Aka mommy
10-03-2005, 08:09 PM
Yesterday from about 5:30 on my waves were pretty intense and about 10 mins apart, for most the day! I thought, 'Oh my this is the day'. They never got unbearable or closer together and by 9 pm had stopped. Then through out the night i had them about every 30 mins which kept waking me up. Then today, i've had a whole of 3 waves. I had bloody show and keep continueing to lose the mucous plug and think i may have a slow leak as my pantiliners tend to be moist every time i go potty. And after all of this, nothing. I am in no rush to have this baby as I want her to be healthy and whole. But this is such a mind game!!!! Im sure this is all predomal labor, but come one now! Its wearing me ragged mentally. With dd i went into the hossy and they hooked me up to pit because my labor did something similar to this, but we are having a homebirth and no amount of money could get me in a hossy on pit!
But i am starting to doubt myself and my body! I actually cried for about 45 mins today because im so confused about what is going on down there!!! Im also an emotional wreck because on top of all of this dd has been waking up screaming and upset whenever i have waves (i dont move much or make any noise so its bizarre that she senses 'em), so at dh's insistance they have moved into her room and been sleeping in her big girl bed. Last night was the first time in 23 months and 18 days (since she was born) that i have not slept with her next to me. I cried myself to sleep because i felt like such a bad mom and because we are so thoroughly attached to each other. She was fine and slept wonderfully in daddy's arms, and of course was harder on me then her. I guess its just learning to let her become her own self is so hard as she is still so young. Im hopeful once jellybean is here she will come back to the family bed. But then i worry, am i doing it more for me then for her? I mean this is my baby, the one who had to sleep in my arms at 9 months old on a hossy chair/ bed with IV's hanging out of both arms! Sighhh. . . im sure this has no direction and is rather hard to follow, but it shows how upset i've been.
Somebody please tell me everything will be ok and im not losing my mind!!!! :nut
But i am starting to doubt myself and my body! I actually cried for about 45 mins today because im so confused about what is going on down there!!! Im also an emotional wreck because on top of all of this dd has been waking up screaming and upset whenever i have waves (i dont move much or make any noise so its bizarre that she senses 'em), so at dh's insistance they have moved into her room and been sleeping in her big girl bed. Last night was the first time in 23 months and 18 days (since she was born) that i have not slept with her next to me. I cried myself to sleep because i felt like such a bad mom and because we are so thoroughly attached to each other. She was fine and slept wonderfully in daddy's arms, and of course was harder on me then her. I guess its just learning to let her become her own self is so hard as she is still so young. Im hopeful once jellybean is here she will come back to the family bed. But then i worry, am i doing it more for me then for her? I mean this is my baby, the one who had to sleep in my arms at 9 months old on a hossy chair/ bed with IV's hanging out of both arms! Sighhh. . . im sure this has no direction and is rather hard to follow, but it shows how upset i've been.
Somebody please tell me everything will be ok and im not losing my mind!!!! :nut