obviously it's worth it to me even though I know pretty much what to expect. Many people's jobs are hard, graduate school is hard, marriage is hard, running a marathon is hard (so I imagine, never done it)...lots of challenging things are worth the effort! :D

Carol

[CajunMama]

I think people say things because they like to hear themselves talk :irked:

Lioneyes- I heard all of those too when I was preg with my 1st. I know I had a response, but I can't remember it. :lol My brain is continually in the "off" position these days.

My new favorite comment is " You look great for being pregnant with twins. " WTH???? So if I were pregnant with one, I would look like....what?

And my second fav is " WOW you really aren't that big-oh wait, yeah you are" :lol " You are due WHEN?" :eyes:

People get diarrhea of the mouth the minute they see a pregnant woman.

[3 Little Monkeys]

Ok, I'm really big on the "gee, do you know what's causing this?" question complete with a smart alecky grin.... :lol

This is #4 for us - I can't tell you how many times I've gotten this comment :irked:

Another one we get quite a bit is "you're having another one? Are you nuts?" That one really ticks me off

I guess after going through it as often as I have, I've gotten a pretty thick skin and have learned the art of shutting my ears off so I don't hear the stupidity spewing from people's mouths.