I am done. I am quitting on January 6. I knew it was mistake from the beginning but I listened to my husband and mother in law. I am so tired of home schooling and housework and conversation with other home schooling moms and my live revolving around home schooling 24/ 7. I knew it was not for me. What happens when you get married? Why did I let my husband convince me to do something, which I am not? Before we had kids I had job I loved. I thought I would take 3 year off until my daughter went to preschool and then I would go back to work. But then we had another baby. And then my husband and my MIL convinced me to home school. You see, I am more mainstream than my husband and MIL. Yes, the home is the best place for the baby, but not for the 3 and 5-year-old if mommy is unhappy. I never have time for myself. MY husband want to home school but he never does ,much to help, because he has to work a lot of overtime because I am at home with the children. It is idiotic. And MIL very rarely baby-sits for me because she has busy midwife practice. And no, we can’t hire a babysitter because we don’t have money. I am visiting my SIL in CA now and her life…. She works part time. Her son is in a really nice preschool and another in great PS. She has money to do thing that I don’t. She takes her kids to museums anytime she feels like it, not just on free days. She does a lot of thing with them that I, a SAHM , should have time and money to do. Her kid read on 2-grade level (and he is in K) and mine? I can’t even teach him to recognize letters. I am done. My older child is going to school on January 6 and my daughter is going to preschool. I am going to get my resume in order and find a job. My husband is threatening to leave me. SO much for love. I can’t. I am starting to recent my children and it is horrible thing do. Does anyone here know anyone who quits HS and re entered PS? What happened to the kids and husbands and MILS etc? Did any of your friends did it and did your stop your friendship with them? I am a terrible person for not doing what my husband and I agreed to do at first?

I'm sorry to hear that things didnt work out the way you wanted and your family expected. I havent been in your position (my children are still too young for us to make the decision) but I do think that if you are unhappy, things should change and your husband should support you in finding the answers.

Be easy on yourself, not everybody is going to be happy homeschooling, just like not everybody is going to be happy wiht their children going to school. Can you ask your husband to keep the discussion between the two of you and not your MIL? It's really not up to her what you do, and he needs to work with you not against you.

Good luck, and dont see it as a failure, just as an adjustment to find what works for you and your family. :hippie

Wow, I could feel the distress in your post.

I think homeschooling is something you have to really feel led to do. For me, it is very fulfilling. But it is absolutely not for everyone.

I think you have several different issues that have run into each other. One is the jealousy issue, such as with your SIL. Remember that no matter what you do, there will always be someone who appears to be doing it better. You can't look for external guides for success. You really have to look inside yourself. Your same SIL could be miserable in a different situation. What if her child hated school, and was having behaviour problems as a result? She wouldn't be so happy. She is fortunate her situation is working out well for herself and her children. Many, many, many people find homeschooling as a last resort for a child who is totally miserable in the school environment.

I think your other issues in a lack of communication with your dh and your MIL. You need to start making your feeling clear, in a constructive way that isn't an attack on them. I do think your dh wants the best for your kids, and maybe you led him to believe in the past that homeschooling was something you also thought was best. If you were harboring doubts all along, and have changed your mind, you have every right. But you need to realize your dh (and most men IMO) do not pick up on those kinds of feelings unless you spell it out for them clearly. Your dh is probably totally freaked out by what appears to him to be an out-of-the-blue change on your part. Personally, it would freak me out too if my dh came home one day and told me he wanted ds in public school!

Tell your dh that you have tried to be open to his ideas and that he needs to listen to yours too. Look up some good quality schools and ask him to visit with you. Have him agree to a trial period. He may see how much happier you are in time. He might be afraid you are putting your happiness in front of the kids happiness (since he thinks so much of homeschooling). Let him know that is not the case, that you really think they will enjoy a different environment. If they hate it, let him know you will look for a different solution.

Heck, tell him you will work if he will stay home with the kids *LOL* I know some families who make that work for them.

Right now you are probably feeling more desperate and vulnerable because you haven't had a break from this cycle. Just keep breathing and tell yourself in time this will work out if you keep looking for the solution. Try different things and see what works.

If your dh is really being unresponsive or resentful and refuses to listen, I would consider counseling. But hopefully it won't come to that. As far as your MIL, it really isn't her business what you and dh decide, is it?

(((Hugs)))

Heartmama

Thank you for your replies. Yes, I do envy my SIL because she is happier than me. Her kids seem very well adjusted and affectionate, and attached to her. She seems to find that work/family balance without doing harm to her family. My husband told me several times that happiness of our children is more important than my and his happiness. I came to disagree. I think my happiness is just important as my children’s. Not more, not less but as is important .I think it is time for my children and husband to learn that I was not put on this Mother Earth solely with the purpose of making them happy! How happy can people be sharing a house with someone as sad and resentful as I am? I am tired of guilt.
I like the idea of talking to my husband and MIL. I agree, I should have many discussions with him rather than simply deciding to quit. Yes, I would be unhappy if he just sprang a decision on me. But I hardly see him because of his work!
The only time I have to myself and when my kids watch TV. Well, I will confess that lately they been watching tons of TV because I just want to be alone. I feel very guilty because I know that watching that much TV is not good for them but I am exhausted. I used to work in a really specializes field and miss the “shop” conversation I used to have with the people I worked etc. I asked my husband once if he would stay home. I can make as much money as he makes if not more. You know what he said, “ I love my job, and it is not just the money. Plus I don’t think I could stay home all the time. It is mother’s duty to be with kids. You know I can’t BF.”
I am beginning to feel that homes schooling and some aspects of AP have dark oppressive side. My son told me recently that he will not help me clean because this what girl do. I asked him where he got this idea, and he said, “Well, daddy works really hard and you take care of all the things at home”. I thought being home with me would make them more awarded of natures and al the things mothers do etc etc etc. I feel as if I am raising a 50s misogynist in my own home. What did I go to college for 7 years?
And yes, I agree with you that my MIL should keep her nose out of our family but I don’t see how I can make her understand anything. Ironically, she did not stay home for very long herself. My husband was raised by his grandma because my MIL worked a lot.
:( :) :)

I know one family who homeschooled for several years -mother in law was very supportive of it---the mom was tired -(4 kids) & they put their kids in public school & became very sports oriented with their kids,you know soccer,dance lessons,karate,etc.

The mother in law had some issues but they are still in public school & happier.:)

Peace

I really feel for you :( I think you should go back to work if you want. Yes, your happiness is important too! "If the Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" (don't know where I read that, but I like it!).

I need to point out tho, I don't think your problem is with homeschooling or with AP. It's with your dh! You will probably have many conversations ahead of you. Have you considered marital counseling? It's a bad sign that he said your happiness is not important. I homeschool and am AP but my dh cleans, cooks (better than I do on both counts!) takes care of the kids, etc. If I wanted to go back to work, he'd support me, but since I want to stay home, he supports that too. It sounds as if your dh does not support you at all :(

I hope you get this worked out!

I truly hope that things get better for you. Homeschooling is not for everyone, but few things are. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey to new beginnings. Let us know how it goes for you, we may be strangers, but I care.

I am sorry this has happened to you.

Go ahead and go back to work. Five years is enough. Do parttime work at first so that you can still be active w/ your babies.

You may be surprised at first that you really know your babies better than anyone else. You can pat yourself on the back for that!

Good luck...

Different things work for different people. What you are doing isn't working for you, so it is time to make a change! I know 2 kids who've homeschooled and then attended school, and they both did great. Is your DD excited about going to school?

About your MIL, tell her nicely that this is not her decision and don't talk to her about it. It has NOTHING to do with her.

Your DH is missing the forest for the trees. Yes, kids being happy is important. Yes, good parents make sacrifices for their kids. No, this doesn't mean that mom should be the maid/cook/doormat. Kids can't be happy in a family run by people who are miserable.
I think you may have some serious relationship issues that have nothing to do with homeschooling and may be finding a marriage counselor would be a good idea. This really sounds more like control issues than educational issues.

Something that I've found that has really really helped me is Flylady.
http://www.flylady.net
FLY stands for finally loving yourself. (It also helps one get their house in order.) Check it out -- I think it might help you no matter what you decide about school and work.

Good luck in your job hunt!

BTW -- I don't think it is my job to make my kids happy. They are human so they will be happy some of the time and unhappy some of the time. Life's like that. No body is happy all the time. The idea that we should "make" our kids happy is odd to me. We just take care of them and love them, and take care of ourselves and love ourselves.

Thank you for your supportive reply. I had long and hard conversation with my DH last night. I actually felt sick in my stomach. Apparently, he wanted us (well, in practicality me) to home school the kids because he always felt a great deal of resentment towards his mother for being with him so little when he was a young child. At which point I was flabbergasted. My MIL is a midwife with a very busy practice and she never really had control of her time. She worked as nurse manager in ER for many years. My job never was and never will be like that. My kids will always know that I will be home at the same time very night. In fact, I hope to find a 3-4 d/week job. We both cried. There was a lot of other things too. We are going to see a counselor. My DH will go with me several times to the ps and preschool I picked and observe everything. If we disagree, we will look for other schools. I had a long talk with my SIL who told me that she understood why my brother felt this way but agreed with me that I should not be at home if I hate it. I feel like huge weight was lifted off my chest!:)

I've been reading this thread with interest, and I'm soooo happy that things are working out for you! You sound so much happier in your last post than your first.

Congratulations on talking things through with your dh. (and talking with your SIL). And good luck with going back to work.

Please keep us posted on how everything goes. :)

faeriemom

***Deleted by moderator due to breech of the user conduct rules.

Shari1973, I dont think people here were being 'politically correct' when supporting a mother who obviously was deeply unhappy and needed to make some changes. Bibigon said in her original post that she didnt feel school was right for her baby, but that it would work for her older children. This is hardly giving her kids to someone else to raise. :confused:

Maybe you didn't mean it, but your post came across as rather hostile and judgemental, which I don't think is particularly helpful to the OP.

Anyway, Bibigon, I"m pleased that you have managed to straighten things out with your dh and SIL. You got some great advice here - hope that things work out for you.

Shari, i think the remark about birth control "so you dont have anymore kids" is unfair. this woman is under enough stress and has enough pressure without your negative remarks. she is obviously upset and in need of some sort of support. this wasnt a forum of "should i or shouldnt i" this was someone who was upset, and felt alone....not the forum for "you shouldnt have had kids" and "permanent birth control".



if you felt that you couldnt give any support, (and you certainly have a right to your opinion and beliefs, thats not my problem)then, why would you post and be hostile? why not leave it? thats not being "PC", thats respectful.

Shari1973 -- I feel that you are way out of line. I know many kids who've gone to preschool when they are 3 and are just fine. There is NOTHING wrong with putting a 3 year old in a quality program. NOTHING. Putting a child in preschool is not the same as having some else raise them. If someone posted that they had decided to move to a different country and leave their kids here, you would right on the mark. That is a far cry from a little preschool.

The comment about birthcontrol is rude are hurtful. Way out of line. This is nothing to do with being "politicaly correct" -- it is about acting like a human being.

Have you ever noticed that on airplanes they tell you that if there is an emergency, to put on your own airmask first, and then your kids? Do you know why? THINK ABOUT IT. A mom come here and baiscally said, "I haven't put on my air mask." Everyone else in her family sounds like they are just fine, except her. You can only funciton for so long without air. You cannot care for your kids if you don't get air.

No child is better off at home with a mom who is depressed, unhappy, or feels she has no control over her life. How a child does academically has far more to do with the family than with the decision to homeschool/public school/private school. Read "Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense" by Gutterson. He is a public school teacher and a homeschooling parent. Very good book. They important thing is the family -- not which educational path they choose.

I love being home with my kids and I feel that it is wonderful for them. I also know many people who've made different decisions that are equally wonderful for them and their family. There isn't one right path. There just isn't.

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their support.
Secondly, I want to address some criticisms here. Do we really need hostility between WOHM and SAMHS? I isn’t the world is hostile enough towards families as it is?
I would never leave a baby in the day care unless there was not other way to support my family, but my kids are not babies. I don’t want to end up crazy like this woman in Texas. I simply want to find something, which works, for ME and my KIDS. When I started my family I had no idea that I would feel this way today. SAHMing and HS seemed perfectly great ides to me. I am allowed to change my mind. While we are talking about non-PS issue, how about the issue of “money and power”. Sometime this gets swept under the rug in SAHMS and HS community. Some men do feel that if they make the money, than somehow they are entitled to make more decision at home and not do any housework. My husband refuses to help around the house because “I worked whole day to support you, I am tired”. While we may never achieve the 50/% feminist ideal in my family, I will go for 40/60 division. I want to the power which money gives. I want to decide which class my kids can take instead of “I need this and this, and since we HS, why do we need classes anyway”. And if my husband still refuses to help with housework, I will hire a cleaning leady (I will be in the park with my kids).
It is true; my air mask is not on and has not been for a long time…
Tomorrow we are leaving for NY. I will say good buy to my SIL and will try to do my best when I get home. I want the air to be turned on again. I want to raise my kids, not simply be there in the house!

Bibigon -- you are doing so well. I was homeschooled by a mom who was tired, depressed, overwhelmed, resentful and miserable. Let me tell you -- a mediocre public school would have done me less damage! I have no doubt. She perservered out of a sense of obligation and commitment to her ideals -- I always had the sense that her ideals were more important to her than her kids.

I like the way that you have taken charge of your situation. It is too easy to sit back and let life swallow you up. It is too easy to feel helpless. But you have identified what is making you miserable, you have made a plan to correct it, and you have taken action. THAT is commendable!

It makes me feel certain that if things don't work out well, you will be observant and capable of making adjustments in your plan as you proceed. Stay aware. Stay flexible.

As far as preschool -- my oldest son went to preschool 4 mornings a week and LOVED it. I was home with the baby, and would have kept him home too if he showed the slightest sign of difficulty there. But it was great for our whole family. Every kid and every family needs to have their own unique experience.

As far as your DH -- I'm feeling quite pissy toward men in general today, so I won't go there.

Dear Shari1973;

I may be a minority here, but at the risk of sounding like Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I agree w/ you. While many children do well in preschool, the very BEST place for them is at home w/the loving parent who brought them into this world.

Barring extenuating circumstances, why in the world would a loving parent give their dear child less than the very best?

I wasn't going to say it, but now I am.

Shari this is one of the most cruel and insensitive statements I've read at MDC, and completely uncalled for in this situation. I wish you would edit your post and remove it. Bibigon -- you could report this to a moderator.


edited to remove quote

This is not the place to flame a member who needs a shoulder, not advice and your thoughts on what you think is right.
this was never a thread about "what do you think i should do about pre-school". this was a woman reaching out, distressed. it doesnt matter what i would do, it only matters that we give a little support to a sister who needs it.

Alot of members come to MDC for a little emotional support, a "boost" if you will. there are plenty of threads & forums where strong opinions & passionate views are not only encouraged, but sought after. this one really is not one of those threads.

You just dont kick someone when they're down.

I agree that Shari's post was uncalled for. I already PM'd her about her post yesterday & asked that the hurtful remarks be removed.

I have a suggestion that I think might be great for everyone.

What if your DH does the home schooling. He could be a SAHD!

My husband and I have planned that I'll do the HSing until Annabelle is 16 and then we'll give her the choice. If she chooses HSing then my Dh takes over and I go to work.

I don't know all of your situation, but I hope this is a good and constructive suggestion. That is how it is offered : D

"I may be a minority here, but at the risk of sounding like Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I agree w/ you."
Dr. Laura is a working mother. She is an orthodox Jew and it is common in these famlies that mom workd while day does Torah studies. Naked pix of Dr. Laura are esily accebale on the Interned as well as many detial of her sad life. In case you have not read the nespapers lately, Dr. Laura's mom died and no one knew for 2 months, including Dr. Laura herslef
I do not think that person who does not have good relationship within her family can be held up as good example to all of us.
Yes, parent is the best, but it is when parent is happ[y and fuctional, not whne the parents is depressed.
Brest is best, but if the child is one in amillion with allergy to breast milk, then obciously brest does more harm than good

C'mon, Alenushka! Do you even know the details (as much as can be known) of Dr. Laura's relationship with her mother? Is it solely the responsibility of Dr. Laura do have a great relationship with her family or does her family have to meet her half way, too?

Fwiw, Dr. Laura did attempt (repeatedly) to make amends with her late mother. After converting to Orthodox Judaism, Dr. Laura was extremely convicted about the distance between her and her mother, so she talked at length with her rabbi and made the decision to let the past go, and reach out in love to her mom.

Is it Dr. Laura's fault her mom rejected this outreach?

It is estimated that her mother was deceased for three weeks before someone found her, not two months.

And allergies to breastmilk have absolutely nothing to do with this issue of homeschooling vs. going back to work.

I hope that what is best for the family, all of them, can be realized in this difficult situation. When mom is burnt out, only rejuvenation can rectify this situation - and rejuvenation usually comes through a rest period and letting others carry the bulk of the burden for a time.

Our ds is still a long way away from schooling of any kind but we have discussed the idea of home schooling.

We have already agreed that if that is the choice we make, that it will be dh that takes it on.
I know that I am not organized, committed, or patient enough to do something of that magnitude.

We have agreed that I am going to work for the next 3 years to make my business our full time income and if we can achieve that, then dh will stay home with ds and any other children we have.

If this is not possible, I have thought about finding another hs parent to maybe take in my kids too. (I don't know that much about hs so have no idea if this is even an option...) but I would exhaust all my possibilities, respecting my boundaries and limitations.

There are also new alternative schools that are proving to be very successful and would look at those as an option also. My friend has his daughter in a school like this and in pre-kindergarden she can read words...that is pretty impressive to me...

I was also thinking about the idea of community. My mom was a babysitter for years and all the kids and moms loved her. She also became friends with some of the moms...some of the kids became almost family to us so I don't always see babysitters, teachers, and the such as "babysitters" not connected to our kids...I see them as individuals that are in "my community" and help me to raise my child in the healthiest, happiest way possible.
I want to teach my child that there are lots of people able to help them find resources and answers to their questions in life...and that I am happy to be the one to do it...but it doesn't have to be me all the time, that there is a whole community of people that are caring and able to give hugs and support.

I think you are a great mom for loving your kids enough to take care of yourself, that shows a lot of maturity! And if taking care of yourself means that you might get "closer" :couple to dh and happen to be blessed with another bundle (PLANNED OR NOT), let us know so that we can celebrate with you!!

Just my 2 cents,
Oils :flower

I struggled with the question of whether to send my 2 sons to school this year - I had them home until this past September, then sent them to 1st grade, and to nursery school (my 3 yo).

I was a committed hs'er before this, and I still believe that hs'ing is a great thing. But no, it is not for everyone. My sons, for example, need to be around people more than I can accomodate them. I, personally, need more space for myself to be sane.

I love my children dearly, and want the best for them. I take great offense to those moms who feel so righteous in dispensing their "advice" about who "should" have children and who shouldn't. And that a child *should* be kept home until kindergarten. :confused: I believe that it is very much a personal decision for each family to make. How presumptuous to make such grand pronouncements...!

Okay, that's *my* 2 cents. :love

The breast milk section was a metaphor :)
nope, I still don;t think that dr. Laura gives a good advice. Her advice to depressed peple like the first poster, is to pick yourself up and get over it. And I don't understand being so out of touch with your own mother. She is the expert supposedely, she should have been able to reach out or at least talk to neigbours on how her mom was doing. IT is off topic, but it is sad commentary on today;s sosiety. I am blessed with myneigbours. They would not wiat for 2 months to contact police if I died! We all know, it is not alway possibale.There ae many many good paths in life. One is not better than other but maybe the right one for you and the second oath maybe the right one for me and so on..

We have my four year old son in preschool this year. M-W-F from 8:30am to 11:00am and he LOVES it. He was upset when Christmas vacation started and he wouldn't get to see his friends. Pre-school is very different than full-day day care. Never once have I felt guilty dropping my son off as he runs into his classroom smiling and goes up and hugs his teachers. Also, he is out of my care for a mere 7 1/2 hours a week. It is time that I can focus on my second child who has never had me to himself before.

As far as homeschooling goes, I know myself well enough to know that it would be a disaster. That sounds strange from someone who went to college for elementary education, but it's true. I would be horrible at it. In a classroom with a class of kids I would be wonderful, but the distractions all around me would be to much for me.

I admire you bibigon, for having the strength to stand up for what is best for you. As long as you stay active in your kids education, they will do great in public school. There is nothing to say that those of us who send our kids to public (or parochial in my case) school don't do extra education within our homes.

Take care of yourself, take care of your kids. Do what is right for your family.

Bibigon, I've been following and just want to pop up to offer extra support.

I also suggest you check out a book by Greenspan which was on one of MDC's ads last month or so, regarding BOTH parents working part-time (like 3/4 or 2/3) so that the total ratio to childcare time to with-parent time declines for the children. I think that this approach has many sensible sides to it. At any rate, whether you believe that home is or is not best for any child in any circumstances, there is no rule that mom has to be the one at home, you are WELL past the age of exclusive BF. Furthermore, there is research documenting very good results for kids growing with SAHDs. And definitely your DH cannot use you a way to resolve his childhood trauma, even though it was evidently a harsh one -- that's what therapy is for. I believe it's wonderful you had the conversation, are going to get counseling, and, it sounds like, had a cathartic experience together.

You may also want to check the sites for feminists mothers at home and feminist homeschoolers. DS not wanting to clean because it's a woman's job is a BIG warning sign the household needs change.

I personally came to believe that some combination of mom and dad at home part-time and some minor childcare will be best for us.

Originally posted by jbcjmom
As long as you stay active in your kids education, they will do great in public school. I would just like to throw my 2 cents back in and say that we sent our older kids to both public and private school during which that time I was there almost every day as a volunteer and also served as PTO vp, and Pres. My kids did not do well in public school, our public school failed them despite all the time & energy I put into it, I am also a former public school teacher and witnessed some kids never fitting into the ps box despite their educated active parents attempts to help 'mold' them into the public school norm.

bibigon, I know I'm coming in very late, but I wasn't checking this board for awhile and must have missed your post.

Part of the emotions and relationship issues in your post felt so familiar to me even though I am coming at it from the opposite angle. I began to wonder when I was pregnant with DS if I really wanted to be working. DH was very upset by my even questioning it. The ideal for him was very strong that we each keep our careers, especially since we'd invested so much in mine. And I had a job where I carry DS around with me for all but 1 hour per week and his Dad watched him for that hour. I thought I'd hire a person on-site to do childcare when he was older so that the person could bring him to me whenever he needed to nurse or wanted a little Mommy time. Well, my situation was very complicated because I had pretty bad PPD, which I think I would have had even without the conflicts and exhaustion just to a much lesser degree. But anyway, as he got older and was harder to keep at meetings and in my office, I had to do more work at night and found that both DS and I very much did not want to be apart from each other. He would scream constantly when I was gone until I returned if he was with anyone but DH.

DH was very fixated on the idea that if I could just change some things--accept DS crying in childcare until he adjusted, organizing my time better, or whatever--then it would all work out. Without the PPD I probably could have held out longer, but not without selling everyone--work, DS, myself, DH--short. We did get some counseling which actually was harmful in some ways as the counselor had some really off-base ideas and assumptions about both the severity of my depression and my DH's willingness to help lighten my load. I felt so trapped and my DH did, too. What I needed was not his idea of how things should be and he felt it was unfair for me to just get what I wanted when it wasn't what we'd planned/agreed to. But the reality was that I couldn't do it.

I think it's a really common thing for people to find that their plans really change when they have kids. Some assume they will stay home and love it, then they love it for a while but later hate it. Some assume they'll work and have this really "rich, full life" (that was my vision) and find they are too exhausted to enjoy any of it and just feel like a failure at both work and motherhood. It's hard on a marriage when one partner really needs to make a change that the other partner doesn't want. I think it's natural for the resistant partner to avoid seeing how much the change-seeking partner is suffering or to attribute the suffering to something else.

Another thing I'm thinking in your situation is that your husband may really have some parent issues that stem from his own pain. He fears his children having an experience like he did, so he wants you to make sure they don't. But what is he doing? Isn't he working unpredictable, long hours, like his mother did? Are the children experiencing him as an active, reliable part of the household? One of the best things for your family might be if you could work part time and he could work less and really take over some of the time. It may be that the kids will spend some time out of the home because you'll both need to work weekdays, but perhaps one weekend day could be Dad planned and executed so the kids get to feel his active involvement in planning for their well-being.

Even though I'm living (by choice) a pretty traditional Mom takes care of child (children in a few more months!) and most of home while Dad works, I know that our son really benefits from his Dad's involvement with him and even just from Dad's presence at meals. I just wonder if your DH is avoiding home life and thinking that as long as you are always present that the children won't feel any neglect from his absence? I could be wrong, maybe your financial needs really do require the long hours and he isn't tuning out when he is home like I'm assuming.

I'm really glad that you are talking though, and I hope you can work it all out. I also believe that while I'm gung-ho about homeschooling, I think that it's important to love doing it. You don't need to love every single solitary moment and aspect of it, but overall, you should be able to say "I love this." If not, then either what you are doing or the way that you are doing it needs to change.

Sherri

we have had our daughter in two different schools and now we homeschool. Compromises must be made no matter the method of schooling; it's a matter of which compromises the family can live with. Once a chosen path stops working, it's time to change - that doesn't mean it was a failure. Years ago I heard one of Peggy's LLL lecture tapes and I have always remembered what she said about mistakes: no one wakes up planning to make a mistake that day. They happen, you address them, you move on. Homeschooling may not have been a mistake for the original poster here, but it sounds as though it would sure be a mistake to continue! There are wonderful aspects of school that homeschooling can't duplicate, and vice versa.

The comment about the husband putting children's well-being and happiness first comes, I think, from a positive intent. As parents we do tend to put our children's needs first. However, if a parent's need is not being met, s/he isn't really meeting the children's needs, either. Making sure everyone's needs are met to the fullest possible extent is the goal, not committing to a particular lifestyle or pedagogy as the only way. A child most needs happy, fulfilled, *interesting* energetic parents who are really themselves, not actors playing a role they come to resent. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to stand up for your own needs. Lots of luck to everyone!

Just an update. Thank you all for all the support and ideas. I am now working 3 days a week and I love my new job. My Dh loved our old child’s PS but not the Pre School. So, we went and looked and found a pre school we liked. I volunteer there every Thursday with my child for 2 hours. And on Friday’s I am in PS for 1 hour. Children are doing well. DH and I now divide the laundry and dinner duties. I now have money for both kid to be in swimming and dance classes. I feel great. It is so great to have geeky adult company 3 times a week. We keep weekend free form organize activities. We use it to hang out and see friends. Dh entered therapy and we have 5 more marriage counseling session. I realized that being at home full time was not for me. It was not good for our family. I think a part time is the way. I do not care about promotions and things like this; I just want to do what I like 3 times a week!:p
Good Lcuk to you all, at home or not:thumb

bibigon -- I'm sooo happy you posted an update and soooooo happy to hear that things are going so well for you and your family!! I've been thinking of you and this thread often, wondering how you were doing. :)

faeriemom

Wow, I just read this whole thing.

First off, you will not see me home schooling on my own. I am not the "teaching" type. I would consider doing it as part of a co-op teaching group where I could teach a particular subject, say, once a week with older kids, but nooooo way could I stay home and do that. I would go crazy. And I LOVE that there are moms out there who can do that. And I love that there are human beings who do that who decide to be teachers. I personally cannot wait to get my DD into daycare. DH and I are both fulltime students and our university has an amazing daycare where the students do education degrees "work". It is an excellent program and she will probably get in when she is around age two for 6 hours a day, three days a week. I am really looking forward to her getting more interaction with other kids.

I strongly believe in BOTH parents working and BOTH parents raising children. Dh and I have both been students, dh works part time, and we both raise our daughter. I would say it is aobut 60/40 me to dh in the amount of time we spend on a one on one basis. I think it is great for children and great for parents. No matter how much you love a job (either being home or away from home) you get burned out. This is such a wonderful way to stay balanced. When I am going crazy because the baby has done this this and that, Dh comes home and I get my break to go to class and talk with adults ab out intellectually challenging subjects. Now, this doesn't work for everyone, some moms just really love to be home all of the time, but I think there needs to be more balance in life.

I am glad you got things worked out. Sage adivice to keep MIL out of the marriage. I know too many people who have gotten divorced over inlaw issues.

Bibigon :thumb

Just read this whole thread as well and just want to say more power to you, Bibigon!! I agree with many of the posters here, there's no one "right way" to parent and educate. It concerns me that there's an element of AP dogma out there. Any self-righteous inflexibility, aka fundamentalism, is dangerous! I thought we were supposed to be the nonconformists?!