Do you have a doula already?

[charmcitymama]

If you are using one.
I am just starting to seriously look.
I want everything to be in place (in my mind) with this pregnancy before the holidays.

[danav]

Yeah, I do - she was one of my doulas for my second birth and I've asked her to be there for this one as well. I certainly don't think it's at all too early to be looking for one - you'll have time to get to know her and make sure it's a good match. I actually hired this woman (and her doula partner) two weeks before Noah's birth, when it became apparent that my sister was not going to make it from out of state (she's a doula/midwife). Thankfully it worked out well even though it was last minute! And thankfully she's available to work with me again this time. If she weren't, though, I would definitely be finding one very soon.

[boycrazy]

Oh yeah! I called Kerri when I was still in the first trimester :wink She was there for Garretts birth and she helped me choose my CNM too. She is always up to date on which docs in town to avoid...

[MAMom]

Yes, just hired her 2 weeks ago. I interviewed a whole bunch (didn't use one for my first birth & really regret it) and finally found the right one! Yipee! It will be her first homebirth doula-ing experience.

[charmedgirlies]

I do just in case dh isn't able to be home for the birth. I had her picked out before we even looked at health care providers.

[charmcitymama]

I did have a doula with my first but she was a nursing student doing it to get enough births witnessed and I had an epidural, so I didn't need her as much.

[maya's mommy]

I called the doula who was at my dd birth a couple of months ago. That was the one thing my dh insisted on do early on in this pregnancy, call the doula to be sure she could be at the birth.
I know someone else who is due a week after me who is also planning on using her and the doula is getting booked up for Feb. already.

Michelle

[3 Little Monkeys]

Ms. Doula from here will most likely be at my birth - if she can get someone to sit with her kids anyway. I didn't have one with my other three so if she doesn't make it, I'll be alright with it. Dh is a pretty good doula himself (just don't tell him I said so because apparantly it isn't macho :LOL)

[~lioneyes~]

I found the doula I want last week, but haven't hired her yet. I was going to have a hospital birth, but now I may be having a homebirth. Do you think I still need a doula at home. I mean the midwife won't come for quite a while into labor, right? What do you all think?

[Sleepymama]

I actually think that I am going to save my $$ for a postpartum doula instead. I feel that I have enough support for the birth (midwife, midwife assistant, AND student midwife!! plus DH) and feel that I could really use the help afterwards having someone around to do dishes and play with DS for a couple of weeks. I had a bad doula experience with my last birth and feel kind of hesitant about hiring another. I have had some recommendations and might change my mind, but right now I think I want to have a postpartum one instead. :shrug

[danav]

Chelsea - definitely get a doula for your homebirth! They are so worth it (provided you have a good one - sorry you had a bad experience, Sleepymama!).

[dane]

What was your bad doula experience, Sleepymama? If you don't mind my asking, I'm curious ... I haven't really felt the need to hire a labor doula (already love my doctor, feel comfortable with just her and the father and whatever nurse is in attendance), but could be talked into it or out of it, either way. What have people's experiences been with who they want in the room at the time?

[Sleepymama]

Well, it was probably my fault for not interviewing more, but then I hardly knew what I was looking for, as it was my first birth.

Anyway, I should have known something was amiss because she NEVER called me to check up before the birth. I had to keep calling her to remind her that my DD was near...and remind her that I was due around the holidays (Jan 1st). She actually did just fine during the labor, came when I asked, and was pretty helpful throughout especially at home, helping us decide when to go to the hospital. That was the part I was afraid of--I didn't want to go too early, and didn't know how to tell.

Anyway, I had really horrible back labor and she did help a lot with massage and stuff, but I ended up on constant monitoring at the hospital (on the birth ball at least!) because of PROM, and it kind of went downhill from there. She was a little miffed that I decided finally to get an epidural because the back labor was killing me, and later did say that she thought it was acceptable in some cases (like mine--the epi actually helped me progress faster because it helped me relax). But I felt like I was letter HER down and I should never have felt that way.

Anyway, the real problem was after the birth. My son was born with a severe heart defect (we didn't know before the birth) and when he was born he was very, very pale and grunting and blowing bubbles when he breathed. She asked if I could BF and they said no, they had to take him to the NICU for evaluation. She was miffed about that too. And then she just left. She said she had to go, and she left us there with no support even though it was in her contract to stay for a while after the birth. We were terrified, had no family there, and had no idea what was wrong with our baby or when we would see him. She said she would call the next day and she never did. She never called, even though it was also in her contract to come by a few days after to help with BF (she was a LC). She didn't even know whether we were still in the hospital or not. DH saw her in the supermarket a month or so later and explained what happened, because she didn't even ASK how we were doing or what even happened!!!

I should have written her a letter, and maybe still will as part of my recovery from that birth. At the time I didn't even realize how badly she treated us until I talked to other moms who had really attentive, helpful doulas, and then I realized what a crappy job she did. I don't know whether she freaked out, or what (she works as a doula in a county hospital and had seen TONS of traumatic births, so I can't imagine that was the problem). I'm sure she had attended longer labors too. She was with me for about 16 hours. Anyway, that was long, but I hope it helps someone!

[dane]

God, that so sucks! Both that your son had problems after birth and that she was so obviously sloppy about even doing the bare minimum of her job, much less going out of her way to help and comfort you. I guess every profession has crappy practitioners, but if there's one job you shouldn't cut corners on, it's helping someone bring their child into the world. And how dare she make you feel bad about having an epidural during YOUR labor? Sheesh. Anyway, I hope you're recovered from the experience now -- if it helps, maybe you should dash off a letter to her.

[MelissaEvans]

My doula wasn't as helpful as I wanted last time either. There were things that could have been done that may have prevented my c/sec and I kinda feel like she should have caught some of them and stood up for me a bit more - we did hire her for her expertise. But then, expecting her to defend us from an entire hospital wasn't very realistic either. I ran into her when DS was about 2 and we talked. I mentioned how I wish I had asked them to turn off the Pit, let me get into a good position (I was stuck in a semi-squat because there was meconium they wanted to suction; since learned suctioning at the perineum doesn't do any good), and tell the nurse to stop hurting me! (her "perineal massage" was incredibly painful - I realized when DS was 18mo old that you can push while tightening your Kegel muscle which I did for 3 hours while pushing - the biggest contributing factor that brought me to the section). But I said these things as things I should have done, and it's true. It was my birth and I need to take responsibility for it.

In any case, she's four states away and not an option, though I'm not sure I'd hire her again even if she was. This time, my chiro will be my doula. =) A friend who used her had a posterior baby and didn't even know it, there was no back labor. Hearing that, I was convinced; she was hired. =)

[danav]

Oh, yuck, Sleepymama! Sounds like that doula might be in the wrong profession...

Dane - my experience with doulas:

I had wonderful experiences with my doulas. For my first birth my sister was my doula, so that was a bit of a biased experience to begin with, but she did a great job as a doula nonetheless. She helped a lot with suggestion positions, used a bit of aromatherapy for nausea relief, did some massage, took great birth photos for me, helped me get off to a solid start with breastfeeding, wrote out a beautiful account of the birth for me, and took great notes that helped me a lot to fill in the blanks where my memory of labor was fuzzy. She stayed with me almost a week after the birth as well, helping out around the house.

She wasn't able to come to my second birth, so I hired a team of doulas at the last minute. I expected only one of them to come, but they both happened to be free the night I went into labor so they both came - two for one! They were a HUGE help to us - I had such terrible back labor because Noah was breech that between both doulas and DH, they were all able to give enough counter pressure to my hips and back to help relieve a lot of the pain. One of them is also a massage therapist, so she did some massage and pressure point pain relief techniques. They both helped with positioning when I started pushing, and both provided a ton of emotional and physical support. They both helped take pictures and wrote out the birth story from their perspective. They visited me and Noah in NICU (he spent his first 4 days there) and one of them had personal experience with having a NICU baby and was able to really help me get through that horrible time and work through my grieving over that.

All in all, I was SO thankful to have my doulas with me during my labors and births. DH was supportive, but his support is just not the same as another woman with experience can provide, IMO. It's great if you love your OB, but he won't be there except at the very end to catch the baby. You might get a great OB nurse, but then again you might get a terrible one - or even if you get a good one, she might go off shift right in the middle of your labor, and any nurse will need to be in and out of the room to attend her other patients. You're DH might be great support, but he deserves to have some support and relief, too - it shouldn't fall solely on his shoulders to be all the support you need in labor (he's having a baby, too - that's a lot of pressure on a dad!). So a doula can be the one who is the constant support for both you and DH - someone who you know in advance will be there for you and on the same page as you as far as what you want your birth experience to be.

[momma_andi]

I was lucky. My dh's best friends wife is a doula, so she is going to do it for me for free. If I hadn't known her, I don't think I would be having one, since i'm giving birth at a birthcenter where I don't think it is as necessary. If I was having a hospital birth, i'd definately have one.

[greenmansions]

I have spoken to the doula we used at DS's birth and she is going to get back to us - she recently had to take a full-time job and is not sure yet how supportive they will be of her missing time to doula.

If she can't do it, she will recommend someone else for us to use.

I have also started looking for an LC since I had lots of BF problems with DS and don't want a repeat.

[Sleepymama]

Dana, did I read right that you had a vaginal breech birth? Wow! Where did they do it? I was under the impression that it's impossible to get anyone to deliver a breech vaginally anymore. Most midwives won't even touch them. My DS was posterior--sunny side up--and that was what caused my back labor.

[Altair]

My doula wasn't as helpful as I wanted last time either. There were things that could have been done that may have prevented my c/sec and I kinda feel like she should have caught some of them and stood up for me a bit more - we did hire her for her expertise.



Well, in all honestly our professional standards do not include "standing up for the mom" because legally we have no right to say anything FOR anyone else, kwim? Our first job is to do what the mother needs, in whatever way the family needs at that time. It's not our place to "convince" the mom she wants something else.

It's SUCH a fine line though. If a mother tells you prenatally she wants something a certain way, you talk about what choices lead to that, then she makes those choices at birth... all you can do is remind her what she said before. You can't push her to make a certain medical choice. It's a hard thing to navigate.

I know you didn't mean it quite like that, just wanted to give another interpretation. :o

[danav]

Sleepymama - yep, Noah was a breech vaginal birth. But it was not expected! I had him at a free standing birth center. We had known he was breech at 35 weeks, but I and the two midwives who saw me in the last weeks were all completely convinced that he had flipped vertex and was well engaged by 36 weeks. I'll never know for sure if he just fooled us, or somehow managed to flip back to breech in the end...but as he was "crowning" it was suddenly realized that it was not his head that was coming first! The midwife called an ambulance to transfer us to the hospital since breech birth is out of the birth center's scope of practice, but he was coming too fast (I only pushed for 15 min total, so from the time it was discovered he was breech until the time he was born was probably 7 min or so). My midwife had never caught a breech baby and none of us were prepared. Probably as a result of that (and maybe other factors, but who knows for sure - he did also have a true knot in his cord which I got a picture of) he was born depressed and had to be resucitated. His apgars were 1 (at 1 min), 2 (at 5 min) and 5 (at 10 min) and he spent his first 4 days in NICU. But he is a healthy, beautiful, and as far as we can tell normal 3 year old now! :)

We are pretty famous around the birth center, though...EVERYBODY associated with the center knows about us. I was afraid they'd run screaming the other way when I called them about wanting to come back for this pregnancy! :LOL

[MelissaEvans]

Well, in all honestly our professional standards do not include "standing up for the mom" because legally we have no right to say anything FOR anyone else, kwim? Our first job is to do what the mother needs, in whatever way the family needs at that time. It's not our place to "convince" the mom she wants something else.

Altair, I understand what you're saying. In the hospital, I could have really used her help when the nurse started hurting me though. When I reacted to the pain, the nurse said it was either that or an episiotomy - having someone diplomatically ask if I'd prefer to tear rather than be hurt would have helped, simply suggest a third option. Suggesting that the Pitocin be turned off when the cervial lip was finally resolved would have been nice. Or when I asked if I could squat and was told no, someone to ask again after a while to see if they could let me try it since the baby obviously wasn't flying out (she did something similar for the CEFM for me). I didn't want her to convince me, but to be diplomatically persistant on my behalf so that I could get what I needed and wanted and in a few cases asked for. Perhaps instead of phrasing it as "standing up for me", it could be better said as "I wanted her to help me see my options." Does that make more sense? I still recognize that it was and is my responsibility in the end.

[Altair]

Does that make more sense? I still recognize that it was and is my responsibility in the end.

yes it makes sense.
:)

she may have felt it was not her place to intervene, even if you would have prefered her to speak up more. That's the kind of thing that should be clear in the pre-natal meeting... to what extent the doula SHOULD speak up. (And of course, that role should be very limited... only to making suggestions to you and your husband, not to directly talking to the staff to request things. it's a tricky legal area)

[AndiG]

This was a really interesting thread. I didn't really realize that there were so many women using doulas here.
We haven't had a doula for either of our previous births. We know an absolutely incredible doula (who was our LC with both of the kids) and she'd likely be sensational at it (she was also our child birth educator) but it honestly didn't enter our minds last time and we didn't even know what a doula was until I was like 32 weeks pg last time and this woman was booked out of town on our due date (then the baby came late and she got back into town the night of dd's birth that's how she was able to be our LC)....
Interesting thought... I might talk to dh about giving her a call....
BUt then I already will have two midwives and Dh and last time labour was really short so its likely going to be shorter this time.....?
hmmmm. this thread has given me lots to think about....

[EllasMama]

Andi, I don't know - there is an old wives tale that #3 very often takes longer than #2. I know a couple of women for whom this was very true, even one for whom #2 was a VBAC (so that was her first vaginal birth). Good to be prepared either way, I think, b/c after a short labor you can get discouraged if the next one takes longer.

I do plan to have a doula, a good friend of mine who's done doula training and who is studying to become a midwife. But I think it really depends on your particular situation whether or not you explicitly NEED one. If you have midwives who are willing to attend you whenever you feel you need them (or send an apprentice), plus a supportive DH and someone who can take care of your other kids 100%, then a doula may not be necessary. I didn't have a doula with my first b/c I was fine with DH and the midwives handling it. My
DH is pretty good in tough situations and was pretty well prepared, so I knew he wouldn't freak out. This time I want to have a doula b/c my friend can do it for free and I'm more tuned in to woman energy at this point. I plan to rely on both her and my DH so that'll give each of them a bit of a break in case things are very long or very intense.

Anyway, it's definitely not too early to hire a doula! Good luck everyone!

Carol

[Jlcampbellkidz]

I called my Doula the day I got a positive pregnancy test. :LOL She was my Doula with my first and we have stayed close and talk often and send pictures of my girls. I am having my first homebirth and can't imagine every giving birth without a doula. I definetly would not recamend a hospital birth without one, even the most supportive family member has an emotional tie to you and is not always capable of keeping thier cool and supporting the way a doula can.

I am a doula and on the subject of doulas not being able to speak for the mother. I understand why this is in place but know that around here (Texas) it is changing a little. Too many situations were the mother is standing up for herself even using the words "I DO NOT CONSENT" and not being listend to, so the doula is taking action. I served a VBAC client back in July who was refusing the internal monitor and the doctor wasn't listening at all, I instructed her husband that he could physically make them stop but the doctor had it in quickly, the baby was born 5 min. later or less. The mother is currently thinking about bringing lawsuit against the doc, and hospital. I honestly have never seen a staff and doctor ever treat a woman as badly as they treated her. It was abuse in my book. Ver sad. :angry