Things you shouldn't say to me

[operamommy]

Girls, feel free to add yours. I know we've all got them.

Mine:

At 36 weeks, just after getting off bedrest, said by someone I hadn't seen since spring: "Lord...are you *still* lugging that thing around?" Me: "Considering he almost came 7 weeks early and isn't due for 4 more, yes, I'm still pregnant."


Just today, at 38 weeks: "You *still* haven't had that baby?" Me: "He's not due for 11 more days."

That's what I said aloud. Internally I was not quite so nice. :p

[sapphire_chan]

I just have to share a comeback for "you *still* haven't had the baby?" comments: "You *still* haven't learned to count?" :LOL

Alas, I will probably be incoherent and embarassed when the time comes and it's my turn to deal with twits. :( :LOL :LOL

[movingon]

Right now *39 weeks, this happened to us*, on a personal level, anything pertaining to the expense this baby will give us. Grrr... just grrr... (Not an exactly planned pregnancy, but definitely wanted, timing just had to be a little goofy, financially.) (Oh, and I've had a ton of hand me downs, from cloth diapers to clothes, and I am going to breastfeed if it kills me, so how's that for cutting costs!?)

Also, now getting the "how many are in there?" question just like last time... I really wish I had a snotty retort, but mostly I just roll my eyes and say "One, just one, thank you."

And a friend of mine who never made it past 37 weeks reminding me she never made it past 37 weeks, knowing I was 2 weeks overdue last time, and probably going to go over again, this time. I love her, but that reminder is not helping...

;)

[crazy_eights]

My own mother seems to be suffering with amnesia - she doesn't remember that 5 out of 6 of my kids came on their due date or later (mostly later - one was on her due date, the rest at least a week 'late'). She called today the minute school was over (she teaches) to see if I'd had the baby. When I called her back I asked 'and you think I wouldn't call you? Not only that but I'm not even due yet!!!!' She said she 'just had a feeling' and when I reminded her that it would probably be another 10 days or so with my track record she acted like I'd lost my mind. I had to go through every birth vs. due date with her. My sister says she's been calling her for 2 weeks already saying that 'I could have that baby any minute' and my sister keeps telling her 'yes, mom - but she won't. It will be awhile yet.' :LOL

[Stephane]

My mom keeps making predictions that I'll go "early". I had one baby born 16 days early, but she was induced. The other two came within a week of their due dates, one late, one early. So I don't know why she tells me and anyone who will listen "the baby's dropped" "I don't think she'll go much longer", etc. With my last baby, she was saying I'd go at 35 weeks! I kept saying, "gee I hope not Mom!, that wouldn't be healthy or conducive to homebirth". :irked:

[crazy_eights]

I just got back from carpool and in addition to the 'so, you're still here' bit, I got a lot of 'so today's the day? Guess we won't see you tomorrow?' I told them 'right, since it's my due date, the baby's busy reading the eviction notice. Unfortunately, it's got about 2 weeks leeway to move its stuff out.'

[RyvreWillow]

omg:

"Don't you know what causes that" and "HOW MANY are you going to have anyway?" Grrr, i think those are the two rudest things i've ever heard, and it's what EVERYONE says to me. I find each especially hurtful because 1. We've never actually "tried" for a baby, and 2. We're seriously considering getting hubby "fixed" so having my last baby doesn't put me in much of a mood for joking around!

I like the comment about the eviction notice, hehe, i got a really cute mental image of a baby in there with an umbilical cord and napsack slung over his shoulder, instead of a placenta :P

[lovnbnhome]

When we announced our pregnancy...

MIL said to me with my last pregnancy: "Oh wow, you must like to be pregnant" :angry then a few minutes later she said: "Oh congratulations" :angry

With this pg she didn't say anything except "you are?" go figure...

[allgirls]

This is the last one right? :irked: Like they will be really irritated if I have any more...and even though it is the last one I have started answering "what, you don't like children?" That shuts them up!

"You are too old for this" someone my age told me this..and I said "well maybe your body is broken down but mine obviously still works fine" I know it was mean but she was mean first!

"If it's not a boy you have to try again" :irked: :irked: :irked:

and anything size related...grrrrrrrr

[buffybutt]

My mil always says to me, you dont even really look pregnant. Alrighty then you crazy old bat, thats what I think in my head. But the other day Id had enough and told her, "Thats because I was so FAT to begin with. She just shut up and didnt and hasnt said anything else related to my size. Thank god"

[tschifo]

I've cut back my hours to every other day, working 5 hours on those days. When I show up everyone just shakes their head and says, "You shouldn't be here! You should go home and rest and prepare for the baby!"
And we're supposed to eat and live how without any money? I almost cry every day I have to walk into this office. All I do is answer phone calls, but still! I WISH I could go home and just wait around for a baby!!!!

And my husband thinks it's real funny to call me every hour (AT WORK!) and say, "Is the baby here yet?" Honey, You're the first person on my list of the gazillion people who want to know the same thing.

[RyvreWillow]

At my son's birthday party (which was actually on my husband's birthday), my MIL gave my husband some birthday money; my FIL made a comment "you know he's just gonna spend it on porn" to which my MIL replied "apparently they don't need any of that, for heaven's sake, she's on #3!" i just about dropped my glass.

[dylan27]

At my son's birthday party (which was actually on my husband's birthday), my MIL gave my husband some birthday money; my FIL made a comment "you know he's just gonna spend it on porn" to which my MIL replied "apparently they don't need any of that, for heaven's sake, she's on #3!" i just about dropped my glass.


Actually, I think "OH MY GOD!!!" sums it up. Hopefully these people aren't always like that....

It reminded me though of a very inappropriate moment at my sister's wedding shower a few years ago--
my grandparents (!@#$$#@) gave her a very slinky not much there black teddy and when my sis opened it my grandmother said "OH, her grandfather had a lot of fun picking that out!" There was a collective gasp in the room and most of the other ladies there turned bright red. (This may also be the time to mention that my sister had converted and was marrying a Morman (sp?) and that my family was extremely outnumbered at this shower.)

[dylan27]

I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want permission to slap the next person who tells me, "Oh you are so lucky to be having a c-section. It is so much easier! No pain."

A) I DON'T WANT a c/s, but I don't get a choice.

B) Bullshit there's no pain-- yeah you just bounce back from major abdominal surgery.

C) I'm going to be sitting in one hospital while my infant son has surgery in another!

D) What is so wrong with natural birth??????????????????????????

E) There's a little itty part of me that thinks that people who have elective c/s don't deserve to have a children. If they are going to be this lazy and selfish to begin with-- how on earth does that bode for their children? (In the category of things I shouldn't say outloud.)

I'm seriously considering going outside some day and just screaming at the top of my lungs--

I haven't got a great retort-- Mostly, I just say, Oh, well I wish I didn't have to... I loved giving birth to my son.

[willemsmamma]

We're getting ready to go to my BIL&SIL's baby shower today (one month postpartum for them)... the one my MIL said she would throw for the both of us at the same time since my SIL already has everything they need.

Anyway, I'm thinking up all sorts of very sarcastic comebacks for all the STUPID comments that people say... :irked:
My fav at the moment? "So, are you ready?" No, I'm not ready, I've been twiddling my thumbs for the past 38 weeks and it'll be a complete surprise when a baby just pops out of me.... OF COURSE I'M READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :irked:

Oh, and for strangers...
... quit asking if I know what it is!!!!! "A baby" is what I always say, and this woman the other day had the audacity to act offended. So she said, in a most condescending tone, "What's the SEX of the baby?" Obviously she didn't get my point.
... and quit asking if it's my first. I know I'm young (almost 25) but women traditionally used to start having babies a hell of a lot earlier than me. I finally told this one woman it was my fourth... and she was like, really? To which I replied, Yeah, pregnancy hormones work wonders for anti-aging. She just looked at me weird and walked away.
What is it with being pregnant that makes people think that they can just ask anything they want.... I get very guarded and anti-personal towards the end of my pregnancy.

Got some good ideas here so thanks, mommmas!!!

[operamommy]

Ok, some comments made me laugh, and some just pissed me off. Ryvre, I'm suprised you didn't *throw* your glass instead of almost dropping it!

It's really good to know that I'm not the only woman ready to rip people's heads off when they make stupid remarks, though.

What I love to is how people act like there's no way you should be GASP!! up and walking around at this point. When people learn the baby is due in 6 days they get a deer in the headlights look like I might just give birth any second right there at their feet or something. Makes me wanna throw water on their shoes and say it's amniotic fluid. :mischief

[crazy_eights]

My latest rant? Several women who were due after me have already been induced and delivered. DO NOT ask me when I am going to be induced or 'how long my OB will let me go'. [ETA - planning my 4th homebirth and no, there is no OB in the picture :innocent ]

[buffybutt]

We Im 4 days late today and my sis asked when I was going to be induced? Uh not going to be but thanks and then while talking to my best friend from high school she asked when the c section would be. I was like huh? What c section.
Dear god people Im not the only person in this world who has gone 4 days late.

[movingon]

I have another one. I heard my mil ask dh "So what are WE going to do about this baby?"

Uh, excuse me, no. WE aren't going to do anything. We didn't have sex with your son; I did. We are not carrying this baby; I am. We will not be giving birth to this baby; I will.

And no, she's not privy to the plans, and I really don't see why she thinks I have to answer to her...

grrrrrrrrrrr

[OliveGirl]

The two that have been making me grit my teeth?

"Oh, you're due now? Any signs that she's on her way?"

No, but if my mucous plug were coming out, would you like me to describe it to you?

"You mean that baby's not here yet?"

Well, actually she is. This bulge in my belly is from all the beer I've been drinking.

[Carsonsmama]

My most irritating comment of late is people predicting I am going to deliver early. :irked:
I mean why do that to me? Here I have saved all the getting ready for the very end so that I am busy and not over anxious that the due date is THE date!! And I have hordes of people telling me I am going to go early..."be prepared", "your not going to make it to your due date with this one", "I had a dream you had a Thanksgiving baby" (Canadian Thanksgiving which was yesterday!), and another one predicts a Halloween baby which is only 4 days past my due date....and so guess what?
After continually hearing I am going early.....EVERY different feeling I experience makes my stomach do a flip and "Is this it?" run through my mind!
Where as a week ago I was planning for and fine with the fact that I would probably be having a mid November baby! :flipped
People STOP trying to make me so anxious!!!!

[NurseLaurie]

Visiting from the just barely pregnant club, but you guys are cracking me up. I'm amazed at how inappropriate the in-laws can be. My MIL found out and before even reacting said "So, is this one planned?" I felt like saying "Yeah, you son and I had lots and lots of freaky sex trying to make this little bug." Instead I just pretended she didn't speak. I'm discomforted to see that the in-law torture lives on through the entire pregancy cycle~ Here's wishing you all the happy, gorgeous babes that come into the world on their own schedule!

[mamabeth]

Anything.

No, really, I just don't want to hear anything at this point, even sympathetically. That's why I'm basically hiding in my house, and people have even stopped calling, which I deeply appreciate.

[bebetuck]

It seems like people really don't think before they speak to a pregnant woman, and to me that seems like one of the times you would want to make sure what you're going to say is helpful and considerate!!

My MIL came over yesterday and I told her I didn't want to talk about "it" (I am not due until 10/21, but have been going through prodromal (sp?) labor for about a week now) so I was asking her some questions about other stuff. All I wanted to do was have a normal conversation!! We've barely been talking for 5 minutes and she says "we'll call him mud because he's not coming out! why is he causing so much trouble already?" or something to that effect. Then she says "oh yeah, but I know you don't want to talk about it." Well, MAYBE you should have thought about that first! And my sis has been horrible, every time I call her, "what, no baby yet?" Like I really need to be reminded!

I'm not calling anyone anymore, the only people I can remotely stand is my mom and DH.

OMG, just as I was finishing this, my dad called and his first words were "Where's my grandson?" I told him don't go there, everyone thinks they're being cute and funny, but when you hear it fifty times a day, it's neither cute nor funny! He said, "I guess we all think we're the only ones saying anything." Interesting, but still, shut up!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR :mischief

[dylan27]

Reading the comments about IL just made me realize how lucky I am!! My sis gets a lot of crappy comments from her MIL too.

I was actually starting to feel a little annoyed about the fact that my MIL keeps calling to ask if I'm feeling okay or if she can do anything-- but no stupid comments about the baby or anything like what I've been reading. They are just concerned about our wellbeing. She did give me a hard time a bit last week when I went on a business trip by myself (just to Phx- 2 hours away). But it was more like- we know you would have been okay, but you know your family would have wanted to be there if anything happened. (And yeah, I was just about 37 weeks so she was right to give me a hard time.) And she didn't say anything until I came back-- she knew I was going, but not by myself. AND it turned out to be a good thing, because my dp and I ended up having a really good conversation about it, because I asked him why he hadn't given me a hard time about it and if he thought I shouldn't have gone and he was just like "Well I know how stubborn you are and if I had said anything you would have been more determined. And I know you wouldn't do anything to put the baby at risk and that you can take care of yourself." Which was a real epiphany to actually hear those words outloud.

Anyway- I'm off the point....
I'm going to email her right now and let her know how grateful I am that she is so supportive of us!

[JulietsMama]

I can't tell you how many people have asked me if I'm having twins, or even how many are in there? I don't even feel like I'm that huge! But I do carry all my fat in my belly even when I'm not pg, and am thinner in the rest of my body so I guess it makes my body look extra pg or something. It's very insulting to me though and I have been really surprised how many strangers are rude enough to say something like that.

Then of course everyone I know asks me every time they see me, even multiple times in the same day, are you having the baby yet? Well, do I look like I'm in the middle of a contraction or something?

[Juliacat]

Fortunately, when I first got pregnant I lied about my due date to everyone except the authorized personnel, largely because I had read about how annoying it is to be asked "Haven't you had that baby yet?" fifty times a day starting when you hit 36 weeks. I'm not due for another week and most people think it's sometime in November, so I haven't had to deal with too much annoyance there.

I got six inches chopped off my hair on Saturday, but only one person has noticed. Everyone else tells me my belly is bigger than it was last week.

It REALLY annoys me when the same people ask, over and over again, the baby's gender. EVEN IF I KNEW, WHICH I DON'T, I STILL WOULDN'T TELL YOU.

Sometimes they tell me I'm "brave" not to have found out the gender. Sorry, but the human race would not have survived if not knowing were potentially fatal. Or they tell me I'm "brave" to plan a homebirth. And you think I want someone to stick a needle in my spine?!?!?

The general attitude that my being pregnant means my personal decisions are suddenly everyone else's business. Blech.

It's not as bad as some of the things y'all have described....I would fall off my chair if MIL started in on dh's and my sex life....The worst she's done is to say "I really really hope it's a girl" every time we see her.

[alisaterry]

I'm sick of jokes about how I'll probably scream during labor and birth (I'm giving birth at home). One dear friend and her husband made a joke about how if I go into labor on Halloween, I'll scare the poor little TrickorTreaters with my screaming. And when I told my sister she and my Mom coud have their pampered chef party on my due date because then that will give my mother something to do (We live in a basement apartment in my mother's home, and she has decided not to attend the birth because she wouldn't be able to stand seeing me in so much pain......) my sister said it would probably make the guests uncomfortable to hear me screaming down stairs.

I know they aren't being mean, but it's very pessimistic and just fills me with negative and fearful thoughts. I don't expect to have orgasms like some of the birthing women in Spiritual Midwifery, but I don't think it's going to hurt so much that I'll be screaming. In fact Dr. Sears says in his book The Pregnancy Book that excruciating, unmanageable pain is a sign that you need to shift positions or try something different than what you are doing, because unmanageable pain is not normal and not necessary.

I mentioned very lightly to both my friend and my sister that I don't expect to scream, but if the jokes continue I'm going to be less diplomatic, because I am two days away from my due date and want to have only positive, supportive vibes coming my way.