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zjandosmom
10-01-2005, 04:18 AM
Hi all-
I haven't been active here for a few weeks as we have been dealing with a lot of s#@t. I thought maybe it would help my stress level to "unload" some of it and maybe get some positive vibes flowing.

Around 3 weeks ago we found out my Granmother (lives in Florida in an assissted living place) was being abused, neglected and possibly raped. We won't know for sure about the rape until the rape kit comes back. The center had been drugging her into oblivion so she can't tell us much. There is an investigation under way right now. She is of course not there and the family is searching for a new place closer to family. She is 95.
One of my Aunts had a lumpectomy which turned out to be an aggressive form of cancer and needs a maschectomy. Her prognosis is good, but she was not prepared to lose a breast.
My other Aunt, to whom I am closest, has a tumor in her uterus. At first they were telling her ovarian cancer. Now they are hopeful it is just a tumor. She will have a hysterectomy Oct 6 and will then find our if it is cancer.
Our house in Charlotte, NC. We could not sell before we needed to move to Atlanta. We had been living apart from dh for 9months and decided to make a leap of faith. We got talked into renting out our house by the realtor. Mid Sept. the rentors inform us they will NOT be paying Sept rent and will be leaving the end of Sept. Some how they felt like a month of free rent was something we owed them. My dh went up last night to check the condition of the house and meet with another realtor. The people have trashed our house. The carpeting is ruined, holes in all walls and doors, filthy, painted without asking permission, took out shrubs, etc. We worked our asses off when we left fixing every little nail hole, washing and repainting walls, etc. I am so sick. We have 2 mortgages now and no cash to fix what they have done to our house. The used our backyard as a dump as well. I could just cry.
Dh is looking for a new job as we would like to go back to Charlotte, but the job market is not good there. I think we could sell our Atlanta house easier than the NC one. But his job is here (he hates his job). When ds3 was born he was laid off, literally the month he was born. Unemployed for 6month and then got some contracting work which led to his current f/t job with relo package. We have had a really tough 2.5 yrs. I know in the scheme of things we are lucky. We are all healthy, we have each other, etc. As my mom says "it's only money".....easy to say when you have it. I am scared and overwhelmed by all that is going on in our life right now and sometimes wonder why in the world I was given the gift of a new life right now. I left the window of oppertunity open 1 month and we were only able to have sex once!!! I feel this babe was meant to be....just doesn't seem like the timing is the best.

sorry for going on and on and on......but I am far from friends and tired of carrying this all inside. Poor DH!!
Thanks for listening/reading.
kathy




Spark
10-01-2005, 05:05 AM
Sending you love, light & peace from Dec EDD's. :hug

MamaTaraX
10-01-2005, 08:54 AM
Wow mama! Much love and peace coming your way!!! {{{{{positive energy flowing}}}}}

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (7), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)

Greenie
10-01-2005, 10:41 AM
I sure hope things look up soon!! I'm sending you all my positive vibes, and man, I know how it is with the renting situation!! My best friend has an uncle who rents a home here in San Antonio. The tenants were very behind in rent, and when they finally got them to leave, the place was horrible. There were fleas infested in the house and yard, the carpet and underpadding was completely soaked with animal urine, and there was trash everywhere. The walls were filthy. My poor friend had to do all of it himself. He's living there now, but man, that place was really gross.

Best wishes and thoughts your way!

jayayenay
10-01-2005, 11:05 AM
:Hug, mama!

ehsclt
10-01-2005, 05:27 PM
Kathy, I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this hard stuff. Each situation sounds particularly hard because there is no aspect of it which you can control. That's the worst, to be worried about or troubled by something which you cannot change. I sincerely hope the situation with your Grandmother somehow ends up being not as bad as it could be. It makes me sad and angry to think that she, and anyone else in her situation, would not be being treated with the respect and honor that she deserves. I also hope your aunts both end up healing well and being ok. I hope that maybe they are on the other side of the family, so the stress of your grandmother's situation isn't on top of the health issues they are dealing with.

And the house issue sounds terrible as well. I know I was so worried when we left Charlotte that our house wouldn't sell first and that we would somehow have to deal with that from afar. I can't believe you and dh had to live apart for so long; I think I would have given in much earlier! And again, I am so sorry to hear about the state of the house and dismayed to think that people would do that with someone else's house. And then the stress of dh looking for a new job and a possible return to Charlotte, not knowing where you'll be when the babe is born, that must be terrible. Mere nesting would sure be nice, wouldn't it?

I send lots of positive vibes to you. I've been thinking of you all day, as I read your post this morning and am only back online now. I wish I were close and could take you a casserole and give you a big hug. Meanwhile, know that your December friends are thinking of you.

And, finally, thank goodness that that baby is in utero right now and is getting everything he or she needs. Hopefully, by December, some of this stress will have lightened and you'll be in a better place to welcome someone new into your family. For now, I hope you take comfort in knowing that that baby is being perfectly mothered right now.

Lots of hugs,

Emily

zjandosmom
10-01-2005, 06:51 PM
Thanks so much everyone for your kind words....I knew I could come here when I was ready.

Update on our house- Dh says it is nasty dirty and realtor estimates 3-4000 to fix it :( . The rentee was verbally abusive to my dh, using the lovely f-word over and over, and even expressed that he wished he could "meet you one-on-one somewhere". This is a grown man with 4 kids!!!!!WTH. We are seeking legal advice and have alerted the neighbors to call the police if they are on our property. I just cannot believe that grown people act this way. Thanks again for all you positive energy and kind thoughts.

ds3 has 1st ear infection....must go snuggle.

***Emily- I too wish we lived close! You sound like just the person I need to start my new tribe with! You brought tears to my eyes with you kind thoughts. Thanks you.

jessiemom
10-01-2005, 09:42 PM
I totally sympathize with you. :Hug My husband was laid off in May, and hasn't been working since. We had sex one time in June and wouldn't you know it but I got pregnant. I have been working since July to support the family and I have no idea how we will do it when I have the baby in March because we have 2 kids already and you can't live off no money. I too feel that this baby was meant to be and things will work out in the end but it definitly is hard to get excited when yiu have a lot of things on your mind. I hope everything works out for you and your family, wish you all the best.

Jessie
:hug

Willowrose
10-01-2005, 10:54 PM
I pray for much peace and comfort to your heart.
Hang in there, mama.... :grouphug

beachcomber
10-02-2005, 03:21 PM
Wow. You're going through all kinds of hell. :(
Hugs to you and your family, Honey. :grouphug

Regarding your house, you have a couple of options.

1. you can sue the tenants for damages
2. you can do the repairs and sell it
3. you can do the repairs and then hand it over to a rental agency

#1 may not be a viable option, stress-wise. It'll take a lot of energy to sue even in small claims court. With #3 it'll be managed by the agency for a fee but you won't have to deal with many of the problems.

zjandosmom
10-02-2005, 08:54 PM
beachcomber- thanks for the input. My dh is on his way home right now! After freaking out about the condition of the house we have been able to calm down and look at options. Dh did threaten to sue as they broke their lease and technically owe us 4 months worth of rent plus damages. That not only pissed off the guy, but scared him too. We have found out through our neighbors that they had several cars reposessed and that this not paying a months rent and leaving is a pattern. I feel bad for their 4 kids. What kind of life is that and what are they teaching their kids? Dh cleaned up all the junk they left and made piles for Good Will and a huge trip to the dump. The house seems ready to begin some work. We will repair and sell as soon as we can! Cross your fingers.

ehsclt
10-03-2005, 07:28 AM
Kathy, I am glad things are looking up or at least that you are moving forward with plans for the house. I agree about the family that left you in this situation. I feel for the children, too. How hard it would be to be raised within that instability and with parents who are struggling to manage money the way they clearly are. I wonder where they are living now and how they've been able to secure the place. I am sure they won't be using you as a reference!

Hoping your aunt gets good news, this week, right?

Emily