Wow! It works!!!!

[tamccrackine]

Ok... it's only been a few days and I read the posts from irinam and johub many times now. Although it was two wonderful people that took time out of their day to respond to my new post... it was enough to give me that extra shove to really, REALLY just try, for one day, not to scream or spank my children. (I normally don't spank every day, so please don't think I beat my children... I'm trying to stop completely, so please be patient!) It sounds really crazy, but I had to think "No, no, no, no... walk away, it won't work." and when I got that urge to spank, thinking that helped. What I found was that I was amazed at how LITTLE time it took for me to actually just calm down and redirect my OWN behavior. For the first time in four years, I was able to help my oldest girls clean their room WITHOUT screaming and yelling. They normally try to help but this time, I actually let them, and in their own way without telling them how to clean it MY way.

What a liberating feeling. I'm so looking forward to this new development. I'm still learning and I am anxious to get about an hour time to be able to lurk around some more in the forums and see what others have to say, advice I can glean. I think I'm starting to understand what Gregory Popcak was saying all the time with how society misunderstands the scripture of spare the rod, spoil the child (Yeah, I know, verbatum it's not in the Bible)... but to guide the child.

ok... I'm :blah I am just so excited to be finding someplace that I can get help without being ridiculed. Thanks so much!! :)
Theresa

[captain crunchy]

Good for you! I love the quote by Maya Angelou that says something along the lines of:
"You do the best you can with what you know. When you know better, you do better."

It is difficult to change our mindsets about discipline -- especially if you were raised in a punitive home where you were spanked and yelled at (it is the case with me, I don't know about you). It is hard too, in a society that still sees children as a lower class than the rest of us and more people out there are willing to support spanking than they are willing to support someone who is gentle!

I commend you for taking this first step! As you read more, learn more, talk to us more, post more, change your mindset little by little and put these newer, gentler discipline ways into effect, I suspect it will get easier and easier for you and in the long run will be SO much better for your children.

Asking for help and being open to learning a new way of doing things is scary, but is also the first step to changing some things that may not be working for you or your children! Congrats for taking the step and checking it out and trying it... I hope you stick around and learn lots more! A lot of these mamas have some wonderful things to say and experience to back it up!

[DevaMajka]

Good for you :)
It *is* amazing how well it works to treat children with respect and kindness. I try to remind myself all the time that my ds *wants* to do the right, socially acceptable thing. When he doesn't, there's something wrong- I need to work with him, and teach him, and talk to him.
I'm nak- so can't type much- just wanted to say that its great that its working for you (and your kids :) )